The Hazards of Sleeping With a Friend

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  Dana picked up right away. “Hi. Any news?”

  “Where is your grandfather’s hunting cabin?” I’m not sure how I knew for sure, but I did. He was upset which meant he’d be searching for a place he felt safe and happy. That was the cabin for him.

  “In Virginia. Why?”

  “I think Kyle went there.”

  “He left town?”

  “Yes. His roommate told me. I’ve got a car, and I want to find him.” I wasn’t going to waste time beating around the bush.

  “I’ll text you the address, but are you sure you want to do that drive? What if it turns out he’s not there?”

  “I have to at least try.” I owed it to Kyle and to Grace. I also owed it to myself. I couldn’t give up on him.

  “Kyle’s lucky to have you.”

  “People need to stop saying that.”

  “Why? It’s true.”

  “He doesn’t think so.”

  “What?” She seemed genuinely taken aback.

  “Don’t worry about it.” Dana had enough on her plate.

  “You two are the real deal. Don’t sweat it.”

  “If you say so.” I hoped she was right, but it wasn’t the time to worry about it. “I’ll let you know if I find him.”

  “Be safe.”

  “I will be.” I walked outside to wait for Glen to arrive with his car.

  Five minutes later Glen’s Outback pulled to a stop in front of me. Savy was in the passenger seat. Glen got out and walked around to take my bag from me. Savy darted into the house. I watched her retreating figure before turning back to Glen. “Thanks so much for letting me borrow the car.”

  “There’s been a change in plans.”

  “Oh?” He wasn’t backing out. He couldn’t be.

  “Really it’s been the plan all along, but I wanted to avoid the arguing until the last minute.”

  “What do you mean? You are letting me use the car, right?” I tried to keep my voice steady. I needed the car. I needed to find Kyle.

  “We’re coming with you. Savy went inside to pack an overnight bag in case we don’t come back tonight. You made it sound like a long drive.”

  “Wait, what? You guys don’t have to do that.”

  “We’re not letting you go alone. Besides, this way I don’t have to worry about you totaling my car.” He smiled, but I could tell he was forcing the joke.

  “Are you sure?” I couldn’t deny some relief at the thought of the company. Doing a long drive by myself didn’t sound appealing.

  “Completely sure.” He rested a hand on the hood of the car. “You’re not in this alone.”

  Savy reappeared a moment later with a backpack. “Sorry that took so long.”

  “You were gone two minutes.” I smiled for the first time in days.

  “Ok, good. I tried to rush.” She pulled me into a bear hug. “Ready for this?”

  “As ready as I’ll ever be.” I opened the door to the passenger side backseat and got in.

  Glen leaned in before I could close the door. “I tried to clean it out back there.”

  “It’s fine.” Getting in the car meant I was one step closer to finding Kyle. If my guess was correct. It had to be. I wasn’t willing to accept another answer.

  “You’re easy.” He closed the door and got in. “Did you print out a map or are we GPSing this?”

  “I’ve got it set in my phone.” I thought ahead. I didn’t want to waste any time.

  “Either way I bet we have to get on I-26.” Glen pulled away from the curb.

  I took another look at the house as we drove off. I closed my eyes. I hoped that when I came back the next time I’d have Kyle by my side. It had been a long time since I’d wanted something more.

  ***

  Six hours and one stop later Glen turned down a long dirt road. “Are you sure this is it?” Rain poured down on the car as he slowly eased us forward.

  “It’s the only turn we’ve seen. I guess we can keep driving a little, and we can always turn around.” I didn’t want to lead us into the middle of nowhere, but I refused to give up when we were so close.

  “Maybe try the cousin.” Glen suggested. “Just make sure this sounds right.”

  “All right.” I tried Dana but the call didn’t go through. I looked at my phone. No service. “Yeah, we’re in the boonies.”

  “I’m going to pretend this isn’t freaky. I mean, middle of nowhere, no cell service, and a major thunderstorm.” Savy glanced at me warily.

  “It’s not a major thunderstorm.”

  As if in answer a large crack of thunder filled the air. It was loud enough to drown out the sound of the car pushing through the increasingly muddy terrain.

  “What’s that up there?” I peered out into the dark night. If I wasn’t mistaken there was a light.

  “This is the start of so many horror movies.” Savy wrapped her arms around her.

  “We’re fine.” Glen put a hand on her leg. “We’ll check this out.” He drove around toward the light.

  “Look, it says Bradley on the mailbox!” A wave of excitement gave me a new dose of energy. “See, we’re not in a horror movie.”

  “Do you want us to go in with you?” Glen put the car in park as close to the cabin as he could get.

  “No. I need to do this alone.” I could see several lights on in the cabin, so at least I knew he was really there. That both filled me with relief and terrified me.

  “We’re not leaving until we see you’re inside.”

  I nodded. “And there’s a good chance he’s not opening that door.”

  “He can’t leave you standing in the rain.” Savy seemed way more confident about the situation than I did.

  “I’m going to hope you’re right.” I opened the car door and dashed to the door of the large cabin. Even with my speed, I still managed to get soaked. I glanced back at the car before mustering the confidence to knock.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Kyle

  I heard the knocking and tore myself away from the old photographs on the wall. I’d come to the cabin to be alone, who’d followed me here? If it was my mom again, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.

  I glanced out the window and saw her. Jade? She’d driven all the way up to find me? I stared at her for a moment. Her dark hair was soaked, and she had one arm wrapped around her chest as she anxiously watched the door.

  She began shivering, and I snapped. I couldn’t leave her standing out there in the rain. I opened the door and took in her sopping wet form. “Jade.” Her name came out in barely a whisper.

  “Kyle.” She stood there staring at me.

  “What are you doing here?” I tried to keep my voice level, but I was hit by such all-encompassing emotion that I could barely see straight.

  “I’m here because I need to be. I need to be with you.” Her eyes remained fixed on mine.

  Her words almost broke me. I fought the urge to reach out to touch her. One touch and I’d never be able to let go. Instead I broke the intense gaze between us and gestured for her to get out of the rain. “Come in.”

  “If you’re sure.” Her eyes searched mine, probably looking for evidence that I was really inviting her in.

  “I am.” I took her hand and pulled her inside, closing the door behind her.

  “You’re here.” My body trembled with the effort to keep away from her. Did I think I could really stay away? That I could hold any anger or resentment toward the girl who lit up my life? “How’d you know I’d be here?”

  “I didn’t know for sure. I got the address from Dana and took a chance.” She dropped her now sopping wet bag on the floor. “I’m worried about you. Everyone is. I know you are hurt, but that isn’t a reason to run away from everyone. You need to let someone in.”

  “This isn’t about being hurt.”

  “Then what is it?” She wrapped her arms around her chest. She shivered again.

  “You need to get changed.” I headed toward the bedroom where I lef
t my bag. I pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts, and then I grabbed a fresh towel from the bathroom. I held all three out to her.

  She shook her head. “It can wait. First, I need to make sure you’re all right.”

  “I still can’t believe you followed me here.” I resisted the urge to dry her off myself. I couldn’t handle watching her in such discomfort.

  “You can push me away all you want, but I’m still your friend, and I still care about you more than you’ll ever know.” Her eyes locked with mine again. “I still love you.”

  “Love me?” Her words filled me with a mix of confusion and warmth.

  “Yes. I realized it a while back, but it took being pushed away to finally admit it out loud. I guess that’s life for you.”

  “I don’t know what I feel right now.” That wasn’t entirely true. I knew. I just didn’t know if I should feel that way. I didn’t deserve her love. Not after what happened with Dylan.

  “And that’s okay.” She looked at the ground. “But you do need to go back to Charleston, and you need to talk to your family.”

  “Could you get changed?” I couldn’t handle watching her stand there all wet.

  “Will you agree to come back to Charleston if I do?”

  “Are you using your health and well-being as leverage?” She had to realize how important her comfort and health were to me.

  “I know you care about me. You may not love me or ever want to be with me again, but that doesn’t mean you don’t care.” She looked down.

  “Of course I care. That’s the thing. I care so fucking much that it blinds me.”

  “What does that mean?” She bit her lip.

  “I cared so much I ignored my brother’s call for help. I was so fixated on you that I couldn’t see anything else.”

  She reached out a hand to me but then dropped it. “You have to know that whatever happened to Dylan has nothing to do with you.”

  “I ignored him when he needed me most.”

  “What did he need you for? Money or to clean up a mess he made? Isn’t that what you said he always calls about? I’m not trying to disrespect him, but do you really truly believe he was asking for another kind of help?”

  “He was a good driver. It couldn’t have been an accident.”

  “Unless he was drunk. You know that, but you’d prefer to blame yourself rather than to blame him. And that’s admirable, but sometimes it’s not about being admirable and defending someone else. Sometimes it’s about facing the truth and accepting that somethings are going to happen no matter what we do or say.”

  “Get changed.” I held out the clothes and towel again. She was right, and her words stung me in a place I didn’t know could hurt again. My heart.

  “Fine.” She pulled off her t-shirt and slid off her wet jeans. She stripped down right in front of me with no hesitation. She dried herself off while keeping her eyes fixed on me. There was nothing sexual about her actions. She wasn’t doing it to turn me on. She was doing it to prove a point.

  She pulled on the t-shirt and shorts with nothing underneath. At another time it would have driven me wild knowing she was wearing just my clothes, but my body couldn’t feel that way now. “Will you come back?”

  I shook my head. “Not yet.”

  “The funeral is tomorrow.”

  “And Dylan won’t know if I’m not there.” I looked away.

  “You’re not going for Dylan. You’re going for your mother.”

  I turned back to look at her. I couldn’t keep my eyes off Jade for long. “Have you talked to her?”

  I nodded. “Yes. She knows everything.”

  “Everything?” A few days ago I would have panicked, but it didn’t matter now.

  “Yes. She knows about us making the relationship up, but also how it all changed. How I fell hopelessly in love with you only to lose you as soon as I realized what was happening.” Tears streamed down her face and all I wanted to do was wipe them away, but I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to stop there. I was going to let her in, and I wasn’t sure I could. I didn’t want someone so full of life to see the darkness. “But that’s not why I’m here. That’s not what’s important.”

  “Of course it’s important.” Something snapped again, and this time I didn’t fight it. I pulled her into my arms and held her cold body against mine. “Everything about you is important.”

  “I wish I could make everything better for you, but I know I can’t. I just want to be here for you, to help you.”

  “I need you,” I admitted the very thing I’d fought against since hearing the news.

  “And I’m here.”

  “Why? Why are you here?”

  “I’ve already said it, but I’ll say it again. I love you, Kyle, and when you love someone you’ll do anything and everything to help them.”

  “I love you too.” Maybe it was a bad time to admit it. Dylan had only been dead a few days, but did that mean I couldn’t tell her how I really felt? That I couldn’t allow myself the one comfort I needed?

  She smiled through her tears. “You don’t have to say that.”

  “I mean it.” I looked deep into her brown eyes.

  “I know.” She took my hand. “That’s why you let me in.”

  I brushed my lips against hers gently. I couldn’t give her anymore, but somehow I knew that would be enough. “Will you stay with me tonight?”

  “You’re kind of stuck with me. My ride probably left.”

  “Your ride? Wait, how did you get here?” In all the craziness I’d forgotten she didn’t have a car at school.

  “Glen and Savy drove me up here.”

  “They’re good friends.” I owed Glen an apology, but first I needed to give another. I took Jade’s hands in mine. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t.” She brushed her lips against my stubble covered chin. “Don’t do that now. Let’s just be here. In this moment.”

  I said nothing, hoping she’d understand that my silence meant I was agreeing.

  She ran her hands down my chest. “Have you eaten anything? Is there anything here I can make you?”

  “You’re the guest.”

  “No, I’m not here as a guest.” She spoke so seriously. I wasn’t sure if it was out of hurt, worry, or fear, or maybe a combination of all three.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “Me either, but have you eaten in the last day?” Her eyes were filled with unshed tears.

  “I have.” I’d forced myself to stop for lunch.

  “Good.” She tried to smile, but her lips didn’t quite make it fully into the position.

  “Want to go lie down?” I longed to hold her body against mine.

  “That sounds perfect.”

  I gripped her hand tightly in mine and led us to the bedroom. I wasn’t in the mood to do anything that night, and I knew she wasn’t either, but I needed to hold her. I needed to feel her body in my arms to know that everything would eventually be okay. I was going to make it someway, somehow.

  Chapter Thirty

  Jade

  I lay awake listening to his even breathing. Kyle was going to be okay. Whether he knew it or not, he’d come back from the loss and move on. I didn’t know if admitting my love for him during such a devastating time was a mistake, but taking Grace’s advice seemed like the only option. He needed to understand he wasn’t alone and he had so many people who loved him. If he couldn’t be strong for himself, he needed to be strong for everyone else.

  “Jade?” His soft voice broke me out of my thoughts.

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you awake?”

  I smiled to myself, remembering a similar conversation weeks earlier that had started the opposite way. “I’m awake.”

  “Want to go for a walk?”

  “Now?”

  “Yes. I need one.”

  “Absolutely.” I slipped out from under his arm. “Let me see if my clothes dried out yet.” I’d emptied out the entire contents of my bag in the
hopes that something would be dry by morning.

  “What’s wrong with what you’re wearing?”

  I shrugged. The borrowed t-shirt and shorts were comfortable enough to sleep in, but I needed something else if we were going to walk any real distance. “I guess nothing, but I’d kind of like some underwear.”

  “All right, I get that.”

  Thankfully I found a dry pair of underwear, and I put them on under my borrowed clothes. Kyle watched me, not moving until I was fully dressed.

  “Stare much?” I teased. It felt good to tease him again.

  “I’ll never get tired of watching you.”

  “I never thought I’d hear you say that again.”

  “And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for making you feel unwanted.” His eyes said more than his words. The emotion inside them reminded me that I had to be careful. He was vulnerable.

  “Ready for that walk?”

  “Absolutely.” He took my hand and led me outside. The rain had stopped at some point, but the grass was wet. It was still dark out, but the chirping of birds suggested that morning was closer than it appeared.

  “Where are we going exactly?” I didn’t care where he was leading me, but I wanted to talk. Or really I wanted to hear him talk. I wanted to hear his voice somewhere other than his voicemail.

  “To my favorite spot.”

  “I’m excited to see it.” I squeezed his hand.

  We walked across the soggy ground, as I ignored how wet my feet were getting in my flip-flops, until we reached an old tree with a hunting stand perched in the high branches. The tree overlooked a large pond, and a ladder was attached to the side of the tree.

  He started up the ladder first. “We’re here just in time.”

  “In time for what?” I carefully climbed up the ladder rungs.

  “The sunrise. Dylan and I used to get up early and come out here to watch it when we were kids. There’s nothing like it.”

  He put an arm around me, and I leaned into his side. The sun started its breathtaking journey into the sky. The bright and vibrant colors were painted across the open sky, showing themselves little by little much in the same way my feelings for Kyle had grown.

  We sat there long after the sun had taken its place in the sky. We were both trying to hold onto the moment, a moment we knew couldn’t last.