Suppressed

by Kira Saito

  “Ha ha ha ha.” Ghede Linto let out a small laugh before taking his bottle back and returning to his depressed state. He slurped from the bottle and slumped his tiny frame against a cypress tree. “Why does it all have to be so hard, Arelia?” he asked rather philosophically. “I see other members of the Ghede family having fun, drinking rum, smoking cigars, and toying with you humans, but for some reason I don’t share any of their joy. I don’t know how to have fun. I’ve never had any fun.”

  I got down on my knees and I looked deep into his wide grief stricken hazel eyes. “What happened to you?” I asked. “How did you die?”

  He lowered his thick lashes and peered into his rum bottle. His little chest heaved as if it carried the problems of the world within it. “I wasn’t loved,” he said. “They didn’t love me. I don’t know why. They just never did.”

  “Your parents?” I ventured a guess.

  He nodded. “I was the youngest child. I wasn’t born into a poor family. My family was quite wealthy actually. We had a big house with slaves, cooks, horses, and everything money could buy. My real Maman died while giving birth to me. From the day I was born, Papa couldn’t bear to look at me. He quickly re-married hoping that he would forget Maman, but he never did. He was angry all of the time and his new wife started to resent him. Papa, he was… He was…” His lips trembled.

  “Did he take his anger out on you?”

  He nodded. “He beat me, Arelia. And one day…”

  I forced back the huge lump at the back of my throat. “He beat you to death…”

  “Oui.” His fragile frame shook and he started to sob uncontrollably.

  I took the bottle out of his hand and threw it into the murky swamp. I forced back my tears and put on a brave face. I lifted his delicate chin from its dejected position and forced his sad eyes to meet mine. “I never knew my parents in this life. They abandoned me because- because only Dieu knows why. In my previous life, my Maman rejected me because of her own ego. Like you, I spent so many years asking myself, why? Why? Why? I’ve been through a lot, I’ve seen a lot just like you have. I’d be lying if I said that one day the pain will completely go away because it won’t. Being rejected by your own parents is the worst kind of pain one can experience. It wounds your very soul. But that doesn’t matter.”

  “It doesn’t?” he asked skeptically.

  “No.” I grabbed his thin hand and forced him to stand up straight. “Do you know why?” I asked, as I twirled him around and around. “Because.” I started to sing at the top of my lungs without caring about the fact that I was a horrid singer.

  You're a builder, baby;

  Here I am, a stone.

  Don't you pick and refuse me,

  'Cause the things people refuse

  Are the things they should choose.

  Do you 'ear me? Hear what I say!

  Stone dat them builder refuse

  Will always be the head cornerstone-a;

  The stone that dem builder refuse

  Will always be the head cornerstone

  “What does that mean?” he asked, as I continued to force him to dance. He tried to hide the smile that was slowly forming on his lips.

  “When I was a little girl, my grand-mere used to sing me that song. It was written by the legendary Mr. Marley. You see, he was rejected by his Papa’s side of the family because they didn’t think he was good enough. They judged him by the color of his skin. Instead of getting mad, he got even. He wrote that song as an affirmation for himself and souls like us. You see, we’re the stones that the builders refused, but that’s only because we’re meant for some greater purpose just like Mr. Marley was.”

  “What did this Mr. Marley do?” Ghede Linto asked with child-like wonder with his eyes wide and expectant.

  “Hey, I thought spirits saw everything and knew everything,” I teased.

  “I’m not very good at being a spirit,” he admitted.

  “Well, he gave people hope and taught them that even when everything seems dark and pointless, we should never stop loving ourselves and each other.” I studied him for a few seconds before adding. “What you do is so important, Ghede Linto. Without you all those poor little children would be completely lost. But under your protection they’re safe, safer than they ever were in life. You’re so much more than you give yourself credit for.”

  Ghede Linto’s eyes started to water again, but instead of bursting into tears he tossed his head back and let out a carefree laugh. He started to sing:

  The stone that the builder refuse

  Will always be the head cornerstone-a; sing it brother

  The stone that the builder refuse

  Will always be the head cornerstone.

  “That’s right, sing it brother!” I joined in on the singing.

  Stone dat them builder refuse

  Will always be the head cornerstone-a;

  The stone that dem builder refuse

  Will always be the head cornerstone

  We danced, sang and laughed and all of my problems seemed so insignificant that was until I heard Sabrina’s desperate voice.

  “Arelia. Seriously. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

  The effects of the Piman rum quickly wore off and I was forced back to reality. “Did you hear that?” I asked Ghede Linto. He pretended he didn’t hear me and kept on singing and dancing. His twig like arms swayed back and forth making it seem as if they were extensions of the branches that surrounded us.

  As much as it killed me to interrupt him, there was work to be done. I shook his bony frame until he finally stopped dancing.

  When he stopped dancing, his face darkened and his expression became sullen and gloomy.

  “Yes. I heard her. Please forgive me, Arelia,” he whispered, as he took my hand. His fingers were hard and cold as they entwined with mine and his sunken face made his round eyes appear larger than they were. His actions were those of a stiff puppet as if every move burdened him to no end.

  “Why?” I whispered. “What’s going to happen to me?” I heard a fearful tremble in my voice which made me feel vulnerable and unsure of myself. All that I had been through seemed insignificant and meaningless. Funny how a mere second could wipe away all of the confidence I had built up for myself.

  “I’m so sorry. I have no choice.” His grip became icier and more forceful. “Please, don’t hate me, Arelia. Please, I need a friend. I have no choice. I have no choice. They’re making me do this. I have no choice. If you want to see your friend you have to come with me. That’s what they told me. They told me to bring you to them.”

  He pulled me further and further into the swamp. With every step I took I felt like a sacrificial lamb going to the slaughterhouse. As I descended further into darkness the swamp began to reek of death and decay. The once soft rustle of the animals became louder until they cried out in a bitter lament. “It’s okay,” I assured him. “Whatever you have to do, I won’t hold it against you. I’m going to find a way to help you no matter what. Thank you for taking me to my friend”

  “Don’t make me cry, Arelia. Don’t make me cry.” His tiny face was smooth and translucent as ice as he stared straight ahead. He blinked rapidly as if he were fighting the urge to break down. “They’re only doing this because you’re the head cornerstone. You’ve always been the head cornerstone but you’ve never believed it,” he said bravely.

  Despite the knots of dread that danced in my stomach I smiled. “Now, don’t you make me cry. Don’t you make me cry…”

  Chapter Six

  Oh Dieu

  Somewhere on the Other side

  Present Day

  In the distance, the pointed metal silhouette of the cemetery gate greeted us. The musky scent of chrysanthemums mixed with the graveyard dirt that danced in the night air, while the spicy rum and cigar smoke seeped through the gate cracks and encompassed us in a thick cocoon like embrace. Purple and gold light streamed through the gate and highlighted the earth beneath my feet.
The unmistakable rhythm of the Banda became louder as we got closer to the gate, making my heart race faster and faster until it became one with the beat.

  "Ooomph, AH. Oomph. Oomph. AH!" Voices from beyond the gate shouted in ecstasy as they undoubtedly gyrated to the beat of the drums. My palms became sweatier and my mouth drier as I suddenly realized that I didn’t have a single thing to offer Papa Ghede and the rest of the Ghede family. My anxiety evaporated when I heard Sabrina’s excited voice.

  “Finally!” Her voice drifted from under the gate. “You’re here! I don’t know how much longer I can stand this music and the gyrating. Oh Dieu, the gyrating! Make it stop! What’s up with this music? And the skeletons… really? As much as I loved The Nightmare Before Christmas, this is just too much!”

  “Sabrina!” I let go of little Ghede Linto’s hand and rushed towards the gate. “I’m here!” Relief washed over me.

  “Arelia! Oh, thank Dieu.”

  Remembering that being respectful was mandatory and not an option, I turned to Ghede Linto. “I don’t have anything to offer you or the rest of the Ghedes. Not one bottle of rum. Not a single guinea pepper or shiny coin.” I rattled off a list of things that I could have brought as a potential offering, because going empty handed into a cemetery was an amateur mistake and one that could hold terrible consequences. By now, even I was smart enough to avoid such a fate.

  He shook his head and took off his top hat. He stood on his toes and placed the hat on my head. His thin little lips gave me a quick peck on the cheek before quivering uncontrollably. “Papa Ghede isn’t in tonight. Oh, I know how you adore him. But he’s not here, not on a night like this. Never, on a night like this. Oh no, you’re here to meet… He doesn’t care about your offerings. Oh no…” He shivered. “I’ve already said too much. I’ve said too much.” He let out a little drunken hiccup and stared at his scrawny toes.

  “Linto! Linto!” A shrill voice from beyond the gate hollered. “Where have you been? I sent you out for one little simple task and you take forever! Useless in life and useless in death as well!” The gate swung wide open and puffs of spicy black smoke surrounded us.

  Ghede Linto’s minuscule form began to quiver uncontrollably and my heart broke for him.

  “Don’t listen to her,” I said, as I wiped away the tears that dripped down Linto’s cheeks. “Don’t listen to her. Whatever’s going to happen will pass and someday, somehow I’m going to find a way to help you.”

  “I’m so sorry, Arelia. I have no choice,” he said. He sang his tragic lament once again:

  I didn't come here to be anyone's servant

  Digging the hole; it's me. Burying; it's me (bis)

  I didn't come here to be anyone's servant.

  “Linto! Stop your whining and bring her in here right this instance! You worthless piece of garbage! Garbage as a human and garbage as a spirit!” The voice was furious as it spewed out insult after insult.

  Even though I had vowed to be a kinder, gentler version of myself, this spirit was really pissing me off. It was then and there I decided that being a proper lady was vastly overrated and I thanked my lucky stars that I was now Arelia rather than Cecile. Enough was enough.

  I marched into the dark cemetery and shouted into the smoke, forcing myself to be heard over the drumming, laughing, and Banda beat. “Who do you think you are? I don’t care if you’re some all-powerful spirit! You have no right to speak to him like that. Do you hear me?”

  My anger was met with a wicked laugh. The drumming grew louder and the smoke thicker. Thin, needle like claws tugged on my ratty clothes, but I refused to be shaken. I stood my ground for the sake of Little Ghede Linto and everyone like him who had been beaten and bruised by downpressors.

  I pushed away the skeletal fingers that were harassing me, resisting the temptation to snap some of them while doing so. “You’re such a coward!” I shouted. “Why can’t you show yourself? You have no problem picking on poor spirits with low self-esteem and sending them out to do your dirty work. If you’re so brave and scary, why the hell are you hiding?”

  “Arelia, no, please, don’t make him mad. He’s scary when he’s angry.” Ghede Linto numbly whispered into my ear.

  “Linto! Linto! Get back to grave digging!” A raggedly old shovel with a rusty end, manifested in front of Ghede Linto’s feet. “You’ve been gone for way too long. Trying to escape, are you? You can’t escape death and you can’t escape your worthless fate.”

  Linto’s shoulders hunched and he let out a low, defeated sigh as he picked up the shovel and disappeared into the darkness of the expansive cemetery.

  “No,” I whispered after him.

  “And you!” The voice turned its attention to me. “I’ve been expecting you.”

  “Then, why don’t you show yourself, already?” I dared, as I stood up tall and made sure my back was straight. I was beginning to realize the power of good posture. It gave me confidence and made me appear stronger than I actually was.

  The voice let out another wicked laugh and the Banda beat came to an abrupt end, which prompted my skeletal friends to come to a standstill. The smoke lifted and cold hard reality set in. It was as if someone had abruptly killed the music and turned on the lights at some swanky nightclub.

  “What the hell…” I said, as I took in the sight which was eerily lit by the bright moon and purple stars. The sight of the sunken, white tombs as they glowed mystically under the pale moonlight wasn’t shocking to me anymore. No, that wasn’t it. Nor did the sight of hundreds of skeletons elegantly dressed in the customary purple and black Ghede tuxedoes shake my confidence. Instead, I saw a sight so disturbing, so utterly terrifying, that I knew that something in the universe was terribly off course.

  Little Ghede Linto was furiously digging a grave beside two female figures. “Sabrina?” I asked, as I took in the sight of my best friend in the distance.

  “Mon Dieu! Heaven forfend! I can’t believe you have to see me like this. I know I look horrible!” Her wide blue eyes were completely devoid of mascara or eyeliner and her thin pink lips were dry and parched as if she had spent too much time in the sun without a drop of water. Even in the darkness I could see several angry red spots sprinkled across her forehead and on the bridge of her nose.

  “Don’t stare!” she screamed. “Don’t you dare stare. There isn’t exactly any concealer around here or blow dryers for that matter.”

  I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn’t seeing things that weren’t really there. My best friend who never had to work a day in her life was hunched over and furiously digging a grave as if she were controlled by an invisible force. Her curvy figure was adorned in a black and a purple silk gown that was cinched at the waist and fell to her toes. Its bodice was trimmed with exquisite Parisian lace and tiny jade cameos. It was a typical outfit customary of the Ghede family, which panicked me. Was she dead?

  “Where the hell have you been?!” she demanded.

  “I…” I remembered my deal with Ti Jean and quickly shut my mouth. “I have no idea. I don’t remember… I just don’t remember.” I held my breath, hoping that she wouldn’t pick up on my lie.

  “Bullshit,” she eyed me suspiciously. “It doesn’t matter. Just get me out of here! Please,” she added for good measure. “And don’t stare!”

  “How am I supposed to help you if I can’t even look at you?”

  “Arelia!”

  I averted my eyes and focused my attention on a nearby skeleton that was still gyrating, even though the music had long stopped. Knowing Sabrina, I knew I had to distract her from her panicked state. “You look amazing, Sabrina,” I said as convincingly as I could manage. “The whole natural look works for you so well. And that dress is so not ugly. It’s vintage straight from Paris.”

  “Shut-up! Just shut-up and get me out of here!” she hollered ignoring my compliments altogether.

  “I can’t exactly move,” I said through clenched teeth. My eyes focused on the space behind her where skeletons meand
ered. Their ivory white color starkly contrasted with the darkness that surrounded them, making them seem all the more eerie and luminescent.

  “Ewww… Get the hell away from me!” Sabrina gasped, as she transformed her shovel into a dangerous weapon. She started smacking the skeletons wildly, missing every one of their heads by several feet. Oblivious to the speed of the skeletons, she continued to thrash the air around her so furiously, that her bright blonde hair resembled a demented lion’s mane.

  “Sabrina, clam down. I’m here. I won’t leave without you,” I said, regretting it right away. Calm down were the worst words, one could say to another while in a state of crisis.

  “Calm down! I can’t believe you just said that! Calm down! What kind of crappy advice is calm down? I expected more from you, Arelia. You always know what to do, so when you say calm down, that means you have no clue. Oh dear, I deserve this, don’t I? ” Without warning, her body stopped raging and she bent forward like a broken Voodoo doll that had gotten several pins stuck in its back. “Oh, it’s useless.” The tears that she had tried so hard to fight started to run down her blotchy cheeks as she resumed her digging duties. “The worst part of this whole thing is that I can’t stop singing this stupid song:

  I didn't come here to be anyone's servant

  Digging the hole; it's me. Burying; it's me (bis)

  I didn't come here to be anyone's servant.”

  “Sabrina…”

  “You go,” she interrupted me. “Get out of this hellhole and find Lucus. Tell him that you love him and marry him. You’ll have the cutest kids. One little girl and a baby boy,” she said through hysterical hiccups. “You can name the boy whatever you want, but name the girl Sabrina. Tell her all about me. Tell her about her aunt, her grave-digging aunt.” Her sobs got louder and her tears flowed faster. “From gold-digger to grave-digger… how far I’ve fallen. Everything I have is yours, the clothes, the shoes, and the makeup. Take it all. I love you, Arelia. You and Grand-mere Bea are the only people I’ve ever loved.”