Taking a Gamble

by P. J. Trebelhorn

  “Did you want cream or sugar?”

  “Sugar would be great,” Cass answered, sitting so they were a couple feet apart. She was afraid she’d need to touch her if she sat too close. She put a teaspoon of sugar in her coffee from the container Erica set on the table. “Thank you. Dinner was wonderful, by the way.”

  “Like I couldn’t tell by how much you ate.” Erica smiled. “Thank you.”

  They sat in silence, and Cass really wasn’t sure what they should talk about. She wanted to kiss Erica, but she was pretty sure such a move wouldn’t be welcome from someone who was just a friend. She’d never had many friends who were girls before. She had plenty of guy friends, but this was uncharted territory for her. Was it even possible to be friends with someone you were so incredibly attracted to?

  “You told Kyle he could play after you went to bed,” she said in an attempt to end the uncomfortable quiet. “You go to bed earlier than he does?”

  “I go to bed at eight when I have to work the next day.”

  “Why so early?”

  “I get up at four, so if I want eight hours, I have to get to bed early.”

  “That seems crazy.”

  “It does, but it’s the job I accepted. I work six to two thirty.” Erica placed her cup on the coffee table and rested her hands on her thighs. “It’s not always easy, especially since you showed up with Kyle on my doorstep, but it is what it is.”

  “But you have weekends off? I guess that’s a nice perk.”

  “I have every other Saturday off. I had this weekend, but next week my days off will be Sunday and Monday,” Erica said.

  “That sucks,” Cass said. She held her cup tightly in her hands so she could resist the temptation of touching Erica. This just being friends thing was going to be difficult.

  “It isn’t so bad. It’s so much better than where I was in Syracuse. I knew if I didn’t get away from all the drama it would’ve only been a matter of time before my head exploded. Dating among coworkers runs rampant at the post office. And it inevitably turns out bad not only for the two people involved, but for the people who have to work with them too.”

  “I take it you dated a coworker?” Cass really didn’t want to hear about it, but wasn’t this what friends did for each other? Listen to the horror stories of their past?

  “God, no,” Erica said. She laughed and reached for Cass’s leg, but she must have thought better of it because she pulled her hand back at the last possible moment. “There wasn’t anyone there I found interesting enough to see outside of work.”

  Cass didn’t understand the relief she felt at the statement. Why should she care who Erica dated in the past? These feelings were confusing, and she didn’t like it at all. Not one bit. She should leave before she did something, or said something, she’d regret. She put her cup down and got to her feet.

  “I should probably go,” she said, watching as Erica stood too. When Erica took a step toward her, Cass didn’t move. She closed her eyes momentarily and tried to find her resolve, but it was elusive. When she opened her eyes again, Erica was looking at her lips. She had to think of something to say to break the spell. “You have to go to bed soon, right?”

  Shit, that was so not the thing to say. Erica met her eyes and smiled, and Cass felt her knees go weak. Wait, what? These kinds of things did not happen to Cassidy Holmes. Ever. She forced herself to take a step backward, but Erica moved with her. The need to kiss Erica was overwhelming, and when Erica reached for her, Cass didn’t resist.

  “What happened to being friends?” Erica asked when Cass put her hands on her hips to pull her closer.

  “We can be friends,” Cass said. “Can’t we? Is it against the friends rules to kiss?”

  “I don’t think there are any rules,” Erica answered just before she covered Cass’s mouth with her own.

  Cass sighed in relief and let Erica take charge. She’d never given up control before, but it felt right somehow. With Erica it was definitely right. The thought sobered her, and she pulled away quickly, causing a whimper from Erica. The sound sent a jolt of electricity through Cass. She shook her head and backed away toward the door.

  “I can’t do this. I’m so sorry,” she said before practically running out. The last vision of Erica in her mind was her standing by the couch with a bewildered look on her face. It wasn’t fair to Erica that she left the way she did, but it was what had to be done. Cass simply could not think straight when she was in her presence.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Erica stood there, dumbfounded, staring at the door long after Cass walked out. She couldn’t believe one minute they were kissing like lovers, and the next she was gone. How the hell did someone walk away from such a kiss? She knew Cass was into it too, that it wasn’t only her who was enjoying the kiss.

  “She left?” Kyle asked as he walked out of the kitchen.

  Erica just looked at him, not knowing what to say. His shoulders sagged and he gave her a look of disappointment. He looked so much like their father right then, and she almost cried for everything they’d both lost.

  “What did you do?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “What did you do to scare her away?”

  “Come sit down,” Erica said. She settled in on the couch and patted the cushion next to her. He did as she asked, but he looked sullen. He reminded her of someone who’d just lost their puppy. It was strange for him to look one minute so much like their father, and then in the next to seem like a little boy. She shook it off and let out a frustrated sigh. “We want different things out of life, Kyle. She doesn’t want forever.”

  She watched him in silence as he appeared to be considering her words. Twice he started to say something, but then he’d shake his head and look away from her. She wanted to let him give her a response without prompting, so she continued to wait.

  “I can kind of understand her point,” he finally said, his eyes focused on some spot on the wall Erica couldn’t see. “Forever is a pretty scary concept if you really think about it. But I guess if it’s what you want, it wouldn’t seem daunting to you.”

  “Tell me why you think it’s scary. Isn’t it what you want too?”

  “Maybe someday, but I’m not even sixteen yet, Erica.” He looked at her like she was crazy, and she laughed. Of course the thought of forever would sound terrifying to someone his age.

  “But she’s around my age,” Erica pointed out. “Most people my age are looking to settle down. Start a family.”

  “Really? You actually know most people your age? You can’t speak for everyone.”

  “You’re right. I could be wrong, but I know it’s what I want.”

  “And what does she want?”

  She opened her mouth to answer him, but thought better of it in the nick of time. What could she say? Cass wants a one-night stand? She wants a friends with benefits scenario? No, it might be hard for Erica to remember Kyle wasn’t older than he was because he was so well read and articulate, but he was still a child.

  “I’m not sure, but I know it isn’t anything long-term.” Erica thought about how Cass kissed her and wondered if it was really true. “Mostly, she wants to be friends.”

  “Bull,” Kyle said, waving a hand at her dismissively. “Saying that’s usually the kiss of death for kids my age, but I think she wants to spend time with you, and it’s easier to lie than to admit she wants more. You need to make her see she wants more.”

  “No, Kyle. If she’s not interested, I’m not going to beg. I will not be that woman who continuously throws herself at someone who has no interest.”

  “But she is interested,” Kyle said with a nod. He seemed so sure of himself, but Erica shook her head.

  “I have to take what she says at face value, Kyle,” she said, knowing it was true, but wanting so much to believe Cass might change her mind if they spent more time together. “I don’t know her well enough to be able to read between the lines, so I have to trust she would tell me if she wanted mor
e.”

  “You have so much to learn about women.” Kyle snorted, and it caused them both to start laughing uncontrollably.

  She missed spending time like this with him, but then again, it looked as if they were going to have a lot of nights in their future to sit and talk. She put her arms around her middle and tried hard to stop laughing. She’d almost accomplish it, and then he’d start up again. When they finally wore themselves out, they both wiped the tears from their cheeks. Erica glanced at the clock and knew she should get to bed. Four a.m. came awfully early.

  “What’s going to happen to me?”

  “What do you mean?” Erica was concerned, and she knew it was obvious in her tone. He was sad, and he looked like he was going to cry, but he clenched his teeth and it looked to Erica like he wasn’t going to allow it to happen just by sheer will power. She brushed the bangs from his forehead and forced a smile. “You need a haircut.”

  “So do you.” He gave her a small smile before looking away. “I can’t go home because they made their feelings pretty clear. I can’t ask you to let me live here until I graduate high school, because you don’t need that right now. So what’s going to happen to me?”

  Erica swallowed the lump in her throat and ignored the ache in her chest his words had caused. Did he really think she would turn away from him too? She hadn’t been the best sister to him since her coming out incident, but she vowed to make up for her shortcomings.

  “Nothing’s going to happen to you,” she told him. He still refused to look at her, but she went on, hoping her words would resonate with him. “I would never let you become homeless. And I will not let you go into the foster system. I’m your sister, and I would never let anything bad happen to you. You know that, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Would you be open to the possibility of living here with me? Permanently?”

  He finally looked at her, and she waited, holding her breath, for his response.

  “I can’t ask you to do that,” he said, his voice almost a whisper.

  “You didn’t.”

  “Are you sure? I mean, I know teenagers can be a handful sometimes.”

  “You’re a good kid, Kyle. We’ll be okay.”

  “Then what do we need to do?”

  “I already spoke with an attorney, and we’re working on getting me declared your legal guardian.” She couldn’t contain her smile when she saw how excited he was at the prospect. The energy coming off him was almost palpable. “We’ll need to get you enrolled in high school here.”

  “When?”

  “I’ll come pick you up after work tomorrow and we’ll drive over there then, all right?”

  “Thank you,” he said just before he engulfed her in a big hug. She felt his tears on her own cheek and she squeezed him briefly. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” she said when Kyle pulled away from her. “I need to get to bed. You’ll be all right?”

  “Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Cass entered her brother’s house without knocking because the lights were on. If they hadn’t been, she would have just gone home and gone to bed, even though she knew she wouldn’t sleep any more tonight than she had the night before.

  “Didn’t expect to see you home tonight,” Barb said when she walked into the living room where they were watching television. “Danny said you were going to Erica’s.”

  “I was there, but now I’m here.”

  “Ooh, cryptic,” Barb said before hitting Danny in the thigh with the back of her hand. “You should find something to do upstairs. Like check on the baby or something. We need to have some girl talk.”

  “Can you even have girl talk with a lesbian?” Danny grinned, but his comment only earned him another shot in the leg, but this time with a closed fist and more force behind it. “Ouch. All I meant was—”

  “Do yourself a favor and don’t say anything more,” Cass said. She didn’t really care. She was used to the guys around town treating her like one of them. Barb, on the other hand, had appointed herself protector of all things lesbian. Cass admitted to herself it was pretty nice to have someone stick up for her in these situations.

  He glared at them both, no doubt trying to think up ways to get back at them, but without another word, he turned and went up the stairs. He didn’t even try to be quiet.

  “You wake the baby and you’re dealing with him on your own, Daniel,” Barb called after him. Her smile conveyed the satisfaction she felt when they heard Danny mumble something and then there was silence. Barb leaned forward and put a hand on Cass’s knee.

  “Is Mom in bed?” Cass asked, hoping to forestall whatever conversation Barb had in her mind they were going to have.

  “Yes, she went to bed a couple of hours ago. She hasn’t slept much in the past twenty-four hours,” Barb answered.

  “Yeah,” Cass said. She tensed when she felt Barb’s grip on her knee tighten.

  “Tell me what happened.”

  “Nothing happened,” Cass said, but even as the words left her mouth she knew it wasn’t true. And Barb knew it too if the look on her face was any indication.

  Cass hung her head in defeat. She knew from past experiences Barb would stay silent until Cass told her everything, so she did. Starting with the night before when she and Erica had gone to her cabin, and ending with the kiss on her way out the door that evening. She intentionally left out the earlier talk with her mother though. When she was done, she finally looked up to see Barb watching her intently.

  Barb sat back and crossed her arms over her chest but never broke their eye contact. Cass fought to not squirm under her gaze.

  “Are you going to say something soon? I could really use a drink,” Cass said after a few minutes had passed. Barb waved a hand to dismiss her, and Cass went to the kitchen to pour herself a shot of whiskey. She returned to the living room with a bottle of beer and reclaimed her seat a few beats before Barb broke her silence.

  “Why do you insist on keeping women at arm’s length?”

  “What?” The question caught Cass off guard, and she didn’t know what to say.

  “You never bring anyone here to meet us, and you never talk about any one woman in particular. You always talk about women in the abstract.”

  “You know why.”

  “I know the reasons you’ve told me, but it’s pretty obvious Erica’s different.” Barb moved forward again to rest her elbows on her knees. “She’s gotten into your head, Cass, and I don’t understand why you’re fighting it so hard. Not to mention you’re giving her mixed signals.”

  Cass swallowed hard and looked at the bottle she held in her hands. Barb was right. The mixed signals had to stop. No more going to her house and having make-out sessions on the couch, or at the front door. It was time to move on.

  “No,” Barb said. When Cass looked up she saw Barb shaking her head emphatically. “No. I can see the wheels spinning in your head, and you’re wrong. Whatever it is you’re thinking, you need to do the exact opposite. Trust me.”

  “How the fuck do you do that?”

  “Watch your language. There are little ears in the house now, and I will not have you or your brother teaching him how to talk like a sailor before he even says Mama. Understood?” Barb waited until Cass nodded to continue. “You are not destined to repeat the mistakes of your mother, Cass. I know you’re worried and think you’ll get trapped in a relationship with a woman who wants to control you. Who wants you to give up your dream and demand you get a real job. Honestly, Erica doesn’t strike me as the type to do those things.”

  “You may very well be right,” Cass said. Hell, she’d even caught herself thinking the same thing more than once since the night before. But after tonight, the stakes had risen. “She’s going to try to gain guardianship of her brother.”

  “Kyle seems like a good kid.”

  “He is, but don’t you see? It wouldn’t just be me and her. We’re talking about a ready-m
ade family here, Barb.” Cass felt her heart speed up at the mere thought of it. “Some months I can’t even afford to buy enough food for me and Gordy, let alone two other people.”

  “Are you really this dense?” Barb looked at her and Cass could tell she was trying really hard not to laugh. Cass didn’t see anything funny in the situation. “Do you like her?”

  “You know I do.”

  “Okay, and you like Kyle?”

  “Of course.” Cass wondered what the hell any of this had to do with anything at all, and she let her frustration show when she set the beer bottle down harder than necessary and ran both hands through her hair.

  “She works for the post office, Cass. The federal government. Do you have any idea how much money those people make? I highly doubt she would ever count on someone else to take care of her financially.”

  “So she’d end up supporting me and then I’d be indebted to her. That’s an even better scenario, isn’t it?” Cass asked. She clapped her hands together once and stood to leave. This conversation wasn’t helping.

  “Really? You think Danny feels that way because I’m a doctor with a steady income?”

  “Not what I meant. At all.”

  “Of course it is. There’s not much else you could have meant with that comment.”

  “Tell me you aren’t pushing him to get a job now since there’s another mouth to feed.”

  “What?” Barb looked truly shocked by her words. “He’s doing what he loves. He’s doing what makes him happy. If I asked him to make such a drastic change in his life, he wouldn’t be the man I fell in love with. And besides, most of the time you guys are here all day, so I don’t have to worry about leaving Clarence with a babysitter so often.”

  Cass was lucky she was still close enough to the chair so she could sit again, because her knees almost gave out.

  “So you’re content to let him keep doing storage auctions?”