The Price of Love

by Adrienne Perry

  “I never meant to hurt you. And neither did Max. I spoke with him earlier today. He said you are having dinner with Sheila and him on Thursday. He was so relieved.”

  “I’m still pissed, I think. But also grateful, now that I know what he did. And why he did it. I’m also confused and scared. He’s my boss, he owns the place, so I really had no say in the decisions, but I also thought he should have consulted me about something big like that. It’s weird, because he is my boss – obviously – but he’s also been like a father figure to me. And I am having a very hard time figuring out where boss ends and father-figure begins with this situation. I supposed I expected more from him in either regard. Like either as a special worker or an almost-daughter, I deserved to be in on this whole thing, you know? I felt like he betrayed me. God…I sound like a nutcase. You really don’t want to get me started…”

  “Tell me about Max, Abby, and your parents. Max mentioned they’re gone a lot. What is it they do? Is that why Max is like a father to you?”

  Abby told him. She talked in sometimes incoherent circles about her parents, and how their work took them all over the world to help the needy. How everyone talked about how wonderful they were, and how much they did for kids all over the world. She told him how no one but Max seemed to see how little they did for their own daughter. They provided for her, sure…she had food, and clothes, and health insurance, and dental work. Not to mention the house. But what she really wanted--needed, from them was their love and attention. Those they reserved the bulk of for others. They told her that she had so much, and there were other kids who had so little. It was their duty, their moral imperative, to give help where it was needed the most. How could Abby argue with that? If she did, she’d just sound like a spoiled brat. So she kept quiet, and pretended to be as proud of her parents as everyone around her was. She learned to bury her feelings of hurt and abandonment. Max was the only one who seemed to notice at first, and later his wife Sheila. Together, they gathered Abby to them, and gave her the love and validation she so desperately missed from her own parents.

  Carter was mostly quiet and let her talk. He murmured encouragement to her, gave her a safe space to open up, and she did.

  The one thing she held back was that walking into the office that morning to learn that he was gone had brought back a rush of unwanted memories from her childhood. Memories of mornings when she would stumble sleepily downstairs for breakfast, only to find Sheila frying up some bacon instead of her mom. Max, looking at her sadly over his mug of coffee, explaining that her parents had been called away. A mudslide in Chili, an earthquake in China, something, somewhere. What she didn’t say was that she feared abandonment the way claustrophobics feared caves. What she didn’t say was that this fear had kept her from getting close to anyone. It was too soon.

  Gradually, they shifted their conversation to other things, easy things. They shared their favorite movies (The Sound of Music for her, The Big Lebowski for Carter (really?!?)), favorite foods (lobster bisque for her, the perfect steak for him (typical male, she teased him)), colors (blue and blue), and best concert (Jimmy Buffett for Abby, Garth Brooks for Carter).

  And without either of them noticing, two hours ticked by. Abby’s wine glass had emptied, been refilled, and nearly emptied again. The ice cream, untouched, melted into soup in the bowl. When she finally looked at the clock and saw the time, Abby sighed, knowing that she’d have to end the conversation soon. Carter seemed to pick up on her thoughts, as he said “It’s getting late. I should let you get to bed.” His voice lingered on the word bed, conjuring images in Abby’s head of Carter in her bed. She didn’t want to let him go, even as she knew she had to.

  Alone in the quiet of her living room, Abby reflected on the conversation she’d just had. Oh my God, she thought, I just had phone sex. And it was awesome! She expected to feel embarrassed, or regretful, but she didn’t. She felt confident and sexy. Satisfied. Unable to bite back a smile, Abby washed the ice-cream soup down the kitchen sink and headed down the hall to her bed. There she fell onto the plush mattress and almost immediately into a deep sleep, interrupted only by erotic dreams of Carter.

  Chapter 10

  Carter continued calling Abby every night that week. Some nights they’d talk dirty, stimulating each other through words and bringing each other to orgasm. Abby continued feeling the edge of boldness that kept her suggesting ever more explicit things, and imagining in greater detail the things she wanted Carter to do to her, and the things she wanted to do to him. These episodes released the tension that built up in her body each day. But they also created a new need…an anticipation of actual physical contact, the promise of a unique fulfillment that would happen only when they were together again. A building excitement for the time when it really would be his hands touching her and his mouth tasting her. Carter himself filling her. It seemed that this coupling was inevitable. It was just a matter of waiting for the time when they would see each other again.

  Other nights they’d just talk, for long minutes that stretched past the hour mark. She tried not to ask him when he’d be back. She tried not to pry into his reasons for being gone. But she did hope he would tell her. He never did.

  Instead, he asked her about herself, so she told him more about her childhood, her ex-boyfriends, her dreams when she was finishing school before she started working for Max. In turn, he talked to her about his family; a father who assumed Carter would follow in the family footsteps and become the CEO of Price Publishing, the company his great-grandfather had created. For as long as he could remember, his destiny was always to follow that path, so much so that he never even considered if there was something else he’d rather be doing. Now, at thirty-two, he was assuming more and more of the operational duties long before he ever expected. His expanded role in the management of the company came at a price. He confessed that his father was battling Parkinson’s disease. He spoke about his hesitation to get tested to see if he had the same genetic predisposition to develop the disease because he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the results. He also talked about his mother’s increasing pressure on him to get married, and produce a junior Price who would be the next in line to the Price kingdom.

  The Thursday she had dinner with Max and Sheila, was also the first time she called Carter instead of him calling her. She described the tears and hugs they all had for each other. The airing of feelings and disappointments, and the explanations from Max that finally helped ease the friction between them and calmed her mind.

  Every conversation, however it played out resulting in Abby feeling closer to Carter.

  The following week, Carter told her he’d need to be away for several more days. While she was disappointed, she also saw it as something of a blessing in disguise. The magazine was a flurry of activity and panic and stress, as it always was as they approached press time. This time, knowing it was their last issue, there was an added air of frenzy and sadness. Many of the staff writers had interviewed for and been hired at Price Publishing, often with salaries and benefits beyond what they were used to. Some of the others elected to take early retirement, and the generous severance they were receiving ensured they could be comfortable with that decision.

  Carter and Max really had looked out for everyone, making it as smooth a transition as possible. But it was still the end of an era, the final chapter in a story, the last hug for a family growing up and moving on. There were tears, and hugs, and many stories about embarrassing incidences and good-natured pranks. There was sorrow that another print magazine was closing its doors, though among the people moving to Price Publishing there was also an excitement and anticipation of suddenly reaching a far larger audience, of stories traveling far beyond their New England readership to the whole nation, even the world. So there was melancholy and nostalgia, but it seemed that everyone was okay with it, and realized it was a good time to move on.

  Max had already mostly moved on. Abby had been running things for months now. Max had, without anyo
ne quite realizing it, stepped aside almost as soon as Carter arrived. Their final job was to publish the final issue, and that was Abby’s baby. Max spent less time at work, and unofficially turned his office over to Carter. Not that Carter had been there either, but somehow the shift in leadership had definitively happened, and Carter was recognized as the new boss even though he wasn’t physically there. He let the staff do their work to finish the last issue, while having frequent video and phone conferences as needed. The staff had been together for a while, now, and knew the drill, so they just did what they did every month: put out a magazine. Stories were written, pictures taken, layouts created. Everyone took a little extra care this round, but in the end, it came together as always.

  Abby was busy at first putting the final edits and touches to the last issue of the magazine. She wanted this, her ultimate effort on the news magazine that had been such an integral part of her life for so long, to be perfect. She went over every story two, sometimes three, times to analyze the content and check and then re-check for typos. She scrutinized every sentence to make sure it was just right. She even found herself fact-checking late into the nights, even though there were plenty of staff dedicated to doing just that. She found a few errors in the different stories, but nothing major that needed extensive editing or correcting. Sources had been confirmed and numbers calculated correctly. Everything was in order.

  Surprisingly, Abby felt less and less sad about the ending of her career at the magazine as the days went by. Part of that she attributed to her excitement about her budding relationship with Carter. She didn’t know where it was going yet, or what it would turn into, but their daily conversations brought them together and made her feel like she knew him better than some men she’d dated for months.

  Another part, though, a bigger part, was something she finally revealed to Carter the week after her dinner with Max and Sheila. A few months back, an old school mate had called Abby and told her about a job opportunity for an investigative journalist. The position was pseudo-freelance. Abby would work exclusively for one company, and pitch her story ideas directly to them. In turn, they’d give her story ideas that they were interested in having followed up. If she wanted to pursue their ideas, or they liked hers, they would provide her with the resources she needed. They would then publish or otherwise air her stories.

  It had sounded like the dream opportunity to her, but she had turned it down, thinking she needed to stay at In Depth News for Max. And also, she finally admitted, because she was scared she would fail. After so many years had passed since she’d done any real writing or real research, she was afraid to try it again in case she’d lost her touch. It had always come so easily to her, knowing just the right question to ask a witness, or what search term could yield the new piece of information. But what if that was gone, and she left Max, only to fail at the one thing she wanted to do more than anything?

  Despite turning the offer down once, her school friend had called her again just days before the Max’s big announcement, and told Abby the position was still open. She refused to let Abby say no again…and instead told her to give it a week or two of contemplation before deciding on an answer. Now, with the closing of the magazine, Abby could say yes…if she dared.

  Sometimes her mind rebelled at the speed with which everything was moving these days, but when she talked with Carter, he slowed her down. He helped her process everything in a way that was logical and practical, and made her feel like everything could be handled. When Abby told Carter her news, she realized that this was something hadn’t even told Leah. For the first time, she was confiding in a man before telling her best friend.

  Carter was quiet when she finished telling him about the job, and while she didn’t quite ask him for his advice on what to do, she was kind of hoping he’d tell her to go for it. She wanted him to tell her she’d be awesome and that she would be the perfect person to do this job. But all he said was that it was an intriguing opportunity, and she should give serious consideration to the positon. He ended their conversation shortly after that, a bit abruptly, leaving Abby confused and disappointed, feeling like she must have said something wrong.

  Sleep was difficult for her that night, as she tossed and turned wondering what her misstep was, obsessing over whatever faux-pas she had unwittingly committed.

  Chapter 11

  The next morning, when her phone rang at six am, Abby’s heart thudded to see Carter’s name pop up on her screen. As she answered, before she even had the chance to say hello, Carter broke in to say that she absolutely had to say yes to the job. Overnight, he’d tracked down everything she’d ever written, from an award winning high school essay that had been published in the local paper ten years ago to her master’s thesis that had probably never been taken off the dusty shelf in the library of her alma mater, and everything in between. Every article in every school paper. He told her that she had a gift, and that she owed it to the world to share it. He went on to say that if he didn’t believe she really had it, he would have never admitted that he read all her works. He would have quietly encouraged her without taking a strong stand either way. But she did have talent, and he knew she could make it work.

  Buoyed by his confidence in her, Abby called her friend that very day, Friday, and accepted the position! All day she looked forward her evening phone call with Carter so she could tell him the news. She wanted to share her excitement with Leah and Max too, and even her parents, but she wanted Carter to be the first to know. It was his insight and encouragement that had inspired her to accept.

  At 5:03 she couldn’t wait a second longer to talk to him, and she excitedly dialed his number. It went straight to voice mail. Abby chattered excitedly into the phone, “Hey Carter! Just wanted to say hi!, and also I have some exciting news to share with you! Call me when you get a chance. Oh, and also, I’m not wearing any underwear.” Abby paused before continuing. “That’s not the exciting news, by the way. It’s even better than that. Talk to you soon. Bye.”

  By eight, when she still hadn’t heard from him, Abby was feeling deflated. She called him again, only to reach his voice mail a second time. This time, her message asked if he was okay, and said please call.

  By ten, she was downright depressed. And pissed. When she got his voicemail for a third time, she didn’t even leave a message. She didn’t trust herself not to say something snippy, or to keep herself from begging him to call. This time, though, she received a text message from Carter a few minutes later, “Wish I could hear your news, but helping a friend through a difficult time. Should be back next week. Talk then.”

  Abby scowled at her phone. He can’t even take two minutes to call? she thought. What about helping a friend enjoy her good news? Isn’t that important? And after all our talks, what about explaining this sudden friend crisis to me? And why, oh why, does someone else have to be more important to you than I am? Abby thought about calling him back, or sending him a text. Instead she called Leah.

  “Leah, guess what?” Abby asked when her friend answered.

  “Ummm…something to do with Carter’s dick?” Leah guessed. Abby mentally slapped herself for sharing the dirty phone calls she and Carter had with Leah. Now her friend would never let that go.

  “No, better.” Abby replied. “Remember my friend Amanda from grad school? She graduated a year ahead of me?” Leah signaled her recognition, so Abby continued.

  “Well, a few months ago, she called me to tell me about this job. It’s kind of like a freelance position, but I’d get to do real investigative journalism again. And even pick my own stories! I turned it down, but she called back just a couple weeks ago, to tell me the position was still open, and her boss was really interested in talking to me about it. Amanda had even sent her some of my pieces, and her boss, Elaine, said she’d be happy to take me on. It’s freelance only, so it’s not like they’d need me on salary. They would only pay me for stories they accept or commission, but it’s doing exactly the kind of writing I’v
e always wanted to do! So anyway, I just called Elaine back and accepted! I’m a journalist again!”

  Leah squealed in excitement for Abby before telling her to get dressed. They were going out. Abby’s heart felt full of love for her friend and gratitude that she had someone so awesome with whom to share her good news. Screw Carter and his “friend in crisis” anyway. Who needs him?

  Chapter 12

  The girls glammed it up for their night out. Leah showed up at Abby’s house with a teeny-tiny silver sequin dress for Abby to wear. It just about covered her ass, as long as she didn’t try and move. Coupled with the super high heels Leah also brought, Abby’s legs looked about a mile long. When Abby first got dressed, she protested that she couldn’t possibly go out in something so flashy and attention-grabbing, but Leah insisted that she looked amazing. But when Leah dragged Abby to the mirror to get a look at herself, even Abby admitted she had never seen her legs look so supple.

  Leah had brought a thermos of margaritas, though after one taste Abby thought they were more along the lines of tequila with a splash of lime juice. Abby sipped while Leah guzzled. Leah did Abby’s make-up, lining her eyes more boldly than Abby was used to, but she liked the edgy look it gave her. Leah herself looked amazingly hot, with dark eye make-up and bright red lips matched to an all-black outfit of a stretchy black tank top and leather mini skirt.

  Leah insisted on treating Abby, taking her first to Aspen Grill, an upscale restaurant on the waterfront a few blocks from Shells/Bare. The women sat outside on the wooden patio where the warm breeze, twinkling fairy lights, and lush plants interspersed throughout the space created a cozy and romantic environment. Abby wished that she were her on a real date with Carter instead of another girls’ night out. Sensing her friend’s wayward thoughts, Leah flagged down the waiter and ordered a bottle of Shiraz that was more expensive than either woman had ever tasted before. While they waited for the wine and their food, Leah distracted Abby from her pining by insisting she tell her everything about the new job. Abby allowed the distraction to take over, and while she described more about the job to Leah, her friend’s genuine happiness for her helped Abby to recover some of her own excitement for this new endeavor upon which she was about to embark. After they’d exhausted the topic of the new job, had cleared their plates, and nearly finished the wine, they decided to move on to other topics, and another venue. The ladies ended up at Vine, a wine bar about twenty minutes away. There had been no suggestion from either of them that they go to Bare that night. Vine was trendy, and drew a nice crowd, but was more subdued than Bare, more lounge-y than club-y. It still attracted a largely single crowd, however, and the place teemed with men and women looking for each other.