Mermaid Fins, Winds & Rolling Pins

by Erin Johnson

  We'd packed both mermaids in—and they took up a lot of room, even with their tails drooped over the side. We also had Good Time Chuck, two of his pirate buddies, and all of us bakers—minus Annie and Yann.

  As our boat knocked up against the dock and we disembarked, I glanced back. Winnie splashed into the water, and Chuck crouched down to kiss her.

  "I'll miss you."

  "I'll miss you more."

  Iggy flared in his lantern. "You'll see each other in two seconds."

  Winnie clicked her tongue. "Don't be a cock block, dude."

  Chuck laughed and straightened, then led the way as Valonzy and Winnie dipped their heads below water to swim into the club through the mermaid entrance. We followed Chuck through the dense crowd inside to the royal alcove, where he sat beside Winnie on the edge of the glowing pool. Aw, reunited.

  Wiley and K'ree took orders and headed to the bar to get drinks for everyone as Sam beelined for the eel. Aw, he had heart eyes for it.

  Maple and I sat on the edge of the pool and stuck our feet in, with Iggy in his bubble between us. The house music pounded a beat into my brain. When Chuck turned away to order a drink from a passing waiter, Winnie sat back in the pool. Thinking no one was watching, her face fell and she stared forlornly into the water. I scooted closer and put a hand on her wet shoulder.

  "Are you all right?"

  She frowned at me, then sighed. "Yeah, thanks. I'm still kinda mad at you."

  "I'm sorry."

  She slid lower and blew bubbles in the water. She spat water out and lifted her face to me. "I didn't kill her, you know?"

  "Bubbles?" I lifted my brows.

  "Duh, Bubbles. She was my best friend—ever since we was little guppies."

  I glanced side-eyed at Valonzy, who sat staring blankly ahead. "What about Valonzy? You guys aren't close?"

  She lifted a shoulder. "Sure. But Valonzy only came to court about six months ago. And she and Bubbles were more a thing anyway."

  I leaned closer to catch her words. "A thing? Like they were better friends?"

  She scoffed. "You could say that."

  "What do you mean?"

  Winnie grinned. "Let's just say Bubbles preferred clams to sea cucumbers."

  It took me a moment, then I groaned. "Got it. And gross analogy."

  She giggled.

  "Why did you call her a man stealer then?"

  Winnie sighed. "She was my bestie, but she wasn't perfect. And she may have preferred clam, but she'd still eat just about anything."

  Gross again.

  "So, of course Valonzy'd get jealous seeing her go off with someone else, and of course I'd be angry with her for being sneaky with my man." Her brow furrowed and her lips pursed tightly together.

  "Uh—I thought you and Chuck got that cleared up."

  "Hm?" She blinked. "Oh, yeah, we did. But still, it irks me that Bubbles snuck away with my man for a little tit on tit."

  I coughed. "You mean tête-à-tête?"

  "Whatevs." Winnie splashed some water with her fin. "The whore." She sighed. "But she was my whore, you know? And I miss her. She was going to be my maid of honor."

  I struggled to follow the confusing range of emotions. "I'm sorry."

  Winnie wiped the mascara from under her eyes. "Ugh, this is my last night as a single mermaid and I'm going to live it up. Enough with all this cryin', let's party." She threw her hands in the air and took the drink Chuck handed her. It was bright orange and crowded with paper umbrellas. He knew what his lady liked.

  I moved back to Iggy and Maple and filled them in.

  Maple blinked, her eyes wide. "So now Valonzy has a motive, too? She and Bubbles were a couple, and she may have killed her out of jealousy?"

  I nodded.

  "Bon did think strangling suggested a crime of passion." Iggy rolled his eyes. "But then again, Bon's an idiot, so…."

  I nodded. "Absolutely. And why did Valonzy come to court six months ago? What was she doing before then?"

  Maple sat taller. "Time to talk to Valonzy."

  We all turned to stare at the mermaid lounging across the pool with her arms propped up on the sides. She noticed and mouthed, "What?" She lifted a blue brow.

  Maple and I looked at each other and took that as our cue. I grabbed Iggy and we slid through the crowd, forcing our way into sitting on each side of Valonzy. She kicked her tail and took a shot, tossing the glass toward the raised steps where other mermaids and pirates lounged.

  Glass shattered and a deep voice yelled, "Hey!"

  Valonzy ignored it all. She darted a glanced at me, then Maple. "Sorry, ladies, not interested."

  Maple's eyes widened. "We—we weren't—I'm not—"

  I planted my hands on my hips, slightly affronted. "And why not?"

  "No offense." Valonzy shook her head, her blue locks trailing over her shoulders and pooling on the surface of the water. "Just suffering from a broken heart."

  Maple and I exchanged looks. I leaned closer and whispered. "You mean, Bubbles? I heard you two were seeing each other."

  She turned her head quickly and looked me up and down. Then she shook her head and let out a weary sigh. "We were together—secretly. Though apparently it's difficult to keep secrets around here." She glared at me, then looked back down at the water. "Then again, it seems like Bubbles was better at keeping secrets than I thought."

  "What do you mean? She kept secrets from you?" Maple blinked her big blue eyes.

  Valonzy shifted. "Yeah, well—everyone knows she spent her last night in Chuck's cabin." She made a disgusted noise in the back of her throat. "The sleaze." She sighed. "And now I'll never get to have one last fight with her. Though, I guess we was done anyway."

  I bit my lip, not sure what to say. I guess we never knew how much time we'd get with someone we cared about. My thoughts drifted to Hank and all the things I'd never said to him. What if something happened and I never got the chance to? A sense of regret weighed heavy in my stomach, and I pulled my lips to the side, full of sympathy for Valonzy.

  "Do you have any idea who might've killed Bubbles?"

  Valonzy sniffed, then coughed out a dry laugh. She jerked her chin towards Chuck and Winnie on the other side of the pool. "She spends her last night with the pirate king, who's engaged to the queen, and the next day she winds up dead." She gave me a flat look. "Who do you think did it?" Her face darkened. "If you'll excuse me." Before Maple and I could say a word, she slipped below the surface of the water and dove deep, out of sight.

  I looked at Maple. "Seems like Winnie and Chuck are prime suspects."

  Iggy scoffed. "The king of the pirates and the queen of the mermaids? Good luck making that accusation."

  I sighed. He was right. We'd better be 100 percent sure before we went around indicting royalty. As I sat there with my feet in the pool, mulling over everything I knew about Bubbles, a familiar voice filtered through the blaring bass notes.

  "—more than enough tentacles!" A raspy laugh followed.

  I leaned back and spotted Fowler lounging on one of the steps in the alcove, playing poker with a group of other pirates. He had his chin in the air and his large belly bounced with each laugh. I lifted a shoulder at Maple, and she nodded and stood. I grabbed Iggy and we made our way over.

  He looked up and smoothed his white, wiry beard. "Aw, some beautiful ladies have come to join us."

  I lifted the bubble. "And Iggy."

  "Well, Iggy's a beautiful lass, too." Fowler winked at him.

  Iggy's flames flared. "I am a lad, thank you very much."

  Fowler smirked at his companions. "And a fiery one at that, it seems. Take a seat, younguns—you fancy playin' a round?"

  I waved a hand. "No thanks, just came to say hel—"

  "Sure." Maple settled in on the step next to a young man with more gold in his mouth than real teeth.

  "Maple, this is poker, with pirates—are you sure?" I gave her an are-you-crazy look.

  She smiled sweetly and nodded.
"Yep."

  Fowler dealt her in and she scooped up her pile of cards. I scooted close to her. "Do you even know how to play?"

  She cocked her head at me. "My dad's been taking me to the pub with him since I was four. He and his buddies play poker there at least a couple times a week." She moved some cards around in her hand, then closed the fan and placed them face down on her thigh. "So, I learned from watching, and as I got older, they let me deal and play sometimes."

  I grinned. "Maple White, you surprise me every day." I leaned closer and whispered. "Are you any good?"

  She said, "No," but nodded, a gleam in her eye. Uh-oh. I think my friend was about to hustle some pirates.

  Iggy chuckled and rubbed his little flame hands together. "This is going to be good."

  I adjusted Iggy on my lap and watched the game unfold. Maple slid two gold coins in as her ante and exchanged a few cards for new ones. Her new cards gave her a full house, but she gave nothing away. Nice poker face, Maple.

  She beat the old pirate with the parrot on his shoulder and scooped up the winnings, which consisted of a pile of gold coins, a pearl necklace, a shimmering feather, and a few gold teeth. She piled it all in her lap and placed a couple of gold coins out as her ante. The pirates exchanged looks and settled into their seats, casting side-eyed glances at Maple. It was on.

  A few more rounds played out with little talking. We could barely hear each other over the pounding house music. Maple won two of the three. And then the DJ took a break and the music quieted a bit. A waitress came by with a round tray of shots and I flagged her down. The other day on the ship, Fowler had seemed to know something, before Geoffrey Clarke cut him off. Maybe I could ply him with alcohol and get him to talk. It'd been his idea, after all.

  I snagged some of Maple's winnings to pay for it, which she allowed with only a flat look, and I handed out slim shot glasses of golden liquid to Maple, Fowler, and the other five pirates who played.

  "Sorry, Iggy." I winked at him.

  "You owe me about a million linden branches at this point." Iggy lifted a brow. "And I won't forget, either."

  "Fine."

  We lifted our glasses into the center, clinking them together.

  Fowler barked out a cheer. "To soft skies above, salty seas below, and a smooth sailin' wind to carry me home."

  I brought the glass to my lips, tilted my head back, and poured the liquid down my throat. The intense burning started half a second later. Maple and I burst into coughing fits, and I doubled over. Fowler clapped me hard on the back. He coughed out his wheezing laugh.

  The pirate beside Maple with the gold teeth cackled. "Can you imagine if they tried the special brandy?"

  Though I still couldn't breathe, my ears pricked up.

  Fowler laughed harder. "This tastes like water compared to tha' stuff!"

  With my throat still on fire, I managed to swallow and straighten up. Maple's eyes watered and her face glowed bright red, but she seemed to have survived. I turned to Fowler. "What special brandy?"

  His eyes widened, for just a moment, then he cleared his throat. "Jus' this pirate brandy we get."

  I waited for him to say more, but an awkward silence ensued. "I want to try some." Maple nodded her agreement.

  The pirates burst into hearty laughter. "No, lass." Fowler shook his head. "You don't."

  I frowned, but as Fowler dealt the next hand, I figured I wouldn't get much more from him. Not this sober, at least. I flagged down the waitress and paid for another round of shots. The pirates shrugged at each other, but accepted, and after Fowler took his shot, I handed him mine.

  "Wha's this for?"

  I shrugged. "Last one isn't sitting well in my stomach." Or my throat, which is still on fire.

  He threw it back and the game continued.

  Iggy waggled his brows. "Getting him drunk so you can take advantage of him."

  I rolled my eyes. "Gross. No. Well, yeah, kinda, but just for information."

  "Uh-huh." Iggy grinned.

  After proposing a couple more cheers to get Fowler to down his pint of foamy beer, I scooted closer to him. The music had started up loud again and Maple and the other pirates had their eyes on their fanned hands of cards, deciding their next moves.

  "So, about that brandy."

  Fowler darted a glance my way, then peered at his cards. Seemed like his eyes were having trouble focusing.

  "I think I've had some—Bubbles brought it to me. She had Maple and me make it into brandy balls."

  Fowler looked up, eyes wide. "What'd you think? Quite the ride, eh?"

  So, it had been the brandy they were talking about. I nodded. "Totally." I had no idea. "So, where do you guys get that stuff?"

  He chuckled and leaned closer. "If you knew, you'd never drink another drop."

  I raised my brows in surprise. "Oh come on! What do you mean?"

  He grinned as he tossed a couple cards into the pile in the middle. "I couldn't say." He swayed slightly in his seat.

  "Because it's contraband?" I waggled my brows. "I like a little danger." Like, just a slight, tiny bit. As in a roller coaster or a haunted house. But I could act tough, right?

  He chuckled and picked up a few more cards, arranging them in his hand. He hiccupped. "'Tis contraband, as you put it so fancily, but no, tha's not why." He hiccupped again. "'Tis what it's made from that'd curl the hairs on yer arms." He glanced at my arms, bleary eyed. "Though you're not a hairy ape like me." He winked. "I like tha' in a woman."

  How flattering. I winked back. "Aw, lay it on me." I leaned closer. "Bet ya can't shock ol' Imogen." I spotted the waitress and waved her over. I held up a finger to Fowler to hold that thought, then bought another round of shots and handed him two. He missed his face with the first one, but managed to suck down the second. Man, I was turning into such a creeper, getting old men drunk. I blamed the mermaids and their bad influence.

  "So you were saying, the brandy's made of—" I rolled my hand for him to continue.

  He leaned over and sprayed me with a fine mist of saliva. "Monster mucus. Most disgusting substance you ever saw... or smelled "

  I leaned back and made a face. "Monster mucus?"

  He nodded, cackling. "And the process is more disgusting than you'd ever imagine."

  "You make it into brandy yourselves?"

  He nodded. "I still lose my lunch every time."

  I shook my head in disbelief. "That sounds horrific."

  He grinned, revealing some missing teeth. "Ah lass, but as you know yourself, the result is heaven. And it's worth all the smuggling and the down dealin's, 'cause some of these mermaids are absolutely nuts for it. Pay top dollar, they do."

  I licked my lips. What monsters? Where did they find them? I worried asking too directly might cause Fowler's addled brain to grow suspicious and lock down. I tried another route. "Why don't the mermaids make their own special brandy if you charge them so much for it?"

  Fowler kept his eyes on the poker game, but leaned toward me. He tossed his hand in and groaned. Pirates around the game threw their hands in the air and glared at Maple, who smiled and scooped up the winnings. Was that someone's prosthetic leg in the pile? The girl had gotten out of control. Fowler spoke out of the corner of his mouth. "I'm sure the mermaids would make it if they could, but monster mucus ain't easy to come by, if ya know what I mean."

  I nodded, though I had no idea what he was saying. "Right. Because you can only get it—" I nodded, waiting for him to finish the sentence.

  "In the Badlands."

  My heart stopped. I'd been investigating Bubbles's death and had lost track of my bigger quest. For information on Horace's clue, Monsters Rise. We knew it had some connection to the Badlands Army and to monsters, and here I had Fowler talking about both. I swallowed, wanting to blurt out all my questions, but I knew I had to proceed carefully.

  One of Fowler's eyes rolled back in his head. Okay, maybe I'd overdone it on the shots and didn't need to be all that careful.

&nb
sp; "Wow, so you pirates managed to find the Badlands?"

  He scoffed. "Of course. It is an island after all, and we map the seas."

  "Why don't the magic kingdoms just go there and arrest Horace and his army then?"

  He laughed, then looked at me when I didn't join in. "Yer serious? Yeh mad? The same reason that damned brandy costs an arm and a fin. 'Cause the whole place is surrounded and inhabited by the worst monsters in the world."

  I nodded gravely. "What Horace and his army have done—it’s atrocious." Or so I'd heard. I was in uncharted waters here and was doing my best to pretend I knew what we were talking about.

  Fowler rolled his eyes—on purpose that time. "Yer daft, yeh are. No—the literal monsters. Big fangs, leathery wings, fins tipped with poison, and weather controllin' antennae. Those monsters keep the rest of the world out.

  I frowned, confused by all of it. "So you—hunt these monsters and collect their mucus."

  He flashed his eyes. "Yeh really are nuts, ain't yah?" He gestured to his large stomach. "Do I look like I could hunt monsters? No matter how good the money is, let me tell yeh, none of us pirates'd be tha' much of a fool."

  I shook my head. "Then who does?"

  He rolled his eyes and leaned close. "This stays between you and me, yes?"

  I nodded and he gave me a hard look.

  "We trade with the BA—we bring 'em food, medical supplies, weapons. And in return they give us the monsters .."

  I blinked at him. "You've been on the island?"

  He shook his head. "No, no. The BA is too secretive for that. They do somethin' to distract the sea monsters long enough for 'em to row out to us offshore. They dock, we trade, an' then they row back onto the island. We see a different guy each time." He hiccupped.

  "And they've never mentioned Monsters Rise to you?"

  He shook his head and burped. "Erp. I've said too much." He squinted at me. "This stays between the two of us, yeah?"

  I nodded.

  Iggy piped up. "Three of us, actually."

  Fowler jolted, his eyes wide as he remembered Iggy. "Barnacle lovin' sea snakes!" He pressed a hand to his heart. "I didn't see the small one, for great ocean's sake—" He waved at me and I moved out of the way. "I need to take a leak. I'll be back, boys." Fowler pushed past and stumbled around the rock corner. I hoped he made it to an actual bathroom and didn't mistake a mermaid pool for a giant urinal.