The Desire

by Gary Smalley

  “What did you find out?”

  “She was crying because she and her husband couldn’t have any children. They had been trying like crazy for over a year. We got to talking a little while. The thing was, it became crystal clear to me. This couple had the kind of home a baby should be raised in. With a father and a mother, people who can afford to take care of a baby and are ready to be parents. For them, it’s the right time. But this—my life right now? It is so not the right time.”

  “What’s the status of your baby’s father?” Arlene said.

  “There is no status. He was a loser then, and he’s a loser now. He wanted me to have an abortion. No way I was going to do that. I know it’s legal but, to me, it’s still wrong. I knew that before I gave my life to Christ. But he said that’s the only way he’d stay with me, if I got rid of the baby. So I got rid of him. But before he left, he said he’d sign any papers he needed to for the adoption. He’s all for anything that lets him off the hook.” She took another swallow of water and repositioned herself on the upholstered chair. “But see, that’s the thing . . . now I’m in a jam. A big one.” She sighed heavily and started fidgeting with a pen.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “I can’t afford my place anymore. I’m really trying, but he used to cover half the expenses. The rent’s due in three weeks, and a week after that, the utilities. I can’t keep up. I don’t make near enough to cover it.”

  Arlene looked confused. “But I thought the adoption agency you signed up with is going to help you with living expenses.”

  “They will . . . some. But I did the math; it’s not enough. And if you saw my place, it’s nothing fancy. It’s not even in a nice part of town. If I don’t find a roommate soon, I’ll be out on the street.”

  She had this tough New York persona, but Marilyn noticed real fear in her eyes.

  “Don’t you have any savings?” Arlene said. “Can your mom help out?”

  Christina looked away. “No, I don’t have any savings. And you must have missed it when you read that file, the parts about my mom. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be asking that question.”

  “I’m sorry,” Arlene said. “I did read that. I just forgot.”

  “No problem,” Christina said. “God’ll do something, right? That’s what Megan would say. Doesn’t look good right now, but . . .” She sighed.

  “I do believe God will take care of you, Christina,” Arlene said. “How may not be clear to us at the moment, but you’re right to put your trust in him. And you know what? I believe he’s already picked out the perfect place for you, and it’s definitely not out in the street.”

  Tears welled up in Christina’s eyes. “Megan texted me some Bible verses to look up this morning. They kind of say that too. I’m trying to have faith. Gets hard when we talk about it, though. Three weeks seems so close, and so far I don’t have any options.”

  Suddenly, she did.

  An idea popped into Marilyn’s head. A crazy idea. Not the kind of thing she’d ever think of. And certainly not the kind of thing Jim would ever approve.

  Or would he?

  Oh, how she wished he would. She certainly couldn’t bring it up here until they had talked. Then she remembered, she and Jim were supposed to talk this afternoon.

  11

  The meeting with Christina and Arlene had continued for another thirty minutes. It seemed to end much better than it had begun. Christina sounded a little more encouraged. She had even accepted Marilyn’s invitation to join her for lunch on Wednesday. She hoped to have her idea approved and ready to share by then. With something this big, Jim would definitely need some time to think about it, if he went for it at all.

  As she reached her car in the parking lot, Marilyn heard the unmistakable sound of a car trying to start unsuccessfully. She followed the sound and soon realized it was Christina’s car. She was trying to start it over and over again, but it was no use. Marilyn knew precious little about cars, but on those last two tries it sounded like the battery was dying. She heard that sickening click-click-click sound. Arlene’s car had just left the parking lot. She didn’t see anyone else who could come to Christina’s rescue.

  Right after the meeting, her sense of exhaustion had returned. But she put her keys back in her purse and walked over to Christina’s car, just as Christina got out. “That doesn’t sound very good,” Marilyn said.

  “No, it doesn’t. Piece of junk. It did the same thing yesterday when I was leaving the restaurant where I work.”

  “What did you do to get it going yesterday?”

  “Nothing. I don’t know a thing about cars. But a guy I work with came out and got it going using jumper cables. He said my battery was dying and I better get it replaced.”

  “I have jumper cables,” Marilyn said. “I’ve never used them myself but—no, wait a minute. They’re in my husband’s car. I’m not sure if he’s home yet, but we only live five minutes from here.”

  “You live in River Oaks?” Christina asked.

  “We do. We’ve lived here for almost fifteen years.”

  “Must be nice.”

  She said this with a touch of sarcastic envy. Marilyn let it slide. “It really is. Maybe after lunch on Wednesday, we can stop by the house.”

  “Really?”

  “Sure. If it’s nice out, we could even go for a swim.”

  “You have a pool?”

  “We do, and a privacy fence around the backyard. None of the nearby homes have windows that can see in, so it really is private.”

  “Sounds nice, but I think I’ll pass on the swimming.” She patted her stomach. “Believe me, nobody wants to see this body in a swimsuit. So, you think your husband will bring those jumper cables? I’ve gotta be at work in an hour.”

  “I’ll call him right now.” Marilyn hoped Jim could help. She knew he would if he was free. As she pulled her cell phone out of her purse, she had a thought. What if God had set this up on purpose? To give Jim a chance to meet Christina in person before she sprung her big idea on him when they talked?

  Christina couldn’t help it, she was starting to like this lady. Even though everything about her said she came from money. Her clothes and rings, her hair and car. Just the fact that she actually lived in River Oaks was intimidating. Who lived in a place like this? It was the land of make-believe. Christina would never invite anyone back to where she lived. Not even if she’d cleaned it for a week. But Marilyn had a kind face and gentle eyes.

  While waiting for her husband to come—Jim, she called him—they had kept the conversation light. Marilyn kept asking her get-to-know-you questions but did it in a way that didn’t seem nosy. She was actually pretty easy to talk to.

  Ten minutes later, a gorgeous Audi sedan pulled up. A nice-looking older guy and an extremely good-looking younger guy about Christina’s age got out. Suddenly, she regretted not fixing her hair or doing her makeup before coming here. And she became very self-conscious of her baby bump. The older man walked up and gave Marilyn a quick hug. Must be Jim.

  “Christina, come over here and let me introduce my husband and son.”

  Christina walked over to the group.

  “This is Jim, my husband. And this is Doug.” She looked at her son. “I didn’t think you’d still be here.”

  “I’m heading back to school right after this. Dad took me out to lunch first. Can’t pass up a free meal.”

  Everyone shook hands. Doug had the best smile. Maybe the best smile on a guy Christina had ever seen.

  Jim popped the trunk and walked around to the back of his car. “I hear someone needs a jump start.”

  “Yeah,” Christina said. “I guess my battery’s dying. I really appreciate you doing this. I have to be at work in about forty-five minutes.”

  Jim carried the jumper cables to her car. “Well, this won’t take five,” Jim said. “The problem is, if your battery is dying, this will get you to work, but it will just die again by the time you get off. Doug, can you move my car into po
sition so I can hook these up?”

  “Sure, Dad.”

  Christina thought that might be the case. But what was she gonna do? She didn’t have the money for a new battery.

  Jim opened the hood of her car. “Can I have your keys?”

  “They’re still in the ignition.”

  Marilyn walked up. “I’m guessing by our earlier conversation, you don’t have money for a new car battery.”

  “Not unless they’re five or ten bucks.”

  “Jim,” she yelled, “how much are car batteries?”

  From inside the car, he yelled back, “It depends. Could be seventy or eighty dollars, maybe more. Why?”

  Christina’s heart sank. Marilyn walked back and talked quietly with Jim. A few moments later, Jim and Doug got both cars running. Doug unhooked the jumper cables and closed the hoods to both cars. Jim and Marilyn walked over to her.

  Jim spoke first. “Here’s what I’d like to do, Christina. Doug is going to drive Marilyn’s car back to the house. Okay, Doug?”

  “Sure. My car’s parked there anyway.”

  “Christina, you follow us to a nearby auto parts store, so we can buy you a new battery. We’ll have the whole thing done in plenty of time for you to get to work.”

  “I . . . I can’t let you do that.”

  “Of course you can. Marilyn tells me you’ve recently become a Christian, right?”

  “A couple of months ago.”

  “Well,” Marilyn said, “that’s what Christians are supposed to do. Help each other if they can. You need the help, and we’re able to help, so that’s what we’d like to do.”

  “I’ll pay you back, as soon as I can.”

  “No, you won’t,” Jim said gently. “This is a gift. You don’t need to pay us back. We better get going if we’re going to get you to work on time.”

  “I don’t know what to say. No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.”

  Marilyn put her hand on Christina’s shoulder. “We’re happy to do it. Just follow us to the store.”

  Christina got into her car and closed the door. Doug smiled and nodded to her as he drove off in Marilyn’s car. Jim and Marilyn got into the Audi and began to pull away. She got right behind them.

  “Thank you, Jesus. Thank you.” It was all she could say.

  She tried to block the next thought before it fully formed. It was about their son, Doug. The way he looked at her. That beautiful smile followed by a different look when he noticed her stomach. She hated being pregnant so much just then. Not the baby. It wasn’t the baby’s fault.

  She hated herself, for being so stupid.

  12

  Marilyn was surprised at how much energy she had. She wasn’t the least bit tired anymore. They had just gotten Christina safely on her way with the new car battery. Christina was so excited, before she’d left she had given Marilyn a hug and said, “Are we still on for lunch Wednesday?” Marilyn assured her they were.

  After Christina left, Jim reminded her about that talk he wanted to have about “something big” and wondered if they still had time to talk. Marilyn smiled and said she had something big to go over with him too. She had just gotten out of the car and was waiting for him to join her on the sidewalk in Riverfront Park.

  He reached for her hand. “I was so glad we could do that for Christina,” he said. “I feel really good inside.”

  “I was just thinking the same thing,” Marilyn said. She took his hand, and they walked toward the river. “So, looks like we both have something big to discuss with the other. Who’s gonna go first?”

  “I know it’s supposed to be ladies first, but do you mind if I go?” Jim said.

  Marilyn was actually glad he wanted to talk first. Her idea was so crazy; she had no way of knowing how Jim would react. She didn’t want to spoil this wonderful mood and bring their walk to an abrupt end. “Sure, I don’t mind.”

  “Well, you already know it’s about what Audrey and I talked about on Sunday.”

  “You two were talking for hours,” Marilyn said.

  “We had a lot of ground to cover.”

  “So what is it? I can tell by your mood it’s a good thing.”

  “It’s a very good thing. For us, but even more so for Tom and Jean.”

  “I knew it. You kept looking at them at the dinner table. I was sure it had something to do with them.” Marilyn couldn’t begin to imagine what it was.

  Jim looked out at the river then back at her. His smile had grown even wider. “How would you like to have the house all to yourself again? Well, I would still be there.”

  “I don’t understand. Is she asking Tom and Jean to move in with her?”

  “No. She’s asking if Tom and Jean would like to buy her house.”

  “In River Oaks?”

  Jim nodded.

  “That cute little bungalow house with the dormers? The one where you learned how to dance?”

  Jim nodded again. “That’s the one.”

  Marilyn couldn’t believe it. “But how? She’s moving?”

  “She is. Her older sister’s health is deteriorating, and Audrey wants to move in with her to take care of her. She said it looks like this will be a permanent move, not something temporary. So she’s decided to sell the house. She prayed about it and wanted to see if it might be possible to sell it to Tom and Jean.” He kicked a stick out of the way just in front of her on the sidewalk.

  “But how could that work? Isn’t their credit shot from what happened with their house?”

  “It’s not totally shot, but I’m sure it’s way too soon for a bank or mortgage company to consider something like this. But that’s not an issue. That’s what took so much time, working out the details with Audrey. She wants to hold the mortgage. It would be a good source of income for her every month, and even giving Tom a great deal, she’d get a better interest rate than she’d get from a CD or money market account.”

  “Can Tom and Jean afford it?”

  “It’ll be a little tight for the first year or two, but I’ve been helping him with his finances over the last year, so I know where they’re at. She’s willing to drop the price for a quick, no-hassle sale to a level I think they can handle. And she says she’s watched everything that’s happened with them since Tom came clean last year after hiding when he lost his job. She’s been impressed with how hard he’s worked to finish his schooling and pay down their debt. She started asking me about it a few months ago. I didn’t realize at the time why she was so curious. But she’s been thinking about it for quite a while, about selling the house, I mean. Her sister’s illness just helped her to decide now was the time. I still have to ask Tom and Jean about it—”

  “Are you kidding? They’ll love it. Jean and I talk quite a bit. She feels pretty bad about how long they’ve been living with us. Just last week, we talked about this over coffee, saying that now with Tom’s new job, he’ll be bringing in a lot more money. They discussed finding an apartment. I told her not to be in a rush about it, we’re fine. But I could tell, the thought of buying a house didn’t even occur to her.”

  “I’m sure it didn’t,” Jim said. “Apart from something like this, I don’t think they’d be in the market for several years.”

  They walked hand in hand in silence a few moments. Marilyn was so happy. Tom and Jean would be so excited.

  They came to a bench in the shade facing the river. “Let’s sit here,” she said. “There’s such a nice breeze.”

  Jim sat beside her. “Okay, your turn. So . . . is it a good thing or a bad thing?”

  “No, it’s good. I think you’ll think it’s good.” Marilyn said a quick silent prayer. “Speaking of good, you know that good feeling you said you got a little while ago after helping Christina with her car?”

  Jim nodded.

  “In a way you could say my idea is a way to feel that good all the time, for the next several months, anyway.” She smiled.

  Jim shook his head and returned her smile. “Oka
y, what’s this about?”

  She took a deep breath; she had to get her thoughts under control. Sometimes when she got nervous she could just rattle on. This was too important. “At my meeting with Christina and Arlene, I found out a lot more about Christina’s situation. She comes from a really messed-up life, up in New York. I’ll tell you all the details sometime, and it will just break your heart. She’s down here now without any family and wound up getting pregnant by some guy she was living with, whom she describes as a total loser. He’s out of the picture completely now. But because he is, in a week or so, she’ll have no place to live. She’s working and getting some financial assistance from the adoption agency that’s working with her, but it’s only enough to afford a dumpy apartment in a not-very-nice part of town.”

  “So she doesn’t live in River Oaks,” Jim said.

  “She couldn’t even think about living in River Oaks.”

  “So what’s your idea?”

  “I’m thinking of Doug’s place,” she said.

  “The garage apartment?”

  “Yes. Doug’s been here the last two weekends, but you know he’s hardly ever home. Once he gets back in the rhythm of going to class every week, we probably won’t see him again till Thanksgiving. The apartment is fully furnished, and I’m pretty sure it won’t cost us a thing. Between her job and the money she’s getting from the agency, she’ll be able to cover all her own expenses. I really think God might be the one who put this thought in my head. But I’m not trying to pressure you. I’m really not. I know he has to put faith in your heart for this too.”

  Jim sat back on the bench and took a deep breath. She tried to read his face but couldn’t. She felt a strong urge to keep talking, to keep selling him, but she held her peace. A young mother walked by, pushing two children in a stroller.

  After she passed, Jim said, “I am open to this. I want you to know that.”

  This sounded like his introduction to shooting the idea down.

  He stopped talking a few moments, as if thinking through his words carefully. “It’s just such a big deal. I mean, having Tom and Jean living with us is one thing, but we don’t really know this girl at all. It’s going to be a major adjustment adding a total stranger to the mix. I don’t know . . .”