All The Wrong Reasons

by JL Paul

  “Why so quiet?” Lucas asked.

  “Oh, um, just thinking,” I mumbled, refusing to face him. If I looked at him I knew I’d cave and end up in his bed.

  “Second thoughts?” he guessed. “Want me to take you home?”

  I opened my mouth to tell him that was exactly what I wanted him to do but I couldn’t utter the words. I studied his profile, the sharp lines and angles in his face and my body temperature rose about twenty degrees. A strange tickle burned my groin. I couldn’t wait to get to his apartment.

  “No. I want to go to your place,” I whispered. He held out a hand and I took it. His touch made the tickle increase so I disengaged my seat belt to move closer, dropping his hand to rest mine high on his thigh. He draped his arm around my shoulders, chancing a quick kiss to my neck.

  “Almost there,” he said rather huskily. I grinned, a shot of triumph warming my body. Obviously I had some sort of effect on him, too.

  He parked on the curb in front of a two flat and climbed out of the truck, holding his door open so I could scoot out his side. Snagging his guitar and his bag, he hurried me up the walk. He unlocked the door and dropped his things before grabbing my hips and pulling me flush with his body.

  “Mm,” he mumbled. “I’ve wanted you all week.”

  I yanked his shirt off his body dropping it as I placed kisses on his chest. He steered me through a door and without bothering with the lights, pushed me on a bed. I kicked off my shoes as he tugged my sweatshirt over my head. His mouth traced the outline of my bra causing my body to arch into him. He reached behind me to unhook my bra, wrangling it off my arms and dropping it next to my sweatshirt on the floor.

  I attacked his jeans, struggling to push them down his legs. He helped and between the two of us, we managed to add them to the growing pile along with my jeans.

  “You drive me so crazy, Irelyn,” he hissed as he nipped at my stomach. “I wanted to take my time with you tonight but I just can’t wait.”

  I directed his face back to mine and kissed him, exploring his mouth thoroughly. “Just take me, Luke,” I gasped. “Please.”

  He kicked off his boxers while I removed my panties. He parted my legs but paused. “Damn. Damn.”

  “What?” I asked, chest heaving.

  “Nothing, love,” he said hoarsely, moving away. “Give me a second.”

  He climbed off the bed and I bolted upright in total disbelief. “Where the hell are you going?” I demanded, anger mixing with desire.

  “Condom,” he shouted over his shoulder as he disappeared through a different door than the one we fell through minutes ago.

  The anger evaporated as understanding washed over me. Yes, condom. I couldn’t remember if we’d used one the first time but I sure as hell wanted him to use one now. I didn’t need a child at my age. Or anything nasty he might have picked up.

  I shivered a little as the cool air teased my skin. I was suddenly conscious of being totally naked in a strange bedroom while waiting for a man that wasn’t even my boyfriend to find a condom. Although the guilt returned, I was sort of … thrilled. Maybe I was turning into some kind of pervert or something.

  “Ah, here we are,” Lucas said, startling me out of my thoughts. I glanced up and spotted his dark figure tossing a box up in the air, catching it deftly. He tore it open, grabbed something inside, and set the box on a nightstand. The crinkling sound coming from him told me he was opening and applying the condom. My heart started thumping again. He crawled over me and brushed my lips. “Better. Now, where were we?”

  I didn’t have the chance to answer because his mouth was on mine and my mind went blissfully numb – not thinking at all – only feeling.

  Instead of starting where we’d left off, he started over, his hungry lips lingering over mine, his tongue probing my mouth. When we parted for air, his lips journeyed down my face and neck to my breasts. My breath caught in my throat as he continued to kiss and nip my skin. Just when I thought I was going to lose my mind, he brought his face back to mine.

  “You’re body is so beautiful I can hardly stand it,” he said as he nudged my legs apart and finally put us out of our misery. I pressed into him, wrapping my legs around his waist and clinging to his shoulders. He buried his face into the crook of my neck as he groaned. It turned me on, spurring my body into action.

  Neither of us lasted long as all the pent-up sexual frustration we’d both suffered during the past week shot through us like a rocket. He collapsed on top of me, using his arms to keep his weight from crushing me.

  I panted, desperate to fill my lungs with air. Lucas kissed me softly and rolled to his back, taking me with him. My head fell to his chest and I listened as his heartbeat slowly returned to normal.

  “Are you running out on me again?” he asked as his hands caressed my back.

  “Hm, I don’t think my legs are strong enough.”

  Chuckling, he kissed the top of my head. “Good.”

  “Um, Lucas?” I whispered.

  “Hm?”

  “Um, did you use a … um, condom, the first time?”

  He laughed as he rubbed my back a little harder. “Of course, love. I borrowed one of Spencer’s.”

  “Hope you didn’t return it,” I giggled. I was a little giddy – possibly because of the extremely satisfying sex I’d just engaged in with a very sexy man.

  His laughter vibrated in his chest as he squeezed me. He sighed as his laughter came to an end. “I’ll have to go invest in some, huh? Seeing as I had to go rob my brother’s stash.”

  “You did?” I asked, barely listening. I was content to just listen to his heart.

  “Yeah and I brought the entire box in here so I hope you aren’t planning on leaving anytime soon.”

  My heart trembled. “No.”

  He slid me off his chest to roll us both to our sides. He stroked my cheek and tucked my wild hair behind my ear. “About your phone…”

  I waited for him to continue and when he didn’t, I raised a brow that he obviously couldn’t see in the dark. “What about it?”

  “Well, I was curious and I checked your contacts. You don’t have many, by the way.” He kissed my forehead. “Anyway, I figured out who Morgan and Bailey are – you’re friends, right?” I nodded. “And ‘Mom’, “Grandmother’ and ‘Grandfather’ are pretty self-explanatory.”

  My heart filled with dread as I followed where the conversation was headed. “Pretty much,” I mumbled.

  “What I was wondering was who is Dustin?”

  I bit my lip and shut my eyes. I decided at that moment if I couldn’t be honest with one that I’d be honest with the other. “Dustin is sort of my…”

  “Boyfriend?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” I admitted.

  “That’s what I thought,” he said. He kissed my forehead again. “Don’t sweat it, love. That’s between you and him and this is between you and me.”

  “Do you think less of me?” I asked childishly.

  “Do you think less of me?” he countered.

  “What do you think?”

  He snorted. “I think you’re here because you’re not getting something you need from this boyfriend.”

  I didn’t say anything, just contemplated his words. He couldn’t be right – Dustin was perfect. But, if he was so perfect then why was I here?

  Chapter 4

  Lucas stopped in front of the dorm and took me in his arms. He kissed me thoroughly, making my head spin, and then reached over me to open the door. “Have a great weekend, love,” he said.

  I nodded and wished him the same before fleeing to my room. As I ran, I realized that he hadn’t said goodbye, see you later or asked me if I’d be at Rusty’s on Friday. And maybe that was best.

  Bailey and Morgan glanced at me as I stormed through the door. They were sitting side by side on the sofa, feet propped on the coffee table, munching on cold Pop Tarts. I dropped my bag and stood with my fists planted firmly on my hips, waiting for them to say something. />
  Of course, Bailey spoke first. Her eyes grazed my body as a smirk toyed on her lips. “Did you have a good evening?” she asked as if I’d gone to a garden party.

  “What am I doing, huh?” I demanded. “Just what the hell am I doing?”

  “Having fun, by the looks of you,” Bailey quipped waving at my rumpled, disheveled appearance. “And good for you.”

  Groaning, I plopped next to her, snatching the Pop Tart from her hand. “I can’t believe the mess I’ve made.”

  “What mess?” Bailey asked, grabbing a fresh Pop Tart off the coffee table.

  “My life,” I declared.

  “Listen to me, Irelyn,” Bailey ordered. “You’ve been with Dustin for well over a year, right?” I nodded. “And I take it he was your first?” Again I nodded. She shrugged. “You love him, he loves you – you probably plan to marry him someday, I’m sure.”

  “Well, I don’t know about all that,” I mumbled. “I mean, maybe.”

  “Yeah, well then you’re facing the prospect of only having one man for the rest of your life,” she said. “So, you’re having a fling. So what? Do you love Lucas?”

  “No,” I gasped, shaking my head. “No.”

  “You and Lucas are having fun and sooner or later, you two will get tired of it and end things and you’ll go back to life as normal.” She crossed her ankles, grinning like she’d just figured a way out of the National Debt.

  “But, I’m cheating,” I whispered.

  “So, end it,” Morgan offered. “Irelyn, if you don’t want to do this, then end it with one of them. Don’t put yourself through this torture.”

  She was right – I knew it. She was exactly right. But Bailey had a point, too. Maybe not a moral point but a point nonetheless. Was I ready to settle down with one man for the rest of my life? Obviously not since I couldn’t keep away from another.

  “I can’t decide now,” I said, pushing the problem away to contemplate later. “I need to shower and get home before my mother starts calling.”

  ***

  “You’re late,” Tommy said as I breezed through the door. He hugged me briefly then darted off to a beautiful piano that took up most of the living room. I gawked at it as my bags fell from my hands.

  “Wow,” I gasped. “Where did that come from?”

  “Irelyn,” Mom exclaimed as she hugged me tightly to her chest. I returned her embrace, smirk gracing my lips. She always greeted me like I’d been gone for years. “How was your week?”

  “Boring,” I said as I pulled away and continued to admire the piano. It certainly was beautiful. “Where did this come from?”

  Mom lifted a shoulder as she smiled fondly at Tommy. He perched on the bench, his fingers hovering over the keys. “My parents bought it for Tommy. I told them about how his music teacher raves about him and the lessons he’s been taking. Apparently your grandmother stopped in during a lesson and she was impressed.”

  Tommy glanced at me, waiting for my approval. I plastered a fake smile on my face and nodded. He grinned large and allowed his fingers to float lightly over the keys. I was mesmerized – totally astonished at the talent flowing from the little boy before me. Where had it come from?

  I couldn’t speak as tears collected behind my eyes. Oh, he wasn’t ready for Carnegie Hall, but he had talent. A beautiful smile engulfed my face as pride and hope for Tommy engulfed me. He had a future. A very bright one.

  Finished, he swiveled on the stool in such a little boy manner that I collected him in my arms and showered affection on him. He accepted it happily and it filled my confused heart with joy.

  “Tommy, you are wonderful!” I exclaimed.

  “Thank you,” he simply said. He eased out of my arms and turned back to the keys. Opening a book, he obediently began working on scales.

  Mom motioned for the kitchen and I followed her, still quite speechless.

  “Isn’t he wonderful?”

  “Mom, he’s a freaking prodigy!” I said.

  She giggled. “Maybe. But it just makes him so happy, did you see?”

  “Yes, but this gives him something to look forward to – a career perhaps.” I screwed my face up in concentration, dreaming of the wonderful life ahead of Tommy.

  “Oh, Irelyn, when will you ever learn that life doesn’t have to be so neatly organized?”

  I froze, gazing at her face. What did she mean? Did she think people should just be as reckless and careless as she’d been? Pregnant at sixteen and a mother by seventeen? No wonder my grandparents wanted nothing to do with Tommy or me until they discovered we weren’t like our mothers. They didn’t want their hearts broken again.

  I sighed, rubbing my forehead. I didn’t want to have this argument with her again. I had too much on my plate at the moment. “Okay, fine, Mother. I’m going to go put my stuff away and call Dustin.”

  My heart faltered as I said his name. Would he hear the guilt in my voice? And later, when I was with him, would he see the sin in my eyes?

  ***

  “You look so hot,” Dustin said for what had to be the hundredth time. “Wow.”

  “Stop,” I said with a bashful smile. Inside, I was skipping for joy. Bailey had loaned me one of her dresses and Morgan, quick with a needle, had made the necessary alterations. Bailey was taller than me with a little more in the bust department. But by the time Morgan finished, the dress fit me like a glove.

  It was a simple black dress that hugged my waist and reached my knees. The sleeves sat slightly off the shoulder and emphasized my neck. The heels were Morgan’s and although they still didn’t make me as tall as Dustin, I could at least rest my head on his shoulder when we danced.

  Dinner was the same boring affair except my grandparents raved about Tommy’s newly found talent to anyone who would listen. Once we finished, Dustin whined that I looked too pretty to go home.

  “And you’re too pretty to sit in a dark theater,” he said, his eyes lighting up with a new idea. “Why don’t we hit a club? We’ve never done that before and I think it will be fun.”

  Only wanting to spend time with him – and not just to try to erase Lucas from my mind – I agreed.

  I lived in a pretty small town in Indiana called Dalefield. It was about thirty minutes from Indianapolis and two hours from Chicago. The Dunne-Browling campus was located just outside of Indianapolis limits and we passed it as Dustin drove us to Indy. Chattering excitedly, I could tell he was happy to have me to himself, even if we were going to a club. I relaxed, holding his hand, happy that he was happy. Maybe I’d take Morgan’s advice and just end that silly thing with Lucas. I loved Dustin. He was comfortable and safe.

  After he parked, Dustin took my hand, eagerly towing me into Last Call, a club I’d passed millions of times but never entered. He paid the cover and we both accepted the under twenty-one stamp on our hands.

  The place wasn’t as crowded as I assumed it would be on a Saturday night – of course there were plenty more clubs around. We easily found a table and ordered soft drinks from our flirty waitress.

  The music was live and loud and not Out Back. I relaxed, totally thankful for small favors.

  Dustin dragged me to the dance floor just as the band slowed things down. He held me closer than he ever had at the country club, guiding my body around the dance floor. I rested my cheek on his chest, eyes closed, a satisfied smile on my face.

  Once the song ended, the band jumped into a fast number but Dustin wouldn’t allow me to return to the table. I laughed as he spun me and twirled me and dipped me. It’d been such a long time since we’d had this much fun together that I didn’t want it to end.

  After a few more songs, I begged Dustin to let me rest and rehydrate. He agreed and we returned to our table. As I settled into the high seat, sipping my drink, I allowed my gaze to wander around the club. My heart stilled in my chest when I glanced at the bar and met a familiar pair of eyes. Sucking in a breath, I drew a concerned look from Dustin.

  “Sweetheart? Are you okay?�
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  Swallowing, I nodded. “Yeah. Just wiped out.” I tried to smile at him as I tore my eyes away from the bar. “Um, I need to use the restroom.”

  “Sure,” he said and pecked my lips.

  I fled down a dark hall and pushed the door open so hard I nearly knocked another girl off her feet.

  “I’m so sorry,” I pleaded, fighting tears of panic.

  “Yeah, don’t worry about it,” she said as she brushed past me. Digging my phone out of my bag, I began to pace. I dialed Bailey’s number and listened as it rang and rang. Finally, she answered.

  “What’s up, Irelyn?”

  “Where are you?” I asked. “Can you talk?”

  “Hold on. I’m at a party. Let me step outside.”

  I waited, staring at my anxious reflection in the mirror. Would Lucas say anything to Dustin? Should I be out there in case he did? No, he’d told me that it was between me and him.

  “Okay, kid, what’s up?” Bailey asked.

  “Oh geez, Bailey,” I gushed, near hyperventilation. “I’m at a club in Indy with Dustin and guess who is sitting at the bar?”

  She laughed and I wanted to hit her. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Really?”

  “It’s not funny!” I said, stomping my foot. “What the hell should I do?”

  “Ditch Dustin and hook up with Lucas?” she suggested.

  I groaned.

  “All right. Well, just ignore Lucas and hang out with Dustin for a few then fake a headache.”

  She was brilliant. “But what if Lucas approaches us?”

  She snorted. “He won’t. Didn’t you tell him about Dustin?”

  “Yes,” I said slowly.

  “Then he won’t. Now get out there before one of your men comes looking for you.”

  “Thanks, I owe you,” I said and hung up. I splashed a little cold water on my face, gathering courage to return to the table. I was relieved to see Dustin still by himself. I slipped onto my chair, offering him a small smile.