Fading Away (Hardest Mistakes #1)

by Dannielle Wicks

  “So…?” she answers defensively.

  “What happened?”

  “Why does something have to happen for me to have a drink? Besides, the punch was already spiked before I got there.” I pull her closer as the music echoes through the open doors into the garden. She wraps her arms around my waist tightly and we rock side to side in time to the song.

  “You don’t drink in public and whoever spiked the punch is an idiot.”

  “Well, aren’t you just a little ray of sunshine.” She’s completely serious as she tilts her head back to watch the glittering lights above us. I smirk, watching her as we spin.

  “Where’s Riley?” It suddenly occurs to me that I haven’t seen him the entire time I’ve been here, not even when I was scouring the ballroom for her.

  Her head snaps back and her eyes fill with hurt. “I don’t know.” What did the creep do?

  Speak of the devil, Riley pushes past a dancing couple and out the glass doors, coming to a stop beside us. Sam turns her face away from him.

  “Sammy, it wasn’t what it looked like, she’s just an ex-girlfriend. I didn’t mean to—I’m sorry,” he pleads, glancing up at me briefly. I inhale sharply and take a brief moment of satisfaction when I see that I’m taller than him.

  Sam ignores him and looks up at me for support. I pull her closer and glare at Riley. He’s not wearing a mask, so I can see the expressions flash across his face in the dull light while he tries to figure out who I am. His eyes narrow before he turns and strides away.

  I feel like a hypocrite—after all, my ex-girlfriend kissed me only just last week. I’m not Sam’s boyfriend, but I feel just as guilty. I have to tell her.

  Sammy leans her head against my chest. I look down at her wet cheeks, feeling useless as we start swaying again.

  CHAPTER 25

  Sammy

  Kai holds me close while I sob into his chest. The buzz from the punch is wearing off and the hurt comes crashing back in. I feel lost. I thought Riley was a good guy, I trusted him. Kai’s hand brushes down my back as he pulls away slightly. I lift my head and gaze up into his bright, sparkling silver eyes behind his black mask.

  His fingers come up and brush my cheek. “My time is up.” I nod slowly and glance back down at my hands clenched in his shirt. “Dylan’s on his way out here. He’ll look after you, okay?” He tilts my chin back up so he can see my face.

  I manage a weak smile before he turns and disappears back inside through the crowd of people.

  Dylan stops beside me and places his hand on my elbow as he gazes at the gap in the crowd where Kai just left.

  “Are you okay?” I nod and he wraps his arm around my waist, leading me back inside to one of the tables set up at the edge of the room. I sit down and gaze at the beautifully decorated golden ballroom.

  “I caught Riley with another girl.” The words tumble out before I can stop them. Dylan doesn’t look surprised; he just dips his head and walks away. He comes back to the table a moment later with a plastic cup of punch and hands it to me.

  “I’m sorry.” I smile and swallow the contents in one gulp. He sits down beside me and takes a sip from his own cup.

  “Dylan?” I ask, slowly turning to face him. He raises his eyebrow curiously. “I called you a dickhead once.”

  He opens his mouth in surprise. “You did?”

  “Not to your face. You’re completely different than the person I thought you were.” I glance away shaking my head. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I’m really sorry. You’re definitely not a dickhead.”

  “Thank you?” He grins, although he still looks slightly confused. “How much of the punch have you had?”

  I purse my lips. “A lot.”

  He nods and stands up, helping me from my chair. “I think it’s time to go home.”

  I wave goodbye and give my thanks to party goers on our way to the front door. Riley stands at the edge of room watching me. Dylan gives him a harsh look and pushes me faster out of the main doors into the parking lot.

  ***

  My head pounds and my eyes hurt. I squint at the midday sun shining through my bedroom window. How long have I been asleep? I roll over under the covers and something pokes me on the face.

  “Oww.” I rub my cheek and blink quickly to focus, grabbing my glasses from my nightstand and putting them on. There’s a giant bar of chocolate lying on my pillow. I sit up and stare down at it in confusion. There’s a note reading ‘Happy Birthday’ in block letters taped to the front of the packet. Who? Slipping out of bed slowly, I hide the chocolate in my dresser as I pass. My head pounds as I trudge down the stairs and into the kitchen wearing my pajamas.

  “You’re awake,” Ashlee chirps from the stove top. “Thank god. Your phone has been going off all morning.” She gestures to where it’s lying on the dining room table. I relax into a chair and take a look at the screen. Six missed calls and nine text messages all from Riley, and they all look like apologies. I make a face at the phone, switch it off, and slide it across the table away from me.

  Kai trots over and sits at my feet. He nudges my knee, silver eyes gazing up at me. I bend down and run my hand down his neck with a whisper in his ear, “Thank you for my birthday present.” He wags his tail, making a small noise in his throat before walking over to Ashlee for breakfast.

  Once the eggs have finished cooking, Ashlee dishes everything out onto three plates and places one in front of me. I’m not hungry, I keep re-thinking the weeks leading up to now; Riley avoiding me and saying he’s busy. He’s been lying to me the entire time. I feel so betrayed and stupid. I should have known. It was staring at me right in the face. Now there’s a gaping hole in my chest where he ripped my heart open. I pick up my fork and push the scrambled eggs around the plate.

  “He’s not worth starving yourself over.” Ashlee reaches across the table and covers my hand with her own. I nod, take a deep breath, and fork some eggs into my mouth. The greasy food does help with my headache.

  The doorbell rings just as I start filling the sink with soapy water to do the washing up. I glance over at Ashlee, who’s already walking toward the front door. I peek around the corner to see who it is when she opens it. Riley spots me over Ashlee’s shoulder and tries to push past her.

  “Sammy, I just want to talk. Please? I’m sorry,” he pleads as Ashlee drives him back over the door jamb.

  “She doesn’t want to see you. Go away.” She slams the door in his face and turns to face me with a sigh. “When you’re finished, let’s go lie on the deck. The fresh air and sunlight will do us good, plus I have an assignment to do.”

  “Okay.” I twist back to the sink and submerge my hands into the bubbles. When the washing is complete and everything is dry and put away, I dash upstairs to grab my notebook to finish my assignment as well.

  Ashlee looks over at me when I sit down in one of the deck chairs. “What are you writing?”

  My gaze wanders around the yard as I answer. “Ideas.” She raises an eyebrow before looking back down at her own notebook full of diagrams for one of her classes.

  “We should go out, just us—maybe to the movies. That new Disney movie is out,” she suggests while sketching something on her page.

  “Done. I love Disney movies.” I smile and settle into my chair to write notes.

  I study the day away on the deck in the partial sun; by the time it’s dark, I’ve completed my assignment and the next textbook on my reading list. Ashlee and I decide on Friday night for the movies. I’m actually really looking forward to it.

  I head to my room for a shower before bed and then change into my comfy flannel pajamas. I take my glasses off and climb under the covers, switching the bedside lamp out as I go. Kai’s weight dips at the end of the bed, but he doesn’t lie down. Dull moonlight shines through my open window. I can just make out his shadow. He creeps up the bed and settles himself beside me. I roll over to face him, his silver eyes twinkle. Stretching out my fingers, I curl them in his fur a
nd close my eyes.

  ***

  It’s early morning when I wake in a rush, the sun hasn’t risen yet. For a moment I lay still, trying to determine what woke me. Kai makes a noise, trembling slightly on the bed beside me. He’s having another panic attack. His eyes are still closed, his breathing is shallow and quick, and he’s making little noises under his breath. I gently brush my hand along his ear and down his neck. He doesn’t wake, but he stops shaking and his breathing calms down. I want to help him, I just don’t know how.

  ***

  We arrive home from the cinema late on Friday night and sit cross-legged on the kitchen floor, laughing and eating the leftover popcorn. Well, mostly eating. Some may or may not have been thrown around the kitchen.

  ***

  I hear Ashlee get up and move around the house early the next morning. I’m not rostered at work today. Cuddling my pillow, I try to block out her noisiness so I can sleep for another couple of hours.

  Deciding today is the perfect day to read, I stretch and get out of bed, grabbing my glasses and my book off the dresser before dashing back to the warmth of my bed and snuggling into the covers.

  Before long, the book lies forgotten on my chest and I’m staring out the window at the trees swaying in the wind. My bedroom door bangs closed loudly, making me jump and look over at Kai in confusion, who’s only wearing his sweat pants. His silver eyes dart to mine and he tilts his head slightly in a question, briefly reminding me of his dog-self.

  “Don’t you own a shirt?” I joke sarcastically, pulling my glasses off and placing them on the bed. He grins but doesn’t answer as he sits on the edge of the bed. His hair is getting long again, curling over his forehead and at the base of his neck.

  “I did tell you he wasn’t right for you. I knew he was an idiot.” He glances away from me with a smirk.

  I’m momentarily confused at the sudden conversation. “What?”

  “Riley. I knew he was an idiot, I told you so. In the time I’ve known you, he was one of the silliest choices you’ve ever made. You could see it from a mile away.”

  “Did you just say you told me so? And call me silly in the same sentence?” I’m offended.

  “Yes, actually, I did.” His smug smile makes my nose twitch in anger.

  Glaring at him, I smack my book down beside me and sit up. “I think you should leave before I hit you. Especially if you can’t handle my silliness—” I’m cut off before I can finish. Kai pushes me back on the bed by my shoulders and presses his lips to mine, gently at first and then with more force. He’s basically on top of me. I lose myself in the feel of his body pressed close to mine and wrap my arms around his back before running them up his bare chest and twisting my fingers into the soft hair at the base of his neck. His fingers touch the hem of my shirt and he pushes it up, his hand exploring my stomach and brushing the edge of my bra. He lets out a groan and pulls my shirt back down. I’m out of breath when he stops and pulls away hesitantly; his face still hovering over mine, silver eyes glittering. I suck in a deep breath and let it all out in one big rush. Wow.

  “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” He runs his fingers along the nearly faded scar on my arm and he flinches as if I’ve stung him. “I’m sorry about that.” I’m confused—is he sorry for kissing me or sorry about the scar on my arm? The ones around his neck and shoulders are definitely worse. He moves aside and sits back on the edge of the bed facing away from me, the muscles rippling across his back as he hunches over.

  I consider him for a moment, thinking. “I’ve been a pretty bad friend, haven’t I?” I pause. Friend? I think we just crossed that line. I move to the edge of the bed to perch beside him. “I’m sorry we haven’t been trying to find a way to help you.”

  He throws me a weak smile. “It doesn’t matter, there’s no hope, anyway. I can’t be fixed.”

  I reach over and pull his stubbly chin around so he’s looking at me. “You don’t need to be fixed, Kai, there’s nothing wrong with you. And there’s always hope.”

  His eyes search mine for a moment before he turns away and stands up. “Not for me.”

  I rise from the bed to follow him, but he freezes just beside the door and looks down at my backpack. Crap, he can’t be that perceptive can he?

  “What’s that?” He bends down and snatches the bag before I can grab it off the floor.

  “It’s nothing. Please, Kai, just leave it.” I reach out to seize it, but he jerks it away from me. Sticking his hand in, he pulls out a photo frame. He looks at it and drops the bag. His eyes meet mine, his mouth open in shock. “Please don’t be mad at me.” I hold out my hands and take a step back.

  He glances back down at the frame and frowns. “When did you take this?”

  “When we were at your house, I slipped it in the duffel bag. When we got back I bought a frame for it. I’m sorry. I thought you might want something to remember your father by. I know you miss him.”

  He stares at the photo for another minute and then places it on my nightstand and walks out of the room without a word.

  I scramble down the stairs after him. “Kai, I’m so sorry,” I apologize as I catch up to him, grabbing his arm and turning him to face me. He doesn’t look angry, it’s hurt that glimmers in his eyes, and I’m the one that put it there. I feel awful. He shakes his head with a sigh before pulling me into his arms. I lay my cheek against his chest and wrap my arms around his back. I feel something swell up inside my chest. It’s like I’m only now realizing how much I really care for him.

  “Thank you for taking the picture,” he whispers into my hair. “It just hurt to suddenly see my father, that’s all.”

  “I’m sorry for keeping it.”

  “Doesn’t matter.” He leans back and brushes the loose strands of hair from my face. “Look, I know you’re still upset about Riley and I’m sorry for what he did, but he was an asshole.” His silver gaze holds mine. “I’m sorry that I rejected you before and I’m sorry I said we should just be friends, but I’m falling for you, Sammy.”

  I go completely still and stop breathing, what did he just say?

  “Which is why I need to do the right thing. I have to tell you; Ashlee and I kissed, but I swear it didn’t mean anything and I stopped it before it went any further.”

  Hold on, what? I take a step back and Kai drops his arms, glancing down at the floor, looking defeated. I spin on my heel and walk back up the stairs to my room slowly. Kai doesn’t follow. I know I shouldn’t be angry or hurt, it’s not like we are together, but I can’t help it.

  Kai

  I need to give her some space. That’s obviously what she needs right now, but I don’t want to waste the rest of my valuable time as a human just sitting around on the sofa when I could be talking to her or touching her. I put my head in my hands. I’m such an idiot. I told her I wanted her even if she was taken and then I let Ashlee kiss me. I was just trying to do the right thing by telling her, but I shouldn’t have said anything while she’s still hurt over Riley. Standing up, I start pacing around the living room. I need to make it up to her.

  ***

  She stays in her room all day. When Ashlee heads off to bed, I trudge up the stairs and push Sam’s door open with my nose. She gets up from her chair in front of her desk as I walk in and pushes me back out the door.

  “I think you should sleep somewhere else tonight. I need time to think.” She doesn’t even glance my way as she closes the door with a definite thud. I stare at her door for a moment longer before curling up in front of it and closing my eyes.

  Sammy

  The warmth of the shower clears my fuzzy brain. I’m starting to prune by the time I climb out and change into a pair of jeans and a loose t-shirt. I don’t feel like staying put in my room today, so I swipe my glasses off the nightstand on my way out the open door only to trip over Kai. His gaze is focused on me while I turn and right myself. Taking a deep breath, I plod down the stairs to the kitchen.

  “Hey,” Ashlee
greets me as I walk over to the fridge and pull out the carton of orange juice. I nod a hello and smile. “This was on the front porch, it’s addressed to you.”

  I swing around to find her holding out a teddy bear and a card with my name scrawled on it.

  I snatch the bear and take a quick look at the note, already guessing who it’s from—Riley. I turn and throw the teddy into the living room. “Thanks.” She raises her eyebrow at me but goes back to flipping pancakes in the frying pan. I down my glass of juice in record time and head for the front door. I need to clear my head and work a few things out in the fresh air by myself.

  I dawdle down the street and turn toward the outskirts of town toward the surrounding forest. I reach the edge and stop to gaze up at the massive ancient trees. Sitting down on the soft grass against the closest trunk, I start pulling at the new shoots in frustration.

  I’m confused and hurt. I definitely don’t forgive Riley, and probably never will. He was cheating on me for who knows how long. I’ve completely lost all trust in him, but Kai—I just don’t know. He told me that he and Ashlee kissed, which I suppose was the right thing to do, even if he didn’t need to. He was such a selfish and arrogant twit when I knew him at school, can someone really change that much? He’s my friend and I care for him. Groaning, I shake my head; this is all just so tangled up and confusing.

  I drag my feet the entire way home and up the pathway to the door. I can hear Ashlee yell from the other side as I twist the knob and step through.

  “Kai, what the hell? Look at this mess!” I tip-toe to the living room doorway and peek around the corner, curious. Ashlee is standing over Kai, who is lying in a pile of fluffy white stuffing, gazing up at her with his ears back. I step around the corner and walk into the room hesitantly. Kai turns his focus to me and I put my hand up, covering my mouth to hide my laugh. There’s a piece of brown material hanging from his jaws; it looks like my teddy bear from Riley.