Embracing Love

by Delisa Lynn

  I didn’t reply. I called Addie to see how she and Eric were doing. They sounded so happy and so much in love. Liam still hadn’t arrived. “Hey Lila, how are you doing?”

  “Hey dad, I’m good. School is going great and I love New York so far.” “That’s great, pumpkin. I hope you are staying away from those guys out there.” “Dad you know me, it’s all about studying. You also know my heart is with Liam.” “Speaking of Liam, where is that fellow of yours at anyway?” “He should be here soon.”

  I decided to go to The Ellis’ to see if they had heard from Liam. “Well hello Ashton!” “Hey Lila, what brings you here?” “I’m looking for Liam. Have you heard from him?” “No, I haven’t. Did you check with Ads?” “Yes, she hasn’t either. I will just go to the beach house to wait for him, so if you hear please let him know I am there.” Sometimes it was still odd talking to Ashton after everything that happened.

  The beach house looked dark and empty. My parents don’t come here a lot. I had decided to pick up some groceries on my way there. As I tried to unlock the door, it opened. I jumped back and a familiar face stepped out the door. “Liam! You scared the shit out of me!” “I’m sorry, beautiful, I went home and Ash said you were here.”

  “Lila, I have missed you so much.” “I have missed you more.” I said. “I am going to make dinner, steak and baked potatoes, okay?” “I’m sure whatever you make will be fine.”

  “Okay, I’ll get the grill ready.” “Umm, let’s not worry about that right now.” “Liam, what are you up to?” He led me to the bedroom and started kissing me. “I have missed your touch so much, Lila” “I missed yours more,” I said. He took my clothes off, then lay me on the bed as he explored my body.

  He literally kissed and licked every inch of me. I started undressing him, I loved to touch his body. I ran my hands up and down him, I wanted to feel him in my mouth again. “Ba-B-Baby, please, I want to be inside of you, please let me love you.” I rolled over as he started to enter me. Oh my goodness, I have missed this man. “Oh my god, Liam I have missed you inside of me.” Good god, I loved making love to this man. “Faster Liam, faster.” I wanted to come all over him. “Lila, I can’t hold it any longer, I’m going to come baby.” “Wait, one more second Liam, I-I-I now, now, holy shit! That was fucking amazing.” We both came together. He kissed me with more passion than he ever had. “I love you, Lila.” “I love you more, Liam.”

  We made love again, then showered and went out to make dinner.

  “When did you start drinking wine, Lila?” “I just bought it in case you wanted some.”

  I had been drinking that shit every night since being in New York City. It made my thoughts clear. I didn’t want to tell Liam that though. How do you tell your future husband you are having wet dreams about another man? Wine will work just fine to keep my mind clear.

  “So how is school going?” “Good, I just wish you and Addie were there with me.” “I will be soon, my love. I only have eight months of basic training left.”

  “After that are you going to relocate to New York with me?” “Are you asking me to?” “Hell yes! Well, I’m not going to ask, I’m telling you that you are.” I laughed. “Yes, ma’am. Lila I love you more than I ever imagined I would.”

  I walked over to him and kissed his neck. “I love you more than life itself!”

  “You make me one happy man, Miss Carls, well someday that will be Mrs. Ellis.” “Is that a promise?” “Of course it is. When you are finished with school and I can relocate back here. I still am unsure if I want to move into my house.” “I’m one lucky lady, sometimes when I am with you I feel like it’s all a dream.” “No dream, beautiful, I’m all yours.”

  Liam and I had so much fun playing house again. He’d decided he wanted to look for his birthmother. He had her name and knew she was eighteen when she had him. I was worried that maybe he would be disappointed when he did find her.

  “Liam, are you sure you want to do this?” I asked as we pulled in the parking lot to the adoption agency. “I’m positive I want to do this. I need to know.” A little old lady helped us, she informed us that the records were sealed and she had no information on Liam’s birth mother. She suggested since it was so long ago, maybe contact the hospital or any family that would know. Liam was determined to find her. “What if I have brothers, sisters and a father? Lila, I want to find them, they will never replace my family. It’s just something I want to do.”

  We only had one day left. I was flying back to New York and Liam was going back to the base. He was originally to be finished and back at a location by September but they informed him that it would be November. He still had eleven months to go. God, how was I going to survive, not knowing when I would see his handsome smile again? He had the brightest smile and perfect teeth. You would think he wore braces for years, but he never needed them.

  “Lila, please know that I think of you every minute of the day. I am going to make these eleven months go by so fast.” “I can’t see you the entire time?” “Beautiful, I’m not sure. There are guys there that say I’m really lucky that I have gotten two leaves already.” I just broke down right there. “Liam, I can’t keep doing this. It breaks my heart knowing you are out there, God only knows where. What if you get hurt? I would never be able to go on without you! I need you.”

  “I know, please don’t do this, my love. Look at me, I promise you I will be back! Don’t you ever think that I won’t! I wanted you for so damn long and now that you are mine I’m not fucking this up. You hear me Lila Rae, I will be back and we will be together.”

  “Liam, I-I…just love you so much, I have never loved before and it scares the hell out of me to think something is going to happen to you.” “I will be fine and so will you! Knowing how much you love and want me keeps me safe. Thinking about you, looking at your pictures, your letters. Lila, you make me strong! I live every minute because I know you are here waiting for me. Now you need to be strong for me. Lila, I need you to stay focused and help us get through these months.”

  I walked in the airport and just wanted to run the other way. I could hear the overhead music. It was “Far Away” by Nickelback. Every lyric ran through my mind, he was going to be so far away. I wanted to throw Liam in the car and drive as far as we could. Just start over so he wouldn’t have to go back. I could go to school anywhere. I managed to pull myself together and prayed for his safe return. Liam held me in his arms as I sobbed like a two year old. “L, you have to focus on school and helping find my birth mother.”

  “I can do that, Liam; I will find her for you.” He kissed my forehead and walked away. I could see he was crying when he looked back and gave a wave. Would that be the last time I saw the love of my life, my heart and soul?

  I texted Nikki to come pick me up from the airport. Evan had texted and called several times already. I didn’t respond. “Lila, you look awful, are you okay?”

  “Nik, I don’t know when I will see him again. He may not be able to leave until November. What am I going to do? I can’t go that long without him, what if something happens to him?”

  “Lila calm down, you are very strong and he will be fine. If you have to wait until November to see him, then that’ll be one horny and happy man when you do see him. You must really love him, you never act like this. I know you were upset when I moved across the country, did you cry this much?” “Shut up bitch, I love you and you know it.” By now I was laughing so hard and still crying as I laughed I kept snorting. “I love you too, but you are a snorting bitch.” “I’ve missed you. You know you and Addie are my bitches.” “Always bestie, always.”

  Evan: Hey Lila, are you okay? Are you back yet? I’m worried about you. Please call me.

  Lila: Evan I’m fine, I’m almost home. I’m really tired. I will call you later.

  Evan: Ok, glad you are safe. I will bring you breakfast.

  “Nikki, what am I going to do about Evan? He seems to want more although he says he doesn’t.” “Lila, t
hat man has it bad for you for sure. Brody said that he hasn’t seen him this happy in a long time.” I was so tired. I decided to text Ads and go to sleep.

  Lila: Hey Ads, really wish I could have seen you when I was home. How are you and that brother of mine doing? Miss you both so much!!

  Ads: Hey Stranger! We are doing fantastic, how was the visit with my cousin? You two are so in love. Don’t deny it either Lila Rae!

  Lila: Oh Ads, I love him so fucking much. I never thought I would love someone as much as I do him. I made a scene at the airport when I broke down sobbing, begging him to stay with me. I know he couldn’t, I miss him already. Why didn’t you hook us up sooner? Give my brother a hug for me. When are you coming out here? Nikki and I need our girl time with you. I’m falling asleep. I love you both doll <3

  I woke up with four texts from Evan and one from Addie. She and Eric were planning a visit next month. I called Evan and told him we could go to breakfast. Nikki was already out with Brody and classes didn’t start for a couple days. I took a shower and cried the entire time, I wondered if Liam had left yet. I tried calling him, it went straight to voice mail.

  “Hello, pretty lady, you…um…look like shit, Lila.” I knew I did, I had cried so much my face was swollen and I hadn’t bothered putting any makeup on. “Thanks, Evan, you are such a good friend!” I laughed and hugged him. He was so strong and gentle and that smell. He always smelled so damn good. “Lila, I’m sorry, is everything okay?” “Yes, it was just hard to leave Liam. I may not see him till November.” “Oh Lila, I’m so sorry, you’ll be okay!

  You want to go for a drive after breakfast?” “Sure, where are we going? You sure you aren’t ashamed of the way I look?” “Hell no, you look gorgeous no matter what.” “Thanks, you really are a great friend, I wasn’t kidding.” I know he noticed the blush that came over my cheeks. “I try to be, you are a special lady, Miss Carls.”

  We went to the café, it was the best place around. I loved going for breakfast. I was trying to enjoy myself and not think about Liam. I knew Evan could tell I wasn’t my normal self. “Lila, I know you love bacon, and you haven’t eaten any of it.”

  “I’m sorry Evan, so where are we driving to?” “I just figured we could just drive and sightsee. If that’s okay?” “That would be great, Evan.” I ate my breakfast, I wasn’t hungry but I forced myself to eat. I had to get back to my normal self, it was just months, not a lifetime.

  We drove around New York, parts I hadn’t seen yet and it was beautiful. We decided to take a tour bus because traffic was so crazy. “Evan, thank you,” I whispered. “I needed this.” “Anytime Lila!” He held my hand, friends could hold hands, right? I wondered if I should move it, but I was comfortable. I was so tired and the tour was really long, I hadn’t realized I fell asleep. When I woke up, I noticed my head was in Evan’s lap. I jumped up and apologized. “Lila, it’s okay, you were tired, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “Evan, I don’t want you to get the wrong impression. We are just friends, I love my Liam.” “Lila, I know! You have told me this already. We are friends and I respect you and Liam. I won’t do anything to jeopardize your trust.” “Evan, I’m sorry for acting like that. I know you wouldn’t.”

  We went back to the car and I noticed I had calls from Nikki. She left a voice mail saying she was staying with Brody. I was used to her not being around much lately. I still hadn’t talked to Liam. I knew he was okay, and he would write me soon.

  “Evan, I’m starving. Want to grab some pizza?” “Sure Lila, I wasn’t ready to take you back to the dorms yet.” “Well you may not want to go home, Nikki is staying with Brody.”

  “Oh great, I may sleep in my car!” He laughed. “I don’t blame you, you can come hang out with me. I’m awake now.” I ordered the pizza and we went back to the dorm. Evan’s phone kept ringing. I noticed he kept ignoring it. “Evan is everything, okay? Do you need to answer that?” “Yeah, everything is good. It’s just Alyssa.” Oh skankzilla wasn’t giving up. “Evan, you can call her. You can see if she wants to come hang out with us!” Did I just say that? What the hell was I thinking? I don’t want to watch her drool all over him.

  “Lila, I don’t want to talk to her right now.” “Okay, I understand, let me see your phone.” I took his phone and turned it off and laid it on the counter.

  We ate and talked for hours, Evan had a great sense of humor. I laughed so hard I was in tears and had to run to the bathroom before I peed myself.

  “Lila, are you all right in there?” “Oh I’m fine, I just laughed way too much. Are you going to ever play your guitar for me again?” “Well, maybe if you are nice enough.” I could hear him chuckle.

  It was getting late, I thought really hard before asking him if he wanted to stay. “Evan, it’s late, why don’t you just stay here? You can have my room or the couch.” “Okay, that would be great. I’m really tired.”

  I fixed my bed for him even though he said he was fine with the couch. I knew the couch was hard and he was bigger and taller than me.

  “Lila, do you want to move this?” He was holding up my bra laughing, it must have fell out of my arms when I was clearing off my bed. “Oh my, give me that!” I was so embarrassed. He just laughed at me.

  As I lay on the couch tossing and turning, I wondered how Liam was doing. I felt my thoughts focusing on Evan’s past. I couldn’t imagine going through something like that at that age. I laid there for what seemed to be hours. Finally, I got up and went to the bedroom. I knew I would regret my decision but I needed to be close to him.

  “Evan, are you awake?” “I am now Lila, everything okay?” “Yeah I…I can’t sleep and I needed to check on you, I actually wanted to sleep on the other side of the bed. Are you okay with that?” I knew he would be, I could hear it in his voice. “Of course, it’s your bed!” I lay down next to Evan.

  We talked for what seemed like hours, he stayed on his side and me on mine. When I felt his hand intertwine with mine, I didn’t move it. I wrapped my fingers around his. I wasn’t sure what time I had fallen asleep but I awoke with the sun shining through the window and Evan’s arms around my waist.

  I heard Nikki calling my name, then the door flung open. “Li—Evan?! I uh… Oops, never mind!” “Nikki wait, it isn’t what you think.” I walked out of the bedroom and Brody was standing there smiling. “What are you smiling for, Brody, remember I saw your naked ass.” I laughed and he just kept smiling. “Where is Evan?” he said it like he didn’t know he was in there. “Brody, he is in my room but nothing happened between us!”

  “Good morning everyone, how about breakfast at the café? My treat.” “Sure Evan, I’m starving man.” “Brody, you’re always starved!” Nikki said. We got ready and headed to the café. I enjoyed hanging out with the three of them. When the waitress came to take our order, she knew what Evan and I both wanted. We ate then went for a walk in the park. “Lila, would you cook us all dinner, I can go grocery shopping for everything.”

  “Evan, that is a great idea” said Brody. “Okay guys, I can. What will it be? Bacon? Eggs?” I laughed, that was my favorite, not theirs. “I was thinking some corn bread and chili.”

  “Evan, I don’t know how to make cornbread!” I laughed. They all just looked at me and Nikki said, “They have a box mix you can use.” “Well let’s go grocery shopping. That means all of us.”

  We walked in the store, it was nice the four of us shopping together. Evan said he would push the trolley. “Trolley?” “Oh hell I forgot y’all are Cali women.” “Evan, I lived in Ohio, I know what a trolley is, Lila it’s a damn grocery cart.” They were really laughing at me by now. We went back to Evan and Brody’s. I cooked Chili and boxed corn muffins. I didn’t tell them but I had no clue how the hell to make the damn chili. It turned out good though. We had a great time. “How about some poker?” asked Brody.

  “I am not playing strip poker with you fuckers,” I said as they all laughed. “Come on Lila, live a little,” said Brody. “
I will if you will, Lila?” offered Nikki. Fuck, what have I gotten myself into? “Fine, I’m not taking all my clothes off though.” Glad I was good at poker. Poor Brody sucked, unless he just wanted us to see him in his hat and boxers. I couldn’t stop laughing. I still had almost all my clothes on, so did Nikki. “Evan, your turn, now take that shit off.” I laughed. He was now down to his boxers, as he slid his jeans off I looked over.

  Good God, his package looked even bigger in those boxers. Don’t look Lila, don’t look. Nikki busted out laughing. “Okay guys, I got to get going.” Whew, that was close. I would’ve had to take my shirt off, had I not called game off. I couldn’t get Evan’s package out of my mind either.

  I attended class every day and I also asked to do extra credit projects. I tried to keep myself busy. Eric and Addison weren’t able to visit due to their schedules. I was upset, but I understood.

  Nikki and Brody were still seeing each other, and I still hung out with Evan. It’d been four months since I’ve seen and talked to Liam. I did receive three letters, but he couldn’t tell me where he was. He said he had a surprise for me. He would show me when he came home. I wondered what it could be. It was almost summer and everyone was making plans. I just wanted to continue classes so November would get here.

  “Lila, I wanted to talk to you. I’m sorry to do this but I’m going back home. I decided I would finish school there but I love being here with you. I miss my family and my mom could really use my help with my little sisters.” “Oh Nikki, what am I going to do? What about Brody?” “Well, I haven’t told him yet!” “So he has no idea you are leaving?

  When are you leaving?” “I’m leaving in a few weeks.”

  I know Brody was going to be heart broken. He loved her. I could tell, she said she loved him too. I was going to be so lost, Nikki would be in Ohio, Addi in Boston, and Liam God only knows where.