Beautiful Goodbye

by Chandin Whitten

  All the girls agreed to keep my secret, thankfully. I pulled my phone out to text Gage.

  Me: Need u know! At Libs

  Gage: Be there in a few

  Gage found me curled up in Libby's bed twenty minutes later, "Babe, what's wrong?"

  More tears fell as I choked out, "Gage, I'm pregnant."

  "What? But the doctor told you that you would never be able to have a baby."

  "I know. What the hell am I going to do? I don't want Larkin to have anything to do with this baby."

  "Jenna, I am here. I will always be here. I love you and I will love your baby. We can get through this, I’m not going anywhere." Gage rubbed my back until I fell asleep.

  **********

  I called Saturday morning to make an appointment with the same OB/GYN as Sadie. I only had to wait three days to hear from the doctor that I was indeed having a baby and my appointment was the same day as my birthday, December twelfth. I asked Gage to go with me so I wouldn't be alone.

  My parents called me Tuesday morning to wish me a happy birthday. I was waiting until winter break to tell them I was pregnant. I knew they would support me but telling them over the phone just didn’t seem right.

  Gage and I went to my appointment and were waiting in the exam room for the doctor when he asked, "Nervous?"

  My hands were shaking as I looked into Gage's eyes. "Yep."

  Gage walked up beside me and wrapped his arms around me as my tears fell, that’s how the doctor found us a few minutes later when she entered.

  "Hello, I'm Dr. Kamp." She shook my hand then Gage's.

  "I just looked at your urine sample you left, and you are pregnant. I am going to examine you then we will do an ultrasound to see how far along you are." She looked to Gage then back to me before saying, "Are you ok with dad being here for the exam?"

  I looked to Gage who shrugged and said, "That's fine."

  "Ok honey, just lay back and put your legs in the stirrups for me."

  After the exam I sat up and Dr. Kamp smiled at me when she said, "You seem to be around eleven weeks. When was your last period?"

  "Honestly, I don't know. I'm not regular and I was told years ago that I would never be able to have a baby because of my history."

  Dr. Kamp pulled her eyebrows together and asked, "What happened?"

  I told her about my attack and what I had been told. Dr. Kamp looked through her papers. "We will want to run more tests and you will be considered high risk so you will have more appointments than the average pregnancy but this is something we can monitor. I will also have your records sent to us so I can read through them and set up a plan. How about we get an ultrasound now and see your little baby?"

  I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "Sounds good."

  Dr. Kamp turned the lights off then squeezed cold goo onto my belly and rubbed around until she found what she was looking for.

  Gage was at my side and holding my hand, he bent over and kissed my temple. "Love you, babe."

  Dr. Kamp broke in, "Ok, if you look you can see that dark spot in the center, that is your baby. You’re measuring at eleven weeks, six days. Giving you the due date of July tenth. And everything looks great, would you like to hear the heartbeat?"

  Gage beat me to it, "Hell, yes!"

  Dr. Kamp laughed just before the room was filled with a fast paced swooshing sound. Gage looked down at me with the biggest smile I had ever seen and said, "That’s our baby."

  "Ours," I nodded.

  Dr. Kamp printed off pictures of my little peanut before we left. I made an appointment to see her again in two weeks just before we left for winter break.

  When we got back home all the girls were waiting. I was showing them all my ultrasounds when Trent, Tyler, and Jinx came in. I tried to hide them before the guys saw but I wasn't fast enough. Trent saw.

  "Jenna?" Trent asked in a tight voice.

  "Trent please," I pleaded.

  Jinx and Tyler looked at him when he asked, "What the hell is going on?" Trent was boring holes in me, "Jenna, is that what I think it is?"

  Sadie stood and demanded, "Trent! Leave her alone and keep your damn mouth shut!"

  Tyler looked to his girlfriend and asked, "Can someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?"

  I dropped my head, they were going to find out eventually so I should be the one to tell them. "I'm pregnant."

  The room was silent as Gage walked in from his room. "Hey guys."

  No one looked at him, all eyes were on me. It didn't take Gage long to figure out why, he came over and wrapped his arms around me and asked, "You told them?"

  I barely nodded before Jinx spoke, "Does he know, Jenna?"

  I snapped my eyes to him and bit out, "Fuck no!"

  Jinx took a step back, I had never yelled at him and instantly felt bad. "Look, I'm sorry but I can't let him back into my life. I have had enough bad shit in my life. I don't need him adding more. So please, can you keep this to yourselves?"

  Jinx hugged me and said, "Jenna, you’re like a sister to me and I don’t agree with this but my mouth is shut. This isn’t my secret to tell."

  "I should have listened to you from the beginning and never messed with him, but then I wouldn't have my peanut so I guess it was all worth it."

  Tyler, of course agreed to keep his mouth shut, adding that Larkin was hardly around anymore, anyway.

  Trent was the one who had remained quiet. I looked to him, begging him with my eyes. He let out a long sigh before saying, "You know your secrets safe with me. Mums the word."

  **********

  Two weeks later I was at my appointment with Gage at my side. All the blood tests had come back normal and another ultrasound confirmed my peanut was growing like he or she should. I told Dr. Kamp of my plans to go home for winter break and she told me I needed to see my old OB/GYN. I was to see my Dr. every two weeks while I was home. When Gage and I got back to our apartment I called and made my appointment to see Dr. Faizer.

  I was packing the last of my clothes that still fit when my phone went off alerting me of a text. Reaching over I ran my thumb across the screen to unlock it and a text from Larkin popped up.

  Larkin: hope you have a safe flight home.

  Staring at it for a moment I felt my heart tightening in my chest. Clinching my eyes shut I took a few deep breaths before opening them to look at my phone. I deleted the text then deleted his number. I wanted him out of my life, for good.

  CHAPTER 23

  Christmas Eve was always a big party for my dad and Gage's dad's law firm. I had picked out a black cocktail dress that was tight on my chest but had ruching and was gathered around the torso and skirt, so you couldn't see my baby bump unless you were searching for it.

  Everyone was mingling in our living room while Christmas music was playing softly. I was starting to get nervous that someone would notice my belly and Gage noticed, grabbing my hand he whispered, "Relax, babe. I'm right here, everything will be ok."

  Thankfully no one noticed through the party but Mac did comment on how much I was eating. After everyone had left my parents and Gages were cleaning up. I figured now was as good of a time as any. I leaned into Gage and whispered it was time. Everyone was already in the living room so Gage asked them to have a seat.

  I cleared my throat before sitting up a little straighter. "Um, everyone? I have something I need to tell you. I'm ugh..." my tears started falling. Gage pulled me into him and kissed my forehead. "I'm pregnant."

  My parents had tears streaming down their faces as did Gage's mom. My mom turned to Mac, "Can you and Dylan take Kota and go put away the food in the kitchen, please?"

  Mac came over and hugged me before she and the boys walked out.

  My mom wiped her tears as she said, "Honey, your father and I have known since we came up for Thanksgiving. Well, we were pretty sure anyway. That’s why I was so pushy about you going to the doctor. You had too many signs but we knew it would never cross your mind because of Jacob.
"

  I sat staring at my parents, I had no idea what to say.

  Gage's mom filled the silence, "What are your plans, dear?"

  I shrugged and shook my head. "I have no idea. I was planning on transferring to NYU when Gage signed with the Jets but now I don't know."

  Gage gave my had a reassuring squeeze and said, "You’re not alone, you have me. You have our families. We will get through this, babe. I have told you that over and over."

  My dad scooted forward, "I'm guessing this is that Larkin boy’s baby?"

  I nodded then heard my dad growl, literally he growled! "What the hell is he doing? He needs to step up and be a man. This is not just your responsibility, he was a part of this."

  "Dad, he doesn't know. I never told him and I don't want him to know. After everything I have been through, it’s better that he's not involved."

  Gage’s dad leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Jenna, Gage. You know we support you both, but a baby is a huge responsibility. What about your futures? Gage how will you be able to go away for football and help Jenna raise a baby?”

  “Dad we know we’re young and we know this will be hard. Jenna had always dreamed of having a family then she thought she lost that. Now that she has that chance I’m not walking away from her. I have always been there for her and I will always be there for her. She is my girl.”

  Leaning my head on his shoulder I looked at our parents. “Gage is my best friend. We have been together since we were babies and now that I’m having a baby I’m so thankful he is by my side. I would never ask him to give up his dream of the NFL to help me, I want him to succeed.”

  The rest of the evening was spent talking with my parents and Gage's making plans and talking about our future.

  **********

  Christmas and New Year came and went. I saw Dr. Faizer once, who was just as shocked as me that I was pregnant, before Gage and I returned to school.

  When we returned to school and our apartment, life sort of turned into a crazy normalcy.

  We were at my nineteen week appointment waiting on Dr. Kamp when she walked into the room with a big smile. "Your blood tests are looking good, sweetie. Let’s check on our little baby and see how he or she is doing. Maybe if they cooperate we can see the sex."

  "Ah! Yes, I hope so!" I was bouncing up and down.

  Dr. Kamp squirted more goo on my growing belly and started rubbing around. "Well it looks like we are in luck, baby is being good."

  Gage was standing to my side and I reached out for his hand and asked, "What am I having?"

  Dr. Kamp used the cursor on the screen and pointed when saying, "That my dear shows us you are clearly having a girl."

  I couldn't hold in my tears. I was having a baby girl. I was going to be a mommy. I was going to do this. I could do this, I was strong.

  I looked up to see Gage getting misty eyed. "We're having a girl, babe. God help us if she’s anything like her mother!"

  Dr. Kamp laughed before offering her congratulations. I was so excited. I called my parents while Gage called his. I could hear his mom practically screaming with joy.

  My mom answered, "So? What are we getting? I bet it’s a girl, I know it is! Just tell me!"

  I laughed and shook my head before saying, "Yes, mom. It's a girl."

  Our parents were so excited for us. Gage's parents took over the role as grandparents and had already sent us numerous gifts, as had my parents. Gage had been staying in my room so we used his room as storage for the time being. We already had the bedroom suite, a glider, and a ton of other odds and ends. Our parent’s truly were amazing.

  We invited everyone over for dinner that night to let them know what I was having. I made cupcakes and the inside was filled with pink icing, girls and pink, duh!

  We made everyone bite into their cupcake at the same time and when they pulled the cupcake away they all saw pink. Sadie with her mouth full spit out, "Holy shit! We are having girls together, they can be best friends! I can't wait!"

  After tons of hugs Trent asked to talk to me alone. I followed him into my room and shut the door. Turning to him I asked, "What’s up?"

  "I'm not sure if you care but Larkin will be going to the Chargers. He told me last night he has a meeting with them next week and if they can agree on a price he will be in San Diego."

  Just hearing his name had my heart racing. "Well, good for him." My little peanut fluttered and I sucked in a breath.

  Trent's eyes filled with concern when he asked, "Are you ok?"

  "I’m fine, Trent. He has to go on with his life." I felt something like butterflies in my belly, “Gage! Oh my God, get in here!” I yelled.

  Gage burst through my door with Dollie on his heels. "What the hell? What’s wrong? Are you ok? Is my babygirl ok?" Gage asked quickly.

  I grabbed his hand and placed it on my belly, "Yes, yes, yes!"

  My little peanut moved again, Trent looked between Gage and I before everyone came rushing into my room.

  I was forcing back tears while everyone stared at Gage and I, it was Sadie who figured out what was going on and said, "Oh my God! The baby is moving, isn't she?"

  I looked up at Gage and I had never seen his smile so wide, he slowly nodded in amazement. "Yes! My little girl is bouncing around."

  Hearing Gage call my peanut his little girl melted my heart. I knew he would be in her life, but I figured he would want to play the cool uncle role, not the daddy. Looking at him and seeing how happy he was had me looking at Gage as something other than my best friend. Could I really be IN love with Gage and not just love him as my best friend? I know our families have always wanted us to be something more but neither of us had seen each other that way. But something about Gage had changed or maybe it was my feelings for him. He was the only guy in the world, other than my dad that I trusted completely and loved like crazy. He was the one who has always been by my side. Could there really be something between Gage and me, has it always been there? Gage caught me staring at him and smirked. I really needed to figure out what was going on in my head and heart. Soon.

  It only took another hour to get everyone out of our apartment and I was exhausted. Sadie and I made plans to go shopping soon to spoil our little girls. I went into my room to change into a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt. When I came back into the living room I saw Gage standing in the doorway of his old room, his back to me. He was holding something I couldn't see and he seemed to be in deep thought. I cleared my throat to get his attention and when he whirled around he shoved something into the front pocket of his jeans.

  I smiled at him before walking into the kitchen. "Hey. Want something to eat? I'm hungry."

  I heard Gage let out his breath, I guess he thought I would question him about what he was thinking so hard about and obviously hiding from me, nope. I would let it simmer in his mind then when he least expected it I would ask.

  "Babe, you don't have to ask. You know I'm always hungry."

  I was rummaging through the fridge and pantry looking for something but nothing sounded good. Onion rings and hot fudge sounded good. Opening the freezer I looked for the frozen onion rings, but found nothing. Damn! I slammed the door and asked, "Gage, how much do you love me?"

  Gage laughed when he answered, "Hmm, let me think. You have some off the wall craving but we don't have whatever you need to create some prego snack."

  I couldn't help but laugh, that man knew me too well. "Maybe?"

  "What do you want?"

  "Onion rings and hot fudge sounds so damn good right now!"

  Gage pursed his lips and questioned, "Are you fucking insane? That shit sounds gross! But since I love you and our babygirl I will go find onion rings and hot fudge."

  I wrapped my arms around Gage and kissed his cheek. "Your pretty amazing, Mr. Tucker. We love you, too."

  "Uh huh," Gage grunted, grabbing his coat and was walking to the door before stopping and turning his head back to me. "Jenna, you know how much you and babygirl mean
to me, right?"

  "Of course Gage." I tilted my head, a little confused.

  "Just making sure. Be back in a few." Then Gage was out the door.

  After loading The Hangover into the DVD player I settled on the couch waiting on my onion rings and hot fudge. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know my alarm is going off. Opening my eyes slowly I looked around and realized I was in my room. How did I get in here? Oh God! Gage did not pick me up did he? I had already gained almost twenty pounds. I was huge, but it was sweet of Gage to carry me to bed.

  Rolling over I saw Gage was still asleep, I used it to my advantage. He was only in a pair of basketball shorts, the covers were only up to his waist so I had full view of his incredibly toned stomach and arms. He was even rocking that sexy little 'V' on his hips. Looking at Gage, he really was sexy. I had never really noticed how attractive he was before but the guy had it goin on.

  Gage's eyes fluttered open and his lips curled into a lazy half smile, "Mornin'."

  I smiled back, "Good morning, sunshine."

  "Sunshine?"

  I laughed, "Yep."

  Gage grumbled something before climbing out of bed, when he stood I saw the giant phoenix tattoo on his back straining against his muscles as he stretched. When he turned around he again found me staring at him and said, "Keep looking at me like that and you’re going to give me a complex."

  I shook my head and smiled. "What? Why...you have girls chasing you all over. Why the hell would you get a complex?"

  "That may be true but you’re the only girl I care about. Your opinion is what matters." Gage leaned down and kissed my forehead before saying, "I gotta get ready, I'm meeting the guys at the gym. Do you need anything before I come home?"

  "Nope, but thanks."

  Grabbing one of his t-shirts and gym shoes Gage walked out. I rolled out of bed and dragged my butt into my bathroom. I really needed to get ready too, I had class in an hour and a meeting with my student advisor about transferring.

  CHAPTER 24

  It was Valentine's Day. I was twenty-two weeks pregnant and I felt huge. The draft was getting closer which meant Gage was always on the phone or in front of the camera. I don't know how he dealt with all the media and pressure but he was awesome. Gage came into our room as I was walking out of my closet.