Into the Darkness

by Kat T. Masen

  “I went to see Dr. Housman today,” she said.

  “What the hell for?” I knew I sounded annoyed but what the fuck was wrong with her? Dear God, she better not be knocked up. We used condoms plus she was on the pill. “You’re still taking the pill aren’t you?”

  “Yes I am and no I am not pregnant but nice to know we haven’t moved forward with that decision,” she said. “Dr. Housman did some preliminarily tests and she found that I wasn’t ovulating. I will need fertility pills should we decide to have kids.”

  “OK, so we’ll deal with that when the time comes.” I was exhausted and this was the last thing in the world I wanted to discuss.

  “She said the younger I was the better.”

  “No, Samantha.” I raised my voice. I was fucking pissed now. After the day I had, I thought she would want to know what happened, instead she put the baby bullshit on me. “We are not having children any time soon. End. Of. Discussion.”

  I grabbed my bag and headed to our bedroom, sat on the bed and untied my shoelaces. I slid my shoes off, then stood up and undressed. I walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. It took a few seconds for the hot water to come through but slowly the mirror started fogging up as the steam floated across the room. As soon as the water fell on my skin, I felt myself relax. I wanted to forget today ever happened but every time I tried, I saw the lifeless body lying on the operating table as my father tried to revive her. I didn’t realize I was crying until I tasted my tears on my lips. I vigorously rubbed my face before turning the water off and climbing out. I wrapped a towel around my waist and grabbed another to dry my hair as I walked back into the bedroom.

  “I’m sorry, baby, I just got paranoid that I could be the reason why we never have kids.” She sat on the bed, grabbing a tissue off the nightstand.

  “Seriously Sammy, you need to stop listening to your sister. When the time is right, the time is right. I don’t want to talk about this. I’m exhausted and just want to go to sleep.”

  My cell started to ring. I walked over to the desk and grabbed it. Adriana’s name flashed on the screen. I answered the phone abruptly which didn’t deter her as she rambled on about some issue with her Mac. I told her I was busy. Fuck, why couldn’t she get Elijah to help her out? Then she said she was at Charlotte’s. I don’t know what came over me; in a heartbeat I agreed to go over. Like a rainbow after a storm, it was exactly what I needed. I told her I would be over in fifteen minutes, then hung up the phone. Sammy watched as I changed into my jeans.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Adriana’s Mac died and she needs it for tomorrow night.” I left out the part about going to Charlie’s. I don’t know why, I had done nothing to feel guilty about.

  “Oh, I thought we could climb into bed together. It’s been a while, Alex.” She curled her arms around my waist and started kissing my chest.

  “What do you want me to do? She needs help and you were the one who agreed for us to chaperone this stupid party.”

  “Fuck Alex, it’s always an excuse with you!” She pulled away and stormed off, slamming the bathroom door behind her.

  I quickly got changed, not wanting to deal with the drama that was my wife. We weren’t fucking anymore because I was either exhausted when I got home from the hospital, my shifts were on rotation, and well, I didn’t trust her. The whole baby thing was warping my mind. I needed to get out of here so I grabbed my keys and closed the door behind me, ready to chase my rainbow.

  Chapter 7

  Charlie

  We arrived at the ball at six on the dot. The street was crowded, lined with limousines. Flashes were going off right, left and center; the paparazzi were scurrying around like rats up a drainpipe snapping away at those who posed on the red carpet. Excitement hung in the air, as well as in our limo. As we climbed out, Bull’s, Emma and I were careful not to flash any lady bits as you could guarantee we’d be on page six first thing in the morning. The last thing we needed was a Britney Spears reenactment.

  As we walked through the large doors, we were blown away by the sight of it all. The grand ballroom was enormous. Its size was enough to hold all of the elite in New York City and then some. The tall ceilings were covered in rows of draped sheer organza fabric, creating a medieval feel—with a modern twist of course. A large chandelier hung from the middle, its crystals reflecting the light which shimmered on the dance floor. Scattered across the room were artificial trees with all the branches draped in fairy lights. There was a band dressed in black and white suits. They were perfectly positioned on the stage playing soft swing music, their hums and beats drowning in the noise of the growing crowd.

  More and more people entered the room, their gowns becoming more exquisite as they strutted in. I was in heaven. One after another I would name the designer in my head. I knew Eric was doing it as well, his mannerisms mirroring mine. I spotted the head organizer of the charity ball, Mrs. Clyde, almost immediately. She reminded me of Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada—only in her appearance mind you, as she was the sweetest lady you could possibly meet. Her generosity never ceased to amaze me.

  “Oh em gee, you guys, this is amazeballs,” Eric said as he looked around in awe. He grabbed his cell and typed away.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Just taking a pic of the ballroom. There’s a hash-tag charity ball trending,” he squealed.

  I grabbed the phone off him¸ placing it in my purse. He needed to enjoy the night without being glued to his cell. I could see the withdrawals already, his left eye twitching.

  “Oh c’mon, Charlie!” he whined, sporting his pouty look.

  “Uh uh, I’m confiscating this from you tonight. You asked Emma out on a date, albeit fake, and you need to show her a good time.”

  Emma laughed. She knew Eric would only last five minutes before hijacking my purse. Eric sulked but immediately snapped out of it as a young hot waiter stood in front of us offering champagne.

  We took in the amazing view before we were ushered to our table. We sat ourselves down, and Julian put his arm around my chair and drew me in closer. He smells fantastic, swoon.

  “You look amazing tonight,” he whispered in my ear.

  “Not so bad yourself, Batman. Are you going to abandon me tonight with some emergency that needs to be taken care of on the roof?”

  “Unless it’s you up there naked, no chance in hell, gorgeous.” He placed a small kiss on my neck.

  My body was shivering, my mind wondering how I could get on the roof… Was there some secret exit? Damn, he looked fine in his tux. Tim Gunn knew his stuff.

  Mrs. Clyde took to the podium to begin her speech as the room started to quiet down. She spoke about the cause and what we as a society could do to help the kids live a better life. We applauded her, then everyone got up to start mingling as the music continued playing.

  People were lost in diverse conversations. Occasionally I would smile and nod but my head felt like it was in a cloud of fog. Two days and it was just getting worse, questioning my sanity. Did that really happen? Did I run into Alexander Edwards after seven years or was it just a figment of my imagination? It was bound to happen once. Taking a deep breath, I remembered that I promised myself I would have fun. Forget the past, enjoy the night with my fiancé.

  I was standing with Julian, talking to Mrs. Bennett who was one of the committee members. Julian had his arm around my waist, talking passionately about a story he covered in a Hungarian orphanage. I couldn’t stop watching him as he spoke; his face showed compassion, a truly amazing man. Batman had nothing on him. He was everything I wanted in a man. I deserved someone like this. Breaking me from my daydream, Eric and Emma came up behind me, champagne in hand.

  “Charlie, have you seen the eye candy around here?” Emma was in heaven and I had to admit from what I had seen so far, there was a lot to look at.

  Rocky and Bull’s joined us shortly, arguing as usual. I wondered what it was about this time. He probably left the toilet
seat up.

  “Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, what is wrong now?”

  “You remember that girl I dated in college when Nikki and I broke up that first semester?” Rocky spoke cautiously as Bull’s stood there, arms crossed, tapping her foot.

  “What do you mean dated? You screwed her once behind the bleachers after you won that game against Yale!” Sometimes my memory was too clear. This time it worked for me, but usually against me.

  “THANK YOU!” Bull’s blurted out.

  “Oh well gee, I thought we dated. Anyway, she is here and Miss Drama Queen over here has a problem with it.” He rolled his eyes. Bull’s ignored him, still looking jealous yet absolutely glamorous in a gold Versace gown.

  “Aww, is Mrs. Romano jealous?” I mocked. “Please Bull’s, you are one hot piece of ass. You can run circles around these chicks, plus you’ll be the one tapping it tonight, not her.”

  “THANK YOU!” Rocky rejoiced.

  A small smile appeared on Bull’s face, prompting Rocky to lean in and whisper in her ear. She turned to face him, locking lips as his hands wandered to her butt, grabbing it porno-style.

  “Seriously, get a room. Or a toilet or something.” The moment I said it they quickly walked off towards the exit. I wondered how she would get that dress off. Mental note to ask her later.

  I could hear Emma and Eric whispering, the words ‘big hands’ and ‘I wouldn’t kick him out of bed’ audible. I started laughing; Eric always kept things entertaining. I was so grateful to be surrounded by amazing friends and a very handsome fiancé who I planned to tie up catwoman-style later tonight at his apartment.

  “Ten o’clock, Charlie. Oh damn, he is the shiz, wow. Oh crap he saw me.” Eric looked at his shoes, pretending to be talking about something else.

  “Ten oh what, Eric?” I asked.

  Eric nodded his head towards the left. I looked, hoping to get a glimpse of this so-called candy. My head took a moment to catch up with what my eyes saw. It was green emerald candy which belonged to the one and only Alexander Edwards. My face was frozen, I couldn’t look away. Like a bad car crash only it was the opposite, the most beautiful sight you could possibly imagine walking towards me… Oh shit, walking towards me. I started panicking. There was no way out of this.

  “Charlotte, what a nice surprise to see you again,” he greeted.

  My legs were threatening to cave. Oh fuck, the accent. He sounded so sexy. Oh. My. God. Charlie, stop it! Dressed in a black Armani suit, his hair perfectly cut and his skin nice and tanned. His eyes shining bright emerald, his face lit up with a smile flashing his perfect teeth. I tried to think of something witty to say. I desperately wanted to smack Eric and Emma right in the face as they stood there, fly-catchers open in shock. Julian stopped talking to Mrs. Bennett. He looked at Alex, then me.

  “Alex, this is Eric my assistant, Emma one of my colleagues, and Julian my fiancé.” I spoke quickly, trying to push aside my nerves. Why was he so calm and collected?

  Julian extended his hand. “Lex Edwards, CEO of the Lexed Group?” Lex? Why was he calling him Lex Edwards and how the hell did he know him?

  “Yes, the last time I checked,” Alex answered, surprisingly shaking Julian’s hand.

  “How do you and Charlie know each other?” Julian asked. He took his arm off my waist and held my hand. I was seriously hoping that this was where they both slapped their dicks out and started to measure them.

  Alex watched him, his face showing no emotion. Maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe he had matured and moved past what happened, moved past us. Maybe he was a happily married man with a family. Don’t get ahead of yourself, and where on Earth did that pang of jealousy come from?

  “We’ve known each other for, what? Fifteen years? Since we were kids. We dated in high school.” He grinned, knowing what he was doing. He was signing the contract for the pissing contest that was just about to start. Of course he added that last bit. I wasn’t sure he would call it dating. More like fucking around behind his wife’s back. So I take back what I said about him maturing. Just like old-times Alex, except this time I wasn’t going to be the sad girl on the side. I was a woman now and no man treated me any less than what I deserved. Now the nerves were overtaken by anger. If we weren’t in public I would have probably punched that beautiful face of his for talking to me like an arrogant bastard. Like the past was nothing, like he didn’t leave me in the worst pain imaginable.

  “I’ve written a couple of pieces on Lexed. You may have read the one that was published in the Wall Street Journal last year?” Julian spoke highly of his work but what caught my attention was the fact that Alex was CEO of the Lexed Group. Of course I had heard of the company, I mean, who hadn’t? But I had no idea Alex had anything to do with it. What didn’t make sense was that he was no longer in the medical field. My curiosity was getting the better of me. I wanted to know more but I didn’t want to have that conversation with him or give him the satisfaction of thinking I was interested. Note to self: check Wikipedia.

  “Ah yes, quite an interesting article.”

  “So Alex, are you from New York? Your accent is very Hugh Grant. God, I loved him in Notting Hill. Anyways, love your Armani suit,” Eric rambled on.

  For godssakes, Eric’s obsession with older British men was borderline creepy. Hugh Grant? I knew what Eric was trying to do though. He had that mischievous look on his face, the one he had every time he was trying to get me laid—but I’m fucking Batman, I wanted to yell at him!

  “Actually, it’s Lex. Not Alex,” he corrected Eric, never breaking my gaze. Argh, pretentious bastard.

  Fine, if he wanted to play that game I would treat him like we had no past, therefore Alex no longer existed. It was Lex, just like he wanted it.

  He continued. “I live in London. Our New York office is currently being remodeled so I am planning to stay here for a while.”

  So he lived in London, totally explained the hot accent. The distance was somewhat comforting but then he said he would be in New York more often. The city wasn’t that big, not when your ex was suddenly lurking around every corner. Again the cogs were turning and I thought to myself, why London? I needed to stop asking myself these questions. I didn’t need to know anything about him. He shouldn’t be in my life in the first place.

  “And thank you, my sister chose the suit. She lives and breathes fashion. I’ll introduce you later.”

  “Adriana is here?” I nervously asked.

  I hadn’t seen her since that day when she asked me to leave her alone in the street and straight-out called me a whore. The past was quickly coming back to me like a freight train and I didn’t know what to do. I scanned the room for her. Surely he had to know how uncomfortable all this was.

  “Somewhere floating around with Elijah.”

  “Her and Elijah are still together?” I don’t know why I asked or why I was surprised. I couldn’t see those two apart but then again, I thought that about Alex—I mean Lex—and me once upon a time.

  “Yes, they’re still together. I don’t think anyone else could put up with her. They live in Brooklyn. Adriana owns a boutique downtown.”

  The music softened as the MC announced that dinner was about to be served. People started walking back to their tables. I went to follow Julian as Lex grabbed me. I reluctantly turned around.

  I avoided his scent.

  I avoided his eyes.

  Calm the fuck down, Charlie.

  Taking a deep breath, I waited on edge for his words, knowing that whatever came out of that beautiful mouth would turn my world upside down.

  “You look breathtaking, Charlotte,” he whispered in my ear before walking away.

  I don’t know how I made it back to our table without my legs giving way or gushing all over the floor. Fuck! I was annoyed that in just a few words I would have taken him right there with everyone watching. I needed to pull myself together and remember whose ring was weighing down my left hand.

  “Are you okay, gorgeous?” Jul
ian asked.

  “I will be soon. Champagne and no food is a lethal combination.” As soon as I said that, waiters scurried around us and served us all the first course.

  We chatted as we ate our meals. Everyone was impatiently waiting for the guest singer to appear later on in the night. I looked at my plate, a sudden loss of appetite as I closed my eyes, his words echoing in my mind… You look breathtaking, Charlotte. I couldn’t believe he was here, not to mention Adriana. I would bet all the money in my checking account that she was still angry with me. What would I say to her? I suddenly felt self-conscious, like I was being watched. I didn’t know where he was sitting in the room, but from wherever he was I could feel the heat of his stare. My head was spinning as I tried to come to terms with it all.

  “So that’s him?” Bull’s whispered in my ear. She was sitting on my right, Julian on my left. Thank God Eric was telling some ridiculous and probably inappropriate story which had Julian’s full attention.

  “Yes it is,” I replied, my voice barely a whisper.

  “In a million years. What a coincidence. OK, for the record he acted like an arrogant prick but damn Charlie, hello Momma! He must be huge. Is he?”

  “Oh geez, Eric is so rubbing off on you.” We both giggled.

  After the next course was served, the crowds started forming again. The dance floor was filling up, the band playing The Way You Look Tonight. Classic Frank, classic New York.

  “Babe, let’s show these rich folk how it’s done.” Rocky took Bull’s hand and she followed him onto the dance floor. Eric and Emma had left the table; I could see them across the room hovering around Sarah Jessica Parker – how predictable, I thought. If I knew Eric, he would bombard her about Sex and the City questions like who was the biggest bitch on set or why did she agree to wear those knee-high socks with heels.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Julian asked.

  I leaned over and looked him in the eyes. It wasn’t fair to him, this whole Lex thing, except there was nothing going on but in my crazy imagination. “I was just thinking how nice it would be to have you all to myself on the dance floor.” I smiled.