Love Crushed

by Toshia Slade

  “Stop drooling and get dressed. Wear something warm. Where we’re going, it’s going to be a little chilly.”

  I hear his words, but it’s almost as if I’m underwater. I can hear his voice, but I don’t understand what he’s saying. I’m too lost in the way his muscles flex and pull with each movement.

  My eyes drift shut, and I go back to just twenty minutes ago and the feel of his rock-hard body pressing down on mine, him filling me, and—what scares me the most—completing me. I’ve never felt so whole in my life, as though I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Meant to be.

  “Ahhhh!”

  With my eyes closed, I don’t see Josh’s attack. He’s straddling my body, and with one of his hands, he pins both of mine above my head. My body is under attack by his other hand as he digs his fingers into my sides.

  “Josh.” I howl with laughter. “Please.” I gasp for breath as tears leak out. “Stop!” I already have cramps, and I know my sides and stomach will be sore tomorrow.

  “Are you going to get up and get dressed so I can take you out?” He adds breathing on my neck to the tickling already underway, and I can no longer talk, so I frantically nod my head, praying he’ll let up before I make a fool of myself and piss on us both.

  “Promise?” he whispers, sending another wave of shivers down my body. Gooseflesh covers my skin.

  I nod, and he licks all the way up the side of my face and leaps off the bed.

  “Eww, Josh.” I wipe my face with the sheet and shoot him the evil eye, causing him to laugh harder. I’m relieved it’s not awkward between us and that we’re acting in the same ol’ pick-on-each-other way. It puts me at ease and makes me confident we can handle a one-time deal.

  “You weren’t saying it was gross an hour ago when I was licking your whole body.”

  I press my thighs together and rub them back and forth, remembering exactly what that tongue did to me and the things it made me feel. Maybe we can make it a one-night thing instead.

  “Get your ass out of that bed, Tiffany, or I’ll make you.”

  “How are you going to make me?” I’m not scared of him, and I just want to lie here and enjoy relaxing, plus I’m not entirely sure my legs will work properly yet.

  “Keep lying there and find out.”

  Okay, I take that back. I’m scared now by the look in his eyes and the grin plastered across his face. It’s the same look from our childhood when he was up to no good, and I was always the one on the receiving end. Kind of like the time I beat him to the shower and he snuck in the bathroom, dumping a whole pitcher of ice water over my head. I’ve missed this side of Josh, though, and I can’t remember the last time he acted like this. Fun and carefree, this Josh is the one I crushed on for all those years.

  “Fine, but I need a shower.” I throw the blankets off and scoot my way out of bed.

  “Seriously?” He rolls his eyes, shaking his head when I stare at him and put my hands on my hips. “Make it fast. You only have thirty minutes, and I’ll drag you out of here dressed as you are.”

  “Where are we going?” Guys never understand that we need to know these things so we know how to dress.

  “It’s a surprise. Jeans and a shirt will be fine.” He turns away, scooping his shirt up off the floor and pulling it over his head.

  I grumble the whole way to the bathroom to hide the fact that I’m thrilled to see what he has planned, but I don’t want him to know that. I still don’t think our relationship is a good idea right now, and I’m afraid that if Josh isn’t on the same page I am, one or both of us will get hurt. I’m not sure I could bear that.

  ***

  “Are we going to your house?”

  We’re in Josh’s truck heading out of Richmond into the countryside of Madison County. I do miss it out here and hope that one day, I can move back when I finish school.

  “Nope.” He turns the volume up on the radio, effectively ending my questioning.

  Thomas Rhett’s “Get Me Some Of That” pours through the truck, and a beautiful, heart-stopping smile forms on Josh’s lips, showing his perfect white teeth. He is all man, but with a smile like that, he seems almost boyish and melts my heart.

  “You’re my favorite flavor.” Then he winks at me.

  Winks at me! Who is this man, and what has he done with Josh? I know things got scary for his family during his junior year. His dad was laid off, and they thought they would lose the house he grew up in and have to move to a smaller place—from the country to the city where things were cheaper and they could find an apartment. That’s when Josh changed. He got a job and worked his ass off. Each day, he was less fun and more driven by work and power. I know he helped his mom and dad, but doesn’t he know that shit happens? You have to let go and live.

  Maybe if nothing else comes of this, I can at least show him that he can get stuff done, be responsible, and still have fun. I know him, and I know he will never slack off his workload, but there’s always time after work and on the weekends—when he doesn’t pick up an extra job and work it, too.

  “You’re a nerd.” I laugh through my desire, not wanting to show the effect he’s having on me once again. Play it cool, Johnson. You need to protect both of you here.

  He whips his truck into the old elementary school, the one we all attended as kids but that is now unused—unless it’s rented out for private events or a community function.

  Instead of pulling up to the front as I expected him to, he drives around to the back, where a small park is set up for the kids that still live in the Kirksville area. It’s nothing big—a swing set for babies and toddlers, one for older kids, a few slides, and one big play set. There’s a small covered sitting area with some picnic tables underneath for birthday parties and cookouts.

  “What are we doing at the park?” I look around, trying to figure out what we could possibly be doing here.

  “Proving to you I’m not forty.” He rolls the windows down and plugs his phone into his truck. He punches a few buttons on his phone, and “I Don’t Dance” by Lee Brice strums through the speakers. Turning the volume up loud, he grins and jumps out, leaving the headlights on.

  It’s official. He has lost his ever-loving mind.

  “I don’t get it,” I mumble to myself, still sitting buckled in his truck.

  “Come on. Let’s go.” Josh opens my door and reaches his hand in to help me out.

  “Are we having a party out here? Where’s everyone else? And why don’t we just go to your house for that? You know you can’t drink here, and then someone has to drive.”

  “Tiff, stop thinking, and come on. I’ll show you.”

  I’m locked in the deep sea green of his eyes, and there’s a sparkle there, something I can’t place my finger on.

  “Okay.”

  I’m pulled to the front of the truck and into the grass, spun around, and land against Josh’s chest. He wraps me up in his arms and starts swaying to the soft beat of the song.

  Holy shit! Josh Murphy is dancing with me under the stars, the only other light coming from the headlights. Some of my resolve slips, and I melt into his body a little more.

  I breathe in his scent, something that is him and only him, basking in his warmth and the feel of being in his arms. My arms are wrapped around his neck, and his are around my waist.

  “Just because I don’t like to dance, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do anything to make you happy, Kitten. It was a shit excuse, and it’s now my life’s mission to show you that I’ll be anything you need me to be. How great we can be together.”

  My breath catches in my throat, and my eyes burn with the hotness of unshed tears. He’s being so sweet and doing something he doesn’t like just to make me happy. I’m speechless, and my emotions are all over the place. What do I do?

  My head screams for me to push him away and demand he take me home, telling me this is insane and will end in disaster. But my heart is beating its own tune and singing for all that he’s promising—for someone t
o love me. And I want to hold on to the way he made me feel earlier—and how he makes me feel now— for the rest of my life. Then my brain kicks in and reminds me that it would just make it harder on both of us, even Gabby, when it goes wrong.

  “Plus, if I can do this”—he grabs my ass in both hands, squeezing and pulling me tighter to him—“totally worth dancing. I might even start to really enjoy it, but then again, I doubt there’s anything I wouldn’t enjoy if it involved you.”

  One of his hands glides slowly up my back and into my hair, his hand cupping the back of my head. He leans down, bringing his lips to my ear, and softly sings to me.

  Pressing my forehead into his chest, I close my eyes, and a tear leaks out one corner. Is it already too late? If I walk away right now, will it hurt?

  “Everything will work itself out. You just have to stop fighting it and overthinking it. Just feel.” He presses a soft kiss to the side of my head and tightens an arm around my waist while making slow, soft strokes up and down my back with the other.

  His words mingle with the words of the songs. I know he chose these for a reason, and I know that refusing him is going to be harder than I thought. I’m not sure how much longer I can resist him, especially when he’s doing and saying things like this.

  I close my eyes and soak in the words, trying to work through the internal battle between my heart and brain. Song after song, he sings to me, and we move in small circles, swaying to the music, and my heart falls a little more. The music cuts off, and he steps away from me, my arms falling to my sides.

  “Close your eyes. I have another surprise.”

  “Josh,” I warn. Something tells me this one isn’t going to be so sweet.

  “Humor me and close them.” The left side of his lip tips up in a half smile.

  I pull in a deep breath through my nose and slowly close my eyes. I’m not sure what he’s going to do next and what it’s going to do to me, but as they say, curiosity killed the cat.

  “Josh,” I call out. It’s scary quiet, and I feel as though I’ve been standing here for ten minutes, and I can no longer hear him moving around. I open my eyes and look around, and he’s nowhere in sight.

  “Josh! This isn’t funny. You know I hate the dark.” My body trembles, and I start to move toward the truck when he shouts back.

  “Here kitty, kitty. Come find me.” His deep chuckle follows.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I start walking in the direction of his voice, over by the small building that houses the bathrooms.

  “We’re playing hide-and-seek like we did when we were kids.” He pauses, and I keep walking, following his voice. “Is this something that a forty-year-old would do?” His voice is laced with smugness and pure joy.

  I bite my lip to keep from giggling and shake my head.

  One thing that’s not changed about Josh over the years is that he loves to give people shit. It’s almost the way he shows his love. If he’s not picking on you, then you should worry that he’s mad or doesn’t like you.

  “But who’s going to protect me from the spiders, snakes, and now that it’s dark, the coyotes?” I use my best whiny voice, wanting to keep him talking.

  It doesn’t work, though. He doesn’t reply.

  Coming up on the left side of the building, I press against it and slowly move along the side and around to the back. I stop moving and lean around the edge, peeking to see if he’s back there. Another thing I know about him is, he lives off scaring the ever-loving shit out of me.

  There’s movement in the weeds, and my skin starts to crawl. My heart jumps up in my throat and beats frantically.

  “Josh! Seriously, there’s something in the weeds. Where the hell are you?”

  “Here, kitty, kitty.”

  This time, his voice comes from back over by the truck, where I just was. What the hell?

  A branch cracks, and there’s more rustling, but it sounds closer this time. I spin and take off at a dead run, praying my shaky legs will carry me.

  “Ahhhhh!” I scream at whatever might be chasing me. I’m going to kill him if that thing doesn’t kill me first.

  I run around the truck, planning on jumping in, rolling up the windows, and locking myself in. Let that thing eat Josh. It’s what he gets for leaving me out there.

  I stop at the sight of what greets me. Josh is on one of the picnic tables, and a basket sits off to the side. Three small candles are lit, surrounded by packages of hot dogs, buns, marshmallows, graham crackers, and Hershey bars.

  “You found me.” He gives me another one of his grins, and it extinguishes every bit of the anger I felt a mere second ago.

  “I did, and now we need to go. There’s something over there, behind the bathrooms, if it didn’t already follow me over here to eat us.” My anger may be gone, but my fear is still very much alive.

  I’m edging my way back to the truck, and Josh is just sitting there staring at me. Then he throws his head back and howls with laughter.

  My mouth drops open, and my body starts to vibrate with fury. How can he sit there and laugh at me when there are huge, scary things out there? I saw on Facebook not long ago that a bear was spotted around here.

  “Oh, my God! Josh, we have to go. Right. Now. Oh, my God.” I bounce around on the balls of my feet as I envision being attacked by a bear. “Oh, my God. Oh God, we’re going to die out here. That bear. What if it’s the bear, Josh?” My throat starts to burn from my shrieking voice.

  He laughs harder, and I look over. He’s now rolling around on the ground and holding his stomach.

  “Oh God, Tiffany.” More laughter. “You should”—he pants for breath—“see your face.” He wipes his eyes while still chuckling.

  “I’m failing to see what’s so funny about this. There’s a bear loose out here. People in Poosey were just posting pictures of it a few weeks ago.” I pose in my signature Tiff-the-bitch stance, hands on hips and glaring. “You may want to die out here, but I certainly do not!”

  I turn around and storm over to the truck, stomping my feet for emphasis. I climb up into the truck and try to turn the key, only to get a click, click, click.

  “No. No. No. No. No!” I slam my hands onto the steering wheel with each shouted word. “This cannot be happening. I refuse to be eaten by a bear and die before I travel the world and go on month-long vacations, get married, and have kids.”

  *Josh*

  Tiffany is in the driver’s seat of my truck having a meltdown, and I know I need to get over there and calm her down before our night is completely ruined. I meant for this to remind her of the fun-loving Josh that I used to be before I had to grow up. Before realizing I had to have my shit together so I never ended up in the same position my parents did when my dad was out of work.

  Her words about marriage make me pause for a minute. So she does want to get married and have a family? Good to know. Time to remedy the situation.

  “Baby.” I slowly open the door and wrap my hand around the back of her neck, turning her to face me. “Calm down. It’s all right. There are no bears out here, and I promise I’ll keep you safe.”

  “How do you know that? Did you pull in a recon team and have them sweep the area for bears or anything that would want to eat us?”

  I bite my bottom lip to keep from laughing again. “You been reading military romance again?” I quirk a brow and hope to draw her mind to other things.

  A light pink tints her cheeks, and she looks down. “Maybe.”

  “Come on. Let’s eat. I’ll jump the truck when we get done, and we’ll head home.” I pull her out of the truck and into a hug, breathing in the sweet smell of cherries and vanilla. “I brought your favorite dessert, s’mores.”

  “What about a fire and sticks to roast them with?” She takes a few deep breaths, and her body starts to relax again.

  “I have a few small logs and a bundle of some kindling wood in the back of the truck. Come on, and I’ll get the fire started.”

  “I know I’m
going to sound like a big baby, but can we go back to your house to do this? I know it’s stupid, but now I’m all freaked out and really don’t want to be here.” She hugs me tighter and buries her face in my chest.

  It doesn’t matter to me whether we make the s’mores here or there, and if it’ll make her feel better, then I’ll do whatever she wants.

  “Sure. You wanna go on and hop in the truck, and I’ll get it started then load everything up?” I rub my hands up and down her arms, looking deep into her blue eyes and hoping she can see that I meant what I said earlier. I’ll do anything to make her happy.

  “I’m so sorry, Josh. You went to all this trouble and put so much thought into this, and I get freaked out and ruin it. Thanks for the fun, though.”

  “Hey”—I grab her chin with my thumb and forefinger—“you didn’t ruin anything, and I’m having a blast. Plus I haven’t laughed that hard in… well, since you freaked out when we went camping.”

  She swats her hand at my stomach as I jump back, laughing.

  “Now, climb that sexy ass of yours into the truck while I take care of everything.”

  I walk her over to the passenger side and help her in, fondling her more than is necessary, but in those jeans, she’s near impossible to ignore. Add in the bling that’s covering her fantastic ass, and I’m a goner.

  I bite back a growl and the urge to pull her out, bend her over the seat, and slam into her. That’s not what this is about, though, and I need to keep reminding myself of that. I have to show her what it can be like. Sure, I want her to feel the connection we shared earlier, but there’s more to it than just sex.

  Once I get her situated and, according to her, “safely in the truck away from all things scary,” I walk to the back of the truck and take a breather, willing my erection to go down so I can finish this night without pain.

  Nothing works, and I come to terms with the fact that I’ll be walking around the rest of the night with a semi. Pulling the jump box out of the back of the truck, I get it started then get to work packing up the food.

  Maybe moving things to my house will work in my favor. At least there, we can have a few drinks, relax, and she can stay with me tonight. I wouldn’t mind getting her tied up and having my wicked way with her again.