If You Only Knew (Harper Falls #3)

by Mary J. Williams

  “He’s fine. I’m fine.”

  “Then why—”

  “Look, Tyler.”

  Drew pulled back his shoulders. He met her gaze straight on. They were eyes she didn’t recognize. No longer a soft, warm brown. Instead, they chilled her to the bone.

  “This was fun. We had a few laughs.”

  “Don’t,” she whispered.

  “I’ve decided to leave Harper Falls right after graduation.”

  “I thought we would have the summer together.”

  “It will be easier for me to find a job if I go now. I can move into the dorm right away.”

  “I see.”

  “Do you?” If possible, his eyes turned harder. “I’m eighteen, Tyler. Too young to tie myself to anyone. You want more than I can give. I want… variety.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Don’t make me say anymore.”

  “Why not? I want to hear every bit of it.”

  She saw a flicker in his eyes. Was it regret? It only lasted a second before the cold returned.

  “Fine. Just remember. You asked for it.”

  Tyler felt the stirrings of anger. He acted as if this was her fault. Tyler lifted her chin. She was used to men giving her a verbal kick in the gut. Her father. Her brothers. She never thought she would add Drew to that list.

  “Stop stalling. Say it all.”

  “I want to be able to fuck other women. When I want. Where I want. Having you nearby would cramp my style.”

  “I’m not enough for you.”

  Shut up, Tyler, her brain screamed. He’s knocked you to the ground. Use your head. Stay down. Her mouth wasn’t listening.

  “How many others have you fucked while I was spreading my legs?”

  “There’s no need to be crude.”

  “That’s no answer.”

  “There’s only been you,” Drew sighed. “It was… fine.”

  Fine? What happened to the best ever? When did she become fine?

  “I’m ready to find some women with more experience.”

  “And lots of them.”

  “I knew you’d understand. Take care.”

  Drew gave her an awkward pat on the shoulder before turning to go. If she hadn’t been in shock, she would have left him with a bloody stump on the end of his arm.

  Tyler didn’t know how long she stood there. A minute? An hour? A week?

  Somehow, she found her way home. She didn’t notice or care if anyone else was home. She wanted to crawl into bed, pull the covers over her head; forget the rest of the world existed.

  “Tyler?”

  Go away, Tyler wanted to scream at her mother. She tried lifting her head. She didn’t have the energy.

  “Baby? Are you feeling okay?

  Anita sat on the edge of Tyler’s bed. She tested for a fever with the back of her hand, finding nothing but a cool forehead.

  “Just tired,” Tyler managed to mumble.

  “You’re never tired. Especially not in the middle of the day.”

  Not wanting to talk to her mother, Tyler rolled over. It didn’t matter how well intentioned, she would never understand. Tyler’s heart was broken. What could a married woman with three children know about that kind of thing?

  “Rose will be home soon. I’ll send her up right away.”

  Rose. Dani. They knew about Drew. Tyler burrowed deeper. She needed her friends.

  Tyler didn’t stay in her room the rest of the day. She stayed in Dani’s.

  She cried, raged, broke a cup nobody cared about. Her friends listened. They were outraged when she needed it. Teary when she was bawling. In other words, they were Rose and Dani.

  By the next day, Tyler knew she didn’t want to give up or give in. She no longer waffled between sad and angry. She was full on mad. She planned on staying that way.

  “We could kill him,” Rose suggested. They were living on chocolate cake and diet soda.

  “True,” Dani nodded. “We aren’t eighteen yet. If we get a sympathetic woman judge, we might be out before we’re twenty-one.”

  “Not to mention the sugar.” Rose licked the last crumb from her fork. “A good lawyer would say we were hopped up on the stuff. I can see it now; they’ll call it the Cake Coma defense. It will be required reading for every law student in the country.”

  “Now you’re being silly.” Dani took the plate of half-eaten cake from Rose. “No more for you.”

  “I’m going to his graduation next week.”

  “Such a bad idea,” Rose said.

  “As your best friends, it’s our job to stop you from doing anything self-destructive,” Dani agreed.

  “I’m going.” Tyler was adamant.

  “Why put yourself through that?”

  Tyler’s hand went to the key she still wore around her neck. The key to Drew’s stupid car. What she foolishly thought symbolized the key to his heart.

  “I have something that belongs to him.”

  “Mail it back,” Dani urged.

  No. This had to be done in person. Tyler wanted to throw it in Drew’s face with all his rich kid friends watching. Then walk away without a backward glance. Once it was done, she never wanted to see Drew Harper again.

  The day of the graduation ceremony, Tyler spent more time than usual getting dressed. If this was going to be the last time Drew saw her, she wanted to look her best. Let him see what he threw away.

  Tyler owned two dresses. One black, for church and funerals. She refused to attend either. The dress still had the price tag. Seventy-five percent off. Her mother knew how to find a bargain.

  Not today, Tyler thought. Black was not right for the image she wanted to project.

  Her other choice she bought herself. Drawn by the color, Tyler picked it up for next to nothing at a second-hand store in Spokane. Classic, the owner of the shop told her. She would be able to wear it now and twenty years from now. Tyler was only worried about the dress getting her through high school. Who could worry about twenty years from now?

  Tyler stood back, twirling around once in front of the mirror. The ocean blue color suited her, making her gray eyes look almost lavender. The dress showed off her tanned legs, the three-inch heels on her sandals making them look impossibly long.

  She decided to leave her hair loose. Thick and shiny, it hung down her back almost to her waist. Drew would lean over her, twirling a strand around his finger. He told her it was like silk.

  No. Tyler shook herself. She wasn’t going to get weepy again. Hold on to the anger, she told herself. That will get you through.

  A dab of pink lip-gloss was all the makeup she needed. Her skin was smooth, lightly touched by the sun. The color in her cheeks was flattering. Too bad it was caused by thoughts of wrapping her hands around Drew Harper’s throat. When she pictured squeezing the life out of him, her face took on a rosy glow.

  Tyler grabbed her purse. She wasn’t afraid of being seen. Her mother was at church polishing pews or something like that. Her father was out of town — nothing new there. Her brothers could be anywhere. They were the least of her worries.

  She let herself out the back door, walking the short distance to the Wilde’s driveway where Dani and Rose waited. They insisted on going with her if only to watch her back. This was an invitation-only ceremony. Crashing the graduation wouldn’t be difficult. The secret was to act like you belonged. Find a crowd. Flow into the building with them.

  Plan B? Pick a lock. Tyler used to do it at Harper High all the time — just for fun. She was a bit rusty. Still, she doubted the doors at Harper Academy would be that difficult to get through.

  As it turned out, she never found out. No one gave them a second glance. They walked in like they belonged, blending in easily with the dozens of other girls their age.

  “That was kind of disappointing,” Dani said as the three of them took seats on the aisle. “I was hoping Tyler would have to do her cat burglar routine.”

  Rose looked around the auditorium. Not that long a
go, she was a student here. On that very stage, she participated in plays, musicals, recitals. Her sophomore year, she had the lead in Grease. Funny, as nice as it was here, she didn’t miss it a bit.

  The lights flickered signaling everyone to take their seats. The voices quieted, slowly becoming silent. The orchestra began the opening bars of Pomp and Circumstance. The group of gowned students gathered behind them.

  This was her moment. Tyler searched the sea of purple and white. Finding Drew was easy. Taller than most of his classmates, his height and build made him stand out.

  Turn, Tyler silently urged him. Let me see how happy you are.

  He would pass right by, an easy target. She opened her purse, her hand wrapping around the key. She took a deep breath, her anger dissipating any nerves. Obliterating the little voice of reason that told her this was a bad idea. He deserved to be embarrassed. He deserved…

  Tyler lost her train of thought the second he turned.

  Drew looked terrible. Dark circles under his eyes. A slump to his shoulders. It was only a few days since she last saw him. Had he lost weight?

  Tyler gripped her chair, every fiber of her being urging her to go to him. He needed comfort — he needed her.

  She knew she was kidding herself, seeing what she wanted to see. Drew didn’t want her. He certainly didn’t need her. If he looked tired, it was because of all the end of school activities. Finals, parties. Girls.

  Tyler felt another rush of anger. Only this time, it was muted. It wasn’t enough to let her carry through with what was a stupid, immature, reckless plan. Drew was moving on. She was going to do the same.

  Soon, she promised herself. If not today, or tomorrow, next week. A month at most.

  She glanced at Drew one last time. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. As the first of the graduates began their procession, Tyler motioned for Dani and Rose to follow her. They made their way down the row, avoiding feet, apologizing to annoyed spectators.

  Tyler pushed through the outer doors, not stopping until they reached the car Dani borrowed from her mother only an hour earlier.

  “What happened?” Rose asked, rubbing Tyler’s back.

  “It was a mistake,” Tyler explained, taking a deep breath of fresh air. “I couldn’t go through with it.”

  Dani joined them, her hand taking Tyler’s.

  “We could egg his car. Not as public but really effective.”

  Tempting. Then Tyler pictured the car and she knew she could never do it. Drew hurt her, his car didn’t.

  “Let’s go home.”

  “Home? Are you kidding?” Dani exclaimed. “We are three hot women dressed up, looking like a million bucks.”

  “Make that three million,” Rose chimed in.

  “Exactly. A car, a full tank of gas. The day is ours. The only question is Spokane or Coeur d’Alene?

  God, I love them, Tyler thought. Her heart was broken; no denying it. She was angry, in pain. All that would pass. Men would come and go. Dani and Rose were forever.

  “Well?” Dani jiggled the keys. “Where shall it be?”

  Smiling, Tyler linked hands with her best friends. It didn’t matter where they went as long as they went together.

  In the end, they flipped a coin.

  TYLER WIPED THE tears from her face.

  All the time she spent angry — hating Drew. He broke her heart to save her family. Why didn’t she see before now how much he suffered too? She thought he abandoned her when all along he was with her, feeling what she felt. Aching the way she did.

  Yesterday she didn’t think it was possible to love him anymore. Now she realized love was infinite. It would continue to grow as long as they took care not to be neglectful.

  Tyler sighed, pulling the comforter tighter. She needed to take better care starting right now.

  She reached for her phone; her only thought to speak to Drew, when she noticed the time. Three o’clock? She could still call. He wouldn’t complain if she woke him.

  Her thumb hovered over the button. No. A few hours wouldn’t make any difference.

  Tyler snuggled back down on the couch, too warm and comfortable to bother going to bed. She would close her eyes — drift. Morning would be here before she knew it.

  Sleep was almost within her grasp when someone pounded on her front door. Tyler shot up, her heart racing. She jumped up, still wrapped like a mummy. Nothing good ever came knocking at two a.m.

  She hobbled over, looking through the peephole. She was right. Trouble. Flabby, dirty, drunk trouble.

  “Go away, M.J.”

  “Need help.”

  “Are you injured?”

  There was a pause.

  “Yes?”

  Her brother, a proud member of Mensa. If he wasn’t sure, she certainly wasn’t opening the door.

  “I’ll call 911. It’ll only take a few minutes for the paramedics to get here.”

  “No.” M.J. hit the door again.

  “Find someplace to sleep it off.” Tyler turned to leave. Halfway back to the couch, she had a terrible thought. She rushed back to the door.

  “M.J.,” she called out. “Are you still there?”

  “You letting me in?”

  “No. Did you drive here?”

  “Pile of crap wouldn’t start. Walking.”

  Normally, that would be a good thing. He could air out before going home. Unfortunately, the mild fall was finally starting to feel like late November. On top of that, they called for a chance of snow. Guilt would follow her the rest of her days if she let M.J. freeze in some gutter.

  “Let me call you a cab.”

  She heard mumbling and something that sounded a lot like bitch. Calling her names was not helping his cause.

  “Mom’s sick.”

  “What?”

  Tyler had the alarm turned off and locks disengaged in a few seconds. She knew he could be lying. Hell, he probably was. If something was wrong with their mother, Tyler wasn’t taking any chances.

  “What’s wrong? Where is she?”

  “And they say I’m stupid.”

  She didn’t have time to react. All she felt was a fist hitting her face. Then nothing.

  DREW FINISHED HIS workout hitting the pool for fifty laps. Swimming loosened any tired muscles, refreshing his body after a run and hitting the weights. His brain flowed, smooth like his arms cutting through the water. He could think when he swam. This morning he thought about Tyler.

  He grinned, drying his hair. Hell, he thought about Tyler every morning. If he were obsessive, he could calculate the number. Started after he, a seventeen-year-old kid, was lucky enough to run into a smart-mouthed fifteen-year-old siren in the making. He couldn’t say every morning since, but it was close.

  Not all those mornings were as good as this one. There were times he hated that the memory was burned into his brain. Then there was now when he considered every thought, even the bad ones, a blessing.

  It was still early, before seven, when he walked into his office. Neither Jack nor Drew was in yet. They had women keeping their beds warm. They would be fools to leave, especially when the temperature outside was below freezing. Lucky bastards.

  He planned on being just as lucky. Before the first of December, if he had his way. Tyler wanted to take it slow. He wanted to speed up. Supersonic. There had to be a place to meet between the two.

  Drew booted up his computer before checking his morning schedule. Nothing earthshaking. Plenty of time to strategize. Project Get Tyler to Move In was officially underway. How to start?

  Smiling, Drew picked up his phone calling the one person he knew got up earlier than he did.

  “Peony.”

  “This is your private number.”

  Lila chuckled. “I had my calls transferred down here because of an early delivery so I went ahead and opened the shop. You would be surprised how many people need flowers at seven in the morning.”

  “I might be except you’re talking to one.”

  “T
he men who love my friends are becoming very good customers.”

  He liked Alex’s little sister. Smart as a whip, pretty. Sweet as can be. He also liked sending some business her way. Today, he was giving her a doozy.

  “How many roses do you have in your shop?”

  “Lots. How many do you need?”

  “Eleven dozen.” Drew thought about it. “And a half.”

  “Well, sure. What would be the point without the half?”

  Exactly. Eleven years, six months. That was how long ago he and Tyler met. Roses signified love. So what if it wasn’t exactly subtle. He didn’t have time for that. Full-on assault. That was his plan.

  “I can do it if you don’t mind a mixture. Or all red.”

  “Not red.”

  Tyler was not traditional.

  “A mixture it is.”

  “Can you call me right before delivery?”

  “Want to be there to reap the benefits?”

  “Something like that.”

  “I don’t see any reason they won’t get there before lunch. Sooner, if my assistant is early.”

  “Thanks, Lila.” Drew read off his credit card number.” We need to see about finding a guy to buy you flowers.”

  “Ugh,” Lila said. “Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t turn down a hot guy for Christmas. If you meet him first, tell him no thanks.”

  “Like someone bringing a chocolate maker candy.”

  “Exactly.”

  “What does a guy bring you to win you over?”

  “Let’s just say I’ll know it when it happens.”

  Smiling, Drew hung up. Deciding it was late enough, he called Tyler. When it went to voicemail, he was disappointed. She was probably working. He left a quick message inviting her to lunch. Hopefully, the flowers would arrive the same time he did.

  Drew pulled up the latest sales figures for their new software program. Better than projected. His mind wandered as he wondered what it was like to make love on a bed of rose petals.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  IT WAS ALMOST eight hours since M.J. cold-cocked her.

  Her phone rang five times; the fourth call had M.J. hurling it across the room. That didn’t stop it from ringing; it simply muffled the sound.