All The Wrong Reasons

by JL Paul

  “Is something the matter?” Dustin asked, his eyes laced with deep concern. A thousand butcher knives jabbed my heart. I hated myself.

  “A headache,” I claimed. “I’ll be fine in a second.”

  “Do you want to leave?” he asked, crestfallen. I couldn’t refuse him.

  “No, not yet.”

  “Just say if you want me to take you home,” he offered. He glanced around the club, looking for the waitress. “I’m going to get us some drinks.”

  I watched Dustin wend his way through the crowd before resting my head on my arms on the table. I groaned when I felt him approach. “Go away, Lucas. I can’t talk to you tonight.”

  “You look so good,” he said with such longing, my treacherous heart twitched. “Wish you’d dress that way for me.”

  I lifted my head to glare at him. “Please, go away.”

  “Relax. Your boyfriend is at the bar getting drinks.” Smirking in his sexy way, he leaned against the table, tipping a bottle of beer to his lips. I realized in that moment that I had no clue how old he was.

  “Yeah, and he’ll be back in a minute.”

  Lucas shrugged. “I told you that this,” and he waved his finger between me and him, “was between us and I meant it. I’m not saying a word.”

  “So, what am I supposed to tell him when he comes back to the table, huh? Thanks for the drink honey and by the way, this is the guy I’m sleeping with behind your back.”

  Lucas grinned and chuckled. He winked at me causing my pulse to zip through my veins. Why did he have to be so sexy and why did I have to want him so much?

  “Here, sweetheart,” Dustin said, uncertainly. He glanced at Lucas, a deep groove appearing in his forehead. “And you are?”

  “Lucas,” Lucas said, setting his beer on the table and extending his hand. “I’m a friend of Bailey’s. Have you met her yet?”

  Dustin’s face relaxed and he managed to crack a smile. I could read his expression like a much loved book. He was assuming that Bailey and Lucas were sleeping together. Jealousy raged inside my heart at the mere thought. I inhaled, trying to tame it. What a fraud I was.

  “Yes, I met her last weekend. She’s a beautiful girl,” Dustin said.

  Lucas nodded, averting his eyes from me. “She is. You must be Dustin.”

  “Yes, nice to meet you,” Dustin said with a forced smile.

  “So, have you two been here before?” Lucas asked.

  I massaged my temples as a real headache began to form. Dustin draped a possessive arm around me. “No. Irelyn isn’t a big music fan.”

  Lucas raised a surprised brow at me, his eyes registering his astonishment. “Oh, really? Huh. I thought everyone loved music.”

  “It gives me a headache,” I said through clenched teeth, glaring murderously at Dustin.

  He kissed my cheek. “Still not feeling well?” I shook my head. “All right. I’ll take you home.”

  “Hey, nice to meet you,” Lucas said, shaking Dustin’s hand. He nodded at me. “See you soon, Irelyn.”

  “Sure,” I mumbled.

  “Maybe the four of us can get together sometime?” Dustin suggested. My stomach turned.

  “The four of us?” Lucas asked.

  “Yeah, me and Irelyn and you and Bailey,” Dustin said.

  “He’s not really with Bailey,” I said as I smiled sarcastically at Lucas.

  Amusement literally turned his eyes a lighter shade as a smirk flowed across his lips. “No, not at all. I’m actually seeing another girl – nothing serious or anything.”

  A low growl erupted from my lips but Dustin took it as a hint that I was not feeling well. “Well, maybe we can get together anyway. I need to get Irelyn home.”

  “Sure, see you around.”

  I jerked Dustin’s arm before he could offer any more stupid suggestions. As soon as we hit the parking lot, he started with the questions.

  “So, who exactly is that guy?”

  “A friend of Bailey’s. I’ve only met him once or twice,” I said, satisfied that I hadn’t quite lied yet.

  “You seemed awfully anxious to get away from him,” he mused as he opened his car door for me. “Why?”

  I waited for him to get in and buckle his seat belt before answering. “He’s okay, I guess. He plays in a band and, like you said, I’m no fan of music.”

  “Ah,” he concluded. My heart settled, happy he accepted my explanation. I hated to lie and I suddenly envisioned a lifetime of falsehoods stretching before me.

  Dustin pulled into the driveway and killed the engine. I fiddled nervously with my fingers, knowing he’d want more than just a little peck on the lips.

  “We should go away together soon, Irelyn,” he said as he cupped my cheek. “It’s been awhile, you know.”

  I did know and I was more than a little afraid to spend a weekend alone with him – I was terrified. I was terrified that I’d have sex with Dustin and compare him to Lucas the whole time. And that wasn’t fair. Not in the least.

  “Maybe when, um, maybe when I’m on break or something. You know, you’re going to law school and you can’t fall behind.”

  “It’s just a weekend, sweetheart,” he said with a nervous laugh. “Or, don’t you want us to…you know…again?”

  “Sex, Dustin. Sex. We had sex. And more than once. You don’t have to dance around the word,” I said. Shame hovered over me and I immediately regretted my words. It wasn’t his fault that I’d betrayed him and it wasn’t his fault that at that very moment, I was thinking about Lucas.

  “Sorry,” he mumbled.

  “No,” I said softly, taking his hand. “I am. I’m tired and not feeling well,” I claimed. It was partially true. “Why don’t you call me tomorrow and we can do brunch before you drive back to school?”

  Smiling, he captured my lips in his usual sweet kiss – the kind I loved. They lacked the passion and heat that Lucas’s kisses contained but they made up for it with sweet charm. “I love you, Irelyn.”

  “I love you, too,” I said before slipping out of the car. I raced inside and up to my room, shutting the door quietly. I curled up on my bed and allowed the tears to flow, hoping to wash away my shame.

  Once I finished, I crept to the downstairs bathroom to wash my face. I sank to the floor with my cell phone, opening it slowly. I searched through the numbers, wondering who in my meager list of friends I should call. I didn’t think Bailey would be particularly sympathetic and I was certain Morgan would load me up with moral crap.

  I stopped when I found his number. I closed my eyes, angry that he’d had the audacity to program his number in my phone – but I was more amused. I wondered…

  Hitting the number, I pressed the phone to my ear. He answered with a laugh in his voice. “Did you ditch the boyfriend already? Looking to meet up with me now?”

  “No,” I said, regretting my impulse. “I meant to call him but hit your number instead. Big mistake.” Take that, I thought.

  “Sure, love, no problem.”

  I waited for him to say something else or to beg me to meet him somewhere but he didn’t say a word.

  “Um, are you still at the club?”

  “No, actually, I’m driving home. Want me to stop by and pick you up?”

  “Not particularly,” I said, grinning.

  “So I’m just your Friday night thing, huh? No Saturdays allowed?”

  “My Saturdays are pretty booked up right now,” I teased, enjoying the banter. “Sorry about your luck.”

  “Me, too,” he sighed. “Especially when you wear little black numbers like you did tonight.”

  “Oh, you liked it, did you?” I said, heart lightening. I drew my knees to my chin.

  “Why do you think I’m heading home already? I need to take matters in my own hand – if you know what I mean – after the cold shower.”

  A furiously red blush engulfed my entire body and I was glad he couldn’t see it. I shivered as I imagined him in the shower – and me with him. Suddenly, a cold
shower sounded good. “Well, do what you have to do.”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, I will. And I’ll moan your name. Goodnight, Irelyn. See you Friday.” He hung up before I could confirm or deny if I’d be there. But we both knew I would.

  Chapter 5

  I was sprawled on my stomach on my bed Sunday night, books open, intending on catching up with a couple assignments that were due that week when Bailey breezed into the room. She lifted a knowing brow at me and plopped on the sofa, immediately picking up the remote control.

  I tried my best to ignore her as she flipped through the channels but it was like her smirk was plastered on every single page of my text book. I sighed and slammed it shut, resting my chin on my fists.

  “What?” I asked.

  She lifted a shoulder, eyes on the television, creepy smile on her face. “Nothing.”

  “You’re lying,” I said.

  “Perhaps.”

  Groaning, I slid off the bed, strode over to her, and ripped the controller out of her hand. “What?”

  “You’re getting in really deep, aren’t you?” she asked, finally turning her attention on me.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “What happened Saturday night after you called me?” she asked.

  “Nothing. I faked a headache,” I murmured as I returned to my bed. “After Lucas decided to introduce himself to Dustin.”

  She laughed – hard and long – until tears leaked from her eyes. I shook my head in disgust as I tried to find the page I’d been on before she interrupted me.

  “I’m glad you find my love life so amusing,” I said, scanning the words in my book. “I nearly had a heart attack.”

  Her laughter ended in a series of very unladylike snorts. “Sorry, but you have to admit it is funny.” I glared at her until she held up her hands in surrender. “So, what did Dustin say?”

  It was my turn to smirk as I sat up and curled my legs underneath my body.

  “Well, Lucas introduced himself as a friend of yours and Dustin assumed that you were sleeping with him.”

  She laughed again, but this bout didn’t last as long. “Honey, if you weren’t doing him, I certainly wouldn’t mind.”

  That jealous rage filled my stomach and I tried to keep it from seeping onto my face. It was difficult.

  “Relax, Irelyn,” she said softly. “There is no way in hell I’d ever do that to you. Ever. I may be a bitch but I’m also a friend.”

  I softened and nodded, nibbling on my lip. “I know. Oh, hell. I shouldn’t react that way. What right do I have?”

  “Hey, the only law concerning monogamy pertains to marriage and since you’re not married…”

  “Yeah, but, Dustin is the one who is going to be hurt.” I pulled my legs out from under my body and leaned against the wall. “Lucas only wants me in his bed. He wouldn’t care if I ended it.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Bailey said as she contemplated her nails. “I think he’d miss you.”

  I snorted this time. “He’d have a replacement in a matter of minutes.”

  “It’s your delusional world – you can make up the rules,” she muttered as she grabbed the remote. “But I think you’re wrong.”

  The conversation was obviously over as she focused on the news and didn’t spare me another look. I returned to my books but her words echoed in my brain. Would Lucas miss me? Perhaps - but not like Dustin would. Lucas and I weren’t really anything – just a …fling. Right?

  ***

  I dressed carefully and modestly before leaving my dorm Wednesday night to drive to my grandparents’ house. Once a month they demanded that I dine at their house so they could talk to me about my education and my future. I didn’t exactly enjoy these evenings but they weren’t unbearable, either.

  Their maid, an older, plump woman, led me to the formal dining room where my grandparents were already seated at the long table. Frowning, I glanced at my watch. I wasn’t late.

  “You’re right on time, Irelyn,” Grandfather said from the head of the table. He nodded at the chair on his left and I sat primly. Grandmother sat across from me, solemn expression on her face.

  I folded my hands on my lap and smiled. “Good evening.”

  “Irelyn,” Grandmother said with an inclination of her head. “How are your studies?”

  “Fine. I’m doing quite well. I think I’ve adjusted to college and have been considering adding another class next term.”

  “Wonderful,” Grandfather said with a manufactured smile. “I’m very happy to hear this. I’ve received excellent reports about you from Dean Masters. He said you are a mature, responsible young lady and your professors enjoy having you in class.”

  I knew he would have Dean Masters spy on me – Dean Masters and my grandfather were old buddies from farther back than even I knew. Still, it irked me that he wanted me to live on my own in the dorms but had someone keep an eye on me like I was a child.

  “That’s a relief to hear,” I said.

  “What do you plan to do with your degree?” Grandmother asked.

  I refrained from shrugging – they certainly wouldn’t approve. “I’m not sure yet. I thought about teaching or writing, but it is still a long way away.”

  Grandfather tented his fingers under his chin and nodded as the kitchen staff began hauling in dishes. “It’s never too soon to think about your future.”

  My gut clenched as a thought occurred to me. They wanted something from me tonight. I couldn’t imagine what that would be – they already had me under their thumb because of the whole tuition thing.

  “Yes, I know,” I said. “Perhaps I’ll speak to an advisor about it,” I said, hoping to placate them.

  “Dean Masters would be happy to guide you – as a personal favor to me,” Grandfather said as he signaled for the kitchen staff to leave. He picked up a fork and, following his cue and began to eat; Grandmother and I began to eat. “Call his office tomorrow and make an appointment.”

  “Yes, sir,” I said as I nibbled on my salad.

  “Have you been able to spend much time with Dustin since school started?” Grandmother asked.

  I fought tooth and nail to keep a blush off my face. I didn’t want to clue them in at all about how horrible my love life was at that moment. “Yes. We went out after dinner Saturday night and had brunch Sunday afternoon.”

  “He is a nice young man,” Grandfather said, approval dripping from his voice. “Excellent family, too.”

  “I know,” I concurred. “He is a perfect gentleman, also.”

  “He’d better be,” Grandfather said with a furrowed brow. “I’ll not have any young man treating you as if you were a toy. We don’t need you to end up like your mother and ruin your life.”

  I could only nod. It was no use arguing with him – he always won.

  “Martin Summerlin came to see me yesterday,” Grandfather continued. Martin, of course, was Dustin’s father. “He said that Dustin is determined to marry you.”

  My heart plunged to my toes but I managed to keep my feelings masked. “Well, Dustin hasn’t said anything to me about it.”

  Grandmother smiled across the table at me. “Perhaps he was hoping to surprise you.” She shot a dark glance at her husband. “And perhaps you shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “Nonsense,” Grandfather said. “She has a right to know – it is her life. And if she is not ready for marriage, then she should have time to think about it and prepare.”

  “I’m not ready,” I said, panic in my heart. No, not at all. Hell, I couldn’t even decide what to do about the lover I didn’t want. Okay, I wanted him, but I shouldn’t have him. Now I find out Dustin is contemplating marriage? Already?

  “I understand,” he said. “But, an engagement is not unheard of – especially in this day and age. I see no reason why, should he ask, you couldn’t accept and become engaged. A wedding doesn’t have to occur right away.”

  I swallowed a chunk of tomato and nodded, my
eyes watering. I picked up the napkin in my lap to dab at my eyes. “Excuse me,” I said and sipped my water, washing down the tomato.

  “Are you alright, dear?” Grandmother asked.

  “Yes. I didn’t slice my food properly,” I explained. I spread my napkin across my lap and pushed my salad plate away. Grandmother smiled her approval – she hated to see a woman clean her plate.

  When Grandfather changed the subject, I finally relaxed. We finished dinner and retired to the luxurious sitting room where we had coffee. Grandfather told me about his latest business ventures and I pretended that I understood – and that I cared.

  Grandmother filled me in on all the gossip concerning the girls I’d gone to high school with – again like I cared. Apparently, one of them was pregnant and that announcement rocked the bridge club that congregated at Whispering Winds. I feigned the appropriate amount of shock and disgust as Grandmother described how horrified this girl’s family was. I wondered how horrified the girl was and if the boy would stick beside her. Obviously, her family wouldn’t.

  As nine o’clock approached, Grandfather ordered his maid to fetch my coat. My grandparents walked me to the door and each pecked my cheek in what they thought was grandparent affection. I accepted it, thanked them for dinner, and fled.

  ***

  I didn’t mention the discussion with my grandparents to anyone – not even my mother when she called to find out how dinner had gone. I kept it to myself, wondering if Dustin really planned on proposing. Only a month ago I would have been thrilled. But now…

  I changed into my pajamas, washed my face, cleaned my teeth, and prepared for bed. Bailey was reading a book and Morgan was knitting something that looked suspiciously like a scarf.

  I politely answered their questions about dinner, proclaimed exhaustion, and escaped to bed.

  I tossed and turned that night and every night after until Friday dawned bright and chilly. November had barged in crisp and cold, forcing me to bundle up as I rushed to classes.

  Bailey texted me during my English class to ask if I was going to Rusty’s. I told her I was – how could I not?