Every Breath You Take (Redeeming Love Book 2)

by J. E. Parker

  My head was seconds away from exploding, but I had to know—“How did you get away?”

  “The day after I turned twenty-two, I’d had enough. I was tired of being slapped around every other day. By that point, we were living together and had been for a few years. I don’t know what finally lit a fire under my ass, but I woke up one morning and decided I was done. I remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror, telling myself that I deserved better. I might’ve been born white trash, but that didn’t mean I deserved to be abused.”

  She was killing me. “Baby, you were never white—”

  Again, she pressed her finger to my lips, silencing me.

  “I packed everything I owned minus the things that he’d bought me.” A humorless chuckle spilled from her lips. “Though that didn’t leave me with much. After I moved in with him, Damien wouldn’t let me work anymore so I was dependent on him for everything.” Climbing off the bed, Shelby walked to the bedroom window and peeked out the blinds. “Once I was done packing, I went into the living room and waited for him to come home.”

  Silence filled the room.

  Turning her head, she looked over her shoulder at me. “It wasn’t just about leaving him, ya know,” She nibbled on her bottom lip. “It was about standing up to him. It was about confronting him. I was tired of feeling weak. Tired of feeling like I’d lost my will to fight. That day, I promised myself that I’d never cower from him again.” She smiled. “And I didn’t.”

  She spun around and moved to the end of the bed. Standing tall, she jutted her chin out and forced her shoulders to straighten. “Damien was irate when I told him I was leaving and as much as I’d like to pretend otherwise, I was terrified. Still, I kept the promise I’d made to myself hours earlier.” A small smile played at her lips. “I didn’t cower from him. Not even when he hit me the first time.” Dropping her head, she stared down at the comforter. “Nor did I cower when he grabbed me by my ponytail and tossed me onto the bed.” Her voice was strong, steady. “I didn’t cower when he pulled a switchblade out of his back pocket and used it to cut my clothes from my body.”

  Oh, fuck no. No, no, no. I shook my head. Tell me he didn’t do what I think he did!

  Shelby’s eyes slid closed. Her hands began to shake. “I didn’t cower when he flipped me to my stomach, wrapped his fingers around my throat, and covered my body with his own.” Leaning forward, she placed her palms on the mattress and leaned down, pressing her forehead to the blanket. “I didn’t cower when he entered me against my will, violating my body, and taking something that I didn’t freely give.”

  “Baby—”

  She held up a hand cutting me off. “I did not cower even as the man who’d promise to protect me, to love me, held me down and used his strength to overpower and rape me.” Her head shot up from the mattress and her eyes crashed into mine. “He raped me, Tony.” A sob wrenched free from her chest. “Damien raped me!”

  Raped me.

  I’d dealt with countless victims—many of them rape survivors—over the years, but hearing Shelby confess what Damien did broke something inside of me.

  The small hold I had on my temper vanished.

  Grabbing the lamp from the nightstand beside me, I threw it across the room. It landed against the wall, busting the sheetrock. A cloud of dust and debris floated through the air, but I didn’t give a fuck. I felt like I was choking; suffocating. My entire body shook, and red bled into the fields of my vision. “Mother fucker!” I gasped for breath. “The son of a bitch will die. I don’t care what I have to do; I will end him!”

  Unaffected by my outburst, Shelby continued. “I did not cower when the police kicked in the door of our apartment after a neighbor heard my screams and called them.”

  I knew she needed to get it out and I needed to let her. Calling on every ounce of self-control that I possessed, I took a step back. My eyes locked on my girl.

  Once again, she stood tall. Her shoulders shook with the force of her sobs, but she was trying her hardest to appear strong and in control.

  My gorgeous, brave girl.

  “I did not cower when I gave my statement to the detectives, telling them exactly what he’d done to me.” She gritted her teeth together. “I did not cower when they accused me of lying. I did not cower when they shook their heads in disbelief.” Wrapping her arms around her body, she held herself tight. “Damien Black, son of Senator Reginald Black from Houston, Texas,” she said, in a mocking voice of what I assumed was one of the piece of shit detectives she’d spoken too. “He was a good boy, a fine young man. He could never do such a thing. That’s what the police said.”

  More tears fell.

  “I was the fatherless daughter of a crack whore. A white trash princess.” Her head dipped forward. “I never mattered.”

  You matter to me.

  Rubbing her hands together, she looked up and continued. “I fought him, Tony. Through the entire attack, I fought him. It didn’t matter much in the end, but I gave him hell, made it harder for him to take what he wanted. It was the first time I’d pushed back against him like that, and even though things turned out horrible, I’m still proud of myself. I may have gone down, but I went down swinging.”

  My body twitched with the need to go to her. I wanted to touch her; needed to hold her, but I knew she needed space. If I tried to scoop her up in my arms right then, she’d pull away. “Shelby,” my voice was rough to my own ears. “When did this happen?”

  Even though I’d asked the question, I wasn’t prepared for the answer.

  “Exactly nine months before Lucca was born.”

  It felt like someone had hit me in the gut with a two by four.

  I took a step back; my shoulder blades met the wall.

  She didn’t give me time to think; to recover before she marched over to me, a determined expression on her face. “You wanted to know me, Tony. Well, you’re about to see the most hideous part.” Pinching the hem of her shirt between her fingers, she looked at me with pleading eyes.

  I could almost hear her saying, please don’t walk away.

  “I can’t hide it from you anymore. You say that you want me, that I’m meant to be yours”—she choked on a sob—“I doubt any of that will still be true once you see how damaged I truly am.”

  She took a shaky breath.

  Then, she pulled her shirt over her head in one swift move.

  My eyes raked over her torso, and if I thought I’d been mad before, it was nothing—and I mean nothing—compared to the rage that rocketed through me at the sight of the scars lining her stomach and sides. “Shelby...” My voice shook as I dropped to my knees before her. “... tell me.”

  Holding my breath, I examined each of the marks.

  Pink. Raised. Mostly lateral.

  Knife marks.

  That son of a bitch! If he did this—

  “The police didn’t believe that Damien had raped me, but he was still arrested for assault and battery plus possession with the intent to distribute. Luckily for me, the DA was up for re-election so he nailed Damien’s ass to the wall over the drugs.”

  “But not over what he did to you?”

  She shook her head. “No. They didn’t care about what he did to me.” Her hand dropped to her stomach, where she scraped her nails over the marred flesh. “But I still managed to get a temporary restraining order before his daddy bailed him out. The bastard violated it within twenty-four hours of being released. After that, the judge revoked his bail and held him for trial.” At least the damn judge had some sense. “I didn’t have any money, didn’t have anywhere to stay so I did the only thing I could…” Shame washed over her features. “I was so stupid, Tony. I walked right back into that place; right back into the hell that I’d escaped just to move in with the devil himself.”

  My chest felt like it was being cut open with a hacksaw.

  Pure fucking agony.

  “You went back to your mom’s?”

  “It was only supposed… s-suppose
d to be t-temporary… I didn’t know about shelters or anything like t-that.” At that point, she was crying so hard she could barely speak. “I didn’t think I had any o-other options.”

  I pressed my face to her stomach and kissed the scarred skin. She jerked in response. “Just breathe, baby. I’m not going anywhere. Take your time.”

  Holding her hands over her face, she tried to take a deep breath. Tried and failed. “I was twenty-six w-weeks pregnant when Damien f-found me.”

  Standing, I scooped Shelby up into my arms and carried her over to the bed. I had to touch her, had to hold her. Tucking her face into the side of my neck, I wrapped my arms around her and held her on my lap. “Tell me what happened, sunshine.”

  She clutched me tightly. “It was a Friday night…”

  22

  Shelby

  Almost Two Years Prior

  Cooper Creek, Alabama

  Mama was passed out. Again.

  Shaking my head in disgust, I carried the grocery bags that I held in my hands to the kitchen and sat them on the counter. Then, I walked back into the living room and kneeled beside the sofa where she was lying with her arms thrown over her head and her mouth hanging partially open.

  Wrapping my fingers around her bone-thin shoulders, I gave her a quick shake. “Mama,” I barked. “Wake up!”

  When she didn’t flinch, I shook her again.

  She still didn’t move.

  Gaze sliding to the right, I spotted an opened, half-empty bottle of beer sitting on the worn-down end table. Grabbing it, I leaned closer to mama’s ear and hollered, “Last chance, mama. Either you wake up right this instant or you’re getting a face full of stale beer and cigarette butts.”

  She groaned and turned her head to the side. After smacking her lips together twice, she mumbled, “Leave me alone.”

  “Sorry, Mama, I can’t do that.” She needed to get up and eat something. If she didn’t, she’d wither away.

  Why I cared, I didn’t know. It’s not like she ever gave a damn if I ate or not.

  “Leave me the hell alone, Shelby.” She groaned before smacking her lips again.

  “Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” I positioned the amber colored bottle over her face and turned it upside down. A mixture of pale beer and Pall Mall ashes splattered across her face, streaking the rouge tinted makeup she wore caked on her cheekbones.

  Gasping, she jerked upright on the sofa and wiped at her face with quick, jerky movements. “Damn it, Shelby Ray!” She blinked in shock before cutting her hate-filled eyes at me. “What did ya do that for?” Her words were slurred, her annunciation choppy. Whether it was from the cheap booze flooding her body or the poison she’d injected into the bend of her arm was anybody’s guess.

  I stood up from where I’d been kneeling on the floor and cringed when I saw a couple of decades worth of dirt, grime, and God only knows what else, caked to my knees.

  Disgusting.

  Turning around, I moved to the small kitchen that adjoined the living room. “I went to the store.” Leaning an aching hip against the counter, I pulled the food staples out of the small plastic bags and sat them on the chipped laminate countertops.

  Eggs. Peanut butter. Bread. Grits. Ramen noodles.

  “Didn’t get a lot, but I got us enough to make it through the end of next week.”

  I heard Mama strike a match. Moments later, the unmistakable smell of sulfur and burning tobacco reached my nose. I cringed. “Yeah?” She coughed. “How much money ya got left?”

  I closed my eyes in frustration. I’d known the question was coming, but I wasn’t prepared to answer it. I didn’t want to deal with the fight that would come after I told her I didn’t have enough money for her to ‘borrow.’

  And by borrow, I mean, give.

  God knows Mama never paid back a dime she took from me. Doubt she ever would either. “Enough to put gas in the truck so I can get back and forth to work next week. But that’s it.”

  She turned on the TV and mumbled something under her breath. I could’ve sworn she called me a selfish bitch, but I couldn’t be sure. “Thought you was makin' good money at that fancy new job ya got.”

  Chuckling, I shook my head again. Mama thought just because I was required to wear a uniform to work it meant my job was fancy. Boy, was she wrong. “Didn’t know cleaning rooms at Motel 6 is considered fancy.” I lowered my voice. “Learn something new every day I guess.”

  More coughing.

  Was she getting sick?

  “Well, I know they’re payin’ you better than IHOP did. So how come you ain’t got no money?” She paused and took a drag off her cigarette. “I know those groceries didn’t take your whole check.” I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off. “And you better not have spent all your cash buyin’ baby shit!”

  Spine stiffening, I grabbed our only frying pan out of the dish drainer and slammed it down on the stove top. Then, I spun around. My eyes met Mama’s and my arms protectively wrapped around my swollen belly. “What I do with my money is none of your damn business.” Her eyes narrowed. “And when it comes to my child, you best keep your trap closed, mama.”

  She leaned back on the raggedy, green sofa that we’d had since I was a little kid and crossed her arms over her chest. “Is that right?”

  I didn’t answer her. Instead, I turned back around and cracked eggs into the lopsided frying pan I’d bought at a yard sale for a buck.

  Mama remained silent for a few beats. “You sure are mouthy for someone who is knocked up and livin’ at home with her mama.” The sofa springs creaked as she stood up. “I already told you I ain’t gonna allow you to bring your little bastard here after it’s born.” Something banged against the ground. I didn’t have to turn around to know she’d thrown the ashtray onto the floor. “I don’t know why you’re botherin’ with buyin’ diapers and shit.”

  Even though I had zero plans to ever bring my child into this hell hole my blood pressure still skyrocketed at her words. I whipped around so quickly my head spun. “What did you just say to me?”

  Mama jutted out her chin. “You heard me.” Her gaze dropped to my belly, and she scoffed in disgust. “You should’ve just gotten rid of it the minute you found out you were knocked up.”

  I took a step forward. No matter how badly I wanted to, I knew that I couldn’t hit her. If I did, she’d sure as heck fight back, and I wasn’t going to risk my child’s safety for anything. Still, my hand twitched with the need to smack her right across her ugly face for the words she’d just spewed at me.

  Get rid of my baby? No way in hell. I hadn’t even held him in my arms yet, but I already loved him more than anything in the world.

  Fisting my hands at my sides, I looked at the woman who called herself my mother. She was everything that I swore never to be.

  Hateful. Selfish. Vile. Cold. Weak.

  “How could you say something like that?” My voice was shaky; much to my dismay.

  Raising her brows, Mama shrugged and took another hit from her cigarette.

  I don’t know why I was surprised at her attitude towards my baby, but I was. I mean, this was the same woman who’d given birth to five kids total, only one of which she kept. The three that came after me were taken into state custody the moment they were born and God only knows what happened to her first child. She never talked about him, or her, to me.

  For all I knew, my oldest sibling was dead.

  “Answer me, Mama,” I demanded. It was stupid because I knew how she’d react. But like the idiot I am, I still pushed. “You think that I should’ve aborted my baby?”

  Her answer was swift and gut-wrenching. “Yuuup.”

  Sucking in a breath, I took a step back. “Why?”

  I knew my Mama was a piece of shit, but I couldn’t understand her. Did the crazy bitch not possess the slightest bit of maternal instinct? Looking at how I was raised and some of the stunts she’d pulled, I knew she didn’t. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to
her.

  Why was she so broken?

  “How can you be so cruel?” I looked at her with cold, unwavering eyes. “So fucking callous?” My voice shook with each word I spoke.

  She took a puff from her cigarette and shrugged carelessly. “I don’t want that baby in my house, Shelby.”

  Don’t worry, I thought. He’ll never be here. I’ll be long gone before he’s ever born.

  I opened my mouth to reply when someone banged against the trailer door.

  Hard.

  Boom! Boom! Boom!

  My mouth snapped shut for a moment before I found the ability to speak. “Who the hell is that?”

  Mama’s face contorted into an evil smirk before she turned around and walked towards the door. “That,” she declared, “solves my problem.”

  I didn’t understand what she meant by that.

  Unlocking the flimsy deadbolt, she pushed the door open. “It’s about fuckin’ time you showed up,” she squawked at the person standing on the other side of the door. “I tried talkin’ some sense into the little brat, but she won’t listen.”

  It was at that moment that my heart stopped.

  It couldn’t be. She wouldn’t…

  Mama glanced over her shoulder at me. “Didn’t want things to be this way, Shelby, but you ain’t left me no choice.”

  Terror seized my body as Mama took a step backward and he stepped into the trailer.

  Oh God no!

  “Hey, beautiful.” His familiar voice was gruff, harsh. It sent chills careening down my spine and fear thundering through my veins. “I’ve been looking for you.”

  Panic engulfed me.

  I skittered backward and thrust out my arms in front of me. “Stay away from me!” The monster smiled. “I mean it, Damien, don’t you fucking come near me!”

  “Such a filthy mouth,” he hissed, shaking his head. “I’ll have to fix that once we get you back home where you belong.”