He thought about it for a few minutes. “Ah…to be honest, Lil, I was just going to do a bit of marking and get an early night.”
“Tough titties. I’m here with the choices. Pick one.”
“Honestly, Lil—”
She stomped her foot and raised her voice. “Pick one!”
He huffed at her like a petulant child. “Oh for fuck’s sake, Lil. Option one then.”
She beamed like a little kid who had just been granted extra pocket money. “Great! Hang on there. I’ve got supplies.” She skipped out to the car and returned soon after with two carrier bags full of junk food.
“I got pizza, popcorn, kettle chips, a huge bar of chocolate, and a couple of bottles of beer,” she announced looking rather proud of herself.
He couldn’t help but smirk at his loopy friend. He wasn’t entirely sure what he would do without her at the moment. Although, it would probably involve tears, sad songs, and old photographs.
She rummaged around in the bottom of her bag. “Okay, I took the liberty of completely jumping the gun and renting two films. So you have another choice… Monty Python’s Life of Brian…or…Wayne’s World?”
Adam burst out laughing. “Good grief, Lil, did you happen to travel to the rental store in a Delorean?”
She looked puzzled. “Huh?”
He rolled his eyes. “Delorean…Michael J Fox…Marty McFly?”
Her face was scrunched. “What the heck are you on about, Adders?”
He threw his hands up in exasperation. “Back to the Future, you dufus!” He shook his head. “The films you’ve picked are blasts from way back in the past.”
A look of realisation spread across her face, and she blushed at her own silliness. She slapped her forehead. “Oh, that’s the car from the film! The Delorean!”
He ruffled the top of her dark curls. “Bloody hell. That took some sinking in. I reckon senility is setting in early.”
“Oy! Cheeky pig. It’s a good job you’re grieving or I’d punch you.”
♥♥♥
They sat huddled on the sofa eating pizza as Adam recounted the tales from his first day back at school. “Who would have thought it, Lil? Those kids really do care.”
“I had no doubt in my mind. That Jenny Milton though. That thing about the soup made me fill up. Bless her.” Lily sniffed
“Oh God, don’t you start. It made me do the same this morning in front of all my colleagues. She’s a character, that’s for sure. Every time I saw her today she gave this sad smile. I had no idea she had a heart underneath that crusty orange façade.”
Lily sniggered. “I don’t get this need to trowel make-up on. Girls that age don’t need to do that.”
“I agree but they all do it. Anyway, get the film on and pass me the choccy.”
“Bossy sod. Life of Brian is it then?”
“Absolutely.”
Chapter Eighteen
Given to Fly (Pearl Jam)
October 2009
“So when are you going to be back, Lil?” Panic was thick in his voice and Lily’s heart lurched. Adam had been back at work for four weeks now, and she’d been assigned a story in the United States. It was a great opportunity and she couldn’t pass it up. She’d been asked to go out and report a piece on the differences between the education system there and the one in place in the UK. Okay, so she wasn’t going to be signed up as an anchor on some flashy US news show, but at least she would get to meet people. It would be good for her. She knew it. Adam didn’t seem to get it though.
“I should be back in a month so don’t worry. Anyway, you’re doing fine. Have a little faith, Adders.” She squeezed his arm. She had left it until the day before she flew before calling around to his house and telling him the news. He’d had enough on his plate, reacquainting himself with the normalities and routines of school life.
He slumped down onto his old sofa and huffed out a held breath. “A month… Lil…what will I do?”
She sat down beside him. “Adders, sweetie, I’m not your only friend. You have family, too. And Max is down the road. It’s a month. That’s all. And I have to go for my career.”
He rubbed his hands over his face and loosened his tie. “Yeah…I know you do… It’s just…well no one really gets me like you do. You know how to deal with all this grief shit.”
“Grief is shit, Adders, it really is, but I’m not a crutch. You can’t expect me to just be here at your beck and call. I know that sounds harsh but it’s true.”
A pained look washed over his face and he winced at her words. “Is that what you think I’m doing? Using you as a crutch?”
She nodded. “I know you don’t mean to, but I’ve been here almost every day for the past month, and when I haven’t been here, I’ve been talking to you on the phone. I have to get back to my own life at some point.” She spoke as gently as she could, but knew her words stung.
He pursed his lips and glanced sideways at her. “You’re right. I’m a big boy. So I’ve lost the love of my life…so what…so I’m all alone…so what…so—”
“Adam, shut up,” she snapped. “Stop with the woe is me crap, will you please? I have been there for you throughout this. You know that. I’ve helped in every conceivable way. But at some point you have to start helping yourself. Stand up on your own two, huge bloody feet. Please?” She stroked his cheek. He flinched and pulled away.
She stood. “Right, well I’d better go. I have to be at the airport early and I need some sleep.”
Adam stood to face her. “Stay here.” He held her arms. She had longed for those words to fall from his lips for so long. But the meaning behind them now was not the one she’d hoped for. He was being selfish trying to cling onto her for as long as possible. Not because he loved her any differently than before. But because in some crazy part of his head he thought he needed her. He thought he couldn’t function without her. Yup, she was definitely a crutch. And she wouldn’t have it anymore.
“Adam, I’m not going to do that. My stuff is all packed and ready at home. My bed is at home. I’m going home.”
Adam slumped down again. “Fine.” He folded his arms like a sulky teenager once again.
She couldn’t help but snigger at his demeanour. “You’ve been taking too many lessons from those kids at school. I could balance my mug on that bottom lip.”
He looked at her again as a grin struggled to break out on his face. He bit his lip, clearly wanting to stay angry. “Fuck off.” He chuckled.
“You fuck off.” A grin spread across her face.
He stood up again. “No you. Give me a hug and then fuck off to America.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her in.
She wrapped her arms around his middle and hugged him hard. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
“Don’t care.”
“Liar,” she said into his chest.
“Cheesy head.”
She sniggered again. “Pee pants.”
“Right, you can really fuck off now.”
She burst out laughing and made her way to the front door. “You’ll be fine, you know.”
♥♥♥
The flight was a long one. Lily arrived in a chilly New York City airport and climbed into a yellow cab. She gave the driver the address of her hotel and slumped into the seat.
“Business or pleasure?” the rotund driver asked over his shoulder.
She snapped out of her semi-conscious state. “Sorry?”
“Are you here on business or pleasure?”
“Oh right, sorry. It’s been a long day. Business.”
“What line are you in?”
“I’m a journalist. I report for a pretty major news station in the UK.”
“Well, lar-dee-dar. Ain’t I the lucky guy today, huh? What brings you to New York?”
“I’m doing a piece on the education system in the States.”
“Ha…well, alls I can tell you is my boy, Deano, he’s a bright kid, but they don’t do squat to encourage him at school.�
�
She rubbed her eyes. She really didn’t want to converse. She just wanted to relax and doze. The cab journey was going to take an hour, and she would rather have silence than make small talk with some guy she’d never met before and who she was never likely to meet again. “Is that so?”
“Yeah…he could be a doctor or a…what do you call it…news reporter. He could even sell real estate if he put his mind to it.”
She stifled a giggle. “Well he sounds very bright indeed.”
“Yeah, the brightest. Anyways, you tell ‘em over in the UK that my boy needs more help.”
“It’s not really my place—”
“Yeah, I mean so he took a knife to school one time. One time! It’s like they hold it against the kid. I mean, whaddya gonna do?”
“I really don’t—”
“Yeah well, me and the missus, we told ‘em, you gotta give the kid a chance here. He ain’t gonna use the damn thing. It’s just…you know…protection.”
She gave up trying to interrupt the monologue that ensued in the front seat. She switched off and added a nod every so often. The man could really talk! They pulled outside a beautiful old building.
“Anyways lady, you need anything, you call Pauly, okay? I can pick you up and take you wherever you need to go. It was real nice talking to you.”
She climbed out and handed him a wad of notes. He fumbled through them and tried to hand her change back. “No you keep it, Pauly.”
“Awww, lady you’re too kind, too kind. Thank you. You have a good stay in the Big Apple now.”
“I will certainly try, Pauly. Thanks again. Good luck with Deano.”
The yellow cab pulled away and as it did so the driver waved at her. The concierge opened the door and doffed his rather spiffy top hat as Lily nodded and smiled. Immediately a bellhop came over and took her bags, loading them onto a trolley. She checked in at the reception desk and made her way to her suite.
Once her bags had been deposited, she removed her coat and shoes and flopped onto the bed. She fumbled in her handbag and pulled out her cell phone. When she turned the phone on, just as she expected, there were several messages from Adam.
A: I miss you already, Lil. Can you come home please?
A: Hi Lil, it’s me again, sorry about my last message, I know you can’t come home yet but I’m bored and sad.
A: Me again, what time do you land? You’re not answering me and I’m worried.
A: Hi again, please can you reply when you get this message? My mum is trying to get me to go stay over the half term break and I don’t want to. I need help with a good excuse.
A: Too late she has convinced me to go stay. My mum that is. She wants to feed me coz she says I’m getting too thin!
A: Lil, where the fuck are you? You should be there by now! TEXT ME!!
She threw her phone across the bed where it landed and bounced onto the floor. Oh shit. She scrambled to the end of the bed, expecting the phone to be in pieces. Thankfully it wasn’t. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was eleven at night. Guilt washed over her, and with a groan she picked up the phone and dialled Adam’s number.
He answered after one ring. “Lily? Are you okay? I’ve been worried sick.”
“Adam, I’m fine. You have to stop worrying. The flight was delayed that’s all. Then I got in a cab with a sweet old guy who wouldn’t stop talking, and I have just collapsed onto my bed and found half a dozen messages from you.”
“Ah…yeah…sorry about that. I don’t like it when you don’t answer.” Silence took over the line for several moments. “I worry, Lily. I don’t know what I would do if anything happened—”
“I’m fine. Please stop okay? I’m shattered and need to sleep. I have an early start in the morning.”
“Okay…sorry…I just worry.”
“I know. It’s fine. I’ll talk to you later in the week okay?”
“Okay…night, Lil.”
“Night, Adam.”
“Lil?”
She sighed. “What now?”
“You keep calling me Adam. You only do that when you’re pissed off.”
“Sorry. I’m not pissed off. Just tired.”
“Okay, night.”
“Night.” She hung up before the ridiculous conversation could carry on.
Chapter Nineteen
Alone in This Bed (Framing Hanley)
March 2010
Adam had been dreading his thirtieth birthday. If Eve had been here there would have been big plans afoot. The simple fact that this was his first birthday without her made his chest ache. Other than the anniversary of her death and Christmas…and her birthday…and their wedding anniversary…this was the date he was dreading most. Who was he kidding? Every day was difficult. But for this day to be so significant made the ache grow deeper. He pulled the pillow back over his head. Thank goodness it had landed on a Saturday. People at work had been very kind. There had been lots of knowing looks during the week, which had just made him feel more and more lost.
He thought back to the birthdays he had celebrated when Eve was with him. She always made a fuss. He would usually awake to the smell of bacon cooking. She would bring a tray up to him and sit beside him whilst he tucked in to his favourite food. She would shower him with thoughtful gifts and little tokens of love. His favourites had been the small things. A heart shaped key ring, a mini Statue of Liberty ornament, even a white pebble she had found on the beach and had written Forever Yours in twirly writing on. Memories of those times made him so happy…so angry…so very, very sad. His eyes began to sting.
He was torn from his reverie by banging on the front door. He groaned loudly. Glancing at the clock, he realised it was after eleven. He had no real reason to get up, however, so what did it really matter? Sinking back under the duvet, he ignored the hammering.
“Oy! Adders, you lazy pig! Get up and open the effing door before I resort to breaking in!”
Lily.
He clambered out of bed and made his way downstairs in just his boxers. He yawned widely as he opened the door.
She gaped. “Good grief! Put your flesh away, Adders! It’s your thirtieth! No one wants to look at a naked old man!” She shoved past him and dragged him by the arm toward the stairs. “Get your arse upstairs and get a shower whilst I make you a fry up. Then get your clean and clothed arse down here because I have something to tell you.”
Reluctantly, he followed her instructions and once showered in jeans and his favourite old grey T-shirt, he made his way back down to the kitchen, following the teasing smell of bacon and sausage. He sat down at the small table as she placed a full plate of heart attack inducing food in front of him.
Sitting opposite him without any food, but with a smile on her face, she slid an envelope across the table. “Happy Birthday, you old git.”
Chewing on a mouth full of crispy bacon, cooked just the way he liked it, he glanced at her. “Oy! Less of the git.” He grinned and opened the card. He shook his head at the joke inside. Typical Lily.
She giggled for a few moments, but then her laughter subsided and her face became serious. “When you’ve finished that, I need to speak to you about something…something very important.” She chewed her lip.
His interest piqued, Adam placed his fork down and took a gulp of the fresh orange juice in his glass. “That sounds ominous. Is everything okay?”
She nodded. “Just finish your food, okay?”
He munched away until his plate was empty and his belly was very full. He followed her through to the lounge with his cup of coffee, and she gestured for him to sit next to her on the sofa. He sat down. His brow pulled in at the middle.
Placing his cup on the floor, he turned to her. “Lil, you’re worrying me. Please, can you tell me what’s going on with you now?”
She took a deep breath. “Okay…you have to promise that you won’t get angry, okay?”
He pulled his lips between his teeth. His palms were sweating, “Awww, now I’m rea
lly worried. And usually when people say don’t get angry it means that you will do just that. What have you done?”
“This is going to be difficult…for me too…but just hear me out.”
He was getting annoyed. “Lil, just spit it out, will you?”
“Right…okay…here goes… Last year…before Eve died, she and I were talking about your…about your thirtieth. She wanted to plan something big for you, and she wanted my help. So together we planned something pretty huge. It was all done using my credit cards so that you wouldn’t find out…but…” Her lip began to tremble. “But then she was killed by that fucking idiot drunk driver…and…I wasn’t sure what to do.”
He slid across the sofa, his own emotions needling at him just beneath the surface. “Hey, hey…don’t cry. It doesn’t matter, Lil. Don’t worry. I’m not bothered—”
“No, Adam…you don’t understand…let me finish…” She took another deep breath. “Anyway, Eve knew how much New York meant to you. How much you had always wanted to go. She wanted to be the one to visit Times Square with you…to visit places like the Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty…”
Adam caught his trembling lip between his teeth as the salt water welled in his eyes. “You didn’t?” he whispered.
“No…I didn’t, Adam…Eve did.” She handed him an envelope. With shaking hands, he took the white envelope from her and opened it. Two first class flights to New York.
He gasped as the tears overflowed from his eyes and covered his mouth with his hand as he read the note that accompanied the tickets.
June 20th 2009
My Darling Adam
It’s a bit weird writing this letter when you are sitting at home wondering why I’m spending so much time at Lily’s. But all I can say is it was important for me to write this now whilst I’m so very excited about what I’ve done! I hope that, seeing as when you get this almost a year has passed and the money has been spent, that you will simply smile across and hug me. No doubt I’m sitting biting my nails as you read this! Go on, look at me and check. See told you!
The Girl Before Eve Page 12