Don't Hold Back_To Have and to Hold

by Renee Dominick

  Jenna tried not to smile. “Am I?”

  He gave a tight shake of the head. “Are you what?”

  “Getting a rise out of you.”

  A rumbling noise emanated from his chest. “This is what I’m—”

  “All right, don’t freak. I’m just teasing you.”

  “I’m aware. Don’t you think Chloe would prefer if we didn’t do this for the next three days?”

  “That’s what she said.” Jenna put out her hand for a handshake. “I’ll play nice if you will.”

  He looked at her hand as if it was venomous. “I don’t intend to play at all.”

  “Fine. No more covert glances at my boobs, then.” It was going to take more than a handshake to overcome eight years of knocking heads. Jenna hadn’t experienced the joy of seeing Rob rattled in a long time. So stiff, so prickly. Jenna could never resist the urge to pet his fur backward, if for no other reason than to see the outward signs of the emotions he kept locked under that thick shell of his.

  His expression at the moment—along with his apparent inability to form words—was extremely satisfying. Professor Lindgren looked like he wanted to teach her a lesson.

  And didn’t that look sexy as all fuck.

  “I think,” he finally said, enunciating carefully as he loomed over her, “it would be best for everyone if we avoid each other, then.”

  Jenna’s stomach plummeted. “Oh, come on.”

  They were as different as hot tea and ice cream. Rob Mr. Perfect and Jenna the Wild One, never the twain shall meet. But they had. They’d had their hands and mouths all over each other once. Yes, it had ended kind of disastrously, but Jenna had never given up on the idea of a do-over. Certainly, they’d have a better outcome the second time. Most definitely on a third.

  Then again, she’d had those thoughts for years, and Rob had never bitten. “Fine. I promise to behave. But—”

  He pointed a finger at her nose. “Don’t say anything audacious.”

  She hadn’t been going to, but parochial warnings always did bring out the worst in her. Jenna reached up and pulled his head down so her lips touched his ear. “Only if you spank me,” she whispered.

  He shocked her by not jerking back. Instead, he eased his head a few inches away, but otherwise they stood there, still and posed, her hand around his neck, his fingers light on her waist. Finally, his lips moved. “If you don’t own a latex suit and a crop, I’ll be shocked.”

  Jenna grinned. “Rob, whatever would you know about such things?”

  A number of responses crossed his face before he set his expression back to grim. He peeled her fingers off him like she was a toxic limpet. Which…maybe she was, but damn. He lit her up.

  He stared, his brows unrelentingly severe, then he turned and stalked away without saying another word. Jenna watched his retreat, her head atilt as she admired his ass under the perfect fit of his slacks. “So is that a no?” she called after him.

  “That,” a throaty voice said from beside her, “is one fine ass.” Talia was watching Rob’s retreat with her head tipped at an angle identical to Jenna’s.

  “He’s an ass, I’ll give you that much.”

  “Who cares? Personality isn’t everything, you know. Not when it comes in a package like that. Plus, he wants you. Bad.”

  “Um, no,” Jenna said, coming back to her senses. “Rob Lindgren doesn’t get within ten feet of me unless he’s forced to.”

  “Hello, he was most definitely within ten feet of you. Ten microns, more like. Geez, Jenna. This whole place is filled with the testosterone he was shedding like glitter off a unicorn!”

  “You’re such a dork.” Talia and Chloe had met in college, then Chloe had introduced Jenna to Talia when she moved to Seattle after graduation. They’d been friends ever since.

  “And you’re an idiot if you turn that invite down.” Talia nodded toward the hallway where Rob had disappeared. “He’s begging for a sexcapade.”

  Jenna stood there struck momentarily dumb. The word “sexcapade” did not compute with Rob in the equation. “Do you even know him? He is not the sexcapade type.”

  Talia scrunched her lips to one side. “I admit, he’s a tad unapproachable, but he didn’t have any trouble approaching you.”

  Yes, and hadn’t it been mind-blowing. “He’s just trying to intimidate me.”

  Talia shouted a laugh and everyone in line turned to look. “Does he even know you?”

  “Oh, he knows me,” Jenna muttered.

  “All right, then. Here’s your cabin key.” Talia held out a small cardboard folder. She had invited Jenna to share a cabin with her and Rachel, another college friend of Chloe’s, to save them all some money. “You just have to swing by later so they can run your credit card.”

  “Perfect. Thanks.”

  “So, you heading up with me, or going after Mr. Hot and Bothered?”

  “With you.”

  “All right, come—” Talia froze, her wide-eyed gaze stuck just past Jenna’s ear. “Oh shit, he’s back,” she said through lips that barely moved.

  “What?”

  Rob strode up to them, stiff and bristling, and took Jenna by the wrist. “Excuse us for a minute,” he said to Talia.

  “No problem.” Talia reached for Jenna’s suitcase, and at the last second, snatched Jenna’s tote off her shoulder. “I’ll just…take these up for you.”

  “Rob!” Jenna tugged back her arm, but he didn’t let go. “What the hell?”

  Talia gave her a furtive thumbs-up as Rob took off, silently towing Jenna behind him like a naughty child. Although truth be told, she was going along willingly. Near dying of curiosity, but willing. “What is going on?”

  He still said nothing as he shoved his key card into the slot in his room door. The lock beeped and he pushed it open wide, marching her inside. “No. Me walking away was not a no,” he said when she opened her mouth to ask again. Then, before she could even process his statement, he had her facedown, over his lap, her wrists clamped and pressed to the small of her back. “You wanted a spanking? I’ll oblige you.”

  “What? Time out, Rob. Seriously, what the hell?”

  “You love to test my limits. You assume I’ll always take it and walk away.”

  Jenna had to twist her neck to look at him. His eyes had gone dark, his pupils consuming the blue. “You have to admit,” she said. “You usually do.”

  “And what if I call your bluff this time?”

  His threat unfurled a deep, erotic ache in her. “I don’t bluff. Do you?”

  His eyes never left hers as he brought his hand down. The sharp smack of impact was loud in the small room, but it barely stung. Still, the knowledge that he’d done it at all left her with a warm throb between her legs. Rob had spanked her. Actually spanked her.

  Holy shit.

  He stared down at her, and she’d have given everything she owned—and gone into hock for more—to know what he was thinking. Was it a challenge? Was he aroused? He gave nothing away this time. Nothing at all.

  “Is that it?” she asked.

  He let go of her wrists, and her pulse thumped with disappointment. And maybe relief. She’d much rather they do this right, as part of a more seductive experience.

  “You set the terms,” he said.

  She snorted a laugh and dropped her head onto the bed, the soft linens cool on her forehead, the faint smell of starch tickling her nose. She wasn’t sure if it came from the sheets, or if eau de Starch was Rob’s preferred cologne.

  “Now,” he went on. “Are we going to avoid each other, or are you going to—”

  “Behave?” She pushed herself up to straddle his lap, her hands around the back of his head, the toes of her boots hooked inside his thighs. This was where they’d been all those years ago, right before it had all gone to shit. She hadn’t counted on it being quite so effortless to get back here. Now, she only needed him to follow through to the end. “I don’t know, Rob, you know me. I’m into misbehavior.”

>   “Right.” He scowled at her. “So you’re going back on your word?”

  “My word?” Jenna sat back and held up her hand, palm facing him. “I do solemnly swear I did not know I was giving my word. I thought we were joking around.”

  “You were joking. I was looking for a truce.”

  “Oh, well…” She tilted her head, glancing down to where his fingers were firmly clamped on her ass, holding her within a hairsbreadth—or a small writhe—of having his cock notch against her right where it counted. “Your hands don’t seem to be going along with what your mouth is saying.”

  He blushed. God, she adored his blush. “It’s a precarious perch. Should I let you fall to the floor?”

  “You didn’t have any problem with it last time we were in this position.”

  He drew up a little stiffer. “I hope I’m not that immature anymore,” he said in the most stuffy-Rob voice possible. “Besides, you didn’t burst in the door and catch me off guard this time.”

  “No, I didn’t,” Jenna said, grinning. “You dragged me.”

  His breath came out in an annoyed puff. “I can’t fence with you all weekend, Jenna. Can we just…behave like normal acquaintances?”

  “Acquaintances?” The hell. He’d practically he-manhandled her to his room, spanked her, and now held on to her like he was poised to show her the best kind of good time. Acquaintances, her ass.

  But he loosened his grip and so Jenna wiggled off him. “Gotcha.”

  “Thank you. I’m sure we’ll all be happier.”

  “What the hell is wrong with you, Rob?” She tugged the collar of his shirt away and peeked down his front. “Have you been replaced by an android? Are there wires under there?”

  He clapped a hand against his chest, cutting off her view. “There is nothing wrong with me. I don’t want to have to be on my guard all weekend, is all.”

  “You could have just said that.”

  “I did,” he said, his teeth clenched. “You weren’t listening.”

  She grumbled at herself. “I apologize. I’m baffled by your response, though. It’s very unlike you.”

  The corners of his mouth quirked in the tiniest hint of a smile. “You have to admit, it worked. I got your attention.”

  He had, indeed. How insightful of him. “So…uh…I guess I’ll go.”

  The furrows deepened between his brows as he got off the bed and walked past her. He reached for the doorknob but didn’t turn it. “You’re right, I’m not myself. I have a lot on my mind.”

  “Ah.” Jenna’s thoughts spun with awful possibilities. Fatal illness, legal trouble, STDs, an engagement. “If you need someone to talk to—”

  “I’m going to be offered tenure,” he blurted. “But you can’t tell Chloe.”

  “What?” Jenna said with a sharp laugh. “That’s…good news, isn’t it?”

  “You’d think.” He looked more distraught than he should, in Jenna’s opinion. “It’s just a lot to think about. A change in commitment I hadn’t prepared for.”

  “Well, sure. Like, ‘Can I spend the rest of my days living in Utah?’”

  “Exactly. That, and other considerations.”

  “Right. Well…” Jenna had no clue what she was supposed to say to that mystery statement. “I’m sorry you’re, um…distressed.”

  “You won’t mention it to anyone? I haven’t said anything to my family yet.”

  “I won’t say a word, but if you do need someone to talk to…or you know”—she put the back of her hand on his forehead—“check you for fever or whatever.”

  “I was going to talk to the horses, but if I need a human ear, or a thermometer, I know where to go.”

  “At least I know where I stand in the hierarchy,” Jenna said in what she hoped was a lighthearted tone. She brushed his hand off the doorknob and pulled it open herself. “See you at the boat, Somebody-I’m-Acquainted-With. Don’t be late.”

  Jenna stepped from his room into the dim hallway, and then directly into the bright sunshine through the exterior door next to Rob’s room. Momentary blindness made her halt, and only then did it occur to her how efficiently Rob had bundled her across his lap. Between that and implying she could be a secret dominatrix, Jenna wondered just what the hell kind of sexual adventures he’d been having down there in Utah.

  She had no clue what had gotten into him. Acquaintances implied a distinct distance, and yet he’d taken her into his confidence, and then there had been his hands, speaking their own language altogether. Bewilderingly mixed signals.

  Thanks to her dysfunctional family situation, Jenna was a fucking expert at adjusting on the fly to unpredictable behavior, but Rob…Rob had always been the furthest thing from unpredictable. If he was a clock, he’d be the one at Greenwich, keeping the entire world on exact time. Yeah, she could adjust to a change in him, but the fact that she had to at all left her with a low hum of discomfort running in the background.

  Whatever was going on with him, Jenna couldn’t let it cast a shadow over the weekend. The only Lindgren crucial to her happiness was Chloe. Rob was a sideshow, an entertainment on the outskirts. Chloe was the town square. As maid of honor, it was Jenna’s responsibility to ensure Chloe’s happiness right back, to run interference on any blips or errors this weekend, not be the cause of them.

  She passed from sun to shade on the path leading up to the cabins, crushing needles underfoot. It was so quiet this far from town. Only the scrub of branches in the soft breeze, and the occasional whinny from one of the horses, broke the silence. The ranch lay still, as if it were napping in the warmth of early afternoon.

  The sliding glass door of Cabin 3 was wide open, and Jenna stepped inside. “Yo.”

  Talia spun around, her hand on her chest. “Oh shit. I thought for sure you’d be gone the rest of the afternoon.”

  “I told you that’s not his thing.” Jenna drew up stiff and straight and spoke in formal tones. “I am requested to behave.”

  “Well, that sucks. Are you sure that’s what he wants?” Talia wrinkled her nose, reflecting the same ambivalence Jenna was feeling.

  “Who the fuck knows. I’m going to get out of these foot-torture devices, change clothes, and take my book outside for a little sunny reading time before the boat.”

  Chapter Three

  Rob unpacked his suitcase, then changed into jeans and boots, snatched up his hat, and did what he should have done in the first place. Went straight to the barn.

  Jesus, he’d spanked Jenna. He knew better than to let her get under his skin, but for some reason, he wanted to shock her—as if she was shockable—just because she’d challenged him. Provoked cravings in him like yearnings for forbidden sweets tucked in secret hiding places. How was he not better prepared for her?

  And now he couldn’t stop seeing the look on her face as she looked up at him, stretched across his lap, her butt in the air. He couldn’t stop feeling the shape of her under his hands, and the texture of her jeans still hovered on his fingertips. He’d dug hard against the denim, as he fought the urge to pull her tight against him.

  What he needed was to take a horse on a hard ride, get all the Jenna-based distraction out of his head. And elsewhere.

  The barn was warm and quiet, its high ceiling crossed with rafters and large windows set midway up on the walls. The stalls were built of various raw woods and rounded steel to keep the horses safe from sharp edges. Tack and blankets hung neatly from bars and pegs outside each one. It all spoke of a calm, well-run operation.

  It was only lacking one thing: people.

  Rob heard running water and ambled toward the sound, glancing at the stock as he passed, petting a nose here and picking straw out of a mane there. He stepped out back, right into the path of a hose spray.

  “Oh, dude. Sorry,” a woman wrangler said.

  He didn’t skip back for fear of spooking the horse in the wash rack, but he shouldn’t have worried. The soapy roan looked so relaxed, he could have been half asleep. “No big deal.
I’ve had my boots soaked plenty of times, and not always with water.”

  “You have to be Natalie’s brother,” she said with a laugh. “Rob, right?”

  “Uh-oh. A known quantity already.”

  She wiped her hand, front and back, on her jeans. “I’m Marianna, the barn manager.”

  He shook her hand. Natalie had always been so enigmatic about her relationship with the ranch’s owner, it was a strange feeling to hear a member of the staff be so familiar with his sister. They knew more about her than her family did about Javier. “I thought I’d take a look around and pitch in, if you need anything done.”

  “We try not to put our guests to actual work,” she said. “But you’re welcome to check the place out.”

  Rob wandered over to the nearest paddock where a big gray colt was prancing along the rail, tossing his mane and looking annoyed.

  “Careful with him,” Marianna called. “Espanto’s a bugger. His sire was a washed-out thoroughbred, and this guy got all the high-strung genes.”

  “Espanto?” Rob asked, eyeing the horse.

  “It means terror.”

  He snorted. “Maybe you shouldn’t have given him a name to live up to.”

  “It’s his third name,” Marianna said, her expression comically flat.

  “Oh boy,” he said, laughing, but it was perfect. Exactly the kind of challenge he was in need of.

  He hitched a leg over the fence and sat on the top rail, but Espanto wasn’t having it. His first ploy was to try to rub Rob off with a couple of high-stepping, head-bobbing, teeth-clacking passes. When that didn’t work, he trotted off. Rob slipped into the paddock, a loose coil of rope in hand.

  He walked slowly forward, talking quietly the whole way. Gray ears twitched and turned like antennae, but Rob went easy, waiting for the colt to get used to having a stranger in the enclosure. When the horse’s body language indicated he was less agitated, Rob walked straight toward him, still talking. He held his ground when the colt crow-hopped and kicked at close range, but when Espanto danced himself into the corner, Rob boxed him in. He let the horse breathe in his scent, and when his ears turned forward, Rob clipped the rope onto his halter. In one swift move, he was up and sitting bareback.