She
Page 16
I shrugged, walking over to my bed, climbing in it, whilst mom sat the opposite side of me: "she's mad at me. She'll get over it."
Mom shook her head: "it doesn't work that way, Ruby, I'm sure you have enough brain to figure it out yourself since you're my daughter."
There was a comfortable silence of me looking at my mom, then at my fingers, nervously tugging on the fluffy pillow in my lap. Mom didn't say anything, knowing I was trying to figure out what it is I wanted to say. The lump in my throat had never left since that day.
"I still love her," I shamelessly admitted, "I know how wrong it is, but there are times when I sleep and see her in my dreams and she's here, with me, and everything's fine because she's here and she loves me, and I love her. All the memories, they haunt me, they come back over and over again. If the memories do, then why won't she?"
Mom just looked at me, listening to my every word, probably glad I was finally saying something about the situation. They never found out what happened.
"Is it wrong of me to still love someone that tore me apart? Isn't that the most self-destructive thing I could possibly do? I just want to forget, move on, I want to so badly but I can't, it's like the damn universe is playing a joke on me, not allowing me to escape her. I swear I tried, I tried so hard to not think about her, not see her, move on and forget about it. And I know my health is the priority, I know you're all very worried about me and doing everything for me yet here I am losing my shit over a girl who doesn't deserve even 1% of my emotions... I hate her so much."
It felt like I had opened a closet full of junk and it was all falling out, whilst I only wanted to take one thing out. That's just how it is in life - the more you put in the closet, the harder it is to open it, the harder it is to close it. And when it's open, it all comes out, like it or not. At the moment my closet was full of her, the girl that broke my heart.
Mom placed a hand on mine: "everyone needs time, Ru, even the strongest people, even the ones whose hearts get broken most brutal ways. It doesn't matter how easy or how hard it ended, it takes time. You can't just expect to wake up and be okay the next day, it takes a while to be okay, then a while to get used to being okay. Baby steps. It's all about baby steps, Ru."
"Stop trying to do something, move on or please others. It all comes and goes naturally, don't push it. Especially not for me, your dad or Hanna, we all love you no matter what."
I looked at mom, smiling weakly: "damn, mom, you're pretty great at advice-giving."
Mom smirked at me, winking: "you better not tell anyone, might start thinking I actually have a heart."
Dad walked in as we were both laughing, a puppy in his hands, a grin on his face: "so, princess, ready to come back home?"
I stared at the puppy, immediately stealing it from dads arms: "but the surgery..?"
"It can be arranged, we figured being home with us might be way better than being stuck here, of course, you'll still have your doctors over there, daily check-ups, pills and so -"
I raised my brows: "and Hanna?"
He grinned at me: "of course, princess, she's waiting for us in the car."
I hugged my parents, making sure the puppy was safely in my arms.
Mom is right, I was right too, it will and it is taking a while to get over it, move on. I wasn't expecting it to be all rainbows and roses, but I also never expected it to be this hard. It takes time and it will. The most important thing though is how I spend that time, it certainly shouldn't be spent being pathetic, which was how this month had passed.
And at this moment did I finally realize, she wasn't that fucking great. While I had been completely and utterly in love, she was completely and utterly full of shit. There were obvious stages when it came to getting over a heartbreak - 1)grief 2)anger 3)we're yet to figure out.
The karma of playing a good girl is the bitch you end up with. Since I'd already gotten the bitch, it was about time I got myself the good one.
SHE
So far this book has reached 1,2 million people. It' s truly bizarre to even write this number down. Yesterday, for the first time since I started writing, I looked at the stats of my books. To think that this book, on it' s own, has reached nearly every country in the world made me more emotional than I' d like to admit. It's not just a certain age group, certain country or even gender - this book has reached far more than one classification and I could not of dreamed of anything more.
Each character, each chapter has a significant part of me, however, whilst getting to know my readers, I' ve realized it isn' t just me who can relate to the little world I created within this book.
Writing is not just a hobby to me, it' s theraphy. I hope it has helped not just me, but you too.
- Franceska
Credits to David Cantu for the art used on the cover
This is the poem I wrote that created the title of the book - "SHE".
"I always found ones that filled my book"
He became a sentence,
on my mind for a while,
He'd caught my eye with his stunning lines,
then she,
she was a full paragraph,
filling in the gaps,
I liked her a lot,
the way she'd laugh and dance around
She was almost it,
Until I met you and I lost it,
you were the one I couldn't escape,
I never even gave it a try, needless to say ,
because why would I try to fight something,
that had made me feel so alive,
Instead of a sentence or paragraph there,
the title you of the book you became