Embracing Love

by Delisa Lynn

  I decided I was going to go visit Addi and Eric. I’d never been to Boston. I was going the day after Nikki left. Evan was going to Utah and needed to be Brody’s shoulder to cry on since Nikki ended up breaking up with him. I felt so bad for him.

  “Nikki, I’m going to miss you! You’re such a bitch. How are you just going to leave me out here all alone?” “Oh you’ll be fine! You have Evan and Brody, Heather and Margie. Oh and don’t forget skankzilla Alyssa. If you need me, call and I will be on the first flight back to you.” “Is that a promise, Nik?” “You know it, always!”

  My plane landed in Boston. I was so excited to see my brother and my best friend. “Lila, we’re over here to your left.” “Ads!” I yelled. “I’m so happy to see you my friend, I’ve missed you so much. I’ve missed you too, Eric.”

  I hugged them both, then we headed to their place. They had a great loft. They both were studying medicine and they didn’t want to live on campus. Of course, when Eric got the place, I’m sure my parents didn’t know Addison would be living there also.

  We went to dinner that night and I hadn’t mentioned Liam. I was waiting for one of them to ask me if I had heard from him, which I hadn’t. Our one year anniversary was this week. I wish we were all back in California and still in high school. Everything had changed so much. “Lila, how is New York? Are you still hanging out with Evan?” “Everything is good. Yes, Evan is a great friend. Now that Nikki went back to Ohio, he and Brody are my only friends there.” I laughed.

  Addison and I went shopping, that was our favorite pastime. “How are you doing, not being able to speak to Liam?” “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I think about him constantly. I go to class, my grades are good. I don’t see how, because all I think about is Liam. I really wish he hadn’t went, I knew I was going to fall in love with him, Ads, who wouldn’t love him. He is perfect!” By now I was in tears. “Lila, I’m so sorry my friend, I know he loves you more than anything. After losing his parents, he went through a rough time. I’m not sure if he told you but he almost dropped out of school. That’s why he graduated with us. He wouldn’t open up to anyone, then he met you. Although you were with Ashton, he knew someday he would have you.” “What? He told you that?” “Yes. He’s loved you since he met you, Lila Rae.” “Thanks, now I miss him even more.”

  I stayed with my brother and my best friend for a week. I loved spending time with them. They were such a happy couple. I could see wedding bells in their future. Evan texted me almost daily. He ran into some old friends while being back home and they told him that Brynlea had been looking for him. I hope they find each other, I know how much she meant to him.

  I went back to the dorms in hopes of having a letter from Liam. I checked the mail and it was there.

  Hey Beautiful,

  I miss your face so fucking bad, Lila. I think of you every minute of every day. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms and to kiss you all over that sexy body of yours. I have made a really good friend here. He has a fiancée and I think he loves her as much as I love you. He’s a good guy. Hopefully you’ll be able to meet him, he’s from New York. How is school? Have you found anything out about my mother yet? You can write me back at the address on the envelope. I can have mail now. You can also send me some updated pictures, I would love to have some that shows that beautiful body you have.

  I love you ‘L.’

  Always,

  Liam Ellis

  I was so happy to see that Liam was okay. I called Addison as soon as I finished reading it. She called her mom on three way. “Lila, you take care of that nephew of mine. He’s one special man.” “I know Mrs. Ellis, and I’ll take good care of him.”

  Evan called and wanted to go to lunch. I was starving, so I went. “Were you able to get in touch with Brynlea? Did they give you a number or address?” “No, they didn’t give me any info. I honestly don’t think I want to see her. She left me and never called or emailed. She just made it like I never existed.”

  “Evan, it was her parents, not her. Maybe she had no way of communicating. All I’m saying is maybe you should hear her side of the story.” “Thanks, you do have a good point. Still not sure I want to look at her after what she did.”

  I needed to focus on locating Liam’s birth mother, I hadn’t told anyone about this. I really wished I could talk with Addison about it but it wasn’t my place to tell anyone. I decided to call the adoption agency again, hoping to speak with someone different. I explained to the gentleman who we were looking for. “Ma’am, would she be in her late thirties to early forties now?” “Yes, she would, sir.” I gave him my number to call me back once he did more research. I knew it would be a few days.

  I wanted some alone time, so I rented my favorite movie “The Notebook” and ordered Chinese food. I curled up on the couch and ate. I laughed and cried. That movie always did that to me. I woke up and realized I hadn’t turned my phone back on.

  I had four voicemails and ten texts from Evan. Before I got a chance to call him back, he was at the door. “Lila! Lila! Are you in there?” I opened the door not realizing all I was wearing was a lace thong and one of Liam’s T-shirts.

  “Evan, what the hell is wrong? Can’t I have some alone time?” He then grabbed me and just hugged me, I noticed he was crying. Evan what’s wrong?” “My mom died!” “Oh Evan, I’m so sorry sweetie, come in. Sit down.” “What am I going to do? She was in a car accident. My father said she was fine after the accident, then several hours later she died.” “You need to calm down and you need to go home.” “Lila, can you go with me please?” “Yes I will, I’ll call and get our tickets.” “You need to go get packed. Where is Brody?” “He’s at the loft, I already packed.” “Okay, I will throw some things together.” I called the airline, the earliest flight was in the morning.

  “Evan, you need to get some sleep, you can stay here. We’ll go get your bags before heading to the airport.” I couldn’t stand to see this strong man like this, it was killing me inside. “Thanks, you’re such a great friend.” He then leaned in and kissed my lips. I know he was hurting, so I didn’t say anything. I just touched my lips. “Lila, I’m so scared, my mom was my dad’s world. She was one of the strongest women I know. How is my dad going to live without her?” “I know Evan, I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.

  Let’s get some sleep right now.” As I laid in bed next to him, I felt so sorry for him. He laid in my arms and just cried. I had never lost anyone, but I knew he was hurting and I wished I could make it all go away.

  I knew it was crossing boundaries with him lying in my bed with my arms wrapped around him, but he was hurting. I know Liam would be so pissed if he found out that he kissed me. I don’t think he knew what he was doing when he did it. “Lila, thank you again, for being here for me.” “That’s what friends are for.”

  I tried smiling through my tears, by now I had started crying as well. “Lila, I really love you!” “Evan, I love you too, you are one of my best friends. You have helped me deal with so much lately.”

  He kissed my cheek and just stared into my eyes. I was hoping he didn’t kiss me again. I didn’t want to tell him not to, he was already upset. Oh God, please don’t kiss me.

  He rubbed his finger across my cheek, then he lifted my chin up and started kissing me. Oh fuck, he did! Why? Oh why me? I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to stop him, but it felt so good. But I knew it was so wrong. “Evan, what are you doing?” “Lila please, can I just kiss you and hold you. I need you more than anything right now, Lila.”

  I knew I shouldn’t have, but I kissed him back. I forgot I wasn’t wearing anything but my thong and T-shirt as he started rubbing my legs. He was so upset and I forgot to put anything on. I noticed his kisses were getting stronger and stronger. I wanted to tell him to slow down, but God it was wonderful. His mouth tasted so damn good on mine. He started running his hands up and down my back, and then he stuck them up my shirt. I le
t him rub my breast and he started kissing my neck. “I’m so sorry, do you want me to stop?” I shook my head no. Did I just say no? I could feel how aroused he was against my leg. Damn it, what am I getting myself into? I think I needed him as much as he needed me. I could feel myself getting moist.

  He took my shirt off and started kissing my breast, it felt wonderful. I can’t do this, I thought to myself. But I didn’t stop him. He kissed my stomach working his way down.

  “Lila, do you want me? Do you want me to make love to you?” I didn’t know what to say, I wanted him to fuck me so bad and so hard!

  I knew it was so wrong, I was in love with someone else. Evan was there though. He could give me what Liam couldn’t. “Evan, promise me this won’t change things. I’m not going to tell you to stop because I want you as much as you want me.” He pulled my panties off and started rubbing my clit. Damn, I was already coming. “You are so moist, darlin’.” I climbed on top of him and started kissing his neck and worked my way down his stomach. His body was so hot, he had more tattoos on his chest than I thought he did. I unzipped his jeans, pulled them off and pulled his boxers off. He was so damn hard—it was right in front of me. His beautiful package I’d been day dreaming about for months. I put him in my hand and stroked him up and down. “Oh Lila that feels so good, baby.” I climbed on top of him and guided him through my opening. Once he was in me, I moved as fast and hard as I could. I was trying not to think about anything else, it was so hard not to.

  “Lila, this feels so good, baby.” I tried to just live for that moment and not let anything else come to mind. I did love Evan, he was a wonderful man. I started moving even faster. He grabbed my hips and brought me closer to him and started moving, pushing farther inside of me. “Oh good God, darlin’, I’m going to come.” “Ev-Ev-Evan, right there baby, come right now.” As we came together, I fell on top of him finding myself wanting more of him. I felt tears streaming down my face. I was in love with Liam and just made love to Evan.

  “Lila, that was wonderful and just what I needed. You are everything I thought you would be. I love you.” I just kissed Evan and turned over. “Are you okay?” “Evan, we need to get some rest.” He snuggled up to me and kissed my neck. I silently cried myself to sleep. What did I just do? I cheated on the man I loved. I woke up and stood in the shower and cried my eyes out. I fucked another man while my man is God knows where. Evan came in to check on me and he could see I was crying. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me and he held me as we cried together. He cried for his mother, I cried for Liam. I knew we were both crying because we could never make love to each other again.

  We left for the airport, it was a very awkward for me. He was okay. He kissed me and acted like everything was okay with us.

  Once we landed in Utah, he got a rental car and we headed to his house. He lived in the country, it was a very big house with lots of land. I could see an older man standing outside with a dog when we pulled up.

  “Hey dad, how are you holding up? What happened to mom?” “Evan son, we were in an accident and she was fine, but then after they released us to come home, she fell ill and just died. The doctor thinks it may have something to do with her brain. The autopsy won’t be back for weeks.” He started crying and hugging Evan. “Dad, this is Lila, Lila, this is my dad, Mr. Martin.” “Well Lila, you are even prettier than Evan said you were.” “Nice to meet you, Mr. Martin. I’m sorry for your loss.” I wasn’t sure what to say.

  Evan and his father needed to make the service arrangements. I thought I would stay at a hotel but there wasn’t any close by. Evan suggested we just stay there. I felt really uncomfortable. I texted Brody to see when he would be there but he wasn’t leaving until the next day. Nikki wasn’t able to join us.

  I went to dinner with Evan and his father that night. I could see where Evan got his good looks from. “Lila, my boy tells me you are going to be a lawyer also.” He was such a cute old man. “Yes sir, I am. I’ve always dreamt of being a lawyer.” “That’s great, young lady. I hope you and my son have a great future together. I wish my wife could’ve met you. She’s heard so many lovely things about you from Evan.” Did he just say future together? What the hell had Evan told them?

  I just smiled at the two men sitting there staring at me.

  I called Nikki that night and told her about Evan. I couldn’t tell Addison. “Lila, what were you thinking? Well I know that Evan is hot and all but really, Lila?” “Nik, I know, I fucked up! Please don’t judge me. I know you were sleeping with that Cameron guy. Don’t say you weren’t!” She sighed and said, “You know me better than anyone. That’s actually why I wanted to come back home, we’re seeing each other. Please don’t tell the guys.” “You know I would never tell them, Nikki.”

  I didn’t know what Evan’s intentions were and where the hell I was going to sleep. I’m so tired, I just wanted to curl up and read until I fell asleep. I decided I would soak in a hot bath. Evan’s room was really big, he had his own bathroom. I lay in the tub and just relaxed until I had an unexpected visitor. It was the damn dog.

  He just sat there and stared at me. “What are you looking at?” I asked him. He then walked over to the tub and tried to get in with me. I started yelling for Evan. He came running upstairs.

  “Lila, are you okay? Oh no Bear, get out of here boy! Lila doesn’t need your help. Go on, get!”

  “Thanks Evan, I think Bear wanted a bath.” I couldn’t stop laughing. Evan just stared at me. “Lila, you are so beautiful.” “Okay Evan, I need to get dressed. And where are we sleeping?”

  “We both can sleep in here, my dad doesn’t mind.” I just shook my head, I hoped he remembered I did have a boyfriend. We ended up sleeping in the bed together, but I pretended to be asleep when he came to bed. He kissed me on my head.

  “Sleep, sweet Lila, you are such a good woman. I wish you were mine.” I didn’t move, I just lay there and once again felt myself silently crying.

  I awoke to the Martin men cooking breakfast. I walked down the stairs and they quit talking. “Good morning, darlin’,” Evan said as he kissed my cheek. “Did you sleep well, sugar? I know that son of mine sleeps like a big old bear.” I laughed at the comments Mr. Martin had made. “I slept very well, sir.” Evan just smiled as he sat a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast with grape jelly in front of me.

  “I know it’s not the cafés bacon, but it’s just as good,” he said. “Oh Evan, it smells and looks wonderful. You made it?” “I sure did, darlin’.” I ate breakfast with the two men and we got ready for his mother’s memorial. They were having it graveside and not in a church. It was a small private service. A young woman sang “Wind Beneath My Wings” by Bette Midler. It brought tears to my eyes. I held on to Evan really tight. I knew how upset he was. Brody was on the other side of him along with his family. Evan squeezed my hand once the lady quit singing. It was Evan’s turn, he sang “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley. I sat next to him as he played his guitar and sang that last song for his mother. I was trying to stay strong for my Evan but it was very hard. I had to watch him try to hold back all of his emotions and tears so he could finish his song. His dad walked over and sang along with him. I watched the two Martin men sing their hearts out for that beautiful woman they would never see again. We all placed flowers on her casket and headed back to the Martin’s.

  “Thank you so much for being here, Lila. It means more than you will ever know.” He leaned down and kissed my nose. “I will always be here for you, Evan.” Once I said that, he gave me a confused look. I don’t know what he was thinking. I hoped he knew we were just friends and that everything that happened could not happen again.

  We were back in New York and I hadn’t received any more letters from Liam. Summer was over and fall was here. Classes were starting back. Addison came out to see me before her classes started. I wanted to tell her about me sleeping with Evan. I just didn’t know how. I knew she would be mad at me.

  We went shopping and sur
e enough we ran into Alyssa! “Well hey Lila, where is Evan? You two sure do spend a lot of time together. You even ran to Utah with him when his mom died.” Damn this skank didn’t shut up, she just kept talking.

  “Hello Alyssa, this is my friend, Addison. I’m not sure where Evan is, I’m not his keeper. Evan and I are just friends.” Oh my god, I just want to pull all her stringy hair out of her head. “Well Lila, by the looks of things you guys are a lot closer than friends. But if you need me to take him off your hands, I can. I have no problem admitting my feelings for him, unlike some people.”

  Addison walked closer to her, oh shit she was going to knock this bitch out. “It was nice meeting you doll, now if you will excuse us, we are here to shop not learn about your love life. Oh wait, Evan didn’t want a love life with you, did he?” Then we walked away. “Ads, I fucking love you and your bitchy ass!”

  “Okay Lila what the hell was that all about? Who the fuck was that?”

  I was so pissed, I had tears getting ready to roll down my face. “Ads, that’s Evan’s ex-girlfriend.” “I figured that. But what the hell just happened?” “Ads, I fucked Evan okay! There I said it, I cheated on my Liam with Evan. The saddest part is I liked it and I love Evan too. Go ahead Ads yell at me! Punch me!”

  She walked over and hugged me, I thought she would be pissed. “Lila, you are human. You have needs. That cousin of mine couldn’t expect you to just sit here and not fulfill your needs. You are a beautiful woman, he should have known you would meet someone else.”

  “Ads, I love Liam so much! I don’t want anyone else. I feel so bad, I didn’t mean for it to happen. Evan’s mom had just died and he was upset. He kissed me and one kiss led to another.”

  He is a great man, he is one of my best friends. “Ads, what the fuck should I do now?” “Lila, I’m not sure what to tell you, you’re a strong woman. I would suggest not telling Liam until you see him.” “I don’t want to tell Liam at all.” “I know sweetie, let’s just go have lunch and have fun!” “Good! I can use some laughs.” I loved Addison so much, she was the sister I’d always wanted. I loved the fact she was with Eric.