Outlaw

by Amanda Lance

  “Ah—yeah.” I crossed my arms over myself. “That would be good.”

  “I can’t find the coffee filters though, Charlie! It’s nuts!”

  Coughin’ real loud, I turned back and glanced at Yuri. He smiled and glanced up to a shelf above the stove where the box of coffee filters was clearly marked. And when Polo pranced like a reindeer from the fridge to the pantry, I stood up on a chair and grabbed ’em up—throwing them to Yuri before he got back.

  “You playing that bird game again?”

  He nodded and showed me a glimpse of his high score. I wasn’t real familiar with it, but I nodded anyway.

  “Oh! I wanna see! I wanna see!”

  Yuri stretched the hand holding the phone over his head when Polo ran up and threw the coffee filters to me from under the table. I stifled my laugh and tried to look at the ceiling. Jokin’ around like this was normal stuff, but for the first time in a long time I actually found it funny and not just part of the routine. I was thinking I’d felt better since I’d first gotten out of the joint—better even, ’cause there wasn’t that anxiety that comes with first gettin’ out. No, Addie Battes was a different kind of freedom and I didn’t wanna let her go.

  Polo ran back to the counter and Yuri returned to his phone but I just laughed. Neither of them said nothing ’bout my mood but I knew Yuri would later on. I was cool with that, though. I was ready to tell the whole wide world I was in love with Addie Bates if they’d let me.

  I laughed and listened to all the crashing noises, both from the game Yuri was playing and the mess Polo was making.

  “You hear about how much money Mouth lost on that horse?”

  “A lot?” I laughed.

  “Oh yeah.” He nodded.

  I shook my head. “It’s all ’bout the jockey.”

  He gave in and laughed and when he put his phone down. I tossed him the filters again.

  We did this a couple of times before Addie came in, her hair almost all the way up but hanging loose on her head and a goofy smile on her face. I guess ‘’cause we hadn’t been expecting her it was easy for her to get the filters from us, but judging by the gleam in her eye she knew we were just messing with him.

  “Here, Polo, look what I found!” She whispered down at us like a teacher or something. “Really? Shame on you two.” I laughed, but all of a sudden visions of her in one of those short schoolgirl skirts took me for a ride.

  “You really want that boy havin’ caffeine in his system?”

  She looked down at the filters and frowned. “That is a good point…”

  “Addie! Addie! You found them! Oh man, I’ve been looking everywhere for those things! Where did you get them?” Polo rushed her and hugged her like she was a stuffed animal.

  If he had been anybody else, I woulda been pissed.

  Yuri muttered to me through his laughter. “Let’s see if he can’t burn it again, ah?”

  She sat next to me and rolled her eyes as we laughed. Every instinct in me wanted to scoop her up in my arms and kiss her until she was dizzy, but ’cause she was modest I knew that wasn’t so smart and just held her hand under the table. She interlaced my fingers with hers and squeezed.

  I looked over at her and smiled. I was sure that everyone could see how much I cared ’bout her, but again nobody said nothing. Anyway, if they wanted to, Polo dropping all kinds of pots and pans on the ground distracted ’em.

  “Polo!” Yuri bellowed. “What the hell you doing over there?”

  His bright red head appeared from over the top of the counter. “I can’t find that one frying pan for making sandwiches! It’s the best one! If I don’t have it the grilled cheeses won’t taste the same.”

  “I put it back in the pantry above the stove, Polo,” Addie called to him. “Where I found it.” She rolled my eyes at me and laughed.

  “Ain’t no point trying to clean up Polo’s messes,” I told her.

  “I wasn’t. Rather, I was cleaning up after myself after we made breakfast.”

  Yuri leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “You made those omelets yesterday?”

  I nodded real slow to make sure he knew she was responsible. All the little things she did made me proud in a way I didn’t deserve to be, proud to know her, proud to have her, even proud that I had thought to steal her in the first place.

  “Well, I just helped—”

  Yuri laughed. “Right.”

  She jumped at another crash. Polo was trying to balance ’bout ten different things in his arms and failing pretty miserably at it. “I got it! I got it!”

  “Well, maybe you can go help him again before we all starve?” Yuri looked at me and back at his phone. Between all the noise, I hadn’t heard it go off but now the blue light in the corner was flashing something serious and from the look on his face as he looked at the screen, it wasn’t for the better.

  I laughed. “You think he’s gonna kill himself in here or down in the engine room?”

  Yuri frowned as he looked back and forth between the two of us. Maybe it hadn’t ever gotten to him before that Addie knew about what Polo did down there—the knockers and all that. But right off I could see he wasn’t happy and Addie could see it too, ’cause she let go of my hand and headed off for the kitchen.

  As soon as he was outta earshot though, he started in on me.

  “What kinda business you got in taking her down there? Trying to impress your new girlfriend?”

  I kicked him from under the table. “Give me a break. I ain’t that stupid. She ran off and dumbass over there showed her around, started running his mouth off—What?” I asked when he shook his head in his hands. “What’s really up your ass?”

  He looked over his shoulder to make sure no one was paying attention when he answered. Only when it seemed like Addie and Polo were plenty busy enough did he speak up.

  “You want this girl to live, right?

  I just glared at him.

  “Right?”

  “Don’t ask stupid questions.”

  “Then don’t do stupid shit.” He swore under his breath and started rubbing his temples with his thumbs. “Listen, all of us owed you at least one favor, so giving you some slack here wasn’t a big thing, but you’re treating this girl like—like—”

  “Like what, Yuri?” I yelled, stomping my foot into the ground. “Like what?”

  “Like she’s permanent.”

  I leaned back and watched from far away. Addie had wandered into the pantry and it felt like forever since I’d seen her.

  “Anyway, we got bigger problems,” he said, sliding his phone over to me.

  I picked it up and read the message. It was from the captain forwarded to Ben and then Yuri.

  Batten down the hatches

  Our regular code for when trouble was about to happen.

  “What’s this?” I hardly heard myself through the thumping in my chest. Suddenly, the blood was rushing to my ears and with every second it was getting’ hard to think straight.

  “Not so sure,” he admitted. “Before you got here, Polo was complaining about some food missin’, but other than that and the girl—”

  “Addie,” I reminded him. “Her name is Addie.”

  “Other than Addie,” he mocked, “and some beef jerky missing, I thought we were doing okay.”

  I scratched my head. “Damn. Guess not.”

  When I looked back up I could see Ben standing just outside the door, talking quietly on his phone. His face had a serious look on it and he had his glasses on—whether that was good or not I still couldn’t decide.

  “Ben?” Yuri signaled to him but he waved him away. Yuri and I went back to glaring at each other.

  As soon as he hung up, he came over, but to me it wasn’t soon enough. Already I was bouncing off the walls, wanting answers and feeling anxious. “Boss? I asked. “What’s going on?”

  “It looks like we might have a stowaway.”

  “No kidding.” Yuri laughed.

  “An additio
nal one.”

  I shook my head. “Do we know who?”

  “No,” Ben said. “Unfortunately not. With us coming up so close to port however, we have another matter to discuss.”

  I looked back and forth between the two of them. Addie wasn’t back yet, but I didn’t have to ask to know what they were talking about.

  “I’m just saying,” Ben sighed. “If dumping her overboard ain’t an option—”

  “It ain’t.”

  He held out his hands defensively. “We—you need to think about other options.”

  When I didn’t say anything, Yuri gave it a try.

  “You want her, right? So just keep her. You don’t hurt her and we get her silence, it’s a win-win for everybody. Not only that, but somebody who looks the way she does is just as good as a knocker—”

  I sprang on him before I could stop myself, head down and fists aiming for his stomach. He was fast though, and I only got one or two in before Ben wedged himself between us, arms stretched out as wide as they would go. In the tussle he had lost his glasses and seeing them on the floor softened me up enough to calm down.

  “Knock it off!” he whispered. “Right this moment! We have far too much to do to deal with this right now.”

  We looked at each other and nodded in tune. Truth was, I would happily hit him a few more times, but Addie could have turned back up at any second and I didn’t want her to see me like that.

  “Yuri, you come with me; Charlie, you stay here and continue to play host. Let’s have everyone keep their mouths shut about this stowaway situation. But if you don’t hear from me by the end of the day then…well, let’s not think about that scenario.”

  “You need to get your head straight, you hear me?” Yuri called after me. Ben just shoved him further out the door.

  I let myself sink in the chair closest to me. I wasn’t stupid enough to forget that we were only two days away from Singapore, maybe three if the weather got real bad. Almost not even aware of it, I started moving my hands together. It didn’t seem like a lot of time, sure didn’t feel like a lot of time, but I didn’t need to be a genius to know that all kinds of bad stuff could happen.

  “Hi there.” Addie came over and sat in my lap, leaning back so that I had to catch her in my arms. At any given moment little Charlie and I woulda been thrilled, but I could barely smile for her right now.

  “What’s with all of the drama?” She did a southern belle imitation, but I still had a hard time smiling.

  “Nothin’ I can’t handle,” I lied.

  Addie knew it immediately of course, but she didn’t let me get away with it like I was hoping. Jamming my already sore nose between her two fingers, she cut off my air there, and hurt me more than I woulda ever admitted. For a second, I wondered if it was something her old man had taught her from the military.

  “You better get talking, sir.”

  I pulled myself away and flexed the muscles in my face. If she knew she had hurt me, she wasn’t going to apologize for it.

  “You vicious little thing. Remind me not to get on your bad side.”

  Smiling, she pulled me closer by the sleeve of my shirt. “Don’t change the subject. Is everything okay?”

  I sighed and made my way to the crook of her neck. I wanted to tell her everything there was to say, but like every other time in my life, my own needs demanded to be satisfied first. And my newest need right up there with air, food, and water, was having her as close to me as possible.

  It wasn’t tough to imagine what Addie would think when I told her ’bout Ben and Yuri’s suggestion—or worse yet that I’d thought ’bout it for a split second too before I got angry. If I didn’t deserve to kiss her, or be around her, I sure as hell didn’t deserve to be a part of her life, and I wasn’t gonna make that worse by taking away the life that she had, her family and friends, school she liked so much…she deserved way better than me, than everything I’d put her through. And if I had to feel some pain to make this a litter easier for her, then that was definitely okay.

  She shivered against me while I kissed her collarbone, the line of her neck and just behind her ear. This mighta been some small thing to her, but I knew from that second on, that I could never kiss another girl without thinking of Addie Battes.

  “I like this spot,” I whispered in her ear. “I think it might be my favorite.”

  Her legs shook against mine and she pulled at my waist. If we were anywhere else at any other time I woulda done things to her that woulda put me on an entirely different level of bad, but her safety was like an old nun or a cold shower.

  “You don’t play fair.” She giggled, but I couldn’t laugh with her.

  Chapter 13

  I’d asked her to come out and do container work with me even though it wasn’t really my job. It seemed like something we could both do though, and I knew if I didn’t distract myself with something right quick I would so something I’d end up regretting.

  I scraped rust off of everything and anything I could find, handing a couple of holders to Addie to stain once I was done with ’em. Other than that second when my hands had to find hers though, I stayed as far away as I could. As much as I hated to admit it, Yuri and Ben had been right ’bout one thing: I hadn’t been thinking ’bout the future, what would happen when we made port. And now that we were getting closer and closer, it was obvious that I kinda needed to.

  I had meant what I said ’bout the embassy in Singapore. Of course I had planned on leaving her tied up in the bathroom of some tourist place off the port…but now it seemed like even with all their cameras and cops in tow I’d walk her straight to the embassy gate just to get a few extra minutes with her. I moved the hair from my eyes. The waves were closing in on the hull now, and I knew a storm was coming real soon.

  Now that Addie was a part of my life, I was having a hard time not picturing her in it. Maybe then, that was supposed to be my big punishment. Instead of going to the hell that Addie didn’t believe in, I’d just have to think about her for every second of my life, wonder about her, where she was and who was with her…

  “It’ll storm later.”

  I’d given in to talking to her, but at least I hadn’t looked at her yet. I kept lookin’ at the waves, hoping that if I got real lucky I’d get hit in the head with some common sense.

  “That should be fun,” she said “I like the rain.”

  The sound a forklift backing up echoed in my ears. “Depends on the kind of storm. Could put us ’hind schedule if it’s real bad.”

  “Yeah, Polo mentioned the ship would arrive on time…”

  I picked up the hammer and bolt and started a new project, ignoring what I thought was just a little bit of sad in her voice.

  “You’ll be home before ya know it.”

  “That’s really…good.”

  I couldn’t ignore it that time though, and I flinched at the way her voice broke up. If she was crying I didn’t wanna know about it. I turned back to the bolt, sticking out crooked from an already broken piece of window panel.

  That wasn’t true though and damn it all, I knew it. I wanted to explain it to her, how things had to be between us even if I wanted different. The two of us cuddling up anymore than we already had was only gonna hurt us both later on. “Addie, I wish that things could be different. But when ya get off this ship there’s gonna be a lot going on, people are going to be asking you all kinds of questions—”

  “You don’t have to say it,” she said. “I know I’ll have to say something, but if I start practicing now maybe I can get myself to cry on cue and at the very least—”

  “No, Addie.” I grabbed her so hard that she lost her paint brush. For an instant, there was a flash of the fear there that I’d seen when I’d first grabbed her. As much as I hated it though, the whole of it was powerful enough to make a light bulb go off. And just like that, I knew what I had to do.

  “No! I don’t want you to lie for me. The guys, they—” Just imagining her bruising under my
fingers made me let her go. After everything I’d ever done maybe I wasn’t gonna have the stomach for this. “—they want me to get ya to lie or stay with us long-term.”

  Her eyes didn’t get as big as I thought they would, but she did turn pale. “I couldn’t do that, Charlie. The staying part, anyway…”

  I clenched my fists at my sides. “It wouldn’t be an option.”

  She launched herself into me like a firework and I didn’t know if I was gonna be able to stop her.

  “You wouldn’t do that, Charlie. I know you, and I know you wouldn’t.”

  “Addie, ya ain’t listenin’. There are a lotta things ya don’t know. I’ve done awful things…” I squeezed her tight, scared that if I let her go just then, that the whole wide world would fall beneath our feet.

  “You keep saying that, Charlie. And maybe you have done some things in your past, but you’ve been good to me and I know you that way. It doesn’t have to be anything different.”

  I grabbed her by the shoulders again and shook her. A part of me was reeling that she cared enough about me to lie to herself like that, but any decency in me was horrified that I had messed her up so bad without even trying. If I was gonna do this, it had to be now or never.

  “You’re wrong, Addie! Damn it, you don’t get it! You wanna know what kind of guy I am? You wanna see what I can do to ya? I’ll show ya!”

  Letting go of her shoulders, I took her wrist instead, gripping more than hard enough to feel those bones beneath. I’d spent a couple hours in the last week sketching those wrists, and now here I was probably bruising ’em up. The thought made my stomach upturn, but I kept walking.

  I walked her through dark hallways and past curious crew members trying to channel The Red that I’d seen a million times before but couldn’t seem to find now if my life depended on it. I muttered to myself over and over so that I wouldn’t have to hear her if she asked me to stop. I’d walked the beat a bunch of times, but now it felt like it took forever.

  When we got to the hold, I had to almost drag her through the metal-barreled doors. Even though I was doing my best to make her feel scared, she was still obviously amazed by the containers and how the ship’s innards were designed to hold ’em. A memory surfaced in my head not too far from there: Ben straight out of Riverbend and trying to show me around a freighter in Florida. I was just as interested in it at the time as she was now. Only difference was that I wasn’t gonna be able to answer any of her questions.