Trying to Stay Saved

by E. N. Joy

  The bass in Blake’s voice startled Paige. She jumped, dropping the bag of ice. Nita, on the other hand, was unmoved as both she and Paige turned their attention to the doorway.

  “Oh, uh, nothing,” Paige said in a poor attempt to hide her nervousness. “I was just telling Sister Nita here that you were, you know, in the office talking with Pastor. She was asking how you were and all. That’s all.”

  There was silence as the lie bounced off the walls, never really finding a place of belief to land.

  “Anyway,” Blake said to Paige, “Pastor is waiting for you. I gotta head back to work. Walk me out before you go to Pastor’s office, okay?”

  “Oh, yes, sure.” Paige went to pick up the ice pack, but Nita beat her to it.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get it.” Nita picked up the ice pack and walked over to the freezer. “I’ll just put it in the freezer so that it will be waiting for you the next time.” She placed it in the freezer, then left the kitchen, brushing past Blake. She looked back at Paige and said, “And trust me, nine times out of ten, there will be a next time.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  “I really appreciate you coming over here these past couple of days checking on me and making sure I get a decent meal,” Uriah stated as he pushed his plate away. “But I just haven’t had an appetite. Especially not today.”

  “You gotta eat,” Mother Doreen told him as she pushed the plate back toward him. Instead of silence, there was the clinging of a fork hitting a plate, then the slurping of juice.

  Both Mother Doreen and Uriah turned in the direction from where the noise was coming. It took a few seconds before Pastor Frey realized two sets of eyes were fixed him. He continued to stuff his face with the split polish sausage, jelly toast, scrambled eggs, and cheese grits, washing it all down with freshly squeezed orange juice. Coming up for air, he noticed Mother Doreen and Uriah staring at him.

  “Oh, pardon me.” Slightly embarrassed, Pastor Frey picked up his napkin and wiped his mouth.

  “But this one, on the other hand,” Mother Doreen pointed at Pastor Frey, “I suppose is eating enough for the both of yous.”

  “I’ma single man. Before Uriah showed up here and you came over to cook for him, I was living off bread alone, and you know what Jesus had to say about that.” Pastor Frey took another drink of orange juice.

  “Forgive me, Pastor,” Mother Doreen replied, “but I don’t think this is exactly what our Lord and Savior had in mind when He made that statement about man not living on bread alone. Nonetheless, I’m glad you’re enjoying it. It’s the least I can do for you for allowing my brother-in-law to stay here until he and Bethany get things situated.” Mother Doreen turned to Uriah. “I spoke to her; let her know we’d be there in about an hour or so. She wants to make sure you two have plenty of time to talk before the kids get home from school.”

  Uriah nodded to let her know he was listening, although he wasn’t making eye contact with her.

  “Oh, and she said she hasn’t said anything to the kids. She didn’t know what to tell them. She wanted to talk to you first,” Mother Doreen told him.

  Uriah nodded, then he asked, “Is that man still staying in my house?”

  “No. He hasn’t been there since the day you came back,” Mother Doreen replied. “But like I told you, he’d only been there for a couple of days since his wife put him out, and he didn’t have any place to go.”

  Uriah shook his head. “And that’s my Bethany; always willing to take in a stray dog.” He slammed his fist on the table. “The nerve of that man! He had me fooled. Loaning me that money so I could buy my truck because he knew I’d always be on the road. That gave him all the time he needed to impregnate my wife. He basically bought her, so you know what that makes her, don’t you?” Uriah’s veins nearly popped out from the side of his head. “That’s it! I can’t do it. I can’t go over there and talk to her. I don’t even think I can stand to look at that woman. I should have just stayed gone, living from hand to mouth like the homeless man I was. With the pain I’m feeling, I would have been better off dead.”

  “Now come on, son,” Pastor Frey interrupted, putting his fork down. “That’s the devil talking, and I rebuke him in the name of Jesus.”

  “I’m sorry, Pastor Frey.” Uriah calmed down, regretting indirectly calling his wife a prostitute. “You and I both know that ain’t nothing but a bunch of crazy talk,” Uriah admitted. “I’m just feeling so much pain right now. And I thought I was in pain lying on the side of the road after the accident. That was a cakewalk compared to what I’m about to face.” Uriah looked at Pastor Frey. “What do I say to her?”

  Pastor Frey stood. “Well, first off, son, you have to admit your own faults. You have to set her free first by apologizing to her for this whole death-faking thing. Then I’m sure the Holy Spirit will lead you from there.”

  “But that’s the thing,” Mother Doreen chimed in, “you have to let the Holy Spirit lead you.”

  Taking a deep breath, Uriah nodded his understanding. “Well, you ’bout ready to go, sis?”

  “Yes, sir,” Mother Doreen stated, holding her purse and keys in hand.

  Pastor Frey patted Uriah on the back. “Just remember, Brother Uriah, I don’t know how things are about to turn out, but know that you have a place here for as long as you like.”

  “Thank you, Pastor Frey,” Uriah said, shaking his extended hand. “I hope you really mean that and are not just saying it because you want Doreen to come back and do some more cooking.”

  The three let out a chuckle.

  “No, son, I really mean it,” Pastor Frey confirmed.

  “Thank you, Pastor, for being the man you are,” Uriah stated, “and not some jackleg preacher man like Pastor Davidson.”

  “Now, now, son. I had my part in all of this too. I knew what was going on between your wife and our pastor.”

  “I know, and I thank you for sharing that with me and being honest.”

  “Well, I didn’t want to have you staying here up under my roof not knowing everything.”

  “And like I said, I appreciate that, and I forgive you.”

  “Thank you.” The two men shared a brotherly hug.

  “Come on now, Uriah,” Mother Doreen said, walking to the door. “We better get going.”

  And on that note, they exited the house. They got in Mother Doreen’s car and drove off to meet with Bethany. Mother Doreen planned on dropping Uriah off and allowing him to talk with his wife while she stayed outside and interceded in prayer, no matter how many hours it took. Then afterward, she’d go inside because she still had a word or two for her little sister. If Bethany thought she could just put Mother Doreen out of her house and be done with her, she had another thing coming.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Lorain, calling in sick after being gone from work three long months, did not make a smart move. Due to her fall and memory loss thing, her job understood and had granted her a temporary medical leave of absence. Now, not only had she called in sick, but she’d left the message in her boss’s voice mailbox, a major no-no in corporate America, right next to having your boyfriend or mother call in sick for you.

  Lying in bed, she looked over at her makeshift makeup counter of Mary Kay cosmetics. She hadn’t even pushed a tube of lip gloss since she could remember. So right about now, that side gig alone definitely wouldn’t pay her bills. Her job was her bread and butter, and no matter what was going on in her personal life, she couldn’t afford to jeopardize it. So, on second notion, Lorain decided to drag herself out of bed and go on to work. She couldn’t risk her livelihood even though right about now she didn’t feel much like living anyway.

  She didn’t know why, but all of the guilt and shame and insecurities Lorain had felt back in middle school, she felt all over again now. It was heavy, weighing her down something awful. Why was it that that man could still make her feel that way? It was like she could still hear him telling her how the way she dressed had something to do
with what he’d done to her. His words had made her feel so dirty. Just thinking about them made her feel dirty, so much so that even though she’d taken a shower last night before going to bed, she felt she desperately needed another one.

  As Lorain got out of bed and hopped in the shower, there was something else that worried her the most. Why did she not only feel bad about having to tell her mother about her past with Broady, but she almost felt even worse for Broady. She’d heard more times than she could remember since getting saved that God pulls the covers off of people. And maybe that was true. So did that mean that she should sit back and wait on God to do it instead of doing it herself?

  “God, I need to talk to you,” Lorain began to pray as the shower water pellets pummeled her body. She’d set the showerhead massager on high. “I need your guidance, Lord. In the name of Jesus I need a word from you, Lord. Every time I feel as though you are laying the red carpet out for me to move forth in this thing, doubt creeps in. I don’t know if you are really in control, orchestrating this entire thing, or if Satan is trying to confuse me. God, I know you are not the author of confusion; therefore, the enemy must be trying to infiltrate the matter. So in Jesus’ name, Satan, I command you to move out of my way. Take your dirty tricks with you to the pits of hell where you belong. In Jesus’ name.”

  Feeling confident that her words had saturated the atmosphere and had begun to work, Lorain felt victorious as she washed up, got out of the shower, and dried off. With the towel wrapped around her size twelve frame, she walked out of the bathroom and over to her bedroom phone and made a quick call to her job, letting her boss know that she was feeling better and would be in.

  After getting dressed, Lorain used a foam mousse to spike up her edgy haircut that was tapered at her neck. Before she knew it, she was almost out the door. She’d forgotten all about how she’d learned that her mother had already married the very man she’d gone over there to keep her from marrying. She’d forgotten about how she had to feign happiness; how when she broke out crying she had to lie to her mother and tell her that they were tears of joy. She’d forgotten how she’d rushed out of her mother’s house, afraid she’d lose the contents of her stomach right there in her mother’s living room. But what she’d told her mother is that she felt awful for interrupting their honeymoon and wanted them to have time alone. She hadn’t heard from her mother again until this morning.

  “I called your job, and they said you weren’t there,” Eleanor had said into the phone receiver, worry etching her tone. “They said you were home sick. Do you need me to do anything for you? It’s not your head, is it?”

  Lorain had assured her mother that she’d be just fine, that she’d probably just overdone it with the cleaning this past weekend and needed to rest her body. Eleanor had insisted that she come tend to her daughter, but Lorain forbade her, telling her that she just needed the rest.

  So now as Lorain grasped the doorknob, ready to step outside and face the breezy April weather, the ringing of the doorbell didn’t surprise her. She knew just how persistent her mother could be.

  “That mother of mine . . .” Lorain huffed as she made her way to the door and opened it. “Ma, didn’t I tell you—” Lorain started after flinging open the door, but then realized that it wasn’t her mother at all. It was Broady.

  “Lorain,” Broady said as he stood on her porch. “Can I come in? We need to talk.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Paige got out of the shower and wrapped the towel around her body. There was a time when she couldn’t get the towel halfway around her body, but in the past couple of months, she’d been averaging a seven- to eight-pound a month weight loss. It was starting to show. She walked over to the mirror and that’s when she realized that more than just her weight loss was starting to show. There was now a visible bruise on her left arm. With her skin being as dark as it was, she was surprised that a bruise had even shown up. It looked as though Blake had punched her in the arm. But he would never hit her. He’d just yanked at her arm a little too hard the other day at church. He’d gripped it too tightly. Paige knew he hadn’t meant to. He was just anxious to find out what she’d been saying and who she’d been saying it to, if anybody. He hadn’t realized, as they stood in the church kitchen, that he was gripping and yanking at her arm so roughly.

  “What did you tell her? What were you saying to her about me?” He’d grabbed Paige’s arm and asked her once Nita was out of sight. “What were you saying about us? Did you tell her I did that to you?” He pointed to her hand, the one he’d smacked the night before. “Is that what you’re going to tell Pastor? Let me guess, you’ve already said something, haven’t you? That’s why Pastor wanted to counsel us separately, huh?”

  Paige wanted to reply, but Blake didn’t give her a chance. In addition to that, she was in too much pain to think clearly. His fingers clutched around her arm felt like the jaws of death. Even now she flinched at just the thought of how painful it had been.

  “You almost ready?” Blake’s voice boomed as he peeked his head into the bathroom.

  Paige nearly jumped out of her skin.

  “Oh, honey, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Blake came inside the bathroom and walked over to her. He placed his hands on her arms to comfort her and gently rubbed. But his touch made her jump out of her skin once again.

  “Owee!” she yelped, then rested her hand softly over her bruise to protect it.

  “What is it? Let me see.” Blake examined the bruise and swelling on Paige’s arm. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” He kissed her on the forehead.

  His kiss was a nice apology. It made Paige feel better.

  “I didn’t know you had a bruise,” Blake told her. “How in the world did you do that? You need to be more careful.”

  Paige was in complete disbelief. Had he really just asked her that question? Was he really in that much of denial?

  Realizing that his wife was staring at him like he had two heads and three legs, Blake innocently asked, “What?”

  “Are you serious?” Paige asked. “You did this; yesterday at the church . . . in the kitchen.”

  Blake thought for a minute while shaking his head, a sign that he clearly didn’t recall his manhandling of her. It had been the action that was responsible for the bruise on her arm.

  “Remember, when you were questioning me about what I might have told anyone about you. You stood right in the kitchen and squeezed my arm.”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t realize I was holding it so tight that I’d bruised it.”

  “Well, you were.” Just thinking about it, Paige copped an attitude and created some space between her and her husband. “Anyway, we have to meet your mother and her attorney. I don’t want to make you late this time, so I need to finish getting dressed.” Paige made an attempt to brush by Blake, but he blocked her path.

  “I . . . I’m so sorry. I can tell you’re upset.” Blake fished around in his mind for words. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Forget it. It’s nothing.” At least that’s what Paige kept telling herself—that it was nothing. Even when she was alone in Pastor’s office and Pastor asked her what was going on between her and Blake, Paige’s response had been, “Nothing.” But she couldn’t help but following it up with, “Why do you ask?”

  “No reason in particular, I guess,” her pastor had replied. “You and Blake were both just acting a little strange is all. I figured maybe something might have been going on that neither of you wanted to discuss in front of the other. Sometimes couples get uncomfortable or embarrassed discussing certain topics in front of their mate. Subject matters like sex, for example.”

  “Oh, well, Pastor, I guarantee you that everything is just fine in that area,” Paige had been proud to say, considering at the beginning of her marriage, Blake barely touched her. He’d kept himself super busy with work in order to make a nice little nest egg for the two of them. This was the same nest egg his estranged mother was now threatening to take.
But at the thought of almost losing Paige in the car accident and to diabetes, Blake had reprioritized things. He’d made great strives in tearing himself away from his job in order to spend more time at home with her.

  At first, Paige greatly appreciated his efforts. She loved having Blake home more, but now, with him always being on edge, she’d almost rather he stayed at the office. There was so much tension in the home. He was so unpredictable these days. Disagreements came so easy now. Paige hated that part of their marriage and prayed that with the counseling things would get back on track . . . and soon. She didn’t want to get into the habit of hiding bruises or lying to her pastor, for that matter. After all, what good would counseling do if she wasn’t going to be honest?

  Pastor had expressed such by reminding Paige, “You know this whole counseling thing only works if both spouses are honest about their feelings and what’s going on in the marriage. And if you can’t be honest with each other, well, I’d hope you’d at least be honest with me. That way, I’ll know what to seek God for on your behalf and hear from Him clearly regarding His word about your situation. I’m not God, just one of His vessels that He’s called to do His work here on earth.”

  Paige believed her pastor heard from God. That was evident by the Sunday sermons and her pastor’s Christian walk, period. But on the same token, her pastor wasn’t married, and to her knowledge, had never been married. So there was a little part of her that doubted whether it was worth it to share everything about her marriage; at least the thing in her marriage that was starting to bother her, even scare her to some degree. That thing being Blake’s temper and his “accidentally” grabbing her and hitting her too hard.

  Would Pastor truly understand or jump to conclusions? To Paige, it felt impossible for someone who wasn’t in her shoes to relate to what she was going through. At least for now, Paige decided to hold back. And if all went well, things would get back on track and it would all be water under the bridge. Blake would be back to his old self in no time. And hopefully, so would the bruised patch of skin on her arm.