The Confession

by Jeanette Muscella

  “Adam gave me the keys to their house in Cape May. He said Lydia drove down yesterday morning and stocked the refrigerator. We have enough food for the next week.”

  “That was very kind of them to do this for us.”

  “Yes, it is. I was surprised when Gail came to see me Thursday morning.”

  “She is a lovely young woman. Would it upset you if I said she looks like you?”

  Stunned by the comparison, John remained silent for several minutes as he absorbed her words. “I was afraid to say it, Jenny. I noticed it immediately, but I did not want to upset Lydia and Adam. They are Gail’s parents, not I. I will always be Uncle John to her, and I’m happy assuming that role in her life. I have my family Jenny. I have a beautiful wife and two adorable children. I am blessed in this life, and I will love and cherish all of you for the remainder of my life.”

  Jenny reached over to hold his hand. “The children adore you John, and their mommy is crazy in love with daddy.”

  It was well after one in the morning when John parked the car. He walked around to the passenger side and opened the door for Jenny. Lifting her into his arms, he carried her into the house. The sudden movement in the room set off the sensors, and light illuminated the first floor of the house. A banner that said “congratulations” hung over the entryway to the dining room, and fresh flowers, strategically placed throughout the living area set the mood for the evening. Propped up on one of the vases was a letter. It was in Lydia’s handwriting. He gave the letter to Jenny. “Please read the letter, Jenny. I suddenly feel nervous.”

  Jenny sat down and opened the envelope.

  Dear John and Jennifer,

  “First, I would like to say that I am pleased you have accepted our invitation. Please make yourself at home. Adam and I are happy to share our house with you. John, for the first time since you returned to Philadelphia, I honestly feel that we have become good friends. I was so angry with you and feared I would never accept what happened between us. My first concern is and will always be my daughter.

  She told us she went to see you. At first, I was surprised, knowing how she’s felt this past year. Her relationship with you is new, and I feared she would be hurt if she got too close to you. Gail told me what the two of you discussed, and I have to say I am relieved she has accepted the situation for what it is.

  I’ve watched you this past year, and I know you are a changed man. Your faith has never faltered. Your commitment to the word of God is strong. The love you feel for Jenny and the children is tangible. Everyone sees it, and we are happy you have found what your soul desperately needs.

  We all mistakes John, some more grievous than others, and in the light of day, my heart no longer fears you. I embrace who you are now, and through God’s glory, I have forgiven you. Be happy John. Love you family, live life to the fullest, and through God’s mercy, we will cherish this time on earth.”

  With profound respect and love

  Lydia

  Unable to speak, John walked into the kitchen. Jenny followed him, and when he turned to face her, his eyes glistened with tears. “I am overwhelmed Jenny. God has bestowed a precious gift upon me. For the first time in many years, my heart does not ache with remorse. I prayed every day, hoping Lydia would see who I am now and forgive me. I am so very grateful for her forgiveness and love. It humbles me, Jenny. It humbles me to tears.”

  Jenny reached up and wiped the tears that now ran down his beautiful face. “I want to tell you the story of a kind, gentle man who called me one night, seeking a friend. This man had a tortured soul, and in his hour of need, he called me. He told me the story of his life, and I could hear the fear in his voice. He feared my rejection. We became great friends and to my delight, I fell madly in love with him. My children adore the ground he walks on.”

  “And as the story goes, they lived happily ever after. The lonely woman found her prince charming, wrapped in clerical cloth. My love and my faith in my husband never waver. It grows stronger every day. You have proven through words and deeds how much you love me, how much you love Olivia and Jason. Hopefully one day soon, we will embrace our child, a child conceived with love.”

  John wrapped his arms around his wife and pulled her closer to him. “Nothing would make me happier than seeing you carry my child. I have waited so long for this day. I have patiently waited to make love to you as your husband.”

  Jennifer held his hand in hers, and they walked through the house, and up to the guest bedroom. Upon entering the bedroom, the scent of fresh flowers swirled around them. Their suitcases sat in the corner of the room. Suddenly nervous, John sat on the edge of the bed and instinctively reached for his rosary beads.

  “Are you nervous?” she asked quietly as she knelt before him.

  “Yes. I want you so much it scares me.”

  “We don’t have to do anything tonight but hold each other. When you feel ready, we can make love.”

  “Believe me; I am ready now.”

  Jennifer leaned into John and kissed his neck, her teeth gently biting his earlobe. Lust shot up John’s spine and he reached out for her. “Make love to me Jenny sweetheart. Show me how much you love me.”

  Rising from her kneeling position, she walked over to retrieve her overnight bag. “I have a surprise for you. Give me ten minutes,” she said as she left the bedroom.

  John continued sitting on the bed, suddenly afraid to move. He retrieved his overnight bag and when he opened it, there was a present inside for him. “Wear this for me,” the card said. When he opened the box, inside was a pair of black silk boxers. John smiled as he quickly undressed. He was lying on the bed when he heard the door open. The vision of beauty that stood before him astounded him.

  Jennifer stood before him in a peach sheer floral-laced babydoll with a matching G-string. Her brown hair flowed freely down her back and shoulders, and the sight of her standing before him stopped his heart.

  John moved to the edge of the bed and opened his arms. Jennifer walked to him and drew him to her breast. He inhaled her sweet scent, a combination of almond and cherry, and kissed the crevice between her breasts. “God has blessed me, Jenny. I feel as if I’ve been re-born. You stand before me as my wife, the love of my life, and the only woman who has completely stolen my heart. I pledge to you my undying love, now, and for all eternity.”

  “I love you, John. I knew it the first time you kissed me. This past year has been the happiest of my life. It still amazes me how much my children love you. It amazes me how much you love us. I want to make love to you John. I want to show you the depths of my love.”

  With bodies entwined, and souls joined for a lifetime and beyond, John closed his eyes as he slowly made love to his wife. “Oh Jenny, I’ve waited so long to feel this, to share this intimacy with you.” Lost in the emotions that overwhelmed him, John had his first climax with his wife.

  Later, as they lay entwined with each other, Jennifer whispered to him, “You are awfully quiet. What are you thinking?”

  “I love holding you like this. I imagined so many times what it would feel like when we made love for the first time as husband and wife, and I had it so incredibly wrong. Never again will I have to leave you at the end of the night. It broke my heart leaving you and the children. I am excited to start our new life as a family. Let’s call Mom and Dad tomorrow morning. I want the children with us this week.”

  “I think that’s an excellent idea. They love the beach. It was so generous of Lydia and Adam to share their home with us.”

  “Roll over onto your side honey. I want to hold you as I fall asleep.”

  John and Jennifer spent their first night as husband and wife wrapped around each other.

  The next morning at precisely five thirty AM, John’s cell phone rang. He fumbled for the phone and became concerned when he saw his father’s name on the call screen. “Dad, is everything ok? Why are you calling so early?”

  “Well hello to you too, son. Sorry to wake you, but Jason has been
screaming for his daddy for the past half hour. Please talk to him before he makes himself sick. He has Olivia all riled up as well. Those kids miss their parents.”

  John laughed, which prompted Jenny to open her eyes. “Who are you talking to at this ungodly hour?”

  “It’s my father. Jason is having a fit, and he wants me to talk him off the ledge.”

  “Put him on the phone Dad.”

  Several seconds had passed before John heard sniffles. “Daddy, where are you?”

  “Mommy and I are at Uncle Adams house. Why are you crying little man?”

  “I was scared when I woke up.”

  “Why were you scared? Granny and Gramps are with you.”

  “I miss you, Daddy. Can you come home now?”

  “Can you hand the phone back to Gramps? I want to talk to him.”

  “Ok, bye Daddy.”

  Several seconds later, Colin had the phone. “Dad, pack a bag for the children. We already miss them and want them with us this week.”

  “Are you sure about this John? It is your honeymoon. Do you want two five-year-old children underfoot for an entire week?”

  He looked to Jennifer and she nodded her approval. “Jenny just agreed with me. Yes, I want my children to be with us this week. We’ll go to the grocery store and have the house stocked with enough food to feed an army.”

  “That’s very magnanimous of you son. We’ll see you in a few hours.”

  John disconnected the call and placed his phone back on the nightstand. Rolling over to face his wife, he planted little kisses up and down her cheek and neck. “We have approximately three hours to ourselves. How should we pass the time?”

  Wrapping one of her legs around his body, Jenny whispered, “Oh, I can think of a few things to occupy the time.”

  John’s family arrived around noon. John and Jenny were sitting outside waiting for them. “Daddy, Daddy! We missed you!”

  John knelt down, opened his arms, and they ran to him. Jenny stood in the background and watched her family. She felt Margaret’s hand on her arm and turned to face her new mother-in-law.

  “I have never seen my son so happy. He loves them so much. How are you, honey?”

  “Oh Mom, last night was incredible.”

  Margaret wrapped an arm around her. “The children talked non-stop as soon as we got in the car. Daddy this, Daddy that. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.”

  Jenny laughed. “I know. They do the same thing every night at bedtime. Daddy, read us a story. Daddy, when can we go to the zoo? Daddy, why do you have to leave every night? It’s going to be so different once we get home. John repainted our bedroom a couple of weeks ago, and I bought new bed linens. I want him to feel comfortable in his new home.”

  “Wherever you and the children are, that’s home to him. Why do you think he wants the children with him this week?”

  At that moment, Jenny felt Olivia pull on her dress. “What is it, honey?”

  “Mommy, can we walk on the sand? Gramps said we could.”

  “We’ll take them,” Colin said and looked at John for confirmation. “Our beautiful wives can sit and relax.”

  “Oh my, my heart is all pitter patter,” Margaret joked. “When was the last time you said I as beautiful?”

  Colin frowned. “I’m sorry if I don’t say it, honey. I have always thought you were beautiful, and I love you very much.”

  Rendered speechless by Colin’s heartfelt words, she walked over to him and kissed him passionately. “I love you madly, you old codger.”

  “I love you too, Maggie.”

  John and Colin walked to the dune not far from the house. The children immediately ran off to play in the sand. John brought along a couple of buckets and showed the children how to make a sand castle.

  Once seated, John took a deep breath and sifted sand through his fingers. “I remember the last time I sat here. My life is so different now. Look at them Dad. They are my children. We signed the adoption papers the day before the wedding. I’m a father and it feels wonderful.”

  Colin patted him on the back. “You are so different John. I have watched you blossom this past year. You made the right decision with your life. I anxiously await your first sermon. Your mother and I are converting. We want the family to remain united in our faith.”

  Stunned, John turned to face his father. “You would do that for my family and me?”

  “Of course, we would John. You are our son, and this past year has taught me that time is too short to miss bonding with my family.” Colin moved closer to John and whispered, “How was last night? Was it everything you hoped it would be?”

  “It was the most beautiful night of my life. For the first time since I resigned, I did not feel like a priest. I felt like a man, with strong, intense need for my wife. These feeling are new for me. It felt wonderful waking up this morning and feeling my wife’s warm body wrapped around me.”

  Colin sighed. “I often wondered what would have happened had you signed the confidentiality agreement and remained a priest.”

  “I know what would have happened. I would have asked for a transfer, and once again leave my family. It was an impossible situation. It surprised me seeing Father Mallard at the wedding. Our last meeting was not a pleasant one.”

  Colin scoffed. “He’s probably afraid you’ll steal some of his parishioners. I don’t buy into his ‘let’s be friends act’. Watch your back, John. He’s up to something.”

  John laughed. “Don’t worry Dad. I’m a big boy and can take care of myself.”

  Later that night, Colin and Maggie said goodbye to everyone. John carried the children up to their room and helped them to bed. They were fast asleep five minutes later. He stood in the doorway and watched his children sleeping peacefully. Tears pricked his eyes because they were now legally his children. The turmoil of the past year faded away, and his new life lies on the horizon.

  John felt his wife’s hand on his back. “Why are you standing in the doorway?” she asked quietly.

  “I love watching them sleep. Olivia smiles when she is sleeping. I can always tell when she has a dream. She gets the cutest look on her face. Jason likes to sleep with his little butt in the air, and his head under the covers. My heart is full honey. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am indeed living, and not just existing. It’s a humbling feeling knowing my family needs me.”

  “We will always need you, John. You are their daddy and my cherished husband. Come to bed. Your wife needs a little TLC.”

  “Never let it be said that I do not take care of my wife.”

  Later that night, John awoke with the strangest feeling that someone was watching him, and felt the hands of one of his children touch his arm. When he turned on the light, Jason was standing by the side of the bed sucking his thumb.

  “Daddy, I had a scary dream.”

  John sat up in bed and lifted Jason onto his lap. “Do you want to tell me about your dream? It will make you feel better.”

  Jason rubbed his tear-stained eyes. “I dreamed a green monster was chasing me. He had big teeth and he tried to bite me. I was scared and ran fast.”

  John suppressed a laugh. “Well, I heard that green monsters are afraid of water. Tomorrow we’ll go to the store and I will get you a water pistol. You can keep it under your pillow, and if you see another green monster, squirt him with water and he will disappear.”

  “I shoot him with water and he goes away?”

  “Yes. He gets gooey and disappears. Do you feel better little man?”

  Jason nodded his head. “Can I sleep with you, Daddy? I’m still scared.”

  John lifted the sheet and Jason crawled into bed. He raised his arm, and Jason snuggled against his body. John whispered, “You’re safe with me Jason. Close your eyes and go to sleep.”

  “Ok, Daddy.”

  John felt his wife squeeze his hand. He lifted it to his lips and kissed her, because if he tried to speak, he would cry like a baby.

  The remainder of the
week passed quickly. The children enjoyed spending the day at the beach building sand castles. John and Jennifer sat by the dune, enjoying the sun and the infectious laughter of their children. “This has been the best week of my life,” John said as he reached for a bottle of water. “I remember the last time I sat here. It was after my surgery, and my arm was killing me. I was at a crossroads in my life, and now a year later, my life is so different. I am a husband and father, and I love all of you so very much.”

  At that moment, John felt a wet ball of sand hit his face. Olivia clapped her hands and ran in circles. John leaped to his feet, scooped her up in his arms, and ran towards the water. Their final day in Cape May was a happy one.

  Three months later

  John sat in his office preparing for his first sermon as the Church’s new pastor. Reverend Butler officially retired as pastor, and John would now replace him. He worked diligently on his speech, and felt confident, and more than a little nervous.

  Jenny walked into the room holding a bottle of ginger ale. John looked up when he heard the door open. She looked a little sick, and he became concerned. “How are you feeling honey? You look pale.”

  “I'm all right John. It’s just a little morning sickness. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay. I just need a little cold air. The heat makes it worse. The doctor gave me a prescription that should help with nausea. I’ve started taking it, and I don’t feel as bad as I did a few days ago.”

  “Don’t you know it is a sin to lie to your husband, the Pastor?”

  Jenny laughed. “Well, technically, I am not lying to you, but I have kept something from you. I wanted to be absolutely sure before I said anything.”

  Concerned, John held her tightly. “Are you sick? Is there something wrong with the baby? What is it, Jenny? Please tell me!”

  “I think you need to sit down,” Jenny said as she walked him to the small love seat in his office. “I’ve had a severe case of morning sickness for almost two weeks, and it reminded me of my last pregnancy. I had an appointment with Dr. Cassidy on Tuesday. She took a blood sample, and I had an ultrasound on Friday. John, my HCG levels are extremely high. Honey, we are having twins. Do you want to see the ultrasound picture?”