Lulu's Loves

by Barbara S. Stewart

Lying there watching me, I swear I saw the big bad wolf licking his chops. “Tell me what you want, Lulu.” His voice was raspy with want.

  “It’s not what I want at all, Thom.” He looked at me with question in his eyes. “It’s what I need. It’s what I’ve needed all along. I need you. I need you like the air that fills my lungs allowing me to breath. I didn’t know it until this moment. I need you.”

  I got back in the bed beside him. My hands roamed his body, hungrily. I had to hold myself back, take deep breaths to calm myself. I wanted to ravage him like a caged animal starved for food. I could feel my heart slam against my chest.

  “We’re not hurrying into anything, Lulu.”

  “Are you sure?” It was a nervous laugh that followed the question.

  He rose from the bed and took off the underwear he was still wearing. When he got back under the covers, he held me in his arms – skin to skin.

  “I can’t stop myself any longer,” I said and my fingers began to roam once more. “I want you.”

  “Why, Lulu?” He grabbed my hand and held it in his. “I need you to tell me why. I don’t want this to be sex.”

  I raised myself to look at him. “I realized tonight that what happened with us was part of growing. It was part of learning. It was part of us that we didn’t handle the best way we could. This is us getting a second chance to wake every day with a new opportunity to get it right. I want you to make love with me because I need you.”

  His hands on my body were obsessive. He wanted me as his and suddenly, it was the best idea I could dream of.

  “I’m yours Thom. No matter what has happened, transpired, passed. It’s been true for years.”

  Suddenly, the touch, the words, every move he made brought me to the reality that it was true. I was his – had been from those first moments we spent together, no matter what, no matter who, I belonged to Thom Miller.

  It began as a relearning–remembering bodies and likes that we’d missed for so long. A touch here would send him close to the edge; a touch there would leave me quivering in anticipation. And then it was bittersweet; we cried in each other’s arms for what we’d lost. At last it was sweet lovemaking. Nothing frantic or heated, it was slow and passionate. I don’t think in the time we were together we ever shared anything as romantic as this.

  Later, as I lay in his arms he pulled me to him in such a loving way. “Lulu, I have to say this or my heart will explode.”

  I turned to see his face. It was a serious expression and I melted. I knew without words what he was telling me.

  “I know. I love you, too.”

  “I do love you, Lulu. I have for so long and I don’t want to lose another day with you. I wasn’t living, I existed – a lonely existence because the vibrant happiness I felt when you came along was gone. I feel alive again, Lulu.”

  And so began a new phase of life with Thom Miller.

  January 2013

  When it was time for Thom to return to Kiawah, he begged me to return with him.

  “I can’t. I’ll be there Friday.” I assured him.

  “I miss you already. We will talk every day; just like we used to.”

  “More than once a day, I suspect,” I told him with a smile.

  When he drove away, I felt empty. I focused on the days ahead and planned for the next weekend when we would be together.

  I went to the teacher’s lounge to get coffee and Keelin was waiting.

  “Where have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen or heard from you in two weeks!” he said, hugging me.

  “It has been two weeks.”

  “What’s this smile I see? I haven’t seen that particular smile since…” he paused. “Oh my goodness Lulu Welk. It’s that man. The one from South Carolina.”

  “It is. He found me on Facebook and we reconnected. Then, he came for New Year’s.”

  “Did you get laid?” he asked with a grin.

  “I did,” I laughed. “And it was amazing! I’m going there this weekend. We have some work to do, but we’re going to push the past aside and see if there’s a future.”

  “He’s the one for you, Lulu. It’s all over your face,” Keelin said, hugging me again.

  “I thought Micah was the one, Keelin…”

  “And in a different world he may have been, but it appears that fate, or maybe destiny has you on a new path. Keep it new, Lulu; don’t dwell on the past.”

  Thom and I talked each day–a call in the morning just to say have a great day, and a call in the evening filled with talk of the day, of us, and my trip there on the weekend. It was a familiar routine and I felt happy–really genuinely happy–for the first time in a long time.

  Thursday evening, as was our routine, I fixed dinner for my dad. He came to my house.

  “I love the cabinet,” he said. “You did a great job.”

  I’d been wondering how to broach the subject of Thom. I knew he was wondering. The comment about the cabinet helped. “I had help.”

  “Thom?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Lulu,” he put his fork down and wiped his mouth. “If Micah had lived, I believe that your life would be on a much different path.”

  He paused, and I waited.

  “But he didn’t. Thom coming back into your life, at this time, when you’ve grown into a beautiful mature woman must be some destiny that you could never have dreamed.”

  “Keelin said the same thing. I fear that it’s happening too fast, but a wise man told me to follow my heart.”

  “Do you still love him?”

  I didn’t have to think. My answer was quick and purposeful. “Yes.”

  “Then my only advice is to look forward–never look back–on any of this, Lulu.”

  He looked at me with such love that I believed I would break down in tears. He reached across the table and laid his hand on my cheek. “You only really ever fall in love once.”

  When I arrived on the island, I went straight to the Do Drop Inn. As I approached the bar, Danno stepped from behind and hugged me like a long lost friend. I had a seat to wait.

  “He’s in the kitchen, and I have to tell you, Lulu, he’s not the same man he’s been for a very long time…he’s happy. He’s cooking and hanging out here again. I’ve been running the place since, well, you know. Still sissy white?” he asked, and I smiled.

  “Yes, thank you.” At that moment, Thom came through the swinging door from the kitchen.

  “Hello, beautiful,” he said coming to kiss me.

  “Something smells good!”

  “I made chili. You can have a bowl, dump in on a salad, or pour it over some crispy fresh cut French fries,” he teased.

  “With cheese?”

  “On any of the above!” he exclaimed.

  “And jalapenos?”

  “Whatever you want!” he chuckled.

  “Fries, chili, cheese, and jalapenos!”

  We sat at the bar sharing the fries talking about the weekend. “We can do whatever you want. I’m sure you’re tired after the drive.”

  “Relaxing sounds good.”

  “We’ll go soon, Danno’s got this.” His smile lit up the entire place. It made me happy.

  When we arrived at Thom’s home, I wasn’t sure how I’d feel. It had been a long time and my last visit wasn’t such a great memory.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, as though he could read my mind.

  “It’s all good, really. It’s the past. I’m alright.”

  “You don’t have to convince me. I know, Lulu. There were times when it hurt me so bad that I stayed in the apartment.”

  He reached for my hand and opened the door. When I stepped in, it was the happy memories that hit me. Thom went to the kitchen and poured us both a drink. We went out to the patio. A cool breeze greeted us and I sat down on the patio sofa to wait while Thom lit a gas fire pit.

  Finally, he sat beside me and slipped his arm around my shoulder.

  “I’m glad you’re here, but I want you to
know that going forward, I’ll make the trip so you don’t have to. It’s easier for me, plus I can help with your projects.”

  “That’ll be nice, but I love it here, so I’ll be happy to make the drive. We’ll figure it out.” I snuggled closer, because it felt so right to be there.

  We enjoyed the drink and Thom told funny stories about guests at the pub that week. He told me he hadn’t been going every night; he seemed happy to have been there this week.

  Finally, he took my hand and led me inside to the bedroom. “Lulu, I can’t wait to just lie down and hold you.”

  There was no talk of more. I suspect it’s because he doesn’t want me to think that’s all we share. He showed me love–holding me in his arms, whispering sweet words in my ear. At last, we fell asleep.

  When I woke in the morning, I rolled over and found him watching me, waiting for me to wake up.

  “Good morning,” he said, and leaned in for a kiss. “Make love with me, Lulu.”

  I moved closer. I always loved that he used the word ‘with.’ It meant that both of us were working together, not one to the other. I rolled on top of him and he wrapped his arms around me holding me close.

  Scooting lower, I pushed his legs apart and rested on his erection. Rocking gently back and forth I felt him ready, and I took him for a ride. He cried my name over and over, and I felt myself fall deeper in love with him.

  Satiated and exhausted, I fell on his chest. “Jesus, Lulu. I love you.”

  “Because of good sex?” I teased.

  “No, because you’re everything I dreamed of before I met you. You’re all that I dreamed of while we were apart, and all I can think about now. I can’t tell you how happy I am.”

  “Keep showing me, Thom.”

  Our days together in Kiawah were a familiar routine. We ran, we went to the pub, and we made love.

  Back at my home we worked on projects, spent time with my dad, and had fun together. It was an amazing relationship where we learned, and grew from our past mistakes. And every day we shared brought us closer.

  It was March, and we’d been back together for three months. One evening as we were sitting on the sofa at my place, Thom turned to me with a serious look. “I’m going to sell the Do Drop.”

  “What?” I asked, shocked.

  “Danno wants it. I’m going to sell it to him.”

  “No,” I said. “You love it there. What will you do?”

  “I love it here more, Lulu. I love being here with you more than that bar–more than that place.”

  “But what will you do? You love Kiawah, we both do. You need to think about this,” I told him.

  “I have. I do love Kiawah, but I hate that you are here and I can’t ask you to come there because I know how much you love teaching…”

  “I do, but we need to talk this through and make a plan.”

  “We do?”

  “Yes, Thom Miller, this isn’t just about you.”

  “I like the way you think, Lulu.”

  I’m not sure, but I think I just opened the door to a future with Thom Miller.

  Two weeks passed. He came to Jacksonville on those weekends and the following Thursday, Thom was waiting when I got home from the university.

  “Come on, we have someplace to go,” he said as he folded me into his arms, kissing me wildly.

  “Well, since you are dressed for going out somewhere, I assume that we aren’t just going upstairs,” I laughed.

  “Later,” he said, waggling his eyebrows. “Do you need to freshen up?”

  “I would like to go change. Do I have a few minutes?”

  “Go, go…” he shooed me away.

  When I returned, he took my hand and we headed for the car. “You look beautiful,” he whispered in my ear.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “It’s a surprise. For both of us,” he added with a chuckle.

  He pulled up in front of a small bar in an eclectic part of town. There were people coming and going and it looked busy.

  As we entered, Thom took my hand.

  “Fun,” was the first word that came out of my mouth once we were inside.

  It was a buzzing place and it appeared that everyone was having a good time. There was a young man playing guitar in the corner and the music was just right for the small crowded establishment. Thom led me to the bar. Once we were seated, the bartender came to greet us.

  “What can I get ya?” he asked in a thick southern accent.

  “She’ll have a sissy white wine and I’ll have a Coke for now. Thom Miller, I’m here to see Angus Lee.”

  “He’s waiting. I’m Gus, I’ll be back with your drinks.”

  “He’s waiting?” I asked.

  Thom nodded. “When he gets here we’ll fill in all the blanks.”

  A large, robust, white-haired older man, with ruddy cheeks and gray hair came to join us. He made me think of someone who could play Santa – a genuine looking Santa.

  “Angus,” he said extending his hand to greet us.

  “Thom Miller, and this is Lulu Welk,” Thom replied in a businesslike manner.

  This is a meeting.

  “I reserved a table for us. Join me.”

  He led us to a table in the corner and the bartender brought our drinks.

  “So what leads you to Jacksonville?” he asked. “I’ve read up on you and your business is thriving in Kiawah. Are you selling or thinking of expanding?”

  “It would be neither. I believe that if the establishment already exists you never change the name–the Do Drop was the Do Drop before me and will remain the same, just as I believe that Hooligans should remain Hooligans to whomever buys it. I have a need to be in this area and I think this would be perfect.”

  “You’re thinking of buying this place?” I asked.

  “And the apartment above it,” Thom said and turned back to Mr. Lee who was smiling. “I’ve done my homework and I think it’s a good move. I’d like a good look around.”

  “Join me for a tour!” Suddenly, Angus Lee was jovial and I was curious.

  He took us behind the bar to show us that everything was sparkling clean. You could tell it wasn’t just polished up today for Thom’s visit. He led us to a wall filled with ‘The Best Of’ this and that, articles from local newspapers over the years and a couple of mentions in national publications.

  The kitchen was state of the art and everyone was busily preparing orders for the patrons who waited. “Refurbished in 2011–all stainless,” he said proudly. Thom opened doors, drawers, and looked under and above; he seemed pleased with his exploration.

  We went out the back door where everything was in order and went up a set of stairs to the apartment above–once more, everything was neat, clean, and Thom was smiling.

  Mr. Lee motioned to the table in his kitchen and we sat down to talk.

  “I’ve gone over your offer, Mr. Miller; my attorney and I feel that it’s a good offer and no counter is needed.”

  “I’ll call my attorney and we’ll get everything signed. I will be proud to continue the traditions of Hooligans.” Thom rose to shake his hand, confirming a gentleman’s agreement.

  “Join me downstairs for dinner!” Angus Lee said, happily.

  As we walked down the stairs to return to the pub, Thom squeezed my hand letting me know there was more to come. We had a lovely dinner with Angus Lee and left for home. It was only four blocks from my house.

  “I’ve been to lots of places in the neighborhood, but I’ve never been there. It was nice,” I said, attempting to get Thom to start a conversation.

  “I put the word out to my attorney that I was looking for a place. He found this right away and called me. Let’s get in and have a drink; I’ll tell you all about it.

  When we were inside, Thom fixed drinks and we joined on the sofa.

  “So?”

  “So, I decided that I want to be here, close to you, but I’m not one-hundred percent sure exactly what you’re ready for. This
property is not only the pub I’m looking for, it has a place for me to live until you’re sure you want me here all the time. Either way, I’m closer if you want me to be.”

  “What do you mean you aren’t sure what I want?” I felt hurt, and the question came out a snip.

  “Lulu, this is a big step for you, not for me as much. I will move into the apartment when I come, and when we’re both sure you’re ready for what comes next we will act on it. I didn’t make this decision–the bar, I mean-based on moving in with you. I don’t make assumptions like that, but I want to be closer to you. I hate the distance. The weeks in between the weekends kill me. I believe with everything I have that we are beyond our past, but you have some past that I want to make sure you’ve left behind, so that you’re ready for us.”

  “I don’t know what that means.”

  “We’ve only ever shared long weekends. How do you even know you want me around all the time,” he said with a teasing tone. “You’ve been married before, you’ve been in love. I know that you love me, but because of the way your marriage ended, I don’t want you to have trust issues with us. I will ask you to marry me–some day soon,” he said, and his smile melted my heart. “But I want you to be sure. I don’t ever want to lose you. I screwed up too badly before. I want to make sure when we make that step that you are mine forever.”

  “I already am, Thom, but I’ll play your silly little game,” I laughed. “I love you. I never really ever stopped.”

  He scooted closer and kissed me. “But what about Kiawah?” I asked.

  “I’m not selling it. Danno wants to buy it, but he can’t get financing right now, so he will continue to run the place. Once things are settled here and I have a “Danno” here that I can trust as I do him, we will spend one weekend a month there. We can go whenever you’d like. I’ll never sell the beach house. Every inch of that place–inside and out–reminds me of us. It reminds me of our beginning, our difficulties, and what I lost. It reminds me that I won’t ever let what’s important slip away from me again.”