Fading Away (Hardest Mistakes #1)

by Dannielle Wicks

“Kai. I really like Riley, maybe even love him. I don’t want to keep hurting your feelings, especially with everything that’s going on, but it’s not going to happen.” He clenches his jaw, lips compressed into a thin line. He’s jealous. A guilty feeling washes over me when I realize I kind of want him to be jealous.

  He shakes his head slowly, dark hair falling across his brow. “I don’t care. I won’t push you, but I won’t lose you to him, either.” I let out a heavy breath and Kai leans in, pressing his forehead to mine, his hands wrapping around my arms. I look up into his eyes through my eyelashes. He’s serious. When did everything change between us?

  His eyes dart away for a second and quickly return. “That’s my cue,” he announces, pulling away from me. “I’ll see you at home.” He swings around and walks toward the front of the pub. I watch as he stops at the door and glances back at me.

  “Was that Kai?” Ashlee asks, stopping beside me just as Dylan’s band finishes up on stage. I nod at her; I’m too stunned to speak. We wait for Dylan to make his way through the crowd to us.

  “Sammy? Ashlee?” Dylan asks as he reaches us.

  “Yes?” I answer forcing a smile on my face.

  “I thought I just saw…” he trails off, looking toward the pub doors, unsure.

  “Saw what?” Ashlee asks, incredulous, as if he’s being silly.

  “Kai?” He looks confused. I glance at Ashlee quickly, not sure how to answer.

  “That’s impossible, Dylan. Kai is dead.” I think she said it a little harshly, but it needed to be said, so I keep my mouth shut. Ashlee is handling this better than me.

  Dylan shakes his head and smiles. “You’re right. Shall we get our freak on, on the dance floor? Not you, Ashlee…you’re already a freak out there.” I burst into laughter, Ashlee punches him in the arm, but smiles anyway and we follow him into the strobe lights.

  ***

  I decide to drive over to Riley’s house the next morning before work. He’s been acting weird and I need to know what’s going on. His car is in the driveway when I pull up. I make my way down the footpath and knock on the front door. I hear shuffling from inside, then the door opens a few inches.

  “Riley?” I ask, trying to peek through the crack.

  The door opens wider and Riley appears wearing only pants. “Sammy? What are you doing here?” He looks around, confused.

  “I came to see you. I thought you said you were busy?” I frown and take a step closer.

  “I am busy. I was just taking a break.”

  “Without your shirt on?” He has a gorgeous body, but suspicion takes over, so I can’t really appreciate it.

  He scowls. “Are you accusing me of something? I thought you trusted me.”

  That’s true. “I do trust you. I’m sorry. I just miss you.”

  His face softens. “I miss you too, Sammy. How about I come over tonight for dinner?”

  “That would be great.” I smile and lean up on my tippy toes to kiss him, he turns his head at the last minute and my lips land on his cheek.

  He laughs it off. “Sorry, I’ll see you tonight.” And then the door shuts and I’m left standing like an idiot on his front step.

  ***

  I run around the kitchen making sure everything is perfect. Ashlee is sitting at the table watching me with her eyebrow raised and Kai is sitting on the ground beside her with his head tilted to the side.

  It has to be perfect for Riley, to make up for everything. The doorbell rings. I drop the mixing spoon and dash to the front door to answer it. Riley stands on the front step, looking down at the phone in his hand.

  “Hi.” I grin and motion for him to come inside. He looks up from his phone and walks inside and through the living room to the dining table. Once he’s seated I prepare a plate for all of us, leaving Kai’s on the stove top for later. Ashlee keeps glancing at me with a weird look as I smile at Riley and spoon spaghetti into my mouth. He seems a little distracted, looking at his phone every five minutes, but I don’t mind. After we finish, I quickly wash up the dishes and sit down on the sofa beside Riley, turning on the TV.

  Kai

  “I’ll be in my room if you need me,” Ashlee declares, patting me on the head as she walks through the room to the stairs. I look over at Sam and Riley on the sofa.

  She smiles at him. “What do you want to watch?”

  He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

  She seems disappointed by his answer, but brushes it off and chooses a movie on her own. I stroll over to the sofa and jump up between them with my head facing Sam. I know I decided I didn’t love her, maybe I was wrong. I think I’m falling for her…I don’t know…my head is a confusing place to be at the moment. Since my parents, it’s been getting harder to hold onto my own thoughts.

  Sam looks down at me pointedly and frowns. “Get off the sofa.” Sorry, but no. I snort at her. She sighs and shakes her head before focusing back on the movie. I can’t concentrate, I keep thinking that maybe, if this hadn’t happened to me, my parents would still be here. Maybe they wouldn’t have gotten on the plane. Maybe I would be visiting them right now from Harvard, but then if this hadn’t happened, would I still have Sam? I doubt it.

  My eyes begin to droop; I haven’t been able to sleep. The only time I catch a few hours is when I’m curled up on Sam’s bed with her, even if it’s only at her feet.

  I jerk awake and look around. It’s dark. I’m lying on the sofa by myself. I start to panic. I’m afraid. I don’t want to be left alone. I jump down and freeze. I can’t move. I can’t breathe.

  “Kai? Are you coming?” My eyes dart to Sam standing in the front entry. “What’s the matter?” Concern floods her voice when I don’t move. I’m breathing shallow and quick. She walks over to me and touches my face. I close my eyes and try to slow my heartbeat. “Come on.” She turns and takes a step, keeping her hand on my neck. I stay close to her side as we walk up the stairs to her room. She goes into the bathroom to get dressed and leaves the door open a crack so she can hear me. I take a deep breath to calm down and crawl onto the bed to wait.

  Sammy

  I should have woken Kai up before saying goodbye to Riley and turning the lights off. His panic attacks aren’t getting any better. It’s always when it’s dark and he thinks he’s alone. I don’t know how to help him.

  I open the door and walk over to the bed. He’s already curled up at the bottom with his eyes open, watching me. I hop on and slide under the covers. I’m going to regret this tomorrow, everything is already too confusing between us, but he needs sleep.

  “Come here.” I motion for him to lie on the bed beside me. He hesitates and then slowly crawls up the bed until he’s stretched out beside me. I settle under the covers facing him. We aren’t touching. His eyes glow dimly in the darkness. I fall asleep watching him.

  ***

  After staying at home for a week watching movies, cleaning, and doing assignments, I’m bored out of my mind. I lie down on my bed and hold a book up above me. It looks interesting, but I can’t focus on it. I sigh in frustration and drop it back on my bed, pulling my glasses off and laying them beside it. Suddenly Kai’s face appears above me.

  “Don’t you ever knock?” He grins crookedly and sits down beside me.

  “Technically, this is my room too, so why would I need to knock on my own door?”

  I turn my head and narrow my eyes at him. “Touché.”

  “Kai? Is that you?” Ashlee pushes open my door and lets herself in. Doesn’t anyone know what personal space is anymore? Seriously. “Can I have your help?”

  “With what?” Kai stands.

  Ashlee glances at me and winks. “Sammy’s birthday party.” Kai frowns, but follows her back to her room.

  I don’t like surprises, but Ashlee insisted that I don’t have any part in planning the party. I have my own mission today anyway; I’ve just been putting it off. Dragging myself off the bed, I sprint downstairs to get my car keys. Riley is ignoring me again, and I’m
sick of putting up with it. His car’s not in the driveway when I pull up at his house, but Mark’s car is. I hop out and knock on the door. Mark calls something out and then the door swings open.

  “Oh hey, Sam. How are you?” He’s holding a bowl of something that looks like yogurt or custard.

  I smile. “Hello, Mark. Is Riley around?”

  “No, he’s at work.”

  “Okay, thanks.” Mark nods and shuts the door as I walk back down the path to my car. Riley works at the local book store, so I make my way over to find him.

  CHAPTER 24

  Kai

  “So I was thinking Masquerade?” Ashlee asks as she pushes me into a sitting position on her bed and sits beside me. She’s looking at me expectantly.

  “That’s actually a really good idea.” I smile and glance around her room. “Why do you need my help exactly?”

  She scrunches up her nose at me as if I’m being dense. “I don’t. I just haven’t had a chance to spend any time with you.” Her hand creeps up my back and into my hair. I flinch and shuffle away from her on the bed. She follows and pulls my face around to press her lips to my mouth. For a moment I relax into old memories. Then my eyes jerk open and I place my hands on her shoulders to gently push her away. She frowns. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I just—I don’t know.” I look away from her. She sighs and nods before sitting back down at her desk and pulling out a notepad and a pen.

  “So I have already booked Black Pike Castle.”

  Sammy

  The doorbell dings as I open the shop door. I pause for a moment and look at the shelves upon shelves of books. I’m in heaven. Rustling at the back of the shop catches my attention and I walk through the dusty shelves to investigate. Riley has his back to me as he sorts books from a small trolley beside him. I come up behind him and tap him on the back; he turns to face me with a surprised look.

  “Sammy? Hi.” I smile and lean in for a hug. He wraps an arm around my back hesitantly and then pulls away. “Are you okay?”

  “You weren’t returning my messages; it’s been over a week since I’ve heard from you.” I frown at him in confusion.

  “I’m sorry; I’ve been really busy, as you can see.” He gestures to the bookshelf behind him and smiles. I can’t stop the disappointment from showing on my face. “Don’t worry; I’ll definitely be there for your birthday party next Friday. I promise.” He kisses me on the cheek and runs his fingers through my loose hair before turning back to his trolley full of books.

  When I return home, Ashlee and Kai are still upstairs. I snatch a chocolate bar from the fridge and stretch out on the sofa, devouring half of it in one bite. My phone beeps in my pocket and I fish it out to look at the screen.

  Dylan: Hey Sammy. How have you been? Riley still busy?

  I type out a reply.

  Sammy: Yeah. He seems to be busy a lot lately.

  Dylan: A bit suss?

  Sammy: I know right.

  You don’t have to tell me twice.

  Ashlee and Kai choose that moment to emerge from her bedroom and join me in the living room. Ashlee shoves my legs off the sofa and sits down. I glare at her and cram the rest of my chocolate bar in my mouth.

  “Have fun?” I ask with my mouth full.

  She glances knowingly at Kai with a smile. “Yes, actually.” She’s probably only referring to party plans, but she was all alone with Kai for an entire hour while he was human, not to mention they were dating when Kai disappeared. Wait a minute; I think I’m jealous. Damn it. I have a boyfriend. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I snatch the remote off Ashlee and change the channel. Today was not a good day.

  ***

  I sit at my desk and twiddle my pen around in my fingers. What to do? What to do?

  “Are you awake?” Ashlee calls out before barging her way into my room, swinging the door open with a loud bang.

  I arch an eyebrow at her. “If I wasn’t before, I would be now.” She grins and grabs my arm, pulling me out of my chair and out into the hallway. “Where are we going?”

  “We’re going shopping for your birthday dress.” She locks the door behind us, shoves me in the car, and drives us to the mall. I don’t know how many dresses I try on, but after an hour and a half, my feet are starting to hurt. I grumble as Ashlee drags me into another dress shop. She pulls a beautiful glittery white dress off of a hanger and holds it out in front of me.

  “I think this is it,” she declares, looking it up and down. “Try it on.” She thrusts the dress at me and I close myself into a dressing room. It looks absolutely stunning and even better when it’s on.

  Ashlee isn’t around when I emerge from the dressing room wearing my own clothes. I shrug and head over to the counter to pay. Just as I’m about to pull out my credit card, Ashlee slaps hers down on the counter and smiles at me.

  “Happy Birthday, Sammy.”

  ***

  Ashlee applies the final touches to my hair as I sit in front of the vanity in her room. I’m already wearing my beautiful white dress and matching heels. When she’s finished, she spins me around to face her and holds out a black box with a smile.

  “What’s this?”

  “Open it,” she replies eagerly. I lift the lid off to find a glittery white half face mask. I look up at her in surprise. “We’re having a masquerade.”

  I grin in anticipation. She helps me put the mask on before we leave for Black Pike Castle.

  ***

  We pull up right in front of the main doors. They’re huge with gorgeous deep carvings running along the edges. We step inside and I gasp. The ballroom is glowing in candlelight and glitter. The DJ is set up on stage and everyone is already here wearing masks of all different colors and shapes.

  “Oh Ashlee, it’s absolutely beautiful.” I throw myself at her and squeeze her in a tight hug. “Thank you so much.”

  She laughs, pushing me away. “Please don’t cry, you’ll ruin your perfect makeup.”

  We walk down the stairs together and into the crowd. Someone in a black suit with a red tie and mask strolls up to me and kisses me on the cheek. I gaze up into Riley’s bright green eyes.

  “Hi.” He smiles and spins me out into the middle of the floor to dance. I hold Riley’s gaze as we turn in circles. I want him to kiss me, but he’s not taking the hint.

  “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.” I move closer, smiling. He glances out around the ballroom, not answering me. “What’s wrong?”

  The song ends and he takes a step back, releasing me with a nervous smile. “Nothing’s wrong.” His eyes dart away from me. “I’ll be right back.” He turns abruptly and walks away, leaving me to stand in the middle of a swarm of dancing people by myself.

  “You look amazing. Happy Birthday.” Dylan appears in front of me wearing a dark grey suit with a blue mask and tie. His brown hair is messy around his face, he looks very handsome.

  I blush at his compliment. “Thank you.” He grabs a hold of my hands and pulls me into a dance. I want to enjoy myself, but I’m annoyed at Riley. He’s supposed to be here with me. Where is he?

  After the song ends I scan the ballroom, searching. When I can’t see him anywhere, I shuffle along the edge of the crowd until I come to the hall leading to the private rooms and bathrooms of the castle. I open the first door to find a lavishly decorated sitting room in purples and golds. A couple is making out on one of the plush sofas.

  “Oh, sorry,” I apologize, spinning on my heel to close the door. I do a double take when I catch a glimpse of red. “Riley?” He jerks away from the blonde girl and his eyes widen in surprise as he spots me.

  “Sammy?” My heart shatters into a million little shards, each piercing my chest individually. I turn and sprint from the room.

  “Sammy! Wait!” Riley calls after me as I dash down the hall and out into the swarming ballroom. I look around quickly and then head over to the refreshments. Surely someone has spiked it by now. I fill a plastic cup and swallow it in o
ne gulp, then another. When I’m starting to feel the effects of the weak alcohol spiked punch, I take one last swallow and bury myself in the surging crowd in the middle of the room, spinning and dancing in no particular rhythm as I head for the back doors.

  Kai

  I tap Ashlee on the shoulder and she swivels to face me, her purple mask glittering in the light.

  “You can’t be here. Someone will recognize you from school. Dylan is right over there,” she says in a hushed whisper, pointing across the room to where Dylan is slow dancing with a pretty blonde. I hold up my plain black half mask and smile while putting it on. She shakes her head and drags me out onto the dance floor, wrapping her arms around my neck. She looks up at me expectantly, and then rests her head on my chest. I feel guilty, remembering our kiss. I can’t just go back to the way things were. I’m not the same person anymore.

  The song finishes and she releases me. “Where’s Sammy?” I ask quietly before the next song starts. She gives me a curious look and gazes out into the sea of people, searching.

  “I don’t know.” Her brow creases with concern.

  I touch her arm reassuringly. “I’ll find her.”

  I push my way through the crowd, looking everywhere. By the time I reach the other end of the ballroom, I’m getting worried. I turn and glance out the huge glass door behind me that leads into the gardens.

  Opening the door, I step out into the glittering fairy lights. Sam spins in circles around the dark courtyard, her white dress sparkling in the dim lights hanging in the trees. I take a step toward her and she stops to face me.

  I can see the confusion in her glittering brown eyes behind her mask. “You look familiar.”

  She sways slightly. I hurry to her side and wrap my arms around her waist, groaning when I smell the faint alcohol on her breath. “You’re drunk, aren’t you?”