Alien Proliferation

by Gini Koch

  Jeff and Christopher both stared at me. “Baby, why are you talking so slowly?”

  “Maybe my husband’s cousin and best friend, who is also my baby’s A-C godfather, could come along to help me feel safer and more secure in the creepy Embassy of many empty rooms.”

  “Kitty, I have a name.”

  I gave up. “Yeah, and it’s Tweedle-Dum. Don’t get too hurt, I apparently married Tweedle-Dee.” Got hurt looks from both Jeff and Christopher.

  “I don’t think that was called for,” Jeff said quietly.

  “Geez, you two. Jeff, I truly don’t want to spend one moment in that building without someone else there in addition to you and Jamie—I’ve seen too many horror movies. However, I’ve never met two guys who are slower on the uptake than you and Christopher. I mean, good lord, Christopher, your own dad is trying to tell you to grab your girl and go off and have a good time alone, and you’re standing here arguing about how I should be setting the bravery example. I’ve got an overactive imagination, but I’m, at least, not a total idiot when it comes to getting a free pass to do the nasty all night long.” I looked at White. “You’re sure he’s your son? I mean, really sure?”

  White laughed. “Yes, Missus Martini. Some men just seem more worldly than they are.”

  “Huh.” I looked back at Jeff and Christopher, both of whom looked really embarrassed. “I think Jamie had it figured out faster than you two.”

  “This reminds me of when the rest of us figured out how to kill Mephistopheles, even though the two of you had, realistically, held the clues for a decade.” Lorraine was back to laughing her head off. “Do you two work at being this dense or does it come naturally for you?”

  “Kitty can’t even say that human guys are this dense,” Claudia added. “Since all our human guys caught on a long time ago.”

  “Or that it’s just an A-C thing, since everyone other than Jeff and Christopher was clear on where Amy was going with it from the beginning.” Reader laughed. “But, you know, I’ll bet if the four of you, accompanied by Doctor Hernandez and the baby, rushed on over to the Embassy, the rest of us would only spend the next hour or so laughing at you behind your backs.”

  “What a great suggestion,” Jeff muttered. “Are there diapers over there now?”

  “Yes, Commander Martini,” Gladys’ voice came over the com. “Security and Operations had plenty of time to equip the Embassy seventh and third floors with appropriate necessities. Thank you and Commander White for playing stupid to give us more time.”

  “Hey, Gladys, can you please see if Walter, who’s on gate duty, is open to coming with us to handle Security?” I wasn’t pretending—the suite in the Embassy was larger than my parents’ house. And empty buildings creeped me out, for a variety of reasons. The idea that Tito would be alone on the third floor was enough to make me want to have him sleep in one of the many rooms in our penthouse. If I could have taken the entire team with us, I would have.

  “Of course, Commander Martini. Walter isn’t seeing anyone currently, however, so I can ask him straight out with no risk of innuendo confusion.”

  “Good, good.”

  Kevin and Denise Lewis came up to us. “Glad we caught you,” Denise said. Kevin was carrying a big box of diapers on which boxes of other things, like wipes, were perched, and she had a big plastic bag in her hand. “Your friend Sheila said you’d need this, too.” She unswung an awesome diaper bag from her shoulder and handed it to me.

  Christopher took the boxes from Kevin. “I’ll just carry this over for them. Jeff has the bassinet.” Might take a while, but apparently he could be taught.

  Amy took the plastic bag. “That looks heavy, Kitty. Let me.”

  “Electric pump’s in there,” Denise told Amy. “Be careful with it.”

  “Thanks, you guys are the best.”

  Kevin grinned. “Some of us remember what new parents need better than others.”

  Everyone said goodnight, Tito said he’d be over once he gathered his medical equipment and so forth, and the four and a half of us took the elevator to the launch level. It was remarkably silent. Amy and I were looking at each other. I couldn’t speak for her, but if I looked at Jeff and Christopher I was either going to laugh my head off or ask them again how it was they were so remarkably dense.

  “You’re dense, too,” Jeff muttered.

  “Not about getting to have sex.”

  “Good point.”

  More silence.

  “So, think the bed sheets are changed?” Amy asked finally.

  “Yeah. The A-C Elves are pretty efficient. And, per Gladys, they had plenty of time.”

  “Elves?” Amy sounded as though she’d believe it.

  Christopher sighed. “It’s a subatomic, spatiotemporal warp process, filtered through black hole technology causing a space-time shift with both a controlled event horizon and ergosphere that allows safe transference of any and all materials. Similar to gate technology.”

  I looked at Amy. “I’ve waited almost two years for that explanation. Not, I must admit, that I have any idea of what Christopher just said.”

  Jeff sighed. “I knew you’d be happier not knowing.”

  I shrugged. “I don’t care how the Elves do it, I just care that they can.”

  Christopher opened his mouth, to do a fuller explanation, I was sure, but Amy beat him to it. “Do the A-C Elves cover the housekeeping, too?”

  “Yeah, they’re great. Supposedly the Embassy has a full staff of Elves.”

  “Cool!”

  Jeff cleared his throat. “You know, for two women who just spent time making fun of us for being a little slow, you’re not clear at all on this particular scientific theory, are you?”

  I looked up at him as the doors opened. “You can spend a lot of time explaining it to me, or we could just, you know, put the baby to sleep in her bassinet.”

  “I’m not that dense.”

  CHAPTER 75

  WALTER WAS PACKED and waiting for us at the launch area. He wasn’t alone. William was with him.

  It was clear from their expressions that they’d been catching up on all the horror. I didn’t know what to say. “Sorry we weren’t in time to save your brother” just didn’t seem anything like enough.

  William gave us a weak smile. “Good to see you again, Commanders.”

  “Good to see you, too.” I had a lump in my throat.

  Jeff shook William’s hand. “Glad to have you back. Good work.”

  William swallowed. “Wayne did more on this than I did.” He looked down. “A lot more.”

  “He and the others gave the ultimate sacrifice,” Jeff said quietly. “But surviving doesn’t mean you didn’t do your job well.”

  “It should have been me,” William said. “Captain Crawford only sent me to Florida because—”

  “Because he made a command decision,” Jeff said sternly. “Are you questioning our chain of command?”

  William looked up. “No, sir, Commander.” He looked and sounded shocked. A-Cs really didn’t question authority. Unless they were Jeff.

  “Good. Choices are made every day that have ramifications we’re not happy about. But you don’t get to take the blame for someone else’s decision.”

  Christopher cleared his throat. “I’d like you to ensure that the people Captain Crawford assigned you to protect are still protected and are dealing with their indoctrination well. Advise me if there’s anything out of the ordinary going on.”

  “Yes, sir, Commander,” William said. He sounded more normal. He nodded to all of us, hugged Walter tightly, then zipped off, presumably to find Alicia and her family.

  I hoped Tim wasn’t beating himself up over the loss of the agents with him, but reality said that he was. Our team didn’t like to lose—it cost us a lot more than we wanted to part with. Every battle was a chess game, but we hated to lose a pawn as much as we did a power piece. A fact our enemies enjoyed using against us.

  Jamie fussed again, and I sho
ved Commander-level worries aside for a moment. “You clear on what’s going on?” I asked Walter.

  “Yes, Commanders. Gladys told me I was assigned to Security duty for the duration of your stay at the Embassy.” He was practically vibrating with what looked to be a combination of pride and shock.

  “Welcome aboard, Walt. Let’s do the spatio-time warp to the Embassy now, shall we?”

  Amy put her hand over Christopher’s mouth when he attempted another explanation.

  “Yes, ma’am.” Walter did the spin the dial thing, and then we walked through. Landed in the basement again. It was still a nauseating experience and, sadly, it was also still dark and creepy down there. I found myself wondering about A-C mentalities for a bit while my stomach settled.

  I insisted on checking in on the third floor first, just in case there was something lurking there, waiting to attack Walter or Tito. Walter hypersped through and pronounced it monster-free. Third floor rooms were a lot like the ones at the Science Center—nicely done hotel suite style.

  We all went up to the seventh floor, and Walter did a check there. Amazingly, no monsters. He explained that, as the Acting Head of Security, he would be the one on the com, should we need to contact him at any hour of the day or night. Walter was clearly determined to do a great job. I resisted patting him on the head, but it took effort.

  We went into what I figured I’d better start thinking of as our home and loaded everything into the nursery, other than the bassinet, which went by my side of the bed, per earlier instructions from Tito.

  I checked the closet—our clothes were in it. Same with the drawers—A-C nightwear, underwear, and the like were there. I explained how it worked to Amy, told her to get used to wearing a white Armani Oxford and a black Armani slim skirt for the rest of her life, and then gave an example of how to drive the Elves crazy by requesting different sodas every three seconds. She was as awed with this as I was, Christopher’s attempts to explain away the magic with even more incomprehensible magic notwithstanding.

  Amazingly enough, now that we were over here, the four of us were not anxious to separate. Christopher and Amy unwillingly went to their half of the floor, changed into the A-C nightclothes, and came right back. Jeff and I didn’t object.

  “Okay, let’s all admit it. It’s freaking creepy here for some reason.” I was feeding Jamie while sitting on the bed, awesome new receiving blanket decorated with fluffy lambs and pink clouds providing privacy. Between Uncle Mort, Sheila, the Lewises, and the rest of the P.T.C.U., who had provided everything we’d brought over to the Embassy, we could actually take normal care of our baby.

  “You want me to have Tito and Walter come up here?” Jeff asked. He didn’t sound like he’d object overmuch.

  “Sort of. Sort of not.”

  “It wasn’t creepy here before,” Amy said.

  “Ames, you were gettin’ busy with Christopher. There could have been a freaking stampede of buffalo in the ballroom and you wouldn’t have noticed.”

  Amy blushed. “True.” Christopher looked pleased with himself.

  Jeff wandered out and came back. “Okay, I’m going to test something. Nothing’s wrong, just let me know if you can hear me.”

  The rest of us exchanged looks. “Okay. Jeff, you feeling all right?”

  He rolled his eyes and left again, closing the bedroom door behind him. A few moments later I heard something that might have been him howling on the top of his lungs but could have just been the wind. His voice came over the intercom. “Could you hear that?”

  “Not so very much. Were you howling?”

  Christopher started to laugh. “Okay, I’m taking the position.”

  Jeff returned. “Yeah, the soundproofing here is so much better than at the Science Center. No idea of why.”

  “Oh. Well, no complaints from me, then.”

  “More goes on that you wouldn’t want anyone to know about in Washington.” Amy said it as though it was both no big deal and not exactly news. True in both cases, but I knew that it was sort of a wake-up call for the rest of us.

  “So, Tito with us, Walter with Christopher and Amy, okay, baby?”

  “Yeah. Just for tonight. Or however long it takes to get this place inhabited to where I’m not expecting a Jason or Freddy to jump out at me from every corner.”

  Jeff called down to Walter, and in a few minutes, he and Tito were at our door. Tito heaved a sigh. “I hate to admit it, but I’m with the rest of you. This place is giving me the creeps.”

  Walter looked relieved. “I thought it was just me.”

  “Okay, something’s wrong.” I dug my cell out of my purse. “James, need to have a serious conversation.”

  “Sure, girlfriend. Is the baby still awake? I mean, that’s the only thing I can come up with for why you’re not shaking the rafters.”

  “James, all six of us are freaked out here. Something’s off. Me and Amy, okay, I can get it. But the guys? We just pulled Tito and Walter up here with us, and we’re still not willing to leave each other’s company.”

  He was quiet. “Let me talk to Richard and Paul about this. I’ll call you right back.”

  Switched torpedoes and finished feeding Jamie. Jeff was doing her diaper and putting her into a pink Minnie Mouse sleeper when Reader called back. “What took you so long?”

  “Had to determine who was going where. We’re keeping the three pregnant couples here, but the rest of us are coming over there—Reynolds, Abigail, and Naomi, too. What? No, seriously, I want you two staying here, just in case we need you.”

  “Who are you talking to?”

  “Melanie and Emily. Anyway, we’ll all be there shortly. Keep everyone together.”

  “James, what do you think is going on?”

  “No idea, but we’re going to find out.”

  CHAPTER 76

  WE HUNG UP. “The majority of the team is coming.”

  “I’d love to say we don’t need them, but I’d also like to get some sleep.” Jeff put Jamie into the bassinet while I covered her with the pretty pink blanket decorated with Winnie the Pooh and Tigger.

  I knew I’d have hated opening these things in front of an army of people, but I loved them now that I was getting to use them with Jamie. Found myself looking forward to doing the thank you notes and wondered if I had a fever.

  I had a thought. “Poofikins, Harlie, come to Kitty.” The two Poofs mewled and bounded over, purring up a storm. “Stay with Jamie and protect her, okay?” More purrs, then they cuddled up on either side of her.

  “Is that safe? I mean, you’re not supposed to leave animals with babies.” Amy sounded unsure.

  “Let’s see . . . do I want to leave the Poofs in charge, so they eat anything trying to hurt my baby, or do I want to buy the incorrect old wives’ tale that cats and other cuddly things steal the breath from babies?”

  “Oh, fine, just thought I should mention it. How did you get six of them?”

  “Long story, but only Poofikins is mine. Harlie is Jeff’s.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Through my father.” Jeff tried to hide that he was petting Harlie and Poofikins from me. I decided to be nice and not point it out.

  “Fluffy is Chuckie’s, Fuzzball is Michael’s, Gatita is James’, and Toby is Christopher’s. Speaking of which, Toby, go to Christopher and take care of him and Amy.”

  Toby bounded onto Christopher’s shoulder, purring like mad. He looked embarrassed. Until Amy cooed. “I only really saw them large and, uh, toothy. This one is so cute. And what an adorable name.” Toby hopped onto Amy’s shoulder, purred, and stayed there.

  “It was the name of Christopher’s stuffed toy when he was little.” This earned me patented Glare #2.

  “Oh, that’s so sweet, naming it after your stuffed animal.” She said this with absolutely no irony.

  Christopher perked up a bit. “Yeah, well, they make great pets.”

  Heard a knocking at the main door. Walter went to get it. Tito went with him. They were back shor
tly with everyone else in tow, former and current Pontifexes, too.

  “Wow, it’s a party. Everyone talk quietly, the baby just fell asleep. In her own bed.”

  “Not that it matters,” Jeff said. “Because if we don’t figure out why we’re all feeling uncomfortable, we’re all sleeping in this room together.”

  “Does everyone else feel icked or creeped out?” I still did, even though our whole gang was here.

  Most of the others nodded. “I didn’t feel anything wrong when we were here before,” Chuckie said.

  “The place has been swept for bombs and similar things at least five times now, maybe more,” Tim added.

  “I know you guys searched physically, but how are the other searches done?”

  “Radar, sonar, infrared, a variety of other scientific ways, some human, some A-C.” Gower looked uncomfortable. “Something’s wrong, though. ACE is nervous.”

  “How does a superconsciousness get nervous?”

  Gower sighed. “ACE wants us to figure out what’s wrong, but when we don’t do that quickly, he gets anxious. Not all of him, I mean, it’s not like if we take our time the PPB net will collapse, but the longer we take to determine the threat, the more upset he gets.”

  “Christopher, I’m sorry I have to ask this, okay? Not trying to make you feel bad. But Paul, was ACE upset when Christopher was being drugged and shooting up?”

  “No, Kitty, that doesn’t make me feel bad at all.” Christopher’s snark was on full. Amy stroked his hair and the back of his neck in that “my poor put upon brave and beleaguered warrior” way. As near as I could tell, he loved it. Jeff caught my eye and winked.

  “No,” Gower said, thoughtfully. “There are so many things going on in the world at any one time. ACE observes them, but like Jeff or our other empaths, he blocks most of them out. The closer a threat gets to us, or the more devastating it can be to the most people, the more distressed ACE gets. He still has a hard time with what we call Acts of God and he calls dangerous weather patterns, as an example. He can’t save everyone, and he knows it, but he doesn’t necessarily like it.”