Transcending Nirvana (Dark Evoke #3)

by V. L. Brock

  “Yeah, I’m sorry about that we were…umm…”

  “I don’t need to know what you were doing, I can already guess.”

  Her disgusted yet highly amused tone had me giggling once I rounded the corner into the kitchen. Boiling the kettle, I fetched two mugs and spooned in some instant coffee from the cupboard.

  “How’s he been today?”

  “I tried to take his mind off it so we went to the zoo.”

  “The zoo?”

  “Yes, the zoo.” Holding the handset against my ear with my shoulder as I poured a little milk into the mugs, I muttered, “And we had fun, thank you for asking.”

  “Glad to hear it. Now listen. We’ve just finished setting up the bar so can you get him down here at about 7:00 p.m.?”

  I peeked down at my watch, gasping when I saw that it was already 6:15 p.m. It’s crazy how tired an amazing lovemaking session can make you.

  “He’s asleep at the moment, Laurie. I’ll wake him up now but there’s no way we’ll be there at 7…7:30?”

  “Be where at 7:30?” a sleepy, Irish brogue sounded in the doorway. His hand brushed through his brown, fuckable hair as he lifted his eyebrows, then stretched his torso by lifting of his arms above his head, grasping the top of the doorframe. Holy fuck, that body…My heart was already beating a frantic, uneven rhythm, I’m sure I could feel the pounding in my stomach.

  “Don’t stand there like that,” I ordered, my salivating going ill-disguised.

  “Eh?” Laurie sounded down the speaker.

  “And go and put some clothing on––”

  He flashed a roguish grin, “Easy access, darlin’.”

  “Ew, Ew, Ew, gross,” I didn’t need to see her face to know that Laurie was cringing. “Just get him down here by 7:30 p.m. You animals,” she spat humorously before hanging up.

  Staring unabashed with my jaw open at the sexy as fuck, naked Irishman in the doorway I dropped the handset to the counter. “What are you doing?”

  “Standing…staring…” he murmured. “Debating whether to have you over the counter, on the floor, or against that wall over there…”

  My mouth was suddenly bone dry. I licked my lips but it wasn’t helping. All moistness had evaporated from my mouth and was coating my thighs. “As tempting as it is, we don’t have time.”

  Walker dropped his arms to his sides and began prowling toward me. “We have all the time in the world, Kady.”

  “I don’t want to rush with you.” When we were toe-to-toe, I trailed my hands over his ribbed torso and got lost in his gaze. My hands, not only bumping as the trailed over each muscle, but each scar, also. “I don’t want you to rush when you’re taking me. I want to enjoy and savor each moment, I want us to get lost in each other…a place where time doesn’t exist.”

  The heat and roughness of his hand was placed against the side of my face as he hunkered down minutely, a smile kissing his lips. “I’m sold. Later is it then.”

  “Yes, later. Now come on, get that down you, have a shower and let’s get ready. We have somewhere to be.”

  For the second time that day, Walker let me drive the truck. I had him blindfolded the entire journey. What can I say, payback’s a bitch.

  Stopping at a set of lights, I pressed my hand to his thigh, offering a reassuring squeeze. “Can I ask you something?” I queried.

  “’Aye, darlin’.”

  “Why did you ask me to wave on my birthday last year when we were on the way to Sky Zone?”

  Glancing between the lights and the man beside me, he threw his head back on a throaty chuckle before turning his blinded gaze on me. “The last time I checked, it’s illegal to kidnap someone and stuff someone in your car in the US.”

  Furrowing my brow, I gasped, “Huh?” which was shaded by another throaty chuckle.

  “A patrol car pulled up alongside us, darlin’. They looked quite worried.”

  “You had me wave to a patrol car?! Oh my God, Walker…” I playfully swatted him on the thigh before pulling off as the light turned green.

  Pulling into a space in the parking lot, Walker complained, “There was no need to blindfold me, you know.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “I know where we are, Kady. You have no idea how many times I driven over this gravel lot, do you?”

  I swatted his upper arm. “Okay, I admit I didn’t think it through thoroughly.”

  “Hey,” his voice was velvet soft and although his eyes were covered, I could sense the intensity of his gaze beneath the cloth. “It’s the thought that counts.”

  I smiled. The small snort ousted as I did so, caused Walker to smile, too. “Can I take the blindfold off now?”

  “Umm…no,” I teased, opening the truck door.

  “Touché!” I heard him breathe as I slammed the door behind me.

  Walker was standing alongside the truck, waiting for me to meet him. I took hold of his hand and guided him to the door of McGinty’s, asking one thing of him along the way, “One thing. This was in no way my idea, so don’t shoot the messenger.”

  The first thing I noticed when we stepped through the door was the ridiculous amount of balloons. Helium balloons with weights attached to the twine were lining the bar, and in the center of the two tables which had been pushed together to form a single table, easily seating eight people. Gifts with an assortment of wrapping paper and shiny bags were set on the pool table.

  Standing behind him, I lifted myself up onto the balls of my feet and removed the black cloth. As his eyes fluttered open, everyone jumped up from behind the bar, shouting, “Surprise.”

  Walker simply shook his head before studying me instead of the five other people in the room. Three of which were strangers to me. I took a step backwards, my hands lifted defensively. “I told you, don’t shoot the messenger.”

  My left hand was taken in his. Planting a kiss on my knuckles he smiled down at me, a shy, warming smile which caused my heart to billow. “Well, I guess it’s time to introduce my woman to the family.”

  A fleeting moment of unease caused my body to stiffen and a deep, worrying breath was sucked into my lungs. Meeting the family…that was something I wasn’t good at. Liam’s had taken an instant disliking to me on my first visit with their upturned noses and constant enunciation corrections. In saying that, I knew Laurie and Carriag and what’s more, they knew me. I didn’t have to hide myself from these people. They may not have been family by blood, thank God, but I still classed them as that. At that moment in time, I was being accepted into theirs.

  As the five rounded the bar, I began trailing behind Walker, the soft skin of my palm grazed and surrounded by his workman hands, as he held me in his possession. With a small, gentle tug, I was drawn to his side to walk beside him.

  “Kady,” Carriag was the first to welcome me with open arms. Loosening his clutch, Walker stepped away, allowing his father to embrace me. “I’m glad you could make it. It’s not been the same without you.”

  “Thank you.”

  Although he had pulled away, his elderly hands remained on my shoulders, his wrinkled face crumpling more so with his frown. “I thought you were pissed at me. For everything that…”

  “Oh God, no. Please don’t think that. It’s umm…” I peeked over the old man’s shoulders, seeing Walker smiling and embracing a woman I didn’t know. “It’s difficult to umm…to hear and accept how the people around you were helping when you were in a situation that you couldn’t see for yourself, if that makes sense.”

  “It does. But I promise you one thing, Kady. You’re a part of this family now, just like Laurie. We look after our own. God help that arse wipe if he so much as contacts you.”

  I was smiling sweetly at the old man with an indebted nod of my head when a familiar endearment summoned my attention.

  “Go on, I’ll fetch ya a drink.”

  Mouthing the words “Thank you,” I veered from Walker’s father and over to Walker, where my shoulders were instantly drap
ed by his arm and a loving kiss planted on my head. “This is my Uncle Les; he owns a gym not too far from the apartment. His lovely wife Joyce, who happens to be Laurie’s Auntie, and Joyce’s son Seth.”

  “How ya doin’, Kady?” Les asked as my hand was held out to shake, however, both Les and Joyce took my gesture as way to pull me closer and smother me in welcoming hugs. The family was a tactile one, that was apparent. Their embrace was returned, although somewhat lightly, before I withdrew and sunk back into Walker’s side. “It’s nice to meet you all.”

  We mingled and talked and by the time I checked my watch, an hour had already passed. Everyone was easy to get along with, even Seth––the seventeen year old rock star dreamer, from Joyce’s first marriage. His blond hair was slicked back; trails of where the comb’s teeth had been pushed through it looked like furrows on a farmland. Even the stud through the center of his lower lip didn’t have me retreating into my cocoon of solitude. I had been molded into someone who hated and feared social situations, and I was unsure as to what was changing. Were these people surrounding me so down to earth and welcoming that I felt more at ease with the situation? Or was I melting that ball of wax that Liam had spent almost three years molding me into, and finally letting me be myself? Either way, I was grateful.

  From beneath the table Walker’s hand massaged my naked thigh gradually, with sensuous and addictive strokes, hitching my black, front zipper dress up my legs. I shifted in the wooden seat as I took a bite out of a triangle section of a cheese sandwich.

  “So what’ve you both done today?” asked Carriag from the left head of the table, taking a draw from his bottle of beer before diving back into the spread of party food on the table, and placing it on the paper plate.

  “We went to the zoo,” I murmured around my food while I risked a sideways peek at the man beside me, his secretive touch from under the table becoming lighter the further up my leg he traveled.

  “The zoo?” Les repeated from across the table as he began waving his bottle of beer in the air as he gestured. What was it with everyone and repeating that one damn word? “Our Da used to take me and Roz to the zoo all the time when we were kids…”

  As soon as Rosaleen’s name was mentioned, I felt Walker’s hand pause on my flesh.

  “…She had this fascination with the big cats, always had. She’d say, ‘Big cats are both predators––”

  “And protectors,” Walker finished, his hand completely withdrawn from my thigh. The expression on his face was enough to make my skin erupt with the shudders paving up my back, while a thread of understanding regarding the spectacle I’d witnessed a few hours before with him and the big cat, was snatched.

  Mirroring his intimate touch of only a moment ago, I muttered, “That’s a lovely thing to say, and very true,” which caused him to give me a sideways smile.

  After some party games of ‘what am I?’ and ‘never have I ever’, along with the grand arrival of the truck birthday cake, which Laurie took up on herself to create, we all sang terrible renditions of Happy Birthday before digging into the creation that had probably taken hours to create, and less than thirty seconds to destroy, I was getting tired.

  “You getting sleepy, darlin’?” he pulled me close and I breathed in his scent, his heavenly, masculine, I-want-to-rip-your-fucking-clothes-off-and-fuck-you-right-now scent.

  “’Aye,” I muttered, burrowing my face into his neck, feeling his pulse against my brow.

  “Someone’s looking tired,” Laurie teased, yet I lacked the energy to battle back, so I simply shooed her away with a dismissive wave of my hand. “That’s what happens when you spend most of the afternoon ha––”

  “Yes, thank you, cuz. We don’t want Da to lose what’s left of his hair now do we?”

  “I was young once, son. Make the most of it while it still works.”

  “Gross!!!!” shrieked Laurie from the end of the table, while Les and Joyce simply burst with laughter. “I don’t want to hear about that, Carriag you dirty old man. Now, where’s my coat?”

  “We’ll walk out with you,” Walker suggested before saying our goodbyes and words of thanks.

  His black leather jacket was slipped up my arms and wrapped around my body. Before I knew what was happening, my legs were swept from beneath me and I was cradled in strong, protective, loving arms as we made our way into the parking lot.

  “Happy Birthday, Walker.”

  “Thanks, Laur,” he breathed lightly. “Call me when you get home so I know you’re okay. Okay?”

  “Okay. Night both,” I heard her call over the jangling of car keys and opening of car doors.

  I was once again carried in cradling arms up the steps of The Pavilion to the fourth floor. I brushed my fingers through his hair, resting my head on his chest, listening to his breathing alter with each flight of steps he ascended.

  “Are you too sleepy for late night activities?” he asked me, and I peeked up at him all doe-eyed with a shrewd grin.

  “I’m never too sleepy for your activities.”

  “Good, because we were rudely interrupted earlier on…”

  With a kiss that began gentle, I was lowered from his arms, my feet meeting the ground, feeling alien. My back was thrust against the wall to the left of the green apartment door, while the leather jacket groaned under protest as my arms were guided above my head. With Walker’s insistent tongue delving between my lips, my hands clawed at the one large hand that was holding me still, his mouth swallowing my whimpers. The other was wandering to my cleavage, where the glinting zipper of my dress was taken between gentle fingers and steadily lowered to my sternum.

  “Let’s take this inside,” I panted while his hands worked on kneading my breast, his kisses working down my neck, throat and chest.

  “Right ya are, darlin’.”

  When he pulled away from me, I shuddered and folded my arms across my chest to cover myself up a little. The click of the latch and the usual swift kick at the base of the door was unneeded. Instead, the door opened as soon as Walker pushed the key into the lock. My entire body shuddered with unease even before the light switch to the right of the door was flicked on.

  The blood gushing through my eardrums blocked out all sounds, other than buzzing, as I perused the utter chaos of the apartment. The old portable TV lying on the floor with the glass screen shattered, the coffee table was kicked over, and the table lamp had been hurled against the wall, while the mismatched brown and dark wood chair lay on its side.

  Once again I was tumbling down a rabbit hole with swaying, distorted vision alongside the unremitting muffling in my ears. Only, I didn’t know if I was ever going to see the ground again this time. I felt as though my life was destined to forever be a rabbit hole, leading me into a world of sheer chaos.

  It was the sight of Walker rushing into the center of the room, falling to his knees in front of the pile of splintered and smashed orange wood of his destroyed guitar that saw the end to my tumbling.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Walker

  My pacing had resulted in a darkened trail through the thin peach carpet, leading up the corridor. Minutes were more like hours. Hours like an eternity, yet months which I’d needed with her had been taken from us in a blink of an eye.

  I couldn’t recognize my own reflection in the full-length mirror at the opposite end of the hallway. Looking into it, all I could see was my fear, it was right there staring back at me as I got closer. The bags under my eyes reminded me of how many nights I traded sleep to just sit at her bedside and watch her. In sleep she looked at peace, it was when she was awake the pain took her from me. Call me selfish, but I wished I could have kept her awake for a life time because she was my Ma, and my Ma wasn’t supposed to leave me, she wasn’t supposed to give up fighting, she was a Walker, she was meant to keep going. But in those weeks that passed, I saw her struggles. In her eyes, I watched as the pain devoured her.

  Making small circles, I rubbed my hands together before, once ag
ain, pressing myself against the dusky pink striped wallpaper that had seen better days, and slipped down to meet the stained carpet.

  What was taking so long? It shouldn’t be this long, it isn’t usually.

  Sighing, I tossed my head back against the wall, and peeked up at the matching peach lampshade in the center of the corridor ceiling. I snorted, remembering the argument in the local DIY store over what color shade they should’ve chosen. Ma won that one, just as she always had the power to do. She was the only one I knew who could put Da in his place.

  When the white door ahead of me was pulled open, I stumbled to my feet. Across my chest, I folded my arms and took a small, hurried step towards the woman exiting. The look on my face spoke volumes. “She’s tired, but she wants to see you. Don’t wear her out too much, okay. Keep it simple.” The nurse was telling me when I spotted Da rubbing his hands down his face as he left the room and headed to the bathroom at the end of the landing. That bathroom saw countless tears shed from both of us over the months. We always tried not to get too emotional in her presence. But her end was coming closer and that strength was wearing thin.

  I simply nodded, sucked in a breath and went inside.

  “Hey, Ma,” I muttered, closing the door behind me before making my way to the seat next to the bed. She looked so tiny, so fragile. She’d always had amazing cheekbones, high and cheery. But now, she was gaunt with the weight she’d lost and the rosy tint in her cheeks was long gone. At that point, I had a lifetime of so many happy memories, but I couldn’t see them past these new heartbreaking ones that were taking shape…the person I looked at, the tired and exhausted woman in the bed looking back at me…

  Lowering myself onto the edge of the seat, I reached for her boney hand, careful not to snag the IV painkillers which were being shot into her body. There was so much I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her that she wasn’t to give up, that she had so much to live for, yet I couldn’t find the words or energy to say them. I didn’t like or agree with it, but knowing that there was nothing I could do, knowing that the time I was spending with her could potentially be our last, I wouldn’t risk a fight.