Riptide (A Renegades Novel)

by Skye Jordan

  “Is cold, Mommy. Mommy, I spilled. Pegsis. Pegsis is wet.”

  “Shh, I know,” Tessa said, lifting Sophia by the arms and setting her on her feet. “You’re both fine. We’ll dry you off. Get you new jammies.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Zach told Tessa. All the joy he’d been feeling crashed into despair. “Can I help?”

  Tessa was sweet enough to smile at him. “Believe me, it’s not the first time. She’ll be fine.”

  But Sophia had gone from happy-go-lucky to blubbering blob in mere seconds. And Zach felt helpless. With soft reassurances to Sophia, Tessa walked her into the bedroom and the bathroom beyond. Zach stared at the tea and ice cubes on the cream carpet. Right now, Zach might cry too if he’d had a bucket of ice water tossed on him.

  The dark brown liquid seeping into the light carpet registered. “Shit.”

  He jumped to his feet and searched the small kitchen for towels, then sopped up the mess on the rug. He’d gone through all the towels he could find by the time Tessa and Sophia came into the living room again. Sophia was wearing what looked like one of Tessa’s T-shirts, which would have hung down to Sophia’s feet if Tessa hadn’t tied a knot in one side. She carried Pegasus by one hoof.

  “Thank you for doing that,” Tessa told Zach, then tapped Sophia’s diapered butt. “On the couch. We’ll watch a little of the Minions before you go to bed.” She took the soaked towels from Zach and lifted her chin toward the sofa. “Cuddle with your girl. I’ll get this.”

  Zach moved to the sofa, and Sophia looked up at him, her whole expression drawn and weepy. “I’m so sorry, baby,” he told her. “I didn’t know the glass would tip.”

  She sniffled, her mood subdued. “Mommy gave me her sparkly kitty shirt.”

  She held out the shirt to show a stylized cat rimmed in rhinestones.

  “Wow, that’s pretty fancy. Is Pegasus okay?”

  “Yeah. All clean.” She patted the sofa. “Sit. You like Minions?”

  Zach had no idea what she was talking about, but said, “I love Minions.”

  “Mommy is putting them on for us.”

  Zach had suddenly turned right back into the bundle of nerves he’d been when he’d walked in hours ago. The fact that this little creature could go from chipper and fun to a life-as-we-know-it-is-over meltdown unnerved him. Now he was just waiting to make another mistake to send her into the screaming zone.

  But he sat, and when Tessa turned on the TV and punched a few buttons on the remote, the little yellow guys filled the screen, and Sophia smiled and told Zach, “Minions.”

  “Minions,” he agreed.

  Then she crawled close to him, snuggling up to his side with Pegasus clutched tight. Zach’s apprehension melted in a deep, overwhelming kind of love he couldn’t begin to explain. A love like nothing he’d ever even known existed.

  Sophia held out her hand opening and closing her fist. “Come, Mommy.”

  “Yes, Your Highness,” she said, sitting on the other side of Sophia and smiling at Zach before tickling the girl.

  Sophia’s giggle brightened a spot deep in Zach’s chest. “I not Your Highness.”

  “You sure act like it.” She pressed a kiss to Sophia’s head. “Now settle down. Even princesses need sleep.”

  As Sophia snuggled between them, Tessa met Zach’s gaze. Her smile was soft and melancholy. And Zach experienced something foreign but powerful. He couldn’t define the feelings rolling toward the forefront. Not exactly. A lot of gratitude and affection, but something more, something he didn’t feel often. Admiration? Awe? He could face hundred-foot walls of crushing water with an attitude of unquestionable dominance, but this three-foot, pint-sized female mystified him. A little potential hellion that Tessa had molded into a thoughtful, grateful, compassionate angel.

  He reached out and stroked his fingers down Tessa’s cheek, but the best he could come up with was “Thank you.”

  She covered his hand with hers for a moment, holding it against her cheek. Then something happened on TV that made Sophia laugh, and the spell was broken.

  Zach spent the next twenty minutes watching Tessa and Sophia, while Tessa and Sophia watched the Minions. All he could think of was the way Josh had talked about wanting a kid with Grace. “I love the idea of that cementing force of my own family. Of working with Grace as a team toward something we both cherish. It’s…I don’t know, grounding or something.”

  Or something was right. Zach was experiencing exactly what Josh had described. Something he hadn’t even known existed until this moment. Now, Zach found himself wanting the same. He didn’t want to lose this. But he didn’t even know what do with it. Let alone how to hold on to it.

  These two females were like riptides. They’d snuck up on him, grabbed hold, and dragged him under.

  What a crazy, beautiful mess this had become.

  Zach would never have believed he could fall in love instantly, but the little angel slouched between them already had him wrapped around her finger. Only a few hours with her and Zach couldn’t imagine living without her. And he was terrified to admit he was already halfway gone over Tessa too. The way she interacted with Sophia, the obvious and pure love she had for the girl, turned Zach’s heart over in his chest.

  Tessa had been texting off and on for the last twenty minutes and seemed to grow more agitated with each message. After she finished the latest text, he lifted his hand from the back of the sofa and stroked it down her hair. She glanced over at him.

  “Is that work?” he asked quietly.

  “Yeah,” she said, distracted. “It’s crunch time. Everyone’s decided to wait until a few weeks before the bill goes to Congress before they read it. Now they all want changes.”

  That didn’t make any sense to Zach. In fact, he had to admit, it didn’t even interest him. “Do you like it? Your job?”

  “When I can focus on it and give it my all, yes. It’s challenging, and creating law gives me the opportunity to help others. It gives me purpose, pays the bills. The last couple of years, though…” She shook her head. “It’s been rough.”

  Purpose. That resonated with him. “Is it something you want to keep doing? Seems like there are a lot of different types of law you could practice.”

  “I’m up for a junior partnership. Once this bill goes through with my name on it, I’ll be cemented as an expert in health care reform, which will bring a ton of business to the firm. In Washington, something is always changing in health care, so it means a steady roster of clients who are willing to pay top dollar to be heard.”

  “Hmm.”

  She smiled. “You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?”

  He grinned. “Nope.”

  “Not many people do. Let me put it this way, it provides security for Sophia and a future for both of us. So, yeah, I feel like it’s where I’m supposed to be right now.”

  “Feels isolating, I bet,” he said, “when no one understands what you do or why you love it. Especially now that Corinne’s gone. Sounds like you two really got each other.”

  She nodded and turned her gaze back to his, thoughtful. “You must know how that feels, because no one could unless they’ve been through it.”

  “Let’s just say I’m the black sheep of my family,” he told her with a smirk. “Surfing isn’t exactly a household hobby, and it’s definitely not the scholarly pursuit my parents groomed me for.”

  “What pursuit was that?”

  “Well, my older sister is a surgeon, my older brother is a lawyer by education, but a campaign manager by profession, and my youngest sister is finishing up her masters in clinical psychology.”

  “Wow, you really did fall through the cracks.” Tessa chuckled. “How’d that happen?”

  He shook his head. “Switched at birth or something.”

  “How did you get into surfing?”

  “Just a weekend trip to the beach with family when I was five. My uncle taught me how to skimboard. I was hooked. A skimboard turned into a boogie
board. The boogie board into a surfboard. I lifeguarded as a teen. Just one building block after another. The amount of time I spent at the beach slowly grew to become a point of contention between me and my parents. They wanted me hitting the books harder, but I had a four-point-o and I stayed out of trouble, so they didn’t have any reason to restrict my surf time.”

  “All that”—her gaze made a sweep of his body—“and smart too. Weren’t you the golden boy?”

  “Not to my parents. I tried to get out of college, but they wouldn’t hear of it. I caved under the pressure and tried it. I really did. Gave it two full years. But it didn’t stick.”

  “Where did you go to college? A JC?”

  “No.” He laughed the word softly. “No. If it had been a JC or if I’d been struggling, maybe they wouldn’t have been so hard on me. But I was at Pepperdine.”

  “Pepperdine?” she asked, shocked. “The Pepperdine?”

  “That’s exactly how my parents looked at me when I told them I was dropping out to go pro.”

  Tessa winced. “That could not have been a fun conversation.”

  “Nope, it wasn’t.” The thought of catching not only his parents’ wrath but his whole family’s wrath—and not that one time, but continually over the years—still created a twinge inside him.

  “When did you drop out?”

  “Summer between sophomore and junior year.”

  “What were you majoring in?”

  “Pre-med.”

  Her lips turned in a thoughtful, amused sort of smile. “I would never have guessed. Did you like it?”

  He shrugged. “It wasn’t bad. I love science. The problem was that I wasn’t interested in anatomy and physiology. I angled my classes and electives toward oceanography and marine biology.”

  She didn’t say anything for a long time, and he was expecting her to come back with a softer version of your parents were right, you’ve wasted your life.

  “I imagine that had to be miserable for the first few years,” Tessa said. “But they came around once you started winning competitions and doing film and magazine shoots, right?” When he didn’t immediately answer, she said, “You really can’t refute the accomplishment of being the youngest inductee to the Surfers’ Hall of Fame. That had to make your family look at things differently. I mean, you’re still just as successful, just not in a conventional way.”

  Zach replayed her words, trying to find the slight he’d expected. And it took him a minute to realize—there hadn’t been one. When he searched her expression, all he found was the open, sweet woman he’d met that first night.

  “Unfortunately,” he said, “they were only more disappointed. Instead of seeing it as an achievement, they saw it as a colossal waste. ‘Think of how you could have excelled in life if you’d put your efforts toward something worthwhile,’ they told me. And I get what they’re saying. I mean, I don’t exactly do anything worthwhile, I guess. I’m not furthering the betterment of society in any way.”

  He shrugged, turning his gaze back to Sophia, who was now sound asleep, then stroked her soft curls and thought at least not until now.

  “That’s not true.” Her words were soft, and her gaze had lowered to watch his hand slide over Sophia’s curls. “Everyone touches the world in some way. Sometimes it’s in ways we can’t see or don’t even understand. Sometimes we make a difference for one person that we don’t even know about, yet that person goes on to do something great. I saw it over and over again at the hospitals where Corinne was treated. Those people—doctors, nurses, technologists, even admin clerks—touched the lives of their patients every day, but they didn’t see the way it rippled through everyone that patient touched. I don’t see it firsthand in my work, but I know it happens. I know the laws I craft help and protect people.”

  She shrugged and smiled at Sophia. “Maybe it’s Sophia who’s meant for great things. Maybe your purpose was to create her. Maybe your purpose now is to nurture her. You could be an example to her growing up. She can look at your achievements and know she doesn’t have to live by societal norms. That if she wants to break a world record or even just crash through a glass ceiling, she’ll know it’s possible because of all you did. She’ll know it’s okay to search for her heart’s desire and live fully and happily in any way that fits her. With the way the world changes so fast now, she has unlimited possibilities.”

  She lifted her gaze to Zach. “And who knows how many other children or young people you’ve inspired to do the same? It’s not for someone else to judge whether we’re contributing to the world. Only the world knows the real story.”

  That was a view he’d never heard. Never even considered. “You have to be a gem in your family crown. An attorney writing law. Hell, you could be the attorney general someday.”

  She laughed. “No, thanks. I don’t like politics that much. I deal with them because it’s a necessary evil to get things done. As for family”—her gaze lowered to Sophia—“Sophia is my only family.”

  A rock bottomed out in his gut. “What about your parents?”

  She shook her head. “My parents died in a car accident. Drunk driver.”

  “Oh my God.” His stomach clenched. “How old were you?”

  “Ten.” Her expression sobered. “I was in the car with them when it happened.”

  “Oh God.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t remember anything. I hit my head, was unconscious. I consider that a blessing of sorts. My grandmother did the best she could, but she had diabetes, and I ended up taking care of her more than she took care of me most of the time. She passed away before Sophia was born.”

  “I’m so sorry,” he said softly. “Why haven’t you married? Had kids of your own?”

  “No time, no money. I worked my way through undergrad and law school. Someone I was dating, someone I thought I might have married someday, bailed when he found out Corinne had cancer. He saw the writing on the wall—that Sophia was my immediate future—and didn’t want to have any part of it. He had bigger aspirations and, evidently, wanted a wife with the same. Those didn’t include Sophia.”

  Zach had to bite his tongue not to apologize again—or call the guy an asshole.

  “Now, between Sophia and work…” She shrugged, and he thought she’d tell him she didn’t have time, but said, “I have enough.”

  Enough. What an odd way to think about life. As if having enough was…well, enough.

  But looking at Sophia, sleeping like an angel, Zach wondered if being her father would give him a sense of enough. He was guessing she would. She’d already given him a sense of purpose he hadn’t had just last week.

  Tessa’s phone buzzed for the sixth time in the last hour. She sighed and lifted her phone to read the message with a barely muttered “Seriously? It’s called English. If you can’t understand it, you probably shouldn’t be a senator.”

  A smile lifted Zach’s lips as he watched her return a text, her fingers lightning fast on the phone. “Senators text you? That’s wild.”

  “Not usually,” she said, still typing. “Usually I talk to their staffers, who are—sometimes, but not always—easier to deal with. This particular senator is new and overzealous. Give him six months and he’ll be delegating like he should. Right now, he’s a pain in my ass.”

  When she was done, Tessa lowered her phone and slid her gaze back to Zach. This time, he was waiting. And they just held each other’s gaze for long, silent moments infused with Now what?

  Zach was also thinking about how badly he wanted to kiss her. And what a mistake that would be in the long term. Women generally didn’t respond well when Zach walked away. And this woman had complete control over the new love of his life. Too bad his body wasn’t listening to his head.

  “She’s amazing,” he whispered. “You’ve done an incredible job with her.”

  The angst in her eyes transitioned into warmth, and a sweet smile curved her lips. “It wasn’t all me. Corinne didn’t have the strength to care for he
r day-to-day needs over the last couple of years, but they spent a lot of time together, talking and reading.”

  Zach’s heart hurt—for so many reasons. Knowing the mother of his child had suffered when he could have been helping. Knowing three precious years of Sophia’s life had passed, and he could never get them back. Knowing how hard these years had been on Tessa.

  Zach reached over and cupped her cheek. Tessa’s eyes closed, and she leaned into his touch. The small show of desire stirred the embers in his body. “I’m sorry this has been so hard for you.”

  She opened her eyes and met his, but didn’t move away from his hand.

  “The studio wants me to take the lead in the show next season,” he told her. “Once I find a new agent, I can sign a contract. It will give me stability and income. I’ll be able to take good care of her.”

  A flicker of panic cut through her gaze. “That’s not…” She lifted her head from his hand. “What are you saying?” She didn’t wait for his response before she went on. “You’re not her only parent, Zach. I may not have given birth to her, but I love her as if I had. And I’ve already told you, I’m not giving her up.”

  “I know that, and I’m not asking you to give her up,” he said, fighting against his natural tendency to compete. “But you can’t expect me to give her up either. I just found her. I’ve already missed so much of her life. We need to find a compromise—”

  “Living part-time in Hawaii and part-time in DC may be a compromise, but it isn’t stable. And having her raised by a nanny sixteen hours a day while you’re filming isn’t taking care of her.”

  “I didn’t say anything about where she’d live.” The argumentative words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. “And you have a nanny.”

  “That’s because Corinne was sick. And then she died. I’m trying to adjust. And when I make junior partner, I’ll be able to afford to move closer to work and cut my commute in half. I’ll be able to work at home a few days a week.”

  “I won’t have any commute, and I’ll be able to bring her to the set. She’ll be able to go to school with the other kids. She’ll get a one-on-one premium education. Having Sophia live alone with me is no different from having her live alone with you.”