Fading Away (Hardest Mistakes #1)

by Dannielle Wicks

  My eyebrows rise in surprise. “You want to become a lawyer?”

  He laughs again. “What? Don’t I look smart enough?”

  “No, it’s not that. It’s just, you’re in a rock band.”

  “So?” He grunts as he lifts the heavy box of frozen meat onto a high shelf. He winces and rubs his left arm before leaning down to lift another box. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked him to help me stack boxes.

  I shake my head and answer, “It just seems unusual.”

  He smiles and shrugs. “Being normal isn’t really my thing.”

  “True.” I laugh.

  “Hey,” he exclaims, sounding hurt.

  I fake punch him on his good shoulder. “You’re such a baby, Dylan.” He chuckles and lifts the last box onto the bottom shelf. We lock the freezer behind us and head out to the front to help Ashlee.

  CHAPTER 21

  Kai

  I haven’t seen that douche, Riley, in weeks. I don’t care if Sam is avoiding me, as long as I don’t have to see his ugly face. I trot into the entryway as Sam arrives home. She walks through the door and up the stairs, Riley following her. I huff at him as he passes me.

  I’ve learned my lesson and given up. Kissing her meant nothing, obviously. Ashlee calls my name from the kitchen and I walk around the corner to a plate full of mince. At least I still have food.

  I stretch out to watch a movie with Ashlee on the sofa. She’s not paying attention to the TV. It’s mainly on for my benefit, as she holds a book in her lap, reading. The movie credits roll and a news update takes over. I cringe and flatten my ears at the sudden blast of noise. Ashlee looks up to change the channel, pausing with the remote held up in the air. A female news anchor appears on screen with a drawn, pale face. I focus on her words as footage of an airplane crash flashes onto the screen.

  “Wreckage from Flight 727, missing for the past two weeks, has been located off the coast of Malaysia. The 230 passengers and crew have been found and declared deceased. Their bodies are being recovered and sent home. The bodies of four passengers from our local area—Henry Kenick, James Dermer, and Eric and Maria Jordan—will arrive home in the following weeks to their friends and families…”

  I freeze in place. What did she just say? Ashlee turns to me with wide eyes. “Kai…your mom and dad.” She moves closer. I snap and run up the stairs to the only person I want to see right now. Throwing my shoulder against Sam’s door, I push it open and barge my way in.

  “Kai! What the hell!” she yells, pulling her shirt closed and sitting up. Riley is shirtless on top of her. No, they can’t. Not now, not when I need her. His eyes skim over her face, his hands are touching her skin, it’s more than I can handle. I lunge at Riley without thinking.

  My fangs catch his pant leg as he jumps away from me. Sam pushes at my chest and stands in front of him, protecting him.

  “Get out!” she screams, “Get out now!” I pause to take in her red, angry face. Fine. I’ll leave, if that’s what she wants. I sprint back down the stairs and past a blubbering Ashlee, straight into the laundry room where I’ve left my clothes.

  Sammy

  “I think I should go check on him.” I shouldn’t have yelled. Obviously there was something wrong. Riley nods and settles back onto the bed to wait. I heard Ashlee’s car leave earlier, meaning she won’t be home. I tip-toe down the steps and out into the living room looking for him.

  “Sammy?” Ashlee’s head pops up from the sofa. I nearly scream in fright.

  “Where’s Kai? He attacked Riley. I told him to leave. I thought I heard your car?” Okay, now I’m confused.

  “Oh god.” She has tears running down her cheeks, smearing her mascara all over her face.

  “Ashlee?” I rush over to her. “What’s happened?”

  She turns the TV on and a newscaster pops up on the screen, her voice muted. “His parents. They’re dead.” My stomach drops and the world falls out from underneath me. I’m nine again and there’s a police officer holding my hand in the hospital…I have to find him.

  Kai

  It’s been nearly a year since I’ve felt the adrenaline rush of driving a car. The rush that comes with the power of an engine is ecstasy. I drive to the only place I remember how to get to. The dark trees smother me as I jump out of the car leaving the engine running and the door open.

  I sprint into the forest. The further I go into the trees, the more I trip or stumble. I see something out of the corner of my eye and turn. The deer, its fur glows white in the moonlight. It stands there watching me, taunting me. I run toward it and it disappears. I shout and I fall to my knees in the undergrowth.

  “Why have you done this to me? You ruined my life!” I shout into the tress, picking up a handful of twigs and dead leaves and throwing it in the direction the deer disappeared. I hang my head, the tears flow down my face, I can’t stop them. My skin tightens into goose bumps with the cold. I sit back and lay my head on my knees. This isn’t real, this can’t be happening.

  Sammy

  Where would he go? Where would I go if I was hurting like that?

  Ashlee hops in the passenger side of my car and I tear out of the driveway, my rusty old car clanking loudly as I race down the road. I told Riley I had to go, he left a second before us. I stop at all the places we’ve been, but we can’t find him anywhere. Turning the corner, I head toward Black Pike River; it’s the last place I can think of.

  Ashlee’s car is parked at the trail head with the engine still running and the door open. We look at each other and jump out of my car. Ashlee turns her car off and shuts the door. I spin around, searching the trees. Which way would he go?

  “You go that way, I’ll go this way,” Ashlee calls from over the roof of her car. I nod and jog into the trees.

  “Kai!” I scream as I maneuver my way through the small bushes and undergrowth, my feet crunching on the dead leaves. “Kai!” I stop to see if I can hear anything.

  The heavy rustling of wind through the leaves blocks out any other noise. I can’t even hear Ashlee calling Kai’s name anymore. I must have walked farther then I thought. I turn in a full circle. Which way did I come from? Something white flickers at the edge of my vision, I spin around and walk in that direction, emerging into a familiar looking clearing.

  Something moves beside me. Kai is sitting with his back to a large tree, his knees bent up and his head on his arms. He hasn’t heard me.

  “Kai?” I approach him slowly. He sniffs as I get closer, as if he’s been crying. “Kai, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” He ignores me. I kneel down in front of him and lean in to pull his arms away from his face. Putting my hand under his chin, I lift his face. His silver eyes are wet and full of hurt. I wipe away the fresh tears on his cheeks.

  “I’m so sorry, Kai, please forgive me. I didn’t know,” I speak softly, edging closer. He closes his eyes and another tear escapes, running down his face. I move until I’m beside him, then I lean in and pull him into my arms. He hesitates and then wraps his arms around my back, holding me close. I brush his hair back as he sobs into my shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I promise I won’t leave you alone again.”

  I stay still, holding him until he stops shaking. He pulls back slightly, keeping his arms around me. His wet eyes glow in the dim moonlight as he watches me. I reach up and wipe the last of the tears from his cheek.

  “My time’s up,” he croaks quietly. I nod and move to stand up; he keeps a hold of my hand until the very last second. “Don’t leave.” His voice breaks, more tears falling onto his face. I inhale a shaky breath and sit down in the damp grass beside him. He starts trembling violently and lies down on his side. I nearly burst into tears when he sobs loudly in pain. I can’t watch. I have to close my eyes as his breathing speeds up.

  A nudge on my leg startles me and I open my eyes, meeting Kai’s gaze from where he lies beside me. I exhale the breath I’m holding, reach over to grab his pants and lift myself off the ground. Kai leads me back to the parking lot. I keep my h
and on his back as we exit the trees. Ashlee is waiting for us by her car.

  “You found him?”

  I nod and open my car door to hop in. Kai pushes past me and jumps across into the passenger side. Ashlee starts her own car and I follow her back into town. We pull into the driveway and I open the door for him. Ashlee walks over, kneels and pulls him into a hug.

  As soon as we are all inside I walk slowly up to my room. The house feels heavy with sadness. Kai follows closely behind. I can feel his breath on the back of my legs. He jumps on the bed and I lay down beside him and wrap my arm around his middle. He shuts his eyes tightly, making little whining noises under his breath. A tear escapes and runs down my nose.

  ***

  Movement on the bed wakes me. I’m still fully clothed from last night, lying on top of the covers. Kai is curled up beside me, his eyes still closed. I shift away, trying not to wake him, and head to the bathroom for a shower.

  Kai is awake when I come out. I pause and study him. He stares back, silver eyes full of sadness. He needs to know he’s not alone. I take a deep breath and sit on the bed beside him, crossing my legs under me.

  “I was nine,” I start, turning my gaze to the covers on my bed. I’ve never told anyone before. Kai moves closer and looks up at me. I nod to myself to continue and swallow. “I was nine when my parents were killed. It was a fire.” The memory burns through me and I choke back a sob. I have to keep going. I need to tell him, he needs to know he’s not alone in this. “I remember waking to the smell; it was horrible, clogging up my throat and nose. I didn’t see my mom…” I shake my head and continue. “Dad came for me, but he never made it out of the house.” I suck in a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears. Kai nudges my leg with his nose. I lay my hand on his head and run my fingers through his soft fur.

  The door opens and Ashlee strides in. She stops in front of me and pulls me into a hug before putting her hand on top of mine on Kai’s head.

  “Come on, I think we all need some ice cream and a good movie.” She tugs me up and leads me out the door, stopping at the top of the stairs to wait for Kai.

  ***

  When I’m at home, Kai won’t leave my side. He refuses to do any work for his classes and he won’t eat. I woke the other night to find him in the middle of a panic attack. When I tried to comfort him, he pushed me away and left the room.

  I’m losing patience with him by the end of the week. “You have to eat, Kai. You’ll start losing weight again.” He huffs and pushes the bowl back at me with his nose. I’ve had enough. Getting down on my knees in front of him, I grab his face in my hands, his silver gaze level with mine. “I know you’re hurting, but you can’t give in. I won’t let you. There’s too much to live for.” I brush my hand down his neck and push the bowl back toward him. He studies me for a moment, and then starts picking at the food in the bowl slowly.

  ***

  “So over the Christmas break I want everyone to write a five page essay on your choice of book from the reading list,” Professor Zedic calls out as we pack our bags and chat noisily. The best thing about the winter break is that my birthday falls right in the middle of it. For once I think I’m going to throw a huge party. I turn in my seat to talk to Riley but he’s already gone. What the hell? I leave the classroom to find Dylan leaning up against the building, waiting for me.

  “Hey,” I say, coming to a stop beside him.

  He smiles. “Hi, I just saw Riley, charming as always.” Riley came to one of Dylan’s concerts with me a few weeks ago and I don’t think they like each other.

  I chuckle uncomfortably. “Yeah. Ashlee and I are going for a road trip home to the lake for the weekend. Do you want to come? I mean, you don’t have to stay at the lake with us, you can stay with your family or whatever, I just thought it would be fun. Okay, I’m going to stop talking now.” Dylan laughs at me and I frown.

  “I’d love to come, actually. I was heading home anyway. Do you guys want to come in my truck?”

  “Oh, I have a dog, so…”

  “That’s fine.” He smiles and we start walking toward the parking lot. “It’s sad about that plane crash, hey? I saw that Kai’s parents were on it.”

  Crap, either Dylan knows something, or this is just incredibly coincidental; time to play dumb. “Kai?”

  Dylan nods. “Yeah, Kai Jordan, remember? The car accident where I hurt my shoulder? He went to high school with us and died last year. Now his parents too. Sometimes life is just unfair.”

  “Oh yeah, I remember him. That is sad.” I look down at my feet. “Anyway, I have to go, Ashlee’s driving me home.” Dylan hugs me quickly and turns around, heading down the sidewalk away from school.

  ***

  “We’re going home for the weekend,” I tell Kai as he watches me pack my duffel bag. “Where are your clothes?” I ask, looking around the room. He walks away. Well, thanks so much for helping me look. I shove another shirt into my bag and zip it up. Kai comes back a moment later with his mouth full of clothes. “Oh.” I grab them and unzip my bag to cram them in too.

  “Dylan’s here!” Ashlee yells out from the front door. I throw the bag over my shoulder and dash down the stairs. Dylan wasn’t joking when he said truck. The thing is a monster. Ashlee bounces over to the black beast and jumps up into the front seat. I open the back door, chuck my bag in and move aside so Kai can get in.

  Once we’re all seated and strapped in, Dylan starts the monster and backs out of the driveway. “How do you even park this thing anywhere?”

  He chuckles. “I don’t usually drive anywhere so it’s not usually a problem.” I screw my nose up. I don’t think I could handle this much machine. Kai seems quite interested, sitting up and looking through the center console at the front dash. Ashlee keeps up an animated one-sided conversation for most of the trip. I hate not being the driver while traveling; it makes me drowsy and car sick. I drift off leaning against the door.

  A wet nose poking my face startles me from sleep. Ashlee giggles from the front seat. We’ve stopped moving. I sit up and push Kai away.

  “Are we here?” Dylan nods and jumps out. I rub the sleep from my eyes and nearly fall out as I try to step down from the monster. The clean air smells of pines and fresh water. I stretch my arms above my head and turn back to grab my bag off of the back seat. As soon as he’s out of the truck, Kai takes off for the trees. Ashlee and Dylan are already unlocking the front door of the lake house when I start walking toward them.

  CHAPTER 22

  Kai

  It’s getting dark. I’m not entirely sure how to find my way back to the cabin. I stumble through the undergrowth, following all sorts of twisted scents scattered across the ground, none of them what I’m looking for.

  Something wet hits my nose. I tilt my head back to look up at the dark sky. Another drop, it’s starting to rain. I glance around, but I really can’t be bothered trying to find shelter. After all, it’s not like I’m human anymore, I’m an animal.

  Sammy

  “What about a board game?” Dylan calls from the main room of the lodge. I glance out a window as I walk down the hall. Kai hasn’t come back yet and it’s starting to get dark. Dylan is holding up Monopoly when I emerge into the light of the main room. I groan, sitting down beside Ashlee.

  I haven’t played this game since my first foster home. I help lay out the board and hand out money. The sound of rain echoing on the roof makes me glance up. The little pings are slow at first and then they get heavier and faster. Soon, they’re so loud I can’t hear myself think.

  “Where’s Chester?” Ashlee asks quietly from my left.

  I turn to look out the large front window. “I’m not sure.”

  “Should we be out searching for him?” Dylan asks with a concerned frown.

  Ashlee shakes her head before I can answer. “Nah, he’ll be fine.” I try to cast off the unsure feeling swelling in my chest and roll the dice.

  Before long I’ve forgotten about Kai. Dylan laughs evi
lly at me when I land on his ‘Marvin Gardens’ with a hotel. Dylan takes the last of my fake money, so I’m out of the game. I’ve never been any good at chance. Chuckling, I head into the kitchen to get us all a drink. It’s completely black outside; I can’t even see the tree line through the window. The rain is still coming down heavy on the roof.

  The howl barely reaches my ears through the storm, but I still hear it. Was that Kai? How could I have forgotten about him? I nearly drop the glass I’m holding. What if he’s hurt? I jog to the front door and let myself out onto the front porch. My hair flicks wildly in the wind.

  “Sammy, what are you doing?” Ashlee grabs my arm and pulls me back into the house.

  I look at her, wide-eyed. “I heard a howl; I thought it might be Kai. What if he’s hurt?” I whisper to her as Dylan walks up behind us.

  She glances back at Dylan before turning back to me. “He’ll be fine. Going out in that storm is idiotic. If he’s not back by morning, we’ll go looking for him.”

  “But…”

  She closes the front door and pushes me back into the kitchen. “He will be fine.” She pours lemonade into three glasses and hands me one, and then heads back into the main room to finish her game with a confused Dylan. The storm is still pelting the lodge when we all head off to bed. I lie awake in the dark, staring at the ceiling. I can’t take this anymore, I have to go find him.

  Kai

  I’m soaking wet. The rain isn’t letting up; any chance I might have had in following my own trail back to the cabin is gone. I find a large heavy oak tree and curl up at the base. The icy wind is starting to make me shiver. I don’t want to be like this anymore, trapped in this body, losing everything I cared about. I’m fading away.