Beautiful Goodbye

by Chandin Whitten

  Gage was at my house every day. He always brought me my favorite cupcake from the bakery in town and every few days he would bring flowers. He would sit and listen to me cry, scream, rant, and break down. He was there sometimes to just hold me and reassure me that everything would be ok.

  The trial date came. My parents and Gage at my side. Jacob had been found guilty on all charges. We would have to come back for another hearing for sentencing. I had prepared a speech for that. My lawyer had advised I write a letter to the jury and when I got up to read it I looked over to where Jacob was sitting. He winked at me! I wanted to smack him.

  "Ok, Ms. Reylan go ahead when you’re ready." The judge was looking down at me.

  "Hi, my name is Jenna Penelope Reylan. I am sixteen years old. I have experienced something no one should have to go through. I was raped and beaten by Jacob Vincen, to the point I had to fight for my own life and lost my baby. He was my boyfriend, the guy I thought I love and he loved me. The father of my unborn baby. He not only ruined my life, but he killed his own child. I have gone through many emotions from anger to depressed to hurt. This man, if that’s what you want to call him, does not deserve any leniency that you may be considering. He lost his right when he touched me, and when he killed my baby. I do not hate him, I do not like him, I do not love him. As for me, Jacob Vincen will never exist from this day forward. When I walk out of this courtroom he will no longer be a part of my life or my thoughts. I will always remember what he put me through but I refuse to allow him control over my life."

  I turned from facing the jury to looking directly at Jacob. His face was ashen, his eyes stoney cold. "Jacob, no matter what happens today I want you to know that I am not scared of you. You can never hurt me again, ever. I am removing you from my life and thoughts. You are a sick coward who needs help. I hope you get cornered in jail and welcomed by a huge man towering over you so maybe for just a few moments you feel what I felt." I folded up my paper and stepped down walking across the courtroom and back to my seat. Jacob's eyes followed my all the way, I couldn't help but glance at him. It sent a shiver down my spine. I sat down next to Gage and he grabbed my hand giving it a slight squeeze.

  Jacob was sentenced to life in jail, no chance of parole.

  CHAPTER 21

  I let out an empty laugh before turning my eyes to look at Larkin. "I had this vision of Jacob, our baby, and me becoming a happy family and living happily ever after. I always had a dream growing up that I would fall in love, get married, and have three kids. That day was the day the girl I used to be died. I promised myself I would never put myself in that position again and I would never love again. I can't risk it. So there you go the reason why I'm such a cold hearted, fucked up bitch."

  Larkin was staring at me his mouth open. Finally, not being able to take the silence I said, "You can leave now Larkin. Really I'm fine and just want to be alone."

  "Jenna I am not walking away. I just need a minute to absorb everything you just told me. There is so much going on in my head right now, I just...I just need a damn minute."

  I let out a sigh and curled myself into an even smaller ball, laying my head on the arm of the couch watching Larkin. He was now staring straight ahead, his jaw ticking like I had seen so many times after a game when his adrenaline was still pumping. This couldn’t be good.

  Finally he turned to look back at me and spoke, "Jenna, I wish you would have fucking told me about your past before, I wouldn't have pressured you into anything. I have never done the girlfriend thing so I'm not sure what to do but I know for damn sure what I'm not going to do. I am not giving up on us. I love you and you love me, even if you don't want to admit it."

  "Larkin! I. Do. Not. Love. You. I don't love, it’s not for me. So please just leave. If you want me happy just do that for me."

  "Fine, I will give you time Jenna, but that’s all you get is time. I will be back. We are not over. You are worth the fight." I couldn't look at him. I kept my head down and eyes trained on the rug in front of me. I wasn't sure if he was leaving until I heard the front door slam shut.

  I sunk into the couch as the tears ran down my face. There was a soft knock on the front door before I heard Gage's voice as he opened the door, "Hey, babe."

  "What Gage?" I didn't want to sound pissy but I knew I did.

  "Just wanted to check on you, make sure you're ok."

  "Never better."

  Gage sunk down into the couch and leaned back so he was lying next to me, propping his head up on one elbow. "Liar. I saw Larkin slamming the door and stomping away. What went wrong? You love him Jenna, you told me that yourself. Not to mention how obvious it is to everyone else around. I never thought I would have to worry about you hurting Larkin, but apparently I do."

  "He is too much like Jacob, Gage. With him I am just asking to be hurt. Before that could happen I stopped it, now I have nothing to worry about." I shrugged.

  Gage shook his head. "Except now you’re hurting and it’s your own fault. I know what you went through with Jacob. I was there by your side through it all. Larkin is nothing like he was. Jacob was a monster incapable of love. Jenna, you have to fight through the bad days to get to some of the best days of your life."

  I snuggled into Gage's side. Barely above a whisper I said, "You’re the only guy I can trust completely, and I know that you will never hurt me. This thing with Larkin wasn't supposed to be serious. I let my stupid heart get involved and it ruined everything."

  Gage grabbed my face so I was looking him in the eye as he said, "Jenna Penelope Reylan just for once forget about everything that could go wrong and the reasons it won't work and focus on how happy he makes you. I love you more than anyone in this world could ever love you, but I think it's time I let you go."

  I rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling. "You can't leave me, Gage. I need you. I know you’re right but I'm not ready. I guess maybe it’s time to trust my instincts, close my eyes, leap, and hopefully Larkin will catch me."

  "He will, he already has. And that’s what hurts me the most." Gage pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head.

  **********

  I wasn't ready to face Larkin yet. I spent the rest of the weekend in bed. I stepped out of my room Monday morning, and the smell that smacked me in the face had me running into my bathroom. Gage had made pancakes and sausage, my favorite…well usually.

  Gage and Dollie followed me into the bathroom. "Whoa, babe. You alright?"

  I was reaching for a washcloth when the urge to get sick hit me again. After emptying my stomach I wiped my mouth before grabbing my toothbrush. "I think I have a virus. Maybe I will try lying down for a while, and see if that helps. Do me a favor and spray some febreeze or something. I can't take that sausage smell."

  "Ok. Want me to get you some soup or anything? Maybe crackers?" Gage was rubbing my back.

  "Ugh! No food. Go to practice so you’re not late. I will be fine."

  "Let me help you clean up first then I will go. I'm the star, not like they can do much without me."

  I grunted as I leaned over the toilet again. I'm not sure what was coming up since I hadn't eaten but it wouldn't stop. After twenty minutes of vomiting I was in bed with my iPad, iPod, and iPhone. Gage made sure I was comfortable before I finally forced him to leave.

  I woke up to my phone chiming, alerting me of a text. Glancing at the screen I saw Libby sent me a text.

  Libby: what the hell is this?

  Her text was followed by a picture of Larkin and some blonde at Jinx and Trent’s apartment. The blonde was on his lap and his face was buried in her neck. What the fuck? Just a few nights ago he was telling me he loved me and now he was snuggled up to some slut.

  I didn't reply to Libby, instead I sent Larkin a text.

  Me: Fuck you. I will give your shit you left at my apartment to Jinx. You are EXACTLY like my ex but worse, at least he wasn't a cheater.

  Not a minute later Larkin was calling me. I ignored call after call until he fi
nally text me.

  Larkin: What the fuck? What are you talking about?

  I sent back the picture of him and blonde slut, nothing else. He didn't reply.

  I was curled up in bed when Libby walked into my room. "Hey honey, just wanted to check on you. I saw Gage earlier and he said you were sick."

  Shrugging my shoulders I mumbled, "Feeling a little better I guess."

  Libby stood beside my bed and curled her lips. "I was really asking about the picture."

  I knew she was but I was trying to avoid that topic. "Fuck him."

  "I'm so sorry Jenna, I don't know what I was thinking the other night when I blurted out that you love him. I was just trying to get Trent to shut up. I should have thought before opening my mouth."

  "Seriously, its fine. Better that we ended now than a year from now. At least I know he's a cheater and I didn't get in too far."

  "You’re in further than you want to admit to yourself. You still got hurt," Libby deadpanned.

  I rolled my eyes and mumbled, "I'm used to it. It just sucks knowing that he lied and I'm not worth the truth to him."

  Libby wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "You are worth it. Honestly I don't know what to say to make it better or to stop your heart from hurting. But, I do have perfect arms for hugs and my ears are awesome listeners. I just want you to be happy and smile."

  "Thanks, chick." I hugged Libby back.

  "Anytime. I am going home this weekend. You’re welcome to join."

  "No. My family will be here tomorrow night and Gage's family will too. You will be back for the game though, right."

  "Hell yeah! I wouldn't miss that game for anything."

  "Good, because I might need some support from my girls. Seeing Larkin on the field will be hard."

  Libby squeezed my hand and said, "Always got your back."

  Libby smiled as she walked out the door. I heard her and Gage talking for a minute before Gage was storming into my room.

  "What the hell is going on? Libby just told me Larkin is not allowed around you and to watch you, make sure you don't go psycho."

  I rolled onto my belly and folded my arms under my pillow as Dollie curled into a ball beside me. "Larkin's a cheater. Libby sent me a picture from the other night of Larkin and some blonde. Before you freak out, I'm fine. Really, I'm not surprised. I mean it sucks, and it hurts but life goes on."

  Gage was crawling into my bed and pulling me to him and said, “J, honestly I never thought he would do that. And before I say this I don’t want you thinking I’m on his side but didn’t you tell him to leave?”

  Scoffing I pulled away and bit out, “Yes, but if he loved me like he claimed why the hell would he be hooking up with some whore already?”

  Gage raised an eyebrow and said, “From first-hand experience I would say to block the pain. I don’t see him doing that though. Maybe you should talk to him?”

  Shutting my eyes I chewed on my bottom lip before saying. “I knew it was going to happen and I prepared myself, but this hurts.”

  Gage wrapped his arms around me kissing my temple. “I know. And I’m here, I will always be here.”

  **********

  It was Thanksgiving morning and I was still feeling like hell. My family and Gage's would be over from their hotel soon and I was still lying in bed, unshowered. Gathering all my energy I tossed my legs over the edge of my bed and forced myself to stand. I fumbled into the kitchen and found Gage at the sink with the turkey, attempting to stuff it and put it in the roaster pot. He looked adorable, like a manly Martha Stewart.

  "Need any help?" I yawned.

  Gage turned his face to look at me and stated, "You look like hell, go back to bed. I got this under control."

  "Wow thanks prince charming."

  Before Gage got the chance to say anything else I was running to the bathroom. My Thanksgiving was spent in bed or in the bathroom. It was lovely, really, just fantastic.

  My mom sat down on my bed and said, "Sweetie I think you should go see a doctor. If you haven't got any better since Monday you may have something other than a virus."

  "Mom, you know how I feel about doctors. I'm actually starting to feel better."

  "This isn't just about you being sick, Gage told me about that boy, Larkin."

  I rolled my eyes. "I'm not sure what he told you, there isn't anything to tell. We dated for a while then I ended it."

  "Not exactly what Gage told me."

  "Mom, don't. Ok? I don't want to talk about it."

  "Ok, honey. When you’re ready, I'm here."

  Forcing a smile I said through clinched teeth, “Mom, drop it. There is nothing to tell.”

  “If you say so sweetie, just promise me you will see the doctor if you’re not better by Monday,” my mom spoke through a half smile.

  The rest of the day was spent curled up on the couch with Dollie, my family, and Gage’s family watching football.

  When Saturday rolled around I was feeling pretty good, well health wise anyway. I really didn’t want to see Larkin or have to watch the entire game looking for the number twenty-one.

  There was a knock on the door before Sadie, Libby, and Megan busted through and Sadie was yelling, “Let’s go hoe.”

  Leave it to Sadie to put a smile on my face. “Ready.”

  Walking into the stadium and seeing Larkin’s jersey everywhere made me want to turn and run but I couldn’t do that to Gage. This was the biggest game of the year and I wanted to support him. Taking a deep breath I plastered on a smile and followed the girls to our seats. Of course we were right behind the boys and wouldn’t you know it, Larkin was standing directly in front of me. God dammit to hell! Attempting to look everywhere but at him I glanced around the stadium then looked for Gage, Trent, Jinx, and Tyler. When Gage and I made eye contact I gave him a thumbs up, earning me a smile.

  When the game started I didn’t want to cheer for Larkin but by the second quarter I found myself screaming and yelling for him. I told myself it was ok since it was the Ohio State, Michigan game but I knew I was yelling because I wanted him to do good, because I loved him. Dammit.

  CHAPTER 22

  Classes had resumed and I was still not feeling great on some days. I shoved it aside and was determined to finish the semester. Since Gage was already talking serious with the New York Jets I was looking into switching schools and going to NYU. New York was the perfect mecca of what I wanted to do. I always wanted to be in advertising, what better place than New York City?

  I only saw Larkin a few times and luckily I saw him before he saw me. I was afraid if he saw me he would try to talk to me and I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't sure if I would ever be ready for that. Every time I saw him my heart would race and my stomach would twist, but I would just turn and walk away. Larkin didn't try to contact me and as far as I knew he wasn't asking about me. I knew that shouldn't bother me but it was killing me. Then one night Gage, Trent, and Jinx were in the living room talking, obviously not realizing I could hear everything they were saying. Trent mentioned Larkin had random girls at their apartment numerous nights that week and how he was getting tired of it. My heart sank.

  When December came around I was slowly feeling better and just in time for my twentieth birthday. Sadie had made plans for everyone, except Larkin, to go out for my birthday. She had just found out she was thirteen weeks pregnant and agreed to be the DD for the night. I was so excited to get out and start living my life again. I wanted to put Larkin in my past and go back to having fun.

  "Libby, can I borrow your Lucky jeans, the ones with the lace and rips?" Libby and I were the same size, only she was a few inches taller which was perfect for all my heels.

  "Of course, anything for the birthday girl." Libby walked into her closet and brought her jeans out tossing them at me.

  I pulled my sweatpants down and pulled her jeans up, they wouldn't button. What the hell? "Lib, are these size four?"

  Libby turned around facing me and said, "Yes, why?"

&
nbsp; I had been wearing sweatpants for weeks and not eating so how the hell had I gained weight? "These don't fit!"

  Libby, Sadie, and Megan looked around at each other. Sadie was the one who spoke up, "We didn't want to say anything but judging by my symptoms we kinda think you’re pregnant."

  My face paled, I knew for a fact there was no way I was pregnant. "No, trust me. No way in hell."

  "Jenna, what you went through is exactly what I did," Sadie said grabbing my hand. "I have an extra test that I never took, why don't you take it just to be sure."

  I couldn't tell them why I knew for a fact that I wasn't pregnant, so I agreed to pee on the damn stick to shut them up. I stalked into the bathroom and Sadie rummaged through the bathroom closet before handing me the test. I felt the lump forming in my throat but I refused to cry. I would never be pregnant and peeing on this stick was just a tease but this was my only way to get out of telling everyone my darkest secret.

  Grabbing the stick from Sadie I shoved it between my legs and let my pee fall. I sat the stick on the side of the sink and pulled my sweatpants up. I walked out of the room not wanting to see the negative pop up. I flung myself onto Libby's bed and waited for Sadie to walk out and inform me that I would not be a mother.

  There was a loud screeching sound and Sadie running into the room, "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Jenna you’re having a baby! We can be mommies together!"

  I jerked upright and screeched, "W-what? There is no way!"

  Sadie shoved the test in my face and squealed, "What the hell does that say? It says positive!"

  I grabbed the test from her and stared at it, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. How...how could I be pregnant? Shaking my head, I felt my tears slowly falling, "I um, I think I need to call Gage. I'm not really sure what to do."

  Megan wrapped her arms around me. "We are all here for you. Larkin's the dad, isn't he?"

  I nodded and felt more tears spilling over before saying, "I don't want him to know. This has to stay between us!"