The Price of Love

by Adrienne Perry

  Abby nodded.

  “Well, then I think you should leave town, because he doesn’t seem the type to leave you alone. Why don’t you head up to the cabin for a few days. The lake air will clear your head, and you know how peaceful it is up there. Maybe a change of scenery will help you…if you think you can handle being alone. I’m sure Sheila would go with you if you want company.”

  Max was speaking about the house that the two families jointly owned on a lake in Pennsylvania. When her parents and Max and Sheila had first gotten married, they’d all gone in together to purchase the place to have an escape when they needed a break from the real world. They’d taken vacations there often in the beginning, spending lazy summer weeks swimming in the lake, and cozy winter weekends cross country skiing and traveling to the nearby ski slopes. They’d talked about bringing their children there, when they had them, and watching their little ones grow up together and have their own retreat from the world.

  Life had managed to throw a wrench in those plans. Abby’s parents got pregnant with her, while Max and Sheila tried for years, unsuccessfully, to have their own baby. Abby’s parents themselves found that one baby was enough for them—having any more would take too much time away from their mission work. In the end there was just the one child to enjoy the cabin. Instead of the two couples with their children spending time there together, like they had once envisioned, Abby spent many of those summer and winter trips with Max and Sheila. They would take Abby while her parents were off saving orphans somewhere, or bringing medicine and supplies to a remote community.

  The things that Abby would have liked to do with her own parents, she did with Max and Sheila instead. Max taught her to swim and to dive down to the bottom of the lake to pick up the smooth stones that lined the bottom. They spent hours together exploring the woods around the house, Max patiently teaching Abby survival skills like how to start a fire and how to shoot a bow and arrow. For her part, Sheila baked cakes and cookies with Abby, and always let her taste the batter. She read a young Abby book after book, infinitely patient when Abby continuously begged for “just one more!” Some of Abby’s favorite memories were from the cabin. It had always been a safe retreat for her. Considering the idea of going there now, she decided it was just what she needed.

  Finally, she said, “You’re right, I think I could use a visit to the cabin. But this is something I need to do on my own. I have a lot to think about, a lot of changes going on, and I need to process it by myself. I’ll be fine, really. Knowing that I can count on you and Sheila for support means the world to me. I’ve done my crying, and my rage is mostly spent. Now I have to rebuild and figure out my next step and where I want to go from here. I’ve got my new job to think about, and thanks to you, I’ve got lots of options I can consider now. So that’s what I’ll do. And I definitely need to do it without Carter trying to get to me…I can’t seem to think clearly, or at all really, when he’s around.”

  Max nodded. “It’s settled, then. You’ve got the keys, and I’ll have the Hendersons from down the road to open the cabin ahead of your visit and stock the refrigerator for you. Just keep in touch with us, to let us know you’re ok, even if it’s just a quick text every day. You know how Sheila and I will worry if we don’t know you’re still alive out there, right?”

  With that, Abby threw her arms around him in gratitude. “How did I get so lucky to have you both in my life?” She asked. “Thank you…for everything.”

  Max hugged her , and patted her back awkwardly. Abby wondered if he felt uncomfortable again now that the emotions were surging. He liked to solve problems, which is what he’d done by suggesting she visit the cabin. Maybe the tears were something he couldn’t handle as easily.

  “Ok, ok,” he said gruffly. “Enough of that. It’s just what people do for each other. Take care of them. You’ve done that for us countless times…in fact, you saved us by being the daughter to us we could never have.” Then he stepped back from Abby, and swatted her off. “You should go pack. I’ve got to pick up some milk and stuff for Sheila, and she’ll be wondering what’s keeping me so long.”

  Abby could tell he was trying to break the emotional cloud hanging around them, so she let him. “You’re right, and I don’t want to come between Sheila and her cooking. She’ll have my head…so off with you. I’m good.” Abby smiled at Max.

  He nodded back at her, and stepped to the door. As he opened it to step outside, Abby called to him, “I love you, Max. Thank you.”

  He looked back and said brusquely “Back at you, Abigail.” But before he turned, Abby could see a telltale glint in his eye and Max rapidly blinking a tear away.

  Chapter 23

  Alone in her house, Abby threw a few things into a suitcase to bring with her to the cabin. She didn’t pay much attention to her clothes, though she took extra care to make sure she had her laptop neatly packed and all the power cords she’d need to remain connected with the real world. She wanted solitude and time to think, but she was also planning to start working on her story ideas, and didn’t want to have to leave the cabin because of a dead computer battery.

  She sent a quick text to Leah that she was leaving, hoping to avoid a long conversation about it. Wishful thinking, however, because instead of texting her back, Leah called with another one of her uncanny insights into Abby’s state of mind.

  “Abby, please tell me you’re not running away to off yourself out in the middle of nowhere.”

  “Leah, really, I’m fine. I’ve had my cry, I’ve had my heart broken, but I’m still standing. I’ll get past this. I just need some time to lick my wounds, and you know how impossible it will be for me to do that here. Before long, everyone will know about it. They probably already know, and I can’t recover if everywhere I go, someone’s going to be looking at me with pity, asking me how I’m doing. And I really can’t do it with Carter coming back to town. We’re done, and I need a clean break. So I’m going to hide in the woods for a few weeks, and get some work done, and enjoy the peace and quiet for a while. I’ve already promised to be in touch with Max and Sheila every day, so I’ll let you know how I’m doing too. I really just need to think on my own for now.”

  Leah signed in resignation. “Ok, Abby, I’ll take you at your word. But don’t go dropping off the face of the earth. I’ll miss you.”

  Abby laughed. Her first genuine laugh in days, and it felt good. “Leah, you won’t even know I’m gone. You’ve been so busy with Jackson these days, all you do is surface for air every now and again. I need to get away from your couple-y happiness, not be around it more.”

  Abby was sort of joking with Leah, but truly, while she was happy that her friend’s relationship with Jackson was going strong, she also didn’t want to have to be third wheel to their twosome. She knew Leah would feel obligated to spend lots of time with Abby, and not only did Abby not want to have to bask in their happy glow that they emitted whenever they were together, she didn’t want to bring them down, or make them feel guilty for being so euphoric. Their relationship as still new and fresh and exciting, and they didn’t need her to spoil that. And, honestly, while she really did know that she was going to get over her heartbreak, she also didn’t want to have to see someone else being so freaking happy right now. Misery either loves company or solitude. Right now, she was going to have to settle for solitude.

  With a plan now, Abby was anxious to get going, so she finished up her conversation with Leah, closed up her house, and took a deep breath before hopping in her car and heading out of town.

  Six hours later, Abby signaled her exit from the highway, and pulled of onto a standard country road. A few miles on that route, and Abby passed though the small town in the outskirts of which the cabin was located. Grateful that Max had thought to call ahead and ask the neighbors to freshen up the cabin and drop off some food, Abby slowed her car to the 25 mph speed limit imposed by the little village, and happily passed through the Main Street without stopping. Outside of town, the woods qui
ckly took over, and soon Abby was driving carefully down a small side road, lined with thick trees on either side. She passed the bait and ice cream shop where she and Max used to get worms and push-up pops. She smiled at the memory. It had been too long since she’d been back here. She craned her neck forward, knowing that just past the bait shop the trees would open up and she’d get her first, glorious look of the lake. Sure enough, she made the turn and saw the water spread out before her.

  Though she lived on the East Coast, and was used to seeing water views on a daily basis, the feeling that the view of the lake inspired on her was one of peace, happiness, and safety. Today, the sun was just beginning to set over the edge of the lake. A couple ducks bobbed lazily on the calm surface, and far off she could see an old row boat drifting in the distance. Cool pine scented air filled her nose when she rolled down the window to let in the evening air. Even in the heart of summer, she lake air was cool and refreshing. And buggy, she thought, slapping at a mosquito that landed on her arm that was resting on the edge of the open window.

  Five more minutes, and she was pulling into the driveway to the cabin. The windows had been opened and the curtains pulled back. Inside, the wooden floors gleamed, and a bouquet of fresh wildflowers had been placed in a chipped pitcher in the center of the table. A bottle of wine rested on the table as well. God bless the Hendersons. Abby dropped her bag on the floor, slipped off her shoes, and opened the wine. Taking a glass with her, she eased her way onto the screened in back porch. Here, she was protected from the bugs and still able to enjoy the last rays of sun as they dipped below the surface of the lake. Abby sank into one of the comfy chaise lounges on the porch, wrapped herself in a cozy blanket and just breathed.

  The next thing she knew, she was waking to the sound of birds chirping and the brightening of the dawn sky. She had slept deeply and dreamlessly all night. It was amazing how refreshed she already felt. She realized she had forgotten to let anyone know she has safely arrived the night before, so quickly sent off a text to Max and Leah. Then she slipped into a one piece black bathing suit and ran like a little kid to the end of the dock and splashed into the cool lake water with a graceful dive. She swam out to the float and back to warm up, then floated on her back in the water letting her mind wander. Small waves lapped at her skin, licking their way over her bare arms and legs. She thought again of Carter and how much she missed him, shedding a few tears in memory of the loss. She washed them away by diving underwater and searching for the perfect stone to bring up, like she used to do with Max.

  Abby swam and dove until her arms and legs were exhausted. She pulled herself onto the dock and lay on her back, letting the warm morning sun bake her dry. Though her body was tired, her mind still raced. Abby needed something to keep her thoughts off of Carter, so she turned to work. She brought her laptop out to the porch and flicked it on, hoping to make progress on her research. She had trouble focusing, though, and the quiet, still air lulled her towards sleep. Before long, she had drifted off into another settling, restful nap.

  When Abby woke, it was late afternoon. The summer sun was still high in the sky, and shining down hot on the porch. Sweat dotted her forehead and back of her neck. A drop or perspiration trickled down her chest into the valley between her breasts. The lake presented too tempting a break from the heat, and Abby slipped on another suit and headed down for another swim. She dove and turned in the water, before floating again on her back. The cool water under her back coupled with the hot sun baking her front was a sensation so pleasurable she almost couldn’t bear its perfection.

  As she lay there basking in the contrasting feelings, she knew without a doubt that she was going to be fine. Abby was amazed to be able to experience such an absolute moment of contentment and peace. Despite her heartbreak and all the painful emotions she was trying to process, floating on the water filled her with serenity and well-being. Abby was certain that if she could feel this good in this moment, she could recover from this hurt.

  She had loved Carter, and probably still did. She loved the man with whom she had shared her history and feelings, who have given her more pleasure that she ever imagined possible. Who had trembled beneath her own fingers and shuddered under her touch, giving her a power she had never known she possessed. She would always love him for that, even though they would never be together. And she supposed she’d always remember that it was through his actions that she was starting on this new path in life.

  She still hurt; so much it was almost unbearable at times. She knew there would be more tears and more anger. She knew it would be a long time before she’d be able to handle seeing him again. Maybe she’d never be able to tolerate seeing him with Christine, bouncing their adorable baby. But really, she wouldn’t have a reason to see him. The last issue of In Depth News had been published the week before, and the offices shut down. Since Abby wasn’t moving to Price Publishing, there was little chance she’d be moving in the same circles with Carter. She was broken, but intact. Her cracks would mend.

  Chapter 24

  “Abby.”

  Just that one word. Abby’s eyes flew open to see, impossibly, the man she was working so hard to forget standing above her on the dock. Her body flailed in the water and she went under. For a desperate moment, she thought about fleeing. She wondered if she could escape by swimming underwater. But she hadn’t had a change to take a breath before sinking under the surface of the water, and already her lungs were clamoring for air.

  Fuck, she thought to herself, and broke the surface of the water. He was still standing on the dock; unfortunately he hadn’t been just a figment of her imagination. She eyed him warily while deciding how to play this. Sure, she knew she’d be ok someday, but that didn’t mean she was ready to talk to him now.

  “Abby,” he said again, his voice sounding tired and strained. “Please, let me talk to you. I can explain.”

  Part of Abby wanted to let him speak, wanted to let him talk his way into her heart again. But she knew that this desire was a weakness in her. It was a sign that she wasn’t strong enough yet. She wouldn’t, maybe, be able to resist him.

  “Carter, no. I can’t. I don’t want to talk to you. You need to leave.”

  Of course he just stood there and didn’t leave. He seemed to be gathering his thoughts, but before he could open his mouth to speak, Abby’s flight response took over. With a graceful motion, she turned in the water and began swimming away from shore in strong, fast strokes.

  “Abby, come back!” she heard Carter calling from behind her, but she didn’t break her stroke or turn to look back. Her only thought was to put as much distance between her and him as possible. She was already thinking of how far she could swim, and whose property had a good exit point where she could bunker down and hide for a bit. At least until she could shore up her defenses and face him. Why did he have to come here now, before she’d been able to get over him? It was too soon.

  She felt good sluicing through the water.

  “Dammit!” She heard dimly behind her, and then a splash. This time the sound did stop her tracks. She turned in the water to see Carter splashing toward her. His bare shoulders rippled with muscles as he worked his way quickly through the water towards her. He had a powerful stoke and exquisite form. He was faster than she was. Abby realized that it wouldn’t take him long to catch her. That didn’t mean she had to make it easy for him.

  Abby sucked in a deep breath and dove under the surface of the water. She kept her eyes open in the murky green. She used familiar, underwater landmarks to set her course: the cement blocks that marking the spot where the neighbors anchored their float, the large rock that Abby thought looked like a giant kidney bean, the sunken canoe that no one had ever claimed. From beneath the surface, she could see his legs scissoring in the water about twenty-five yards away. Carter had covered even more distance that she had expected, and he was closer than Abby wanted. He had stopped swimming and was treading water. She noticed that he has stripped out of his pant
s, and was now wearing just his boxer briefs.

  Even though his body appeared distorted through the sun-dappled water, Abby still experienced a pang of arousal looking at his chiseled, near naked body. Refusing to acknowledge the sensation, Abby swam away from him, still underwater, until her head was dizzy from lack of oxygen. She surfaced to take stock and see how much distance she’d put between them, only to emerge into the air and almost directly into his arms.

  Sputtering in surprise and disbelief, she was shocked into immobility by his nearness, and he quickly closed the short distance that separated them. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her towards him.

  “Abby, please stop for one damn second and listen to me,” Carter bit out in a frustrated voice.

  In response, Abby kicked at him, aiming for his balls. He avoided her knee to the groin, taking the hit in his thigh instead. Instead of letting her go, as she’d hoped, he folded her even more firmly into his iron grip. The hold was tight and unrelenting, but still gentle. Abby, in turn, flailed her arms out at him, trying to connect with him somewhere, trying to get him he let her go.

  Abby connected her elbow with some part of his body, and Carter swore, his grip loosening a bit, “Jesus, Abby, stop it! Quit squirming around and just listen.”

  Then he spun her around in his strong arms, and pulled her back against his chest, one arm around her belly, the other up against her shoulders, effectively imprisoning her against the length of his body.

  “Let me go,” Abby yelled at him. “I have no interest in anything you have to say to me or hearing whatever lame excuse you’ve prepared. I just want you to go.”

  She writhed against him, trying to escape, but his grip on her was firm. The only effect her wriggling did seem to cause was a growing hardness pressing on the cleft between her butt cheeks. She whimpered in protest, even while her own body betrayed her by rotating her hips over his hardness and her nipples puckering in arousal.