by AC Netzel
“I just flipped the bird to that couple. Get it? Flipped the bird,” I tell them.
Oh yeah, I’m losing it.
Looking out to the lake, I see a few couples enjoying a romantic late morning in rowboats. I hope they sink. Clueless fools. Don’t fall in love. It’s cruel. You’re lulled into a false sense of security then your heart is ripped out without warning, leaving you a shell of who you were, alone and baring your soul to dirty birds.
Kitty looks at me. I swear she looks sympathetic. Things must be bleak when a pigeon feels sorry for you.
“Your grandson’s a jerk. A beautiful, fucked-up jerk. And incidentally, Leonard is a stupid name.” I look at the other bird. “No offense.”
“Julia?”
I startle in my seat and look up. Looking back is Mr. Tall, Tanned, and Sparkling Blue Eyes. He’s wearing a pair of running shorts, a loose-fitting T-shirt, and running shoes.
“Pierce?” I quickly wipe away my tears and straighten myself out.
“Are you alright? You look like you’ve been crying. And you’re talking to…” He looks down at the brick pavement at my feathered friends.
I sigh. “Yes, I know. I’m talking to birds. Pierce… this is Leonard and Kitty. Leonard and Kitty… Pierce.”
He smiles; a warm, perfect smile. “Nice to meet you.” He directs his attention back to me. “Can I join you?”
I shrug a shoulder. “Sure.”
“So, the birds… friends of yours?”
“We’re old acquaintances.”
“You travel with an unusual crowd.”
“Humans, birds, squirrels. I’m a regular Dr. Doolittle.”
He chuckles. “I’ll remember that. Seriously, are you okay?”
I blow out a breath. “I’m fine,” I lie.
“You don’t look fine. I mean, you look beautiful. You always look beautiful. But clearly there’s something wrong.”
I shrug a shoulder.
“In college I minored in psychology. I’m practically a shrink. I’m an excellent listener,” he says.
“I’m sure you have better things to do. Besides, I can see you’re out for a run.” I sniff, wiping away my tears. “I don’t want to keep you from it.”
“I was just warming up. I can run later. We’re friends, right?”
“I guess.”
“Then talk to me. I’m told I give excellent advice.”
My shoulders slump and I stare down at the ground.
“You finally smartened up and left the writer?” he jokes.
I inhale a shaky breath, my lip quivers, and the tears start rolling again.
“Jesus, Julia. I’m sorry. I was kidding. You left him?”
I shake my head.
“Don’t tell me he left you? You? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I wish I was,” I choke out.
“When I saw you together, it didn’t look like he wanted you two inches away from him.”
“Well, he changed his mind.”
“Was the bastard seeing someone else?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“I have to tell you, Julia. I’m a little confused. I don’t want to pry, but I can’t fathom why anyone in their right mind would even entertain the possibility of leaving you, let alone actually doing it.”
“He’s not in his right mind.”
Pierce tilts his head, confused.
“Over-stressed from work and some family issues. Someone important to him passed away recently. He thought he was making me unhappy and leaving me was his solution,” I explain.
“That makes no sense.”
I blow out a short breath. “I know. But I don’t know what to do. I tried to reason with him, but his mind was already made up,” I sniffle, rummaging through my bag for a tissue.
“Come here, lean on me.”
I jerk my head back slightly and frown at him.
“I’m not going to bite, I promise. I’m just offering a shoulder to lean on.”
“Thanks.” I lean on to Pierce’s shoulder. He wraps his arm around me.
“Every time he fucks up, fate brings us together. Maybe that means something.”
“Ben doesn’t like you.”
“He shouldn’t like me,” he says matter-of-factly.
“He’s under some insane notion that you …” My face heats up. “Oh, it’s ridiculous to say.”
“It’s not so ridiculous. Hold on, I have to send a quick text to a friend I was supposed to meet. Just give me one second.” He takes his cell out from his shorts pocket and sends a message, never removing his arm from around my shoulder. He slips his phone back into his pocket.
“I don’t want to keep you from your plans,” I tell him.
“It’s not a problem. I’m just letting them know I’m a little delayed. It’s fine. It’s nothing that can’t wait a little while.”
“Okay. One handed texting. Impressive. Are you sure I’m not keeping you from anything?”
“It’s all good. Do you want to tell me what happened? You don’t have to. We could just sit here and watch the fountain if that’s what you want.”
“I don’t know. Things have been off between us lately, but I thought it was getting better. Then this morning, out of the blue, he tells me he wants a break.”
“Hmm,” he hums.
“What’s that ‘hmm’ mean?”
“Nothing.”
“Just say it, Pierce. You’re not going to say anything I don’t already know.”
“A break is a selfish guy thing. You’re either together or you’re not.”
“He clarified it. We’re not.” I inhale a shaky breath. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”
“Why do you think it’s you that did something wrong? I’ll admit I don’t know you that well, but from what little I do know… I think it’s safe to say you’re not the one at fault. That guy seems to have a pattern of hurting you. I’ve met you three times and twice he had you in tears.”
“He’s just going through a hard time.”
“You’re making excuses for the inexcusable. Any guy who makes you cry is not worth your time. He stole your happiness. You deserve someone who can give it back to you.”
“I can’t let him go,” I whisper. “It hurts too much.”
“Doesn’t holding on to someone who doesn’t want you hurt more?”
“He loves me. I know he does.”
“He has a shitty way of proving it. You are an amazing person. You deserve better. Someone who wants to prove he’s worthy of you.”
“I don’t know. Maybe he was only supposed to love me for a little while,” I say sadly.
Pierce shakes his head. “Impossible. Anyone who falls in love with you could never recover.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t talk about him anymore. It’s too hard. You should go. I’m sure you have better things to do than sit with a blubbering fool.”
“I want to be here. I’m pretty good at reading people. I know you’re special. I like you. I told you; that guy has good reason not to like me.”
My eyes widen and I begin to straighten myself upright.
Pierce laughs. “Don’t worry Julia. I’m not about to make a move on you. Not today, anyway.”
I frown as he continues.
“You can’t be so blind that you missed it. You’re beautiful. And witty. And sweet. You’re exactly the type of girl I want to date. If I’m completely honest, you’re the exact girl I want to date. I know that we don’t know each other well... and you’re obviously going through a tough time. But someday when you’re ready, I’d like to get to know you better. I know you’re hurting now. But sometime… Maybe we could go out. I can be your rebound guy.” He shrugs. “Then maybe one day, not your rebound anymore.”
“Pierce, I…”
“I know your heart belongs to him. Now. But anyone stupid enough to toss you aside isn’t worth keeping. If he can walk away from you…” He shakes his
head. “Julia, just let him go. He doesn’t deserve you.”
Tears run down my cheeks. I sit back up, staring at Pierce.
“Pierce, thank you. I’m flattered. But I know that no matter how much he hurt me, I won’t stop loving him. He’s the only one for me.”
He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I know all that was terribly inappropriate for me to say. Especially now.” He shrugs. “It was worth a shot. We’re friends. We could still go out as friends sometime, right?”
I bite my thumbnail nervously. Pierce has made it abundantly clear he’s interested in me as more than a friend. I don’t want to lead him on.
“Sure. Sometime… as friends,” I clarify.
“I’m not a bad guy.”
“I know.”
“Fuck, Jules,” Allie’s voice comes out from nowhere.
I look up, and she’s standing in front of me with an annoyed expression on her face. Her hands planted firmly on her hips.
“Allie? What are you doing here?” I ask.
“A little birdie told me you were in trouble and where to find you.”
I look at Pierce. “Your text?” I ask sarcastically.
“Technically, I texted Vince—who I am meeting… tomorrow. I thought you could use a friend… other than me.”
“You’re a good man, Pierce.”
He takes my hand and kisses the back of it. “Remember that.” He stands from the bench. “I’ll leave you in the capable hands of Allie. Maybe we can have dinner sometime?”
I nod slightly. “Maybe. Thank you, Pierce. You always seem to pop up just when I need you.”
“If you ever change your mind…” He smiles warmly and winks.
“You’ll be the first to know.”
Allie looks suspiciously between the two of us, then sits on the bench next to me.
“Ladies,” he says, politely bowing his head.
I smile at him. Allie looks completely baffled as Pierce jogs away in the opposite direction of the fountain.
I look down at the brick pavement and see the pigeons, who have been curiously watching us during our entire exchange take flight toward Pierce. Pierce ducks and covers his head with his hand.
I cringe.
“What’s that cringe about?” Allie asks.
“Ben’s grandmother just took a shit on Pierce.”
“Huh?”
“Forget it. It’s nothing. Thanks for coming out here.” As the words leave my mouth, all the emotions I bottled up while I was talking with Pierce bubble over.
Allie is home. Allie is comfort. Having her here makes it all real again. When I look back at her, my chin quivers and the tears fall again.
“It’s that fucking son of a bitch boyfriend of yours, isn’t it? What did he do?”
Chapter 20
Once Pierce is out of view, I break down, leaning into Allie’s shoulder and sob.
“I’ll kill him. I’ll fucking kill him,” she hisses.
She twists around until she has both arms wrapped around me, rocking me back and forth.
“Let’s get the hell out of here,” she says.
I nod, sniffling into her T-shirt.
“Come on, we’ll go back to our apartment.”
I look up at her, shaking my head in panic. “No. I can’t go there.”
“Is Vince’s place okay?” she asks without questioning me as to why.
“I’m sure Vince doesn’t want a crying idiot moping around his apartment.”
“Vince isn’t home. He went to some job site. And even if he were, I’d kick his ass out. Let’s get out of here.”
“Okay,” I choke out.
We stand and walk through the park with my head leaning on her shoulder and her arm protectively around me. After exiting the park, we hail a cab and head to Vince’s.
“It’s going to be okay, Jules. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”
She grabs hold of my hand in the taxi and stares at me sympathetically.
I look up at her and nod slightly, then look out the window and watch the city go by.
~o0o~
“Nice place,” I say as we walk into Vince’s living room. It’s modern… and normal. There’s a beige sectional sofa, a honey oak coffee table over a gorgeous blue and tan area rug, and a big screen TV.
“What were you expecting?” Allie asks, smirking.
“I don’t know… a sex dungeon?”
She bursts out laughing. “Yeah, that would go over well when his parents drop by.”
“You’ve met his parents?”
“I may have had dinner with them recently,” she states casually.
“Interesting.”
“I know what you’re doing, Jules.”
“What am I doing?”
“You’re avoiding talking to me about why you’re upset. I’m making some perverted lemonade then you’re going to tell me what that asshole boyfriend of yours did.”
“Ex-asshole boyfriend,” I whisper.
“Ex? Shit.” Her eyes widen, and she grabs my arm. “We need to drink and talk.”
She disappears into the kitchen while I stroll around Vince’s place. Mindlessly, I stare out a window and watch the people on the sidewalk below walking around like they haven’t a care in the world.
She quickly reappears holding two glasses of lemonade. Years of drinking Allie’s alcoholic concoctions tell me that “Perverted Lemonade” means a glass of vodka with a splash of lemonade.
“Come over here. Relax.” She tilts her head in the direction of the couch, and we sit. “First take a sip. Then tell me what happened.”
I take a sip and cough. “God, it tastes like grain alcohol.”
She ignores my complaint and takes my hand in hers, gazing directly into my eyes.
“What happened?” she asks softly, her concern unmistakable.
I place the glass down on the table and shake my head. “I don’t know. I thought after last night things were finally getting better and we were back on track. Then out of nowhere, he sucker punched me and told me he wanted to end things.”
“Ben? We’re talking about Ben? Tall, good-looking, dimples?”
I nod.
“So I guess ‘after last night’ means sexy time was back in the rotation?”
“Yes. And Al, it was perfect. Everything about it felt right. I thought after so much time, we might be a little off… but… I don’t think I ever felt so close to him. Then boom! Out of nowhere, he breaks up with me over breakfast. And my whole world fell apart.”
She releases my hand, placing her hand on her forehead. “I’m speechless. What reason did he give you?”
“He said he was making me unhappy. He couldn’t do that to me anymore.”
“That’s fucking crazy.”
“He told me we had to talk. And I knew.” I look up at her. “I knew from the tone of his voice it was going to be bad. The first thing that crossed my mind was he was going to tell me he slept with someone else. How crazy is that? I half expected it.”
“Were you relieved when that wasn’t the case?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. What’s worse? I love you, but I slept with someone else, or I love you, but I don’t want a relationship anymore.”
“What the fuck is wrong with him? He screws you then dumps you?”
“He tried to tell me last night… you know, before we… but I wouldn’t let him.”
“Ben? The guy who can’t keep his eyes off you? I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone. Julia, he adores you… even a blind person can see that.”
“He said he loves me, but he’s too fucked-up to make me happy. Do you see how successful his ‘Happiness for Julia’ plan is?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“We were supposed to be the adorable elderly couple who sat on the boardwalk bench. He stole that from me. I didn’t get a choice; he just took it. All I wanted was the happily ever after with him… and you know what I got? After. That’s all I got… After. I gave him my heart. And
he doesn’t want it.”
“Oh, Jules.”
“Why is he doing this? You don’t do this to someone you love. I thought he wanted us as much as I do. I waited for him once. When we broke up last time, I sat on my floor in tears and stared at the back of my bedroom door for weeks. I prayed he’d change his mind and want a real relationship, not just something casual. I waited for him to burst through the door and sweep me into his arms. Five weeks I sat there crying and waiting. Five excruciating weeks. And he never came.”
She nods sympathetically and lets me continue.
“Allie, I can’t stare at the back of doors anymore.”
“I know,” she says softly.
“I thought we were worth fighting for, but I’m the only one fighting. I will not beg him to love me. That should come as easily as breathing. And I know he’s hurting, but what’s it going to be next time… twenty weeks, a year? Never? I can’t wait around for him every time he doesn’t know what he wants.”
“You’re right. It’s not fair to you,” she says.
“I asked him what he saw when he looked at me. Know what his answer was? ‘I don’t know.’ He doesn’t know. I see love every time I look at him. Every single time. Maybe we weren’t meant to be together.”
I take a big gulp of my lemonade. It’s so strong; it burns going down my throat. I welcome the pain.
Allie shakes her head. “I don’t believe that for a minute. Neither do you and neither does that asshole boyfriend of yours.”
“Ex-boyfriend,” I correct her. “He said he’d never hurt me. He promised. And I believed him.”
“Pain makes liars out of honest people, Jules. I’m sure he meant it.”
“Then why am I here, ready to curl into a ball on the floor?”
“He’s just fucked-up in the head right now.”
“He hurt me once and he just did it again. My heart can’t be the sacrifice. I feel like I’m dying.”
“Aww, Jules.”
I take another gulp. This lemonade concoction is terrible. But as long as it numbs me, I don’t care.
“I felt things with him. Things I never felt before. Even after all these months together, I still get butterflies when I see him. Loving him is effortless. He pays attention to all the little things no one else would notice. He toasted a damn marshmallow on his stovetop because he knew I liked them. When I'm with him... I don't know if this makes any sense, but I miss him before we're apart. And I know that's stupid and corny... but it’s the truth. I know he loves me. Sometimes I’d catch him looking at me, when he doesn’t think I see him, with so much love in his eyes, I’d tear up. You can't fake the little things like a look... a touch... or a toasted marshmallow. Why is he walking away from it?”