If You Only Knew (Harper Falls #3)

by Mary J. Williams

  “Me, too. I’m sorry you grew up with… that.” Tyler hugged him with all her might. “I’m so grateful you’re stronger than she is. Somehow you became your own man; a good, fine man.”

  “I had my father.” Drew sighed. “Which is why Regina was right. I won’t throw her out of Harper House. Dad asked me to let her stay there. There’s nothing in writing; he didn’t make me promise.”

  “He asked. You want to honor that.” She rested her head above the beat of his heart. “Like I said — a good man.”

  Drew tipped up her chin taking her mouth with his. The kiss was a comfort to them both. Sweet, gentle. Loving.

  Tyler felt her heart swell. She loved him. Not as a young woman of sixteen. This time the stars were out of her eyes. She didn’t expect the perfect love — or man. For the rest of her life, she would fight, laugh, seduce, cry. She would be ferocious, relentless, tireless. Whatever it took to keep him, this time she wasn’t letting go.

  “We’ll fight her, Ty. This is your home; we won’t let her take it from you.”

  “It’s just a place.”

  “What?”

  Tyler leaned back to look into his eyes, her smile serene.

  “This morning I looked around. I realized something important.”

  “Tell me.” Drew gave her cheek a caress.

  “These are only walls, a ceiling. This place is not who I am. What if it burned to the ground? Would I cease to exist? Would I curl up — give up?”

  “Hell, no.”

  “Damn straight, hell no. I have my health, my talent. I have good friends. My mother.” She laughed. “I might even have Kyle.” Her gray eyes became a little dreamy. “Most important? I have you.”

  “Never doubt it, Ty.”

  “You are so pretty.”

  Startled, as much by the sentiment as the abrupt change of subject, Drew frowned. He looked uncomfortable. Almost embarrassed.

  “Jeez, Ty. Really? Why would you say that?”

  Tyler smoothed back his hair, her smile teasing and sincere.

  “Remember that first time we met on the bridge?”

  “Like it was yesterday.”

  “I meant it when I called you ‘Pretty Boy.’ Now you’re a man. Handsome, sexy.”

  “I like that.” Drew smiled back.

  “You’ll always be my pretty boy. Seventy years from now, I’ll still think of you that way.”

  “When you put it that way…” Drew nipped playfully at her fingers. “Let’s keep it between us, if you don’t mind. Kind of our little secret. Of course, if you want to spread around the handsome and sexy part, I can live with that.”

  “I’ll bet.” Shaking her head at his silliness, Tyler gave his chin a quick kiss.

  “I need more coffee.” Drew watched as she poured herself a cup. “Want some?” she asked, holding up the pot.

  “Sure.”

  Drew took the cup, thanking her. He knew what he wanted to say. Weighed the words. Then spoke. “Move in with me.”

  Tyler didn’t hesitate; she simply shook her head.

  “No?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?” Drew demanded. “I’m all alone in that big house — our house. You need a place to live.”

  “Not this second.” Tyler set her cup down, crossing her arms over her chest. “Even Regina can’t throw me out tomorrow. I have a month, according to my lawyer. It will take some time to find a new studio. That means finishing the projects I can. Putting things in storage.”

  “All of which you could do living with me,” Drew reasoned. “There’s more than enough empty garage space for storage. As for a new studio, you already have one.”

  “I do?”

  Drew hitched his shoulders. “I had it built with the house. It needs some final touches. You decide. The room can be finished to your specifications.”

  “Why didn’t you show it to me when I was out there?”

  “Because it was …”

  “Too soon.”

  “Fine,” Drew said. “You have to admit, Ty. A lot has happened since then. Not just this shit with Regina. Between us.”

  “I agree.”

  “Our lives are intertwined. They always have been. Ten years and thousands of miles couldn’t change that.”

  Lord knows she tried, Tyler thought. Thank goodness she was lousy at purging him from her heart.

  “I plan on spending every night with you.”

  “I like that plan.”

  “Then why delay the inevitable?” Drew gave her his most charming smile. It was almost enough to make her give in. Almost.

  “Drew.” Tyler took a deep breath. How could she explain something to him that she barely understood?

  “Do you know what I see when I look at you?” he asked, circling back to her earlier comments about him.

  “A hard-headed fool?”

  “Now you’re reading my mind.” His smile was teasing. “Though I would never call you a fool.”

  “I’ve had my moments.”

  “Haven’t we all?”

  Drew tipped his head slightly as if studying her. After a moment, he gave a nod.

  “Yup. Beautiful, smart. Fiercely loyal to those you love.” He paused, then added. “Eminently lovable.”

  Don’t cry, Tyler told herself. This was not the time for tears. Not when she was so happy.

  “If you need a little more time, I can live with that. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Hadn’t she told him that not too long ago? It was good to hear him say it. Some things bear repeating — often.

  “Come with me.”

  Tyler took Drew’s hand, leading him back to the bed. Neatly made, a pile of linen on the corner chair.

  “When did you have time to change the sheets?”

  “I’m a man of many skills. Stealth bed making is just one of them.”

  Tyler ran a hand over the quilt. “Much nicer than when I do it. Sorry.”

  She pulled back the covers, disrupting his handiwork. Pulling, she toppled them both onto the bed. They rolled, Tyler ending up on top, her mouth fused with his.

  “If this is the end result, you can mess up my freshly made bed anytime you like.”

  “Good answer.”

  Tyler kissed Drew again. This time slower; her intent obvious.

  Drew’s hand gripped her hips, adjusting until the juncture of her slightly spread legs fit perfectly against his erection.

  “God, Ty. What you do to me.”

  “How soon do you have to be at work?” She practically moaned the words against his mouth.

  “Work?” he asked, already pulling the sweater over her head. “What’s that?”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  “MOM WANTS EVERYONE there for Thanksgiving.”

  “Thanksgiving?” Tyler looked slightly appalled. How did it get to be that time of year again?

  “You know,” Dani said, face straight. “That day every November we worship cranberry sauce and football.”

  “I thought it was turkey and giblets.”

  Dani considered Rose’s statement.

  “What are giblets, anyway?”

  “Usually the gizzard, heart, and liver of a bird.”

  “Nasty.”

  All three friends agreed. Luckily, no one they knew used it, for dressing or otherwise.

  “Explain again the difference between stuffing and dressing?”

  “Enough,” Tyler laughed. Once started, this kind of back and forth could go on for hours. “You know the difference.”

  “Only because Mom made me peel those yummy little pearl onions while she made the dressing. The Wilde family refuses to stick anything up a turkey’s ass. Roasting, carving, and devouring the poor thing is fine. Just avoid the anal cavity.”

  Tyler almost spit her wine across the room.

  “Your mother did not use the words ass or anal.”

  Dani shrugged. “Fine. Cavity. Tomato, tomahto.”

  “Let’s call the whole thing off,” Rose
added.

  “Yes,” Tyler begged. “Please.”

  It was Wednesday at Rose’s. The informal get-together served two purposes. Catching up on all the news. There was plenty of that. It took almost an hour for Tyler to repeat in detail everything that happened between yesterday and this evening.

  Less than forty-eight hours. There was more to say than if a normal, low drama month had passed.

  Dani and Rose called that morning just before Drew left. She was able to assure them she was fine, promising to fill in the blanks later that evening. After two large glasses of wine, just the right amount of sympathy and understanding from her friends, followed by some of their usual nonsensical banter, Tyler felt almost back to her old self.

  “It would make more sense to have everyone over here,” Rose said. She started to pour herself some more wine, hesitated, then with a shrug went with half a glass.

  “You know Mom.” Dani shook her head when Rose held up the bottle. “It isn’t the holidays for her unless the old house is bursting at the seams with people.”

  “I guess we all feel that way. My first real memories of a happy Christmas were spent with your family.” Rose thought about it, smiling. “This year, with all the added bodies, I’m afraid your folks’ house will go beyond bursting to exploding.”

  “Our numbers have grown quite a bit since last year. Alex, Jack, and Drew take up a lot of room. Add half a dozen bodyguards that always seem to be in town. I don’t expect that to change, even for the holidays. I’m afraid you’re right, Rose.”

  “Maybe a smaller, just family get-together that your mother can host.”

  “Hmm, maybe.” Dani turned to Tyler. “You’ve gotten awfully quiet. What do you think about our holiday housing dilemma? You and Drew could host. Finally, crack open the seal on that big house of his.”

  “He asked me to move in with him.”

  Rose nodded. “You weren’t ready. Is that bothering you?”

  “Shouldn’t it be?”

  Tyler looked at Dani and Rose. Her best friends. They knew her almost better than she knew herself. Right now, she desperately needed some insight. This morning, before Drew left, she was fine with her choice to wait. It was too soon to move in with him. As the hours passed, she began to wonder if there was more to it.

  “Is Drew pressuring you?”

  “No.”

  “Do you wish he was?” Rose asked.

  “Yes,” Tyler admitted, hating herself for it. “How screwed up is it for me to wish he would swoop me up, take me home. Force me to live there.”

  Dani and Rose shared a glance before breaking into laughter.

  “I know,” Tyler sighed. “When has anyone ever forced me to do anything?”

  “If Drew tried, he would be singing falsetto for a month.”

  Her friends were right. Tyler always insisted on making her own decisions. Just this once, why couldn’t she forget that?

  “I’m going to make a suggestion that won’t be very popular.”

  “Right now,” she told Rose, “I’ll take anything you’ve got.”

  “Okay. Remember you asked for it.”

  “That sounds ominous. Can I change my mind?

  “No,” Rose chuckled. “I promise, it isn’t that bad. It’s… emotional.”

  “What’s left? In the past few weeks, I’ve hit every high and low I can think of.”

  “Except one.” Rose set her glass down, taking Tyler’s hand. “For the first time since it happened, you’ve let yourself go back. You’ve reclaimed your memories. It’s made you happy. Dani and I have watched you bloom with the old love that’s filled your heart again.”

  “I know,” Tyler nodded. “Taking back those good times helped me let go of the past.”

  “It could be you stopped too soon.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  Rose looked at Dani.

  “Rose thinks, and I agree, that you need to remember it all. Not just the good.”

  No. Tyler knew what they meant. Even the thought of that last day, the day Drew broke up with her — crushed her — made her stomach begin to clench.

  “I know how hard it is to relive the bad stuff.” Rose squeezed her hand. “It helps. Telling Jack about that summer with Louise was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It made me feel sick. I was sure he would run, never to return. Instead, it made us stronger.”

  “Drew already knows what happened,” Tyler said. “He was there.”

  “This isn’t for Drew. It’s for you. Complete the cycle, Tyler. You’ve let yourself remember all the good. Go back to the bad. Then let go of it, once and for all.”

  TYLER LET HERSELF into her studio, automatically flipping on the light switch near the door. She went through the routine of turning the locks and setting the alarm. Once done, she tossed her keys into the little iridescent blue bowl she made herself just for that purpose.

  When she left Rose and Dani, her original plan was to drive the short distance to Drew’s house. Knowing if she was going to take another trip to the past, she would have to do it alone; she called him to beg off. Work was a lame excuse. But a believable one. He was disappointed, making her promise to call him first thing in the morning.

  There was a lot to think about. Correction. There was only one thing to think about. What was the song? How Do You Mend A Broken Heart? In this case, it seemed she needed to break it all over again.

  Tyler moved to her little kitchen. Her first instinct was to make a big pot of coffee — extra strength. Her own version of comfort food. Reluctantly, she rejected the idea. At the moment, caffeine, that lovely stimulant, was not what her system needed.

  Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, Tyler took a heavy quilt from the bed. She toed off her boots, leaving them in a heap. Settling down on the sofa, she pulled up her legs, wrapping herself in a comforting cocoon of soft cotton.

  Tyler took a deep breath. She tried, somewhat successfully to relax her body. Closing her eyes, she let her mind drift back.

  TEN YEARS EARLIER

  TYLER FELT LIKE she was about to burst. She made herself slow down before she took the path to the river. The last thing she needed was to end up in a broken heap on the beach. Not today.

  She put her bike out of sight before turning toward the water. The surface seemed to sparkle a little brighter than usual today. The May air was fresher, the sun providing the perfect amount of heat.

  Instead of walking into the little cove, Tyler danced. Her steps bouncing to the happy tune that played in her head.

  She had news. Great, glorious, world-changing news. She wanted to shout it to the skies. Everyone should know; everyone that mattered to Tyler. And they would — after she told Drew. He needed to be the first. She giggled to herself. He was always her first.

  Enjoying her own private little joke, Tyler tossed her backpack to the side. She glanced at her watch, willing the minutes to tick by.

  Soon.

  Never soon enough.

  It seemed like hours had passed when she finally heard the sound of Drew coming down the path. Another look at the time told her it was only ten minutes since her arrival. Was that possible?

  It didn’t matter. Drew was here now. She waited impatiently, her feet restlessly shifting in the sand. There. She grinned, launching herself at him without a bit of hesitation. She knew he would catch her.

  She was right. Drew’s arms, strong and sure, didn’t let her fall. Tyler wrapped her arms around his neck while her legs encircled his waist.

  “Hold on,” she laughed, raining kisses on his face.

  She felt Drew’s arms tighten, pulling her close. He buried his face in her neck. Tyler could hear him take a deep breath, then whisper, “You smell like heaven.”

  If there was a slight edge to his voice, desperation in his embrace, Tyler didn’t notice. She was too excited to feel the difference in his rigid stance. She turned away, not seeing the way he reached for her again only to pull back, his fisted hands staying glued
to his side.

  “I thought you would never get here.”

  Tyler opened the side flap of her pack, pulling out a piece of paper.

  “I have things to do that don’t involve you.”

  Again, she missed signs. The tightness in his voice, his blank, cold expression.

  “Look.”

  Tyler held out the paper, her face beaming. Her smile slipped, just a little when he glanced away.

  “I don’t have much time today, Tyler.”

  “That’s okay.”

  Tyler excused his attitude. Naturally, he wasn’t excited. She hadn’t told him yet.

  “I got it, Drew.”

  “Look, Tyler. I have something to tell you.”

  “No, no.” She hurried over to him waving the paper. “Me first. Do you know what this is?”

  Drew sighed, obviously impatient.

  “Silly of me. How could you know?”

  “Tyler—”

  Tyler. Not Ty. She felt her excitement turn to worry. Pushing it aside, she continued.

  “Art school. I sent some of my work, not expecting much. Mrs. Trainor, you know, my art teacher? She wrote a letter of recommendation.”

  She saw Drew look at his watch. He seemed impatient.

  Her smile slipped. What was wrong? He never acted like this.

  “I…”

  Maybe she imagined it.

  “It doesn’t matter, Tyler.”

  “How can you say that when you don’t know what it is?”

  This time she shoved the letter in Drew’s face, willing him to read it. To care.

  “The art school I told you about. The one only twenty minutes from Georgia Tech? According to this paper, I’m a shoe-in. They were so impressed they said they will set a scholarship aside for me next year.”

  “That school isn’t your first choice.”

  “Wrong. It wasn’t my first choice. After you got your scholarship, I decided to apply here. It’s just as good as the one in Chicago.”

  “You shouldn’t give up your dream school because of me.” Drew didn’t look at her; he looked past her. “Go to Chicago.”

  Tyler didn’t know what to say, or what to do. Why?

  “You’ve been a little distracted lately,” Tyler said, trying to find an excuse for his behavior. “Is there something wrong at home? Is it your dad?”