Never a Bride

by Amelia Grey

  “Because of the circumstances I don’t see how you can refuse me.”

  “Oh, my lord, I thought I had made it clear that I gave up all hope of marrying long ago.”

  She knew how to hit him hard with her accusations. He had already admitted that maybe he should have written to her, but their families had an agreement and she should have had faith that he would live up to it one day.

  He wouldn’t apologize again. If her father hadn’t approved, he should have notified the earl that the agreement had to be canceled. Camden remembered hoping that would happen.

  “You make six years sound like an eternity, Miss Whittingham.”

  “Obviously time passes faster in the Americas than it does in London, sir—with all of Society watching every move I made and whispering about everything I did, time went especially slowly for me.”

  Considering what he’d been through with her and Hortense, he was finding it hard to feel sorry for her distress at the moment.

  “If you were unsatisfied with my delay, why didn’t you ask your father to break the engagement? I would have been amenable to that, I assure you.”

  “My father thought about that. In truth, I have been content to live at home with Papa since he has been unwell for some time now. I read books, write poetry, and do my needlework. I call on friends and have tea.”

  “And kiss strangers on the streets?”

  Seemingly unmoved by his accusation, except for the creeping blush that rose up her neck and flooded her cheeks, she said, “I have no excuse. You were so engaging I couldn’t resist. You are the only stranger I have ever kissed.”

  Her poise hadn’t faltered. Camden took a step back and shook his head. This wasn’t going the way he had planned. What he was saying to her was not going to win her over to his way of thinking.

  He looked back at her and said, “I believe you about that.”

  She nodded once. “I have a full life, and I’m not opposed to spending the rest of it without a husband.”

  That explained why she took the chance of ruining her reputation. She wanted to be kissed before she settled into spinsterhood. He felt a certain admiration for her. If she were going to be doomed to the life of an old maid, she obviously wanted to live a little first.

  “You are a woman of rare courage, Miss Whittingham. Bold and daring to a fault.”

  “I’ll consider that a compliment, sir.”

  “Indeed it was. I daresay most young ladies in your position would be looking forward to a home of their own and children to take care of rather than remaining under their father’s guardianship.”

  “Once I was resigned to the fact that I would never be a bride, I refused to look back on what might have been.”

  Her wistful voice took Camden by surprise. His gaze swept down her face. He saw that even though her words were gallant she was vulnerable. A catch in his breath fastened inside his chest and wouldn’t move. For all her brave talk, he knew she hadn’t completely given up on the hope of a family.

  Camden cleared his throat. “Your honesty forces me to admit that it would be better for me, Miss Whittingham, if we presented ourselves to be the happily betrothed couple a few more months. Therefore, I ask you to reconsider the answer you gave me and act as my fiancée through the end of the year and possibly into next spring.”

  “Are you speaking about what happened to you in the past, Lord Stonehurst?”

  He wasn’t about to let her get into that. “Obviously that is part of it,” he said tightly. “There are other things I’d rather not go into at the moment. Suffice it to say that I need to be engaged to you. I need you to be my fiancée.”

  It seemed so callous when he said it like that, when he looked into her beautiful green eyes. He would have liked to tell her that she would be his bride before the year was out and would have, if she hadn’t already proven herself to be a woman with a blemished reputation.

  There was no doubt he was as drawn to her now as he had been the moment he first saw her. She was beautiful, intelligent, and courageous. But he couldn’t consider marriage to a woman who had given her affections so freely to another gentleman. His ego wouldn’t allow it years ago and not now.

  “I understand that you are unhappy by this unfortunate turn of events, sir. I’m afraid I didn’t consider you when I took the actions I did, and I am truly sorry for any embarrassment my behavior has caused. I would have never behaved as I did had I any hope you would come home.”

  “It’s not so much me I’m concerned about, Miss Whittingham, as personal problems concerning my family.”

  She took a step closer to him and looked up into his eyes. “Then I shall be blunt. I want to be done with it, Lord Stonehurst. I’ve found no pleasure in being betrothed to you these past years. I see no reason to continue this charade, which will cause only more pain months from now for your family and mine. Let us end it here.”

  “You do not mince words, do you, Miss Whittingham?”

  “There is no reason to. Because of recent circumstances, you know me far better than most.”

  “I’m beginning to.”

  “I suspect you had no intentions of marrying me when your father made the arrangement with my father. Isn’t this true?”

  “No, it’s not,” he said. “I assumed I would marry you one day.”

  “When you were old and gray?”

  No words had haunted him more. “Yes, I did say that, but I’ve always looked at our marriage as in the future after I sought my fortune abroad. I admit that I never considered what your feelings might be while waiting here in England for me to return.”

  “That’s perfectly clear, and I’ve already accepted your apology for that.”

  “Then let us continue the engagement for the time being.”

  “No.”

  Camden blew out his breath. She was a stubborn one. She was going to force him to tell her the truth. “Miss Whittingham, my father is not able to repay the dowry money your father advanced him at this time. I’d rather not go into all the financial details, for they are lengthy and private, but I ask for your consideration in this matter.”

  Her eyes searched his face for a moment. He didn’t like feeling anger at his father for putting him in this position. Miss Whittingham and his father were the ones who had done wrong, and he was the one at the point of supplication.

  “I see this is a delicate subject for you,” she said.

  “Aptly put.”

  “The only reason you want to continue this charade is because your family is financially embarrassed.”

  Mirabella could never be considered coy. Damn if she wasn’t the most challenging person he had ever met. A shiver of awareness shook him as he looked at her. Long, dark brown lashes framed her lustrous green eyes. Her brows arched and fanned upward into a lovely shape.

  “At the moment that is true. But there is more.” He spoke from the heart, but had no way of knowing if she knew. “I’ve already mentioned the advantage to you. Beyond which, I find you extremely attractive, Miss Whittingham. I find you stimulating. You have managed to surprise me at every turn. Admirably so. I wouldn’t consider our engagement a burden. I would be a dutiful lover. It would be a great benefit to both of us, Miss Whittingham.”

  “Your compliments are welcomed, Lord Stonehurst, but once again, I’ve made my choice. I’m afraid I can’t turn back.”

  Camden could see she wasn’t going to budge this time. But he wasn’t ready to give up. Not just yet. He would come back tomorrow and try to get her to change her mind. She intrigued him. She challenged him. For reasons he couldn’t understand, he wasn’t so bothered by the fact that she wasn’t willing to go through life never having been kissed. How many women in her position were brave enough to do that?

  “Then there’s nothing more to be said.”

  “I’ll tell my father on my evening visit that our engagement is off. I’m sure he’ll be most circumspect and compassionate about your family’s financial position after I tell h
im what I must.”

  “Here are the tea and scones, Miss Bella. I’m sorry it took so long, but the cook was just about to take fresh biscuits from the oven.” Lily looked over at Camden then back to her employer. “I knew you’d want to wait for the warm ones.”

  “Thank you, Lily. Put them on the table.” The maid did as she was told, then turned and walked out, but not before looking Camden over from head to toe.

  “Would you care for refreshment before you go?”

  There was a soft feminine strength about Mirabella that drew him to her even when he knew there could never be anything between them. “No, thank you. I know where my hat and coat are. No need to see me out. Good-bye, Miss Whittingham.”

  ***

  Mirabella took a deep breath before knocking on the door of her father’s room. She was not looking forward to this meeting. She had been in her room rehearsing what to say to him since Lord Stonehurst left, trying in vain to come up with a way to make this turn of events more palatable to her father.

  At best, she would only have to tell him that she didn’t want to marry the viscount. At worst, she would have to tell her father the entire dreadful story of how Lord Stonehurst caught her in the arms of another man. She couldn’t tell her father about Sarah. She had to keep that from him so she could continue her search.

  Lord Stonehurst’s surprising offer to remain engaged had been so very tempting. But he wasn’t offering a solution to her predicament, only a postponement.

  A pang of guilt struck her every time she thought about Lord Stonehurst. How she had ever found the courage to deny herself his company for a few months she didn’t know. He was the most interesting gentleman she had ever met, and she would have loved the opportunity to get to know him better. After all the years she waited for him to come home, she would have enjoyed having him by her side—if only for a short time.

  But she was committed to finding the rake who seduced Sarah and caused her death. She had gone too far to turn back now, and a fiancé would be a hindrance. Refusing the viscount was the only sensible thing she could do.

  Mirabella strode into her father’s room with all the courage she could muster. “Papa, how are you this evening?”

  Her father closed the book he was reading and laid it on the covers in front of him. “I’ve had a good day, Daughter. How about you?”

  She brushed aside his heavy blanket and a copy of The History of England and took a seat on the bed beside him. “I’ve had a most unusual day.”

  “Something out of the ordinary?” He placed a finger on his chin. “Sounds like a wonderful change to a sick old man who spends too much time in bed reading. Tell me how so?”

  It was best for her to just be done with it and not play around with the news. “The Earl of Lockshaven’s son has returned to London.”

  Bertram’s expression questioned briefly, then brightened. “What’s this? The viscount? Your fiancé has returned?”

  “Yes.”

  His eyes widened and he leaned forward. “How do you know this? The earl has sent word? Are you certain?”

  “Quite certain.”

  Bertram clasped his hands together and whispered, “Thank God. What took him so long?” Relief washed down his face, and his eyes pooled with moisture. “This is wonderful news.” He quickly brushed his eyes before the glistening could become tears. “I’m overjoyed. Mirabella, I don’t mind telling you that I had all but given up hope of him ever returning. I planned to speak to Archer about other eligible men who would be suitable to you and now I don’t have to. This is the news we’ve been waiting for.”

  She hadn’t expected her father to show so much enthusiasm over Lord Stonehurst’s return.

  “Where’s Newton? I must send a note to the earl at once.”

  “Papa, wait.”

  “What for? Your fiancé has come to claim you for his bride. It’s past time he decided to uphold his duty.”

  “I’d like to discuss this with you.”

  “Of course we will. Tell me, how did you find out he had returned? I haven’t received a visit from the earl. Unless Newton failed to deliver his message to me.” Bertram started searching the covers. “Where’s my bell?”

  “Papa, please wait before you summon Newton.” She took hold of his hand and kept him from ringing the bell as his fingers closed over it.

  “All right, let’s start at the beginning. Tell me how you know that he is in Town.”

  “Lord Stonehurst was really quite shrewd.” Too designing. “I met him at the first party I attended last night. Uncle Archer introduced us.”

  Bertram rose from his pillows. “Archer knew he was in Town and didn’t take the time to tell me? I’ll have a word with him about that.”

  “No. Apparently, Lord Stonehurst wanted to surprise all of us.” Indeed he had. “He just showed up at the Worsters’ party last night unannounced and demanded he be introduced to me with no forewarning.”

  All of a sudden Bertram laughed out loud, a rich healthy laugh. She was pleased to see her father display energy. Her spirits lifted just listening to him. She hadn’t seen him so alive in months.

  She didn’t want to sound like a grumbling child but she hadn’t expected her father to be so amused. “I didn’t find his behavior humorous, Papa.”

  “Of course you didn’t, but I do. What a clever man your fiancé is. That is exactly something I would have done in my younger years. I approve of his tactics. Maybe he will be a good match for you after all, dear girl. I like his style.”

  Her father seldom made her bristle, but his attitude about Lord Stonehurst’s antics was not what she expected. “Only a man would appreciate that kind of behavior. I thought it not only inappropriate but inconsiderate as well.”

  Bertram chuckled again. “I’m sure you did. No doubt he watched you from afar before he approached. I can understand him wanting to get a good look at you before he met you.”

  “That’s exactly what he did.” Though Mirabella was sure he hadn’t liked what he saw.

  She hated to tell her father what she must when he was feeling better than she had seen him in a long time. But it had to be said before he went any further. “Papa, I don’t want to marry the viscount.”

  “Nonsense, girl. This has been set for years. You know how important it was to me that you have a titled husband worthy of you and your inheritance. From what you’ve just told me, this man is up to the task.”

  “I know it is what you have wanted all these years, Papa, but I find that it’s not what I want.”

  “You are merely getting jittery now that he is here. Perfectly understandable.” He patted her cheek with a warm hand and smiled gently at her. “Not to worry, they’ll go away in time.”

  No, she just needed to be free of him so that she could continue her search for the man who seduced Sarah, and so she could stop thinking about how much she would have liked to get to know him.

  “It’s more than that.” She paused and went over her speech in her mind, the same story she told Camden which was as close to the truth as she could get without mentioning Sarah.

  I can’t marry him, Papa, because I have disgraced you, myself, and my fiancé by allowing certain young gentlemen to walk with me in the gardens and kiss me. I assumed he would never return and claim me for his bride, and I didn’t want to go through life without being kissed.

  That made her sound and feel absolutely wretched. No wonder Society dictated young ladies shouldn’t be left alone with a gentleman.

  Her father took hold of her hand and held it in his. “Mirabella, I see this has upset you. Everything is going to be all right now. I was so afraid the viscount wouldn’t return, and I knew I must see you wed before I die.”

  “Papa. Don’t say things like that.”

  “It’s true.”

  An ache started in her chest. How could she tell her father how unresponsive she’d been when Lord Stonehurst was giving her a way to spare her father the pain of her indiscretion? What if her ad
mission of what she’d been doing made her father worse and shortened his life? That was a horrible thought.

  “You have a long life ahead of you. You admitted that even today you are feeling better.”

  “Better, yes. But there is no cure for what ails me, Mirabella. My heart is weak.” He took a deep breath. “I haven’t been fooling myself for some time now, and I am not going to allow you to delude yourself any longer. I’m not going to die tonight, but I won’t live to be a very old man. I won’t have to worry about you now. Lord Stonehurst will see that you are well cared for.”

  Mirabella saw her plans for avenging Sarah’s death slipping away. “Papa. I don’t want to marry. I want to stay here with you.”

  “Poppycock. Women are made for marriage. I’ve allowed you certain freedoms—to read the Times and other papers and to write your poetry and to be clever with sums—because your mother wasn’t here. It pleased me to teach you. But I never meant for you to be so strong and independent as to not want to marry one day. Now, be a dutiful daughter and make me happy. I don’t want to hear any more about not marrying. We’ll send word to your aunt Helen. I know she will want to come and help you make all the arrangements.”

  She had always been a dutiful daughter, until recently. It had always been her desire to make her father happy.

  “And if you marry soon enough, I just might get to see my first grandchild. That would be such a blessing for me, dear girl. I can just see it now. A wee one for me to hold, then I could tell your mother all about him when I see her in Heaven.”

  This was harder than she thought it would be. Her father had laughed, really laughed, not just the light chuckle he’d given her the past few months. What was she to do? She’d told Lord Stonehurst no when he offered to extend the engagement. What was worse, making her father’s last days happy or rejecting Lord Stonehurst?

  A kiss crossed her mind. Lord Stonehurst’s kiss. A masterful meeting of lips directed to show her what she had missed. Mirabella rose from the bed and walked over to her father’s window and looked out to the quiet street below.

  What should she do? Give her father the prepared speech and take the smile off his face forever or go to Lord Stonehurst and tell him she had changed her mind, and ask him to reconsider his proposal to her?