Outlaw

by Amanda Lance

Maybe Ben was mad, but I knew he wasn’t gonna do nothing about it but look confused. “Are you quite positive you’ve never played before?”

  She smiled. “Yep.”

  Reid bent down and started picking up the cards. “Charlie Boy just knows how to pick ’em.”

  We played eight or nine games—’bout the same as usual. And while she didn’t win anymore, the feel of that first victory put a feeling on all of us that wouldn’t fade as the night went on. Reid was crabby as hell, but the rest of us had a good time. More and more she laughed without hesitating and every time it made me feel like I was floating. After awhile, she was even arguing with the best of ’em.

  “You really think that The Stranger was Welles’ best movie?”

  One of Yuri’s black and whites for sure. I shook my head and stayed a bystander.

  “Excuse me, but that is exactly what I’m saying! You really don’t think Citizen Kane is the greatest film of all time, do you? Let alone his best work?” Though she was smiling, she leaned across the table and flicked one of the instruction cards at him. I pulled her to me by the shoulders, trying not to laugh when she leaned back against me.

  “Careful Yuri, I can’t hold her back much longer.”

  Chapter 12

  We wandered away from the table ’round midnight—me a couple grand in the hole if we were playing for real and not caring a lick. Reid was running his mouth off to Yuri before they went their own ways, and seeing the way he was smirking at us, I was glad I couldn’t hear what he was saying. For once though, Ben seemed to have a hard time keeping his mouth shut.

  “Don’t you kids get lost now.”

  I knew he was talking about some dumb girl I’d pulled a retro ‘run outta gas routine’ when I was a kid, but I guess I shoulda just been glad they didn’t say more than that. Meanwhile, Addie was bright-eyed and happy, unaware it seemed that they were making fun of us.

  “It’s too nice to be inside, too early,” she said in a sing-song voice. “Let’s go do something.” She laced-up her arm with mine and my heart skipped like it was jumping rope. I had a smoke between my lips and was using my spare hand to pat myself down for a lighter when she started trying to bat it away like a cat. Because I was smiling so hard she almost got it, too, but I beared down and pretended like I was mad.

  “Like what?” I mumbled. “There ain’t exactly a drive-in ’round here.”

  Addie giggled, pulling me by my elbow up the stairwell to Deck B. “Ha, ha, very funny. Come on!”

  I put the smoke away. Somehow, I didn’t need it anymore. “You’re outta control.”

  Her face was a mess again, all covered up by her messy hair. I could still see those eyes of hers though, and it made me feel alive.

  “I know. Isn’t it fantastic?”

  Yeah, it really was.

  It was dark outside except for some flood lights and reflectors off the ends of guys’ boots. There were a lot of people working, but I wasn’t too worried ’bout that with Mac and Rodney nearby and Yuri just below. As usual, she was watching everyone and everything around us and it reminded me of how people in movies look at paintings in a museum. Quiet and slow, she moved around and looked while the pipe fitters did measurements and welders were fixing shackles. For a second, I felt like watching her was like being in a museum.

  Something seemed to bother her though and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Her face wrinkled up and she bit her lip, folding her hands in front of herself. I took my eyes off her and looked around. Was she still worried about being a stowaway? Or ’cause nobody seemed to notice her? I almost laughed; it was probably the first and only time that would happen.

  “It’s a good thing,” I said. “Trust me.”

  “I do.”

  From the way she smiled, I knew she wasn’t being sarcastic, but it didn’t make me feel as good as it should’ve. A few years earlier I mighta broken that trust, and knowing that made me realize I didn’t deserve it at all.

  My face musta gave me away ’cause right away she tried to change the subject. “What is this called?”

  She was pointin’ out the keel, the most basic part of the ship. I smacked myself in the head. “You ain’t never been boating, have you?”

  “Only in books.”

  I draped her hands over mine and turned her around while she giggled. Before she knew what was what, I had my arms around her stomach and my head on her chin. Like before, I felt real comfortable there and it occurred to me that we were the perfect height to stand next to each other—one head on top of the other.

  “This is the keel. The—”

  She cut me off by running her fingers over mine, making me shiver though I wasn’t cold. And so that I didn’t end up stuttering all over my words, I closed my eyes, cleared my throat, and tried again.

  “The body of the ship is the hull. The keel is designed ’round it.”

  For the second time that night Addie rested back and leaned against me, letting her head lean against me. When she did my heart went off like a hummingbird again and I was almost positive she could feel it.

  “What about the port and bow and all of that good stuff?”

  “Ah—um—port is facin’ forward centerline; anything to your left is port. And then bow is just the ah—” What was the bow again? Who was I? Where was I?

  “…front of the ship.”

  Sighing, I closed my eyes again. She was making me want things I had never given much thought to before and as frazzled as Addie Battes made my body, I felt like she made my head just as clear. Runnin’ around with the guys suddenly didn’t seem to matter so much, the fighting, the money...as far as I was concerned; it could all rot as long as she stayed there with me.

  “Addie?”

  “Yes?”

  “W—would you be real mad at me if I tried to kiss you right now?”

  She untangled my fingers from her hair and looked up at me. Just when I thought for sure she would pull me away, she smiled.

  “I would be madder if you didn’t.”

  With one hand in her hair and the other on her hip, I pulled her close before she could change her mind, not sure that I heard her right until I felt her kissing me back, her slim arms around my neck and her chest up against mine.

  I wanted more of her but needin’ air got the better of us. We broke away at the same time though and I couldn’t stop smiling. She tasted exactly like I had imagined.

  I sighed in her ear, the whole world was spinning. “Oh, what ’ave you done to me?”

  She clutched my shirt tight but didn’t say anything. For a second I thought she mighta regretted kissing me back, or worse yet, letting me kiss her in the first place, but then she started to laugh and I knew I was in the clear.

  “What’s so funny?”

  Finally, she let go of me. It was a damn shame too, ’cause I had just gotten my breath back and was aiming for those lips again.

  “Here I was only coming out here hoping to see some constellations.”

  I kicked at the deck. “I ain’t seen nothin’ but stars since you got here.” I’d never been more grateful then for all those stupid romances Elise had on the TV sometimes, ’cause even though I knew it was a real cheesy thing to say, her smile made it worth it.

  Still smiling, her finger went over each of the stars in the sky trailing them like connect the dots. I mighta tried to join her, but I was way more interested in the soft skin on the inside of her forearm.

  “Is that one somethin’?”

  She laughed and pushed my arm away. “It’s hard to tell. We don’t exactly have stars like this in New Jersey.”

  I didn’t even think ’bout it, I pulled her back to me. “Tell me ’bout it. I hardly saw nothing like this before I came out here, either.”

  I could only see her over the top of my head, but I knew she had the ‘question look’ going on there and instinctually I braced myself for it.

  “Hey, Charlie?”

  I put my face in the crook of her neck. Maybe if
I stayed there long enough, I could avoid all the bad things.

  “How did you get here? How did you end up becoming a thief?”

  Straight away I let her go and backed up. Why did she have to go and ask me that? Remind me of what a lowlife I was when I was feeling so good? I knew I was a bad person; I’d never much aspired to be nothing else. But with enough questions and spare time, the worst of it would come out. And the truth was I didn’t have much of an excuse for doing what I did, it was just something I liked—probably the only real skill I had.

  “I’m sorry if—”

  “That was a long while ’go. It don’t matter now.” I sounded more mean than I meant to and I cursed at myself.

  Nervous and reckless, she ran her fingers through my hair and all was forgiven.

  “Doesn’t a girl have the right to ask a question every now and then? Maybe I’ll be a journalist when I grow up.”

  He leaned into her arms and smiled. “You are a serious pain, Addie Battes.”

  Addie leaned forward too so that her lips just brushed up against my ear. I got weak in the knees for a good second before I made myself get together. “Takes one to know one!”

  We laughed together, her snorting more than me. And just to make her laugh some more I went to ring out my ear like I’d been swimming underwater.

  “I’m real glad you think that was funny.” Of all the times I’ve been mad in real life, for the life of me I couldn’t fake it just then and there. After a minute I gave in, pulling her to me and laughing along with her.

  “What I think is funny is how I smell like something out of a cigar club. I feel like I’m in desperate need of a shower.”

  And just like that my good mood got deflated. “You ain’t going alone.”

  “I can handle myself.”

  “While I bought some safety, I ’bout trust a sailor on this ship as much as I trust myself.”

  She crossed her arms over herself and sighed. “I consider that an endorsement, Charlie Hays.”

  “I don’t.” I frowned. I wasn’t ’bout to joke when it came to keeping her safe.

  Laughing like she did when she was anxious, Addie looked away from me. “Well, you’re not coming in there with me.”

  Just like I’d seen Boy Scouts do, I stood up all straight and tall and held out my hand. “I’ll be my usual gentlemanly self. I swear.”

  She leaned against her hip and looked at me like she was trying to figure something else. I was hoping at that point she knew I’d never do anything that would make her feel bad—at least on purpose. Even if she had been sweet enough to let me kiss her and hold her some, I sure as hell knew better than to join her in the shower.

  Addie put her hand in mine. “I would expect nothing less.”

  It was quiet for a good long while, one of those silences where nothin’ needs to be said ’cause the people in it are comfortable around each other. I wanted to keep it longer, and remembering her love of learning, I had to speak up.

  “See the foam at the end of the waves?” I lined up our index fingers and pointed them out at the water. “Feel how warm the air just got? It’ll storm tomorrow for sure. Probably for days…”

  ***

  She was an all new model wearing the clothes I lent her, the blue gym shorts bringing out what was left of her bruises and my shirt making her look even smaller. I sketched her like there was no time left in the world but she kept moving around, trying to cover her flushed face with her wet hair and criss-crossing her legs to get comfortable. When all of a sudden she yawned, I got up and sat next to her.

  “I should let you sleep.”

  “No!”

  She pulled me by the arm before I could even think ’bout leaving. Of course, I had wanted her to ask me to stay, but sounding so worried wasn’t on the wish-list.

  “Will you stay?”

  Those were the magic words every guy wanted to hear and before I could help it, a big smile erupted on my face.

  She was quick to correct me. “Just until I fall asleep?”

  I kicked off my boots and laid up against the wall of the bed. The fact was that I woulda stayed with her under any circumstances she wanted but I was still gonna tease her if I could.

  “Here you go gettin’ a guy’s hopes up…”

  She hit me as she laid out next to me. Since the bed was so small we had to stay on our sides to keep from touchin’ each other but I was a side-sleeper anyway so it didn’t matter to me. I was wondering what side she was prone to sleeping on when she started to trace the tattoo on my neck—just like the stars outside. And though I shouldn’t have, my mind went to thinkin’ bout other things on me she could trace and how amazing it would feel.

  To keep her from doing it anymore, I grabbed her hand and held it away from me.

  “Th—that probably ain’t such a good idea.”

  I let her go when I saw how pale she got at my words. What if I grabbed her hand too hard and hurt her? What if I ended up doing the one thing I swore I wouldn’t?

  “I’m sorry if I’m being a nuisance.”

  A nuisance? Addie’s voice was soft and her eyes got all watered up with each word. Did she really think I didn’t want her? Hell, I just want it to get to the point where it embarrassed me and I had to go running for a cold shower.

  I propped myself up on my elbow and looked her up and down. What was something I could do that would make her feel better? Maybe something that would mess with her at the same time?

  “Can I tell you something?”

  “I guess?”

  “That blush of yours is ’bout the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  Addie laughed into her half of the pillow. “No! Come on, I was covering it so well!”

  “If you say so.” I laughed.

  Until my stomach hurt we laugh together, and then I brought her face to mine. I wanted to make sure that she was paying extra close attention when I told her this, wanted her to remember this for the rest of her life. “You gotta be the greatest thing I ever stole.”

  Our lips met up at the same time then, so if you asked me who kissed who I couldn’t really say. All I knew was that I lost my breath again pretty quick and lost myself in the taste of her, the softness of her lips, the feel of her tongue…

  I didn’t want to quit, didn’t think I could quit, “little Charlie” didn’t want me to quit, but the little bit of blood that was going to my brain chanted at me that this was gonna get outta hand real quick. And as much as I wanted it to, I knew in my heart of hearts I’d feel real bad about it if it did.

  So I pushed her away.

  “Stop.”

  I opened my eyes and hers were still shut, her hands shaking and wrapped around me. “W—why?”

  “’Cause I’m a real bad man, but I can’t do that, Addie.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I smiled at the wrinkles in her forehead and ran my thumb up and down them until they smoothed out. She opened her eyes and loosened her grip on me. “I’ve done a lot of bad things in my day. But if we do this…if I took that away from you, I’d roast in hell for sure. You’re too good to be here with me, Addie. You gotta get yourself somethin’ a lot better than me—”

  She put her finger over my lips and I was quiet. “Being here with you has been the greatest moment of my life. There is nothing better than this.”

  I pulled her as close as I could without getting aroused again and whispered into her ear. “I wish I could keep you.”

  ***

  I woke up a couple hours later, my arms fastened tight around her, our legs tangled up around each other like a couple of silly straws. I smiled at her little snore, liking how her stomach felt when she breathed deep against my hand. I needed to stretch real badly, but I didn’t want to risk waking her up, so just dealt with that strain in my neck and the cramp in my leg. If she was comfortable enough to sleep so sound, it wasn’t a big deal.

  In the meantime, I buried my nose in her hair. It smelled different from wh
en I first met her—less like coconut and flowers and more like the ocean and cedar—but it was still amazingly soft. Vaguely, I kinda thought the transition was pretty neat. And it had me wondering how else she would be on any given day, how she would look on New Year’s Eve or how she would dress up on Halloween. I knew she didn’t wear makeup, but what about special times like her birthday? I buried myself deeper. For some reason I kinda hoped not—I hoped she stayed natural all the time.

  I spent a good ten minutes unraveling myself from her, stopping every time she shifted or there was even the slightest sign like she might wake up. Even then, I stayed in the cabin though, taking the time to stretch and listen to the shift change outside. Guys outside were making all kinds of racket: slamming doors, yelling back and forth to each other, but she slept through it all and I was glad.

  Once things settled down out there I opened the door and poked my head outside. The traffic had died down and I had been starvin’ as it was. I was half tempted to wake her up to come with me, but I rethought it. If she was tired ’nough to sleep through all that racket, then she musta needed to sleep. I was also feeling pretty confident that none of the guys had tried to play peeping-Tom or nothing like that while she thought that she was still alone.

  I showered long enough so that my muscles relaxed and the salt came outta my skin. If there had been time I woulda had a damn haircut too, but that was way outta my league for now. So I had to settle for shaving and not cuttin’ myself up. The bruise ’round my nose looked okay enough, though how Addie could stand to kiss me was still beyond me.

  My stomach yelled at me the whole way to the galley and got even louder when I couldn’t smell no food. When I breezed through the saloon-doors, Polo was already making a mess behind the stove though, so I knew it wasn’t a good sign.

  “What in the hell are you doing?”

  “I think you mean ‘not doing.’” Yuri didn’t even look up from his phone.

  I chuckled to myself while he slipped on a piece of plastic and stumbled to get back up. “I gotta make coffee,” he chanted. “Gotta make coffee. Everybody likes coffee.”