Turns Out I Do Know The Muffin Man (A Dear Mary Mystery)

by Stacy Matthews

  We asked a lot of people around the area of the porta-potties if they had seen who had entered in costume and came out in regular clothes? No one had seen anything. It was easy enough to do. No one stands around and watches who comes and goes in or out of them. Let alone what they were wearing.

  I walked over to Mrs. Houtz and Edmonds booth and waited for a little slow down in business to tell them that the lead we were working on got away. Oh, if you could have seen their faces Mary. They looked just as dejected as I did. We had all put in so much work trying to figure out anything about what could have happened to Bob. As I was leaning back against the counter sipping on my drink, Patty walked up to the booth and ordered a drink. She had a couple of packages in her hand and asked how business was going. The ladies said it was great. They thought they were on their way to breaking a record. Patty said she had been by a couple of the other booths and they had said the same thing. She said she had been by several of the craft booths and found some cute little things for her house. Well, I could tell Marple and Fletcher were getting ready to go into their investigative mode. I’m not sure if they were going to investigate her about the case or comparing Edwardsville Days to the festival Herman puts on, but I knew I needed to find Charlie and get back to work.

  When I found him I gave him his drink and Mark his. They both were happy to get it. The day was getting a little warmer than expected. I told them I had run into Patty at the ladies’ booth. They looked at one another and then at me. Charlie said, “She didn’t by any chance have a long package with her did she?” I had to think for a couple of seconds. Besides the drink, I was having one of their wonderful desserts and we all know how involved I get in my desserts. So I shut my eyes for a second and tried to imagine her standing there. I know she had several packages in her hands, and she had leaned one of them against the booth. I said yes but couldn’t be 100%. They wanted to know what she had talked about. All she said was how impressed she was with the turnout and how cute she thought having a theme every year was. She was so impressed she was going to bring the idea to the board in Herman. We chatted a little more, nothing important, she complimented the ladies on their food and then she went on her way. I happened to notice she seemed to be sweating a little more than the rest of us, but attributed that to her illness. If they were asking me if she was acting like she was in a hurry to get out of there, the answer was no. Then I asked them if there was something they needed to tell me.

  Mark said he had been doing some checking around with Patty’s doctors. Seems there was one little piece of information she had neglected to tell everyone, her cancer had gone into remission. From what he could get from her doctor, it had been in remission for at least a month, maybe more. This would coincide with what Marple and Fletcher’s confidential informant had said about there not being any benefits for Patty for at least a month. The Muffin Man comes through again! But if her cancer has been in remission, wouldn’t she be happy and be sharing this information with everyone, especially her sister? We needed to find Patty and find out what was really going on with her.

  We decided to split up and cover the grounds in sections. We knew what kind of car Patty drove so we alerted the uniformed officers to be looking for her car. Charlie and I headed back up to the ladies’ booth to see if she may still be there by chance. Of course, she had taken off a couple of seconds after I did. Mrs. Edmonds said Patty wasn’t in a hurry, but wanted to squeeze in as much as she could while she was there. Besides, business started picking up and they had to get back to work. Unfortunately they did not see which way she headed. As we headed out, I took another look towards Tweedle’s campsite in hopes he was there. He and a couple of his buddies were just arriving at his campsite. He was probably going to show them all the new things I had given him. Charlie and I got some food from the ladies and headed over to Tweedle’s.

  As we were walking up, I could hear Tweedle talking, “and she gave me this cooler. It had a steak in it. ‘Course I already ate the steak or I’d offer to cook it up.” He had set his camp up nice with the things I had brought him. He had the chairs set up around the fire like a little conversation area in a living room. He really has a flair for decorating Mary, even if it is on the beach. His friends were sitting in the chairs with their backs to us.

  He looked very startled to see us, with good reason. Charlie said, “Hi guys.” And with that Tweedle went white as a sheet. I thought he was going to pass out. The two in the chair just sat there and nodded their heads. Charlie moved around to get a look at the two of them and he went white. He said, “I don’t believe it.” I moved around to the front of the chairs to get a look and there they sat. Bob Burkhart and Patty Stewart. You could have knocked us over with a feather Mary.

  Bob had a full beard and could easily be mistaken for one of Tweddle’s friends. Patty was dressed in old clothes, but had stuffed them so they didn’t hang off of her. I have to say they did a pretty good job of making them fit her. They had gone so far as to put makeup on her face to make it look as though she was a little dirty. Bob spoke up first, “I guess I have a lot of explaining to do.” Charlie and I looked at one another in shock. Bob wanted to know if he should wait until we got down to the police station and he got his attorney before he started explaining.

  Charlie is so good at this Mary. I was still in a state of shock, staring at them and Charlie says, “Bob we don’t have the authority to arrest you. I don’t even know if you need to be arrested. If you would like to tell us what happened we’ll listen, but either way, we have to let them know we’ve found you.”

  Bob thought for a second and said, “I would rather tell you two first. I’m not as nervous around you two and maybe you could be there with me when I tell the police?” Charlie told him we would. Bob went on to explain that when Patty first showed up he and Emily were very happy to see her. They had hoped for a chance to get together with her for years and make amends. They thought about calling or writing, but were afraid of doing any of those things. They weren’t sure what, if anything, she had told her husband. They didn’t even know if she had told him she had a sister, so they thought better to leave it alone. When she showed up their prayers had been answered. The first three months she visited were great. They all got along fine. It was then he and Emily started having problems.

  Bob said, “The more time we spent together, the more I realized I was still in love with Patty. I don’t think I was ever out of love with her.”

  I said, “What do you mean? You and Emily got married and had Brian. I know you argued a lot, but everyone knows that was the way you two communicated with each other. Everyone in town talked about what a great couple you two were, arguments and all.” At that point, Tweddle brought out the old chairs for Charlie and me to sit in. I would have thought he would have thrown them away, but this was one time I was glad he hadn’t. I knew we were going to be there for awhile; I also knew I was going to need to be sitting to hear this story.

  He went on to explain how at the beginning of he and Emily’s relationship, when they would meet at the drugstore, they would mostly talk about how much they both missed Patty. That was why when his buddies asked if he was dating Emily he would tell them “kind of.” He said he and Emily’s relationship was built on a mutual love of Patty and the romance slowly came later. He said when Patty came back and made that big scene, he got his pride hurt more than anything and wasn’t going to be talked to like that by any stuck up little college girl. He said, “At that point I kept going out with Emily for spite. One thing led to another and before I knew it we were married. We got on well enough, but I don’t think either one of us was ever really in love with the other.”

  Charlie said, “So you’re telling me, you and Emily stayed married all these years and were just, what? Friends?” We were both in such a state of shock. Not only that Bob and Patty were sitting here in front of us, but this story Bob was telling. Charlie continued, “Okay Bob, but what happened that night? The night that Emily died.”<
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  The whole time Bob had been talking, Patty was sitting there sipping her coffee, staring down at the ground, at nothing in particular.

  Bob said, “I’m gettin’ to that. After the first couple of months Patty had been here, we realized we were still in love.” At that point, he and Patty reached out and held hands. Bob continued, “Emily confronted me about my feelings for Patty. I couldn’t lie. I knew the longer we all spent time together, the more obvious it would become. Emily started drinking more than usual. She was meaner than a snake when she drank. Now I’m no angel myself. I tried to explain to her that none of it was her fault; Patty showing up was as much as a surprise to me as it was to her. I hadn’t planned on my feelings for Patty to come back as strong as they did after this many years. This only seemed to make things worse. I couldn’t do anything right and the fights became worse and more often. What nobody knows is we are flat broke. She blamed me for that too. She said she didn’t want to hear any of my excuses; I was just a big loser and how she would be better off if she killed me for the insurance money. She stomped off and I went out to my work shed. That’s where I got the idea to kill her. I’d had enough.”

  When he said that he looked at Charlie and me straight in the eyes. It was like looking at someone I’ve never met before. Gave me chills up and down my spine. I’m not kidding Mary, there wasn’t anyone behind those eyes. He looked more like a man that had been pushed way beyond his limit. I’m not defending him by any means. I’m just telling you what I saw sitting in front of me.

  We had been so engrossed in Bob’s story we never noticed that Marple and Fletcher had made their way down with desserts. They had cleverly stayed in the background for most of the time and were now going around filling everyone’s cups with coffee. Charlie and I looked at one another and walked over to the corner of Tweedle’s tent. We discussed that at this point there wasn’t a lot we could do about the fact that they were there. We were going to have to make the best of it and have a long conversation with them when we got home.

  We went back and Charlie asked Bob to continue. Bob said it was when she said told him he was worth more dead than alive that it gave him the idea to kill her. That was when he went out to his work shed and started thinking up what he thought was going to be the perfect crime. He said, “She was right. I was worth more dead than alive, but so was she. I never knew I had it in me to kill someone else, let alone have that someone else be my wife. I knew we had already left everything to Patty so that part was taken care of. I knew the amount Emily had been insured for would more than last us until I was legally declared dead. I had to come up with a way of killing her, making it look like I wasn’t involved and getting me out of there without a trace.”

  “I know Tweddle is going to be implicated no matter what, and for that I’m sorry Tweddle. He had nothing to do with any of it. Didn’t even know what was going on. He just knew I had asked him to help me, and like always he was ready to give a helping hand.”

  “I knew I was going to have to have help getting off my property. I got a couple of cheap cell phones so I could get in touch with him when the time came. That way, when I did call him it wouldn’t be recorded on my regular cell phone and we could throw those cheap ones away. I came up with the way to get myself off the property first. That was the easy part.”

  “All I had to do was dress like a bum and make sure Tweddle was there to meet me at the edge of the property. Everybody knows Tweddle and they would think I was just one of his buddies. I put some deer urine on everything I wearing, in case they brought dogs in to try and track my scent. I didn’t know if they would, but I didn’t want to take any chances. The hardest part of this whole thing was trying to figure out how to kill Emily. At first I was going to make it look like an accident and stay at the scene. That way I would get double on her insurance. But I did a lot of reading on the subject. Forensics has become so advanced they would have figured out it wasn’t an accident faster than you can blink an eye.”

  “The day she died couldn’t have been luckier for me. By that evening, she had been drinking most of the day, and she had been on my case all of it. That you can verify through the neighbors. She yelled at me from the time she woke up until, well, you know. When I had come in for supper, I had had enough.”

  “As soon as I opened the door she started in on me again. To top it off, I don’t know why she called me in. Supper wasn’t ready. When I got up to the kitchen, all she had managed to do was chop a few onions and potatoes. That’s when the real fight began. She started pushing me around, talking about what a loser I was and what were we going to do. The bank had sent another letter out to the house saying we owed on the fourth mortgage, or they were going to start foreclosure procedures. I was trying to cut up the sausage when she started pushing on me again. I told her to stop it and back off. But then I realized this was the opportunity I had been waiting for. When I pushed her off me, it turned her around so her back was to me. I grabbed the skillet and hit her in the head with it. I picked her up and took her downstairs and put her on the floor. I went back upstairs and put the onions, potatoes, and sausage into the skillet and turned on the burner. I figured I could make it look like supper had been made and burn off any DNA that may have been on the bottom of the skillet at the same time.”

  “When I saw that Lietzen woman walking across the road, I thought I was done for. I barely had time to get my bum clothes and throw away phone. I had to use the back staircase and change clothes in one of the downstairs bedrooms. I folded my clothes and put them in a dresser drawer down there. I slipped out a window and went through the woods. She was making so much noise no one noticed me.”

  “I called Tweddle on my way to the highway. Told him to throw the phone away on his way to meet me. Once we met up, he asked me what was going on. I told him not to worry and to ignore everything he’d hear from here on out about Emily and me.”

  “We were good to go until the police department went and hired you two to look into things. I knew as soon as they did that something was going to go wrong if we didn’t get out of town fast, and as you can tell I was right.”

  Charlie called Sgt. Det. Langer and told him where we were and who we were with. Langer showed up and arrested Bob, Patty, and Tweddle. On their way, out you could hear people gasping as they realized it was Bob in handcuffs. I could hear a lot of muttering in the crowd. Some people were wondering if it was Patty or Emily standing next to him.

  We all had to go to the police department and fill out statements, regarding the confession we heard Bob tell. Including Mrs. Houtz and Edmonds. I’ll tell you more when I get home.

  Later

  Home

  Dear Mary,

  We all went to the P.D. and filled out our statements. Charlie and I talked to Sgt. Det. Langer about Tweddle’s involvement in all this. He agreed with us and said he would talk to the District Attorneys Office to see if there was anyway of getting the charges dropped, or working out some kind of deal so he doesn’t have to do any kind of time.

  I tell you what bothered me the most about this whole thing Mary. It was how calm and blasé Bob was while telling us about how he plotted to kill his wife. The only thing I’ve heard about this guy is what a wonderful person he is. How he would give you the shirt off his back. On one hand I feel terrible for him, you know? On the other, I blame all three of them. From what he said, it sounded as though he and Emily were never really “in love” to begin with. It sounded like it was more of a marriage of convenience for both them. It couldn’t have been a fun or healthy environment for Brian to grow up in. If they stayed together for his sake, why didn’t they get divorced when he turned eighteen?

  I would like to think at some point one of them would have come to their senses and thought it would have been better to leave than think the other person was worth more dead than alive. Which makes me wonder if Emily may have had some sort of plan in the works to kill Bob, but Bob beat her to the punch. Either way, what a sad way for both
of them to spend their lives, all three of them.

  Whatever Sgt. Det. Langer said to the District Attorneys Office worked, as we were getting ready to leave, one of the assistants came out to ask if Charlie or I would be willing to be responsible for Tweddle until the court date. He had made a deal with the D. A. office and they needed one of us to make sure he would stick around until then. I didn’t think that was going to be a problem. The E-Mafia wasn’t going to let him out of their sight, court or no court.

  They had already gotten the funds together for one of those little cottages for him to stay in during the winter months. They knew there would be no way they to keep him contained in the spring and summer months. They really didn’t want to. They were only concerned about his health during the winter months. Of course, he could stay there any time he liked. I’m guessing he’ll be there during the rainy seasons as well, now that he’s getting on in years.

  Once we all got back to the house, the ladies made a fresh pot of coffee and put a plate of goodies from Edwardsville Days out. It was the strangest thing Mary. For a split second none of us were talking. That’s a first in this house! We all just sat there, staring into our coffee cups, picking at our food and thinking to ourselves.

  I know I was thinking that life really is what you make of it. There were three people that had lead miserable lives for many years. None of them had taken the time to find out if the love they felt for the other person was real, or just a wonderful memory from childhood. Two of those people actually married and had a child. Did they ever love one another? Was it just a marriage of convenience and looks? The quiet only lasted a few seconds then our lives got back to normal. Before I knew it, the ladies were up and about getting things ready for the cottage that Tweddle would be living in.

  There’s some paperwork that Charlie and I have to sign off on at the P.D. tomorrow, and that will officially close the Burkhart case for them and close our very first case. The ladies seem to think we should have a special supper for this as well. I think we should mark this occasion also. Can’t wait until tomorrow night!