The Confession

by Jeanette Muscella

  John sat back in his chair and placed his hands on his lap. He did not want Gail seeing his hands shake. “I’m almost afraid to ask what changed your opinion of me.”

  “It was the weekend you and Aunt Jenny went on a retreat. I stayed at her house with Olivia and Jason. I had so much fun that weekend. Mom and I took them to the aquarium to see as Olivia calls them, ‘the fishies.' We were sitting in the food court, and Olivia looked sad.”

  “What’s wrong Olivia? You look sad.”

  “I miss my daddy. When is he coming home?”

  “Mommy and Daddy will be home on Monday. That’s only two days.”

  “I love my Daddy. He reads to me and takes me places. We have fun. He calls me chubby cheeks.”

  “I’m sure you have a lot of fun.”

  “I’m happy he is my daddy.”

  Gail turned to Jason and said, “Do you miss Mommy and Daddy?”

  The look on his face melted Gail’s heart. Tears welled in his beautiful blue eyes.

  “Will Daddy come back? Will he stay away like my other Daddy?”

  Gail lifted him off the chair and sat him on her lap. Lydia sat in awe as Gail soothed two innocent souls. It was heartwarming and she fought the urge to cry.

  “Honey, what happened to your other Daddy was sad. Your Daddy was a brave soldier. Uncle John is not a soldier, and he will be home in two days. Daddy is at a school for Ministers. He wants to be the best Minister, and also the best Daddy.”

  “He is the best Daddy. He tells me funny stories, and we ride our bikes after supper, and he plays with me.”

  “Do you love your Daddy?”

  “Uh huh, I love my new Daddy. He took us to see my other Daddy. I was sad and I cried. Daddy said it was ok to cry.”

  “Do you want to talk to Mommy and Daddy? I can call them.”

  In a sad, timid voice, Jason said, “I miss Daddy.”

  Gail reached for her phone and called John. “Hi Uncle John, I have two lonely babies who miss Mommy and Daddy. They want to speak to you.” Gail put the call on speaker, and when the children heard his voice, they became animated and happy.”

  “Hi Olivia and Jason, are you being good for Aunt Gail?”

  Olivia screamed into the phone. “Daddy, the fishies are so big.”

  Jason chimed in. “Daddy, I saw a big shark. Aunt Gail bought me a shark toy. I had fun.”

  John laughed into the phone. “I’m happy the two of you are having fun. Mommy and Daddy miss both of you.”

  Jason leaned into the phone and whispered, “Are you coming home soon?”

  “Yes, little man. Mommy and Daddy will be home on Monday.”

  “Are you sure you’re coming back?”

  John soon realized the children are suffering from separation anxiety.

  “I am sure. Mommy and Daddy will be home Monday morning. Would you and Olivia like to go to the food court for lunch? After we eat, we can go visit gram and gramps. Would you like that?”

  Both children brightened with excitement and screamed a unified “Yes.”

  “Ok, funny bunnies, Daddy has to go back to his meeting. I’ll call you tonight before bedtime. Love you so much. Gail, call me when its bedtime and I will read them a story.”

  “Ok, Uncle John. I’ll call you.”

  After she had disconnected the phone, she said, “Do you want to see more fishies?”

  Later that night, Gail watched Olivia and Jason stare at her phone in silent fascination as John read them a bedtime story. By the time he finished his story, both children were sleeping peacefully. Gail retrieved her phone and slipped quietly from the room.

  “They’re down for the count. You also had my eyes drooping. You are an excellent storyteller.”

  John laughed. “It’s my favorite time of the day. I love them so much Gail. They own my heart.”

  Those few words changed Gail’s opinion and the last remnants of her anger dissipated.

  “It is obvious they love Daddy.”

  “God has granted me my most desired wish. I have a family that I love beyond words. I love all of you.”

  “That was a very special weekend for me. The person you are now is not the same person who hurt my mother. I want to tell you that I love you, and I am happy you are a part of my life. I wanted to hate you, and when I first found out that you are my biological father, I did not want to see you again. You will never know how devastated I was when I learned the truth. My dad tried to keep a positive attitude, but it felt like everything that I thought was solid in my life fell apart.”

  “What I discovered in the last few months is that you are a good person, and good people sometimes make mistakes. I hate the fact that you hurt my mom. I also knew you hated yourself, and that made me feel good. I wanted to see you suffer. I no longer want to see you suffer. Leaving the church was the best decision you could have made. Anyway, I just want to say that I forgive you, and I hope we can be friends.”

  John walked around his desk, sat next to her, and held her hand. “I know it took courage for you to say this to me. I have prayed that you would find it in your heart to forgive me. I also hoped we would eventually have a relationship with each other. I will always be your Uncle. Adam is your father, and he loves you with his whole heart, and I love all of you.”

  “I remember the day I entered the seminary. I was so distraught about what I did to your mother. I remember sitting on the curb crying like a baby. My life was a mess. I was addicted to cocaine and I can honestly say I wanted to die. I wanted to end the pain, and I did not care how I did it.”

  “A very kind and gentle priest helped me that day. He sat with me and took care of me as I suffered from horrible withdraw. You are correct when you said good people make mistakes. I have to be honest when I say I was not a good man. Had I been one, I never would have hurt Lydia. Was I happy knowing I was your father? Yes, I was elated, because I had given up any hope of having a family. My time as a priest, when I look back now, was a form of punishment. I had to seek absolution, and being a priest was the vessel. It was an incorrect motivation, but I can say I was a good priest. I grew into that role and I was happy.”

  “I am glad you are here today. I am very proud of you Gail. You are a beautiful, intelligent young woman. I am proud that a part of me lives on in you. I will always love you, as your Uncle John. In two days, I begin the next chapter in my life, and I am honored you will share this special day with us.”

  A single tear escaped from her beautiful green eye, and John gently wiped it from her cheek. “Why are you crying?”

  Sighing, she said, “I feel a little guilty sitting here with you. I don’t want to hurt my dad. I want us to have a relationship.”

  “Gail honey, you are not hurting your father by having a conversation with your Uncle. Adam told me that he gave you a copy of the adoption papers. Legally, I am no longer your father. I waived that privilege so that Adam could adopt you. Being a father is not about biology. I was not there when you were a child. Please do not feel guilt when you are with me. Your father and I have made considerable progress reconnecting as brothers. We’ve discussed the possibility of us having a relationship. I told Adam I would respect your boundaries. I would not insert myself into your life if you did not wish it. I’ve waited patiently for this day Gail. Always remember that I am your Uncle, and we will have a great friendship. Do not put this stress on your shoulders.”

  “Ok, thanks, Uncle John. Is it ok if I tell you I love you?”

  “It’s more than ok Gail because I also love you.”

  The night before the wedding, the entire family gathered for dinner at Fiorino’s, courtesy of Adam. It surprised John when Lydia sat next to him. He felt anxious and reached under the table to hold Jennifer’s hand. As the evening progressed, the atmosphere became less tense.

  Colin stood to make a toast. “Ok everyone, be quiet. I would like to make a toast to the happy couple. John, I am so proud of the man you have become. Our family is stronger because of you.
All of us have taken a tough journey this past year. We have cried, laughed, and loved each other. At the end of the day, we are stronger because of our love for one another. Tomorrow you begin a new journey, one of love and happiness. Your mother and I wish you many years of happiness. Jennifer, I thank you for loving my son. His smile is infectious and his joy is evident every time he looks at you and the children. Welcome to our family.”

  Lydia glanced at Adam, and he nodded discretely. She turned in her seat to face John. “This past year has seen many changes within our family. I never thought I would find it in my heart to forgive what happened so long ago. I never thought I would be comfortable being in the same room with you. I am happy that you have found someone to love. I wish the both of you a long and happy marriage, filled with love and laughter.”

  John addressed his family. “I am overwhelmed and so very grateful that all of us are gathered here this evening. When I returned to Philadelphia, I never envisioned my life taking the course that it has. This past year has been cathartic for me. My life has taken a different path, one that I eagerly await. Tomorrow, the next chapter of my life begins, and I will marry the woman who has stolen my heart. I will open my arms and my heart to two adorable children that I love beyond words. More importantly, I will share this blessed event with my family. I love all of you so very much. I am humbled and grateful for your love and support this past year. Without all of you, I would cease to exist.”

  Chapter 21

  The following morning, under a clear blue sky, John and Jennifer exchanged wedding vows in a traditional ceremony. Pastor Butler performed the ceremony in the courtyard behind the church. John stood before the pergola and adjusted his collar several times. He felt like he was choking. His stress level was off the charts. Colin patted him on the back and laughed. “It’s only pre-wedding nerves, John. Take a deep breath. You are turning green.”

  “I’ve waited so long for this day. You’d think I would be prepared for the jitters.”

  “Everyone is nervous on their wedding day. It’s entirely normal and fascinating to watch.”

  “Wipe that smug look on your face Dad before I throw up on you.”

  Colin leaned in and whispered to him. “Think of the honeymoon John. You’ve waited a long time for this day. Tonight will be the most important night of your life. Remember the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Jennifer is your pot of gold.”

  Those few words calmed his nerves. “Thanks for the pep talk. I feel better.”

  “You’re welcome, John. Oh look, here comes Olivia. Isn’t she so adorable?”

  John watched his daughter walk down the aisle with a little basket of rose peddles. When she reached the pergola, she smiled up and John and his heart melted. Jason soon followed with the rings. His steps were slow and steady. He did not want to drop the rings.

  Both children stood on either side of John and looked up at him with love and accomplishment in their eyes. He loved them with an intensity so overwhelming it defied words. When the music started to play, he focused his attention on the vision of beauty that walked towards him. The soft melody of “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” played in the background. Jennifer’s dress was simple and classic. Her eyes shown with love and tears, as she walked towards the love of her life.

  John reached out to take her hand, and together, they stood in front of the Pastor. He whispered to her, “You look stunning. I love you madly.”

  Pastor Butler spoke eloquently. “We have come together in the presence of God to witness the joining together of this man and this woman in the bond of marriage. It is one of man’s greatest blessings and one of his most awesome responsibilities. John and Jennifer thank you for joining them and sharing in this very special day.”

  “Who is giving this woman to be married to this man?”

  Adam stepped forward. “I do.”

  “Please join hands. John, do you intend to take this woman whose hand you are holding to be your lawful wedded wife, and do you pledge before God and man to love, honor, and protect her through sunshine and shadow alike, keeping yourself unto her alone until death shall separate you? If so, answer, “I do.”

  “I do,” John said with tears in his eyes.

  “Jennifer, do you intend to make this man, whose hand you hold, to be your lawful wedded husband and do you pledge before God and man to be to him a loving and true wife, through sunshine and shadow alike, keeping yourself unto him alone, until death shall separate you? If so, answer, “I do.”

  “I do,” Jennifer said as she squeezed John’s hand.

  John turned to face Jennifer. “I John Patrick Brady take you Jennifer Elizabeth Harrison to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, excluding all others, as long as we both shall live. With God as my witness, I give you my pledge.”

  Jennifer repeated the marriage vows. “I Jennifer Elizabeth Harrison take you John Patrick Brady to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, excluding all others, as long as we both shall live. With God as my witness, I give you my pledge.”

  Pastor Butler continued. “You have chosen to seal your vows by the giving and receiving of rings. The ring forms a perfect circle without a beginning or an end, and is thereby a symbol of eternity and signifies the duration of the commitment you are making. Let us now exchange these rings.”

  John: “I give you this ring, as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and with all that I have. I will honor you.”

  Jennifer: “I give you this ring, as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and with all that I have. I will honor you.”

  “And now, by the authority vested in me as a minister of the Gospel, and by the laws of the State of Pennsylvania, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

  John lifted Jennifer’s veil, placed both hands on her face, and gently kissed her. Jason and Olivia clung to his legs. John bent down and lifted Olivia into his arms. Jennifer held Jason. Turning to face his family, Pastor Butler said, “It is my honor to introduce to you, for the first time, Pastor John Brady and his wife, Jennifer Brady.”

  John’s eyes focused on Father Mallard, who stood by the only tree in the courtyard. Walking over to greet him, John felt apprehensive. “Father Mallard, I’m pleased to see you here today.”

  “It’s good to see you also Pastor Brady. I hesitated to come here today. I must confess I feel the need to apologize to you. I was angry and disappointed when you left the priesthood. I am also mad at myself for forcing the issue with Gail. I feel I was the catalyst for your renouncing your vows. I also want to apologize for the hurtful things I said to you at our last meeting. It was uncalled for, and I am deeply ashamed of myself.”

  “There is no need to apologize Father Mallard. I have grown this past year, not only as a man but also as a vessel for Our Lord Jesus Christ. The attire I wear may look different. However; my faith, my devotion to the word of God has not changed.”

  “I am so pleased to hear those words, Pastor Brady. You have a lovely family. It’s obvious to me those two precious souls love their father.”

  “And I love them, Father Mallard, with all that I am. Would you like to join us today? I would be honored to share our happiness with you.”

  “Thank you, John. I would love to share in your happiness.”

  The reception party consisted of John’s parents, Adam’s family, his sister Mary, Pastor Butler, several clergy members from his new church, and the children. The couple wanted a quiet wedding and did not wish to draw attention to their marriage.

  Colin stood and clinked his glass. “I’d like to propose a toast to the happy couple. John, this past year with you has been the best year of our lives. For the first time in my life, I see you. It makes me so happy sharing my life with you, and now, I have a beautiful daug
hter-in-law and two rambunctious grandchildren. Your mother and I are proud of the man you have become. Our family is resolute in our love of God, family and loved ones. I wish the two of you a long and happy marriage.”

  Father Mallard stood to address the family. “John has graciously invited me to celebrate this happy day. It is with a humble heart that I stand before you today. It is a true testament to Our Lord Jesus Christ that this beautiful family has come together to celebrate this happy event. I have peace in my heart knowing John has not strayed from the core principles that made him a valuable, kind, and loving priest. As you embark on the next chapter of your life, I would like to be a friend to you, Pastor Brady. This community needs dedicated men of faith, men who will nurture and instill the love of God and the dedication of faith to future generations.”

  “If I may, I would like to pray for John and Jennifer Brady. Father, you have made the bond of marriage a holy mystery, a symbol of Christ’s love for his Church. Hear our prayers for John and Jennifer. With faith in you and in each other, they pledge their love today. May their lives always bear witness to the reality of that love. We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever. Amen.”

  In unison, everyone said, “Amen.”

  “John, why are you so secretive? Where are we going?”

  “It’s a secret. Be patient my love. We’ll be there soon.”

  “The suspense is killing me. I miss the children. Maybe I should call Mom to see if they are okay.”

  “Honey, it’s almost midnight. They are sleeping now. We can call them tomorrow.”

  The road was dark, which made it difficult seeing the road signs. However, the familiar scent of seawater became apparent. “I know where we’re going!” Jennifer said as she clapped her hands.