Free to Forgive

by Susette Williams

  “My pa’s here,” as she said those words, it sounded like the very life drained out of her.

  “Isn’t that good?” Jessie reached over and grabbed her hand. “That means we can break the news to him and my family together.”

  The sadness had returned to her eyes. “My pa told me to write you and tell you that I was going to see a sick aunt. He doesn’t want us to be together.”

  Jessie tilted his head carefully, to avoid the brim of her bonnet, and brushed his lips against her. “It’s all right. He can’t keep us apart now.” Jessie smiled. “We’re married.”

  She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, and then closed it. Jessie grinned even bigger. A woman speechless. Who’d have ever thought it? He was just happy that he’d taken all her need for worry away.

  Jessie urged the horses on and they swayed along the bumpy road in the wagon. If they could survive Marshall’s initial shock yesterday, they could survive anything. Ma was more apt to be hurt that she hadn’t gotten to come, not that she was sentimental. Sarah’s pa might have preferred to be there as well, or at least meet the man who was marrying his daughter. They may not have started their marriage off right, but it would all work out.

  No sooner than Jessie pulled the wagon up, two boys started toward them. Jessie hopped down and helped Sarah climb out of the wagon. “Are these the brothers you wrote me about?”

  One was slightly taller than the other. Both had brown hair that needed a trimming. The younger one had more freckles than the bigger boy. Did she say they were teenagers? Maybe almost teens? They were shorter than Jessie, and he wasn’t even six feet tall. Jessie was the shortest of his brothers by two to five inches, and they didn’t let him forget it. If they weren’t older they were bigger. Marrying Sarah was one situation that them being older or bigger didn’t matter because there was nothing any of them could do about it now.

  Perhaps her brothers wore sour expressions because they didn’t have her at home to cook and look out for them. Jessie felt a tinge of guilt. Maybe some widow would take mercy on her pa.

  “We need to talk.” The taller one eyed Jessie suspiciously. He was around the same height as Sarah. He grabbed Sarah’s arm and started to pull her aside.

  Jessie grabbed her other arm. “Whatever you have to say to my wife, you can say in front of me.”

  The boy’s eyes grew as wide as silver dollars.

  “Jessie and I got married, Zeke,” Sarah’s tone sounded sweet, but he could tell she was trying to be pleasant in what might become an unpleasant situation.

  “You’re gonna be in a whole heap of trouble worse than you already are when Pa finds out,” the other boy said.

  Jessie felt Sarah shiver beneath his touch. “She’s not going to be in trouble with anybody.” Jessie drew her to his side. “She’s my wife and there isn’t anyone else she needs to concern herself with. Now let’s head inside, so we can all meet properly and get to know each other.”

  The living room, kitchen and table where they ate were all in one wide, open area. Marshall was leaning against the wall. Ma and his other two brothers were seated with a man who Jessie assumed was Sarah’s pa. A thin man with graying hair, who looked to be younger than Ma, but older than Marshall, hopped to his feet and headed straight for Sarah.

  “Hello, I’m Jessie.” Jessie stepped in front of her and extended his hand for the man to shake.

  The man ignored the offered hand and tried to sidestep Jessie. “Let me talk to my daughter.”

  “If you have something to say to my wife, you can say it in front of me.” Jessie stood firm. He could almost feel Sarah cowering behind him. He didn’t blame her. Her pa had a look of pure hatred.

  Her pa gave Jessie the once over and planted a fist on each hip. “Fine. You want me to talk in front of you, we’ll talk. I intend to have this so-called marriage annulled so that Sarah can marry one of the other men folk that she’s been writing.”

  “Other?” Jessie felt weak in the knees. Sarah had been writing other men? And her pa wanted her to marry one of them? He turned to Sarah. “Is that why your pa wanted you to stop writing me? Why he wanted you to pretend to be going to stay with a sick aunt?”

  A tear trickled down her cheek. She slowly nodded. “I didn’t want to write them, but he made me.” Sarah sniffed and wiped at the tear. “You were the only one I wanted to write. That’s why I used my real name.”

  Jessie decided it would be best to sort through his own emotions later when he had time to think clearer. He needed to deal with the situation at hand now. One problem at a time. “Whatever the reason, we’re married now and we can work this out.”

  “The only thing we’re going to work out is how quickly we can get this marriage annulled,” her pa said.

  “There ain’t no annulling this marriage,” Jessie’s tone was sharp. He balled his fists. “This is a real marriage in every sense of the word, and now that my wife and I have been together—we’re staying together.”

  This time, it was her pa’s turn to look stunned.

  Marshall moved closer, while his other two brothers eyed the situation. No doubt ready to jump in if Jessie needed them. Ma was unusually quiet, apparently still in shock by his news. He’d make it up to her later. His brothers had always hated how he could charm Ma and never get in trouble.

  Marshall took a couple steps closer. “And since we are all witnesses that you had Sarah writing with the intent to mislead several men, should you try and run off with her or have the marriage annulled, we will be forced to sue you and your daughter for a broken love pledge,” Marshall said. “I’ll be sure to discuss the matter with Judge Parkins when he gets back into town, since I am the sheriff.”

  Sarah’s pa glanced at Marshall. He may have been pale before, but he looked even whiter now. “Sheriff?”

  Jessie didn’t want any bad blood between their families. He was still her pa, after all. If he left angry, he might not let Sarah see her brothers again. He didn’t remember all the stuff she’d said about them in her letters, and now he didn’t know for sure that everything she had ever told him was true, but she did seem fond of both the boys. She must have been like a ma to them.

  “I know this has all been quite a surprise to all of you, and you weren’t expecting to have to take care of yourself.” This may be the time he allowed his family some say. Jessie would make her family an offer, but it would hinge on input from his own family and how they felt on the matter. “So if you and the boys are in need of a job and a place to stay, if my family thinks we can use the extra help, you can work as ranch hands and stay in the bunkhouse with the other men.”

  “Are you saying you wouldn’t let us stay up here with my daughter?” her pa asked.

  “For now, I think it would be best,” Jessie said. “My wife and I need to get better acquainted and I sense you make her feel somewhat distressed.”

  Jessie didn’t care about the raised eyebrow, or dirty smirk Sarah’s pa gave him. If they were going to work out their problems and get beyond this mess, the last thing they needed was to have her pa making her feel all out of sorts.

  If they were ever to become as one like the Bible talked about, she was going to have to get away from her pa. And while a part of Jessie wished it could be totally away, the man was still kin. Jessie couldn’t expect her to totally turn her back on her father, for her brothers’ sake. Jessie would never turn his back on his family either.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Sarah hated lying in bed next to Jessie with his back turned toward her. It was a might bit different than the night before when he couldn’t keep his hands off of her, not that she wanted him to. “Aren’t you ever gonna forgive me, Jessie?”

  “Forgive you?” his voice sounded incredulous. He rolled over and faced her, propped up on one arm, still avoiding actually touching her as if he couldn’t bear to near her again.

  Moonlight shone through the window, making it easier to see each other’s faces. Too bad they couldn�
�t be making love beneath the glow of the full moon.

  “I don’t know how I am supposed to trust you again,” Jessie’s words were somber.

  It made Sarah’s heart ache.

  “Jessie, I don’t blame you for not trusting me, but you talked in front of Pa like you wanted to work this out, and I do, too. I love you, Jessie, really love you.” She wiped away a tear as it trickled down her cheek. “I didn’t want to do what Pa had me do. I’d been writing men since before I was fifteen. Pa made me write every one of them because we needed the money to get by. After Ma died, there were days we didn’t get anything to eat, and sometimes, Pa wouldn’t come home at night. I had to take care of Zeke and Elijah. There’s things you do in life that you just don’t go around telling everybody. You live through them and you deal with them.”

  Sarah turned her head away to keep from giving into the grief that threatened to overwhelm her. What she went through was bad enough, but then to have Jessie turn his back on her was downright unbearable.

  “You were the light in my darkness, Jessie.” She wiped another tear away as it ran down the side of her face. “No one had ever made me excited to get mail. I didn’t care about any money or trinkets men sent. I wanted someone to really care about me, and I thought I found that in you.”

  Sarah rolled over to her side and cried quietly into her pillow. She had no business feeling sorry for herself. She deserved to suffer for her part in this. She didn’t know why she had listened to Pa. Because she didn’t have a choice, she reminded herself, even though it brought little comfort. Jessie was the last person in the world she would ever want to hurt and yet she had.

  “Pa will get his way.” Her words were a mere whisper, a realization. “It’s better for me to leave so I don’t hurt you or your family no more.”

  A warm hand reached for her and turned her back over so he could see her face. She blinked a couple times to clear her vision from her teary eyes.

  “Do you love me?” Jessie’s voice was strained. No doubt he was dealing with his own emotions of betrayal.

  Guilt riddled her heart. “Yes, Jessie. I love you with all my heart. That’s why I’m gonna go in the morning, so I don’t cause you and your kin no more problems. Because as long as my pa’s around, there will always be trouble.”

  “I can handle your pa,” Jessie whispered. “You on the other hand…” He caressed her face in his hand, gently stroking his thumb across her cheek. “I can’t handle the thought of losing.”

  Jessie claimed her mouth with his in a kiss that held the hope of promise and love, and for another night, the two of them became one.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  A month later…

  “You’re looking mighty perty tonight, Ma.” Sarah’s pa leaned close to Jessie’s ma to see what was in the Dutch oven. “Those pies smell delicious. I can’t wait to finish dinner so we can eat them. You did a wonderful job teaching my little girl how to cook better.”

  Sarah wondered what her pa was up to. He’d sure made a point of showing up at the house a lot this past week or so, and as long as she’d known him, he’d never been sugary sweet like he was being right now. She’d make a point to talk to him before he and the boys headed back to the bunkhouse tonight.

  “Zeke and Elijah,” Sarah interrupted their lounging on the couch, “would you mind washing the forks and setting the table?”

  “I’m tired,” Elijah whined. “We have been fixing fence all day.”

  “Mind your sister.” The glare Pa flashed the boys was evidence that his true nature was lying just beneath the surface.

  He had an angle, she just didn’t know what. Her stomach felt queasy just thinking about it.

  Sarah helped Ma, as everyone had started calling her, carry the food to the dinner table. All the men were already seated.

  “Here, let me get that.” Pa hopped up and pulled out Ma’s chair. Sarah never recalled seeing him do that for their mother when she was alive.

  “Thank you,” Jessie’s ma said. While she was polite, she didn’t seem the least bit charmed by Pa’s smooth talk. “I hope you won’t mind sayin’ grace for us, Jonah.”

  Sarah almost laughed. It was the first time she’d heard anyone around these parts call Pa by his given name. By the look on the Kincaid boys’ faces, they were surprised their ma knew her pa’s name as well. They needn’t worry. Sarah had seen enough women swoon when they were in love to know their ma wasn’t the least bit interested in Sarah’s father. He could tell any whale of a story he wanted, the Kincaid boys’ ma wasn’t going to get caught up in any line he was feeding her.

  Pa stammered through it, but to Sarah’s surprise he prayed. Evidence that Pa was definitely up to something. Even the pastor back home said that if Pa ever showed up in church, it would be for his own funeral.

  After dinner was done, Pa kept up with whatever escapade he was carrying out by offering to clear the table and help with dishes. While Sarah’s brothers were listening to Jessie and his brothers tell stories about when they were growing up, Sarah turned to hear Pa and Jessie’s ma talking a few feet behind her.

  “I’m sorry I never got around to apologizing for my behavior when we first met a month ago,” Pa said. “ It was all such a shock for me when Sarah didn’t come back home the next day.”

  “I understand,” Ma said.

  “It’s been hard on me,” Pa said. “You know, I think it is much harder for a man being widowed. Especially trying to take care of a daughter and raise her right.”

  “I wouldn’t know,” Jessie’s ma said. “I raised sons and men folk ain’t always been too thrilled taking orders from a woman, but I got by.” Ma sounded a bit curt. The sound of dishes being cleaned stopped.

  Even Jessie turned to see Ma’s hands on her hips, glaring at Pa.

  “And if you ask me, I’d say your daughter is the one who has been doing all the raising. I don’t much blame her for latching onto my son. He’s a good man and she could tell that in his letters. At least she’s got enough sense to see that, and if you were any kind of a father you would step aside and let your daughter be happy.”

  Pa’s face was turning red, and not because he was hot physically—he was red-hot mad. The part that concerned her was Pa getting quiet. Some people got madder than a wet hen when they were angry. Pa plotted revenge.

  Sarah hopped out of her seat and hurried over to interrupt things before anyone got more out of sorts. Sarah forced a smile to her face. “Pa, do you think I could speak with you outside a moment? I had a couple things I wanted to discuss in private.”

  Pa nodded and didn’t say a word, which sent chills down Sarah’s spine for some reason. This new leaf Pa pretended to turn over was merely an act. His true self showed when he couldn’t manipulate the setting. He liked having control and thinking he had the upper hand in a situation. One thing Pa hadn’t counted on was that Jessie’s family wasn’t buying the act he was selling.

  Once they were outside, and a good enough distance from the house that nobody would overhear their conversation, Sarah turned to her pa and planted both hands on her hips. The sun was going down, but it still shone enough that anyone could see them if they looked out a window or came outside. Sarah folded her arms across her chest so it wouldn’t look like she was angry, even though she was. “Okay, Pa. What’s going on?”

  Pa spit on the ground. “You saw how that woman treated me after I was sweet on her.”

  “You?” Sarah blinked rapidly. “Wait a minute. Are you trying to tell me you really do like Jessie’s ma?”

  Pa laughed. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time.”

  “Then what were you up to, Pa?”

  “Since we been here this past month, me and the boys have had a chance to see all the cattle and land your new in-laws have,” Pa said. “But since Mrs. Kincaid doesn’t seem to be keen on me, it is not likely I can get her into changing her last name. Which means…” Pa snickered, his tone lowered, kind of devious sounding. “I’
m going to have to make other arrangements.”

  “What other arrangements?” Sarah didn’t like the way he was acting right now. Greed filled his eyes, and Pa had a serious problem with greed, even worse than he had with gambling.

  “Don’t you worry about a thing, girl.” Pa spat again. “You go back inside and enjoy time with that husband of yours while you can. We’ve got a lot of work to get done on the fencing tomorrow. Before any storms hit.”

  Sarah looked up at the orange and purples streaking through the sunset. Somehow, she figured Pa wasn’t talking about the weather.

  CHAPTER NINE

  As much as they needed the rain, they didn’t need mud slides, or cattle getting stuck. Jessie had told Caleb and Montana that he’d ride back and see if any of the ranch hands were back at the bunkhouse. They were already tending to their own set of problems because of the storm and flash flooding. Marshall had his own duties as sheriff which he was obligated to take care of before he could come help them out on the ranch.

  Jessie tied his horse up to the post and hurried into the bunkhouse. Great. Of all the people he’d find, it had to be Sarah’s pa and her brothers who were sitting at the table playing a game of checkers. The boys really weren’t too bad when her pa wasn’t around. But Jessie was still a tad irritated with the man for flirting with Ma at dinner. Thankfully, Ma was a level-headed woman and wouldn’t be taken by the likes of a deceitful man like him, but Jessie had still talked with Sarah about it when they went to bed last night.

  Sarah warned him to watch out for her pa. She told him she had a feeling her pa was up to something, but she didn’t know what. Jessie promised to keep an eye out.

  “I need you and the boys to help me rescue stray cattle.” Jessie took his cowboy hat off. The water rolled off of it onto the rug that he was standing on near the door.

  The boys looked hesitantly at their pa who was lying on his bunk, looking at a newspaper. No doubt the boys wanted to see if their pa would be agreeable to going out in the bad weather. To his credit, he nodded toward them and rose to his feet. Zeke and Elijah scooted their chairs back and stood.