The Boyfriend List

by Novelle, R. S.

  Pulling her up, again his eyes lingered over her face, falling longingly to her mouth.

  “Hungry?”

  She wasn’t sure what version of hungry he meant, but she realized her answer would’ve been honest either way. “Always.” She breathed the word, a little dazed from the intensity of his stare, a little confused by her own reaction.

  “Come on. I’ll make you something.” And with that he released his grip and broke his gaze, walking out into the hallway toward the kitchen. As they entered the room, his phone began to ring.

  “Cara! Hey Gorgeous. How’ve you been?”

  Gorgeous, huh? His voice sounded awfully cheerful as he greeted the caller, so naturally Reagan’s ears perked up and her eyes narrowed as she tried to listen in to the conversation without seeming too intrigued. But all she could hear was the muffled sounds of a young, candy-coated voice. From Ian’s side of the conversation, however, it seemed as though this Cara wanted to get together with Ian. Her Ian. Feeling suddenly very territorial, though she knew she didn’t have the right to be, Reagan silently demanded to know who, where, when and why - the details of which were sketchy thanks to Ian’s sudden burst of laughter.

  “You’re kidding! That’s great. Yeah, yeah, of course we’ll get together. Saturday?” He paused as if flipping through his itinerary in his mind. “No, Saturday I have plans.”

  Reagan smirked, and felt evil doing so, but she didn’t care. Whoever this girl was to him, Reagan was more important, and she’d just won a slight personal victory.

  “I might be able to get out of them though.”

  So much for that theory, she thought to herself as she felt her smile fading into a defeated frown. Reagan’s stomach twisted into a giant knot as an all too familiar feeling opened up inside of her, one she didn’t want to experience again. She’d let her heart get too attached, without any encouragement from the other party, and she was about to feel the sting of disappointment as once again someone she cared so dearly for was about to choose someone else over her.

  “I’ll pick you up early, say six? Yeah? Perfect. See you then.”

  As Ian ended the conversation, Reagan could feel the poison of resentment flooding her veins. He’d proven her right. He was a pathological flirt who enjoyed having multiple women in his life. Anger quickly followed, and though the rational Reagan knew she had no right to be mad, that she had no claim over his time, she wasn’t exactly in a rational frame of mind at the moment. Hell, she hadn’t been in a rational frame of mind all week! Just who did Ian think he was, making plans with someone else, another girl, while she was standing right there? And he had the audacity to contemplate bailing on Petra’s party, no less, without even talking to her first. The man had some nerve. And to think she’d actually started to believe she was…No, she couldn’t even say it now. The whole idea seemed far too ridiculous.

  Luckily a text from Petra saved her, and she quickly gathered up her bag and headed to the door without even bothering to say goodbye.

  The gesture didn’t go without notice. Ian, looking a little like a lost puppy, quickly called after her. “You leaving?”

  “Yeah.” Reagan’s voice was evidence of her disappointment. With everything. “Petra just got home.”

  “Oh.” He seemed to accept the answer, but could tell something was off. “You okay?”

  “Yeah.” She mumbled. “Fine.”

  “Okay. Well, call me if anything new happens.”

  “New?”

  “With your checklist thing.”

  “Oh. Right.” She paused to think. Truth be told, in the moments since she’d been there with him she’d forgotten all about Brett and the checklists. “You got it.”

  As she began to descend the stairs, Ian approached the door and stood on the threshold. “Hey Reagan.”

  She said nothing, but looked up at him questioningly. She could tell he wasn’t ready to let her go, yet she wondered if there was anything he could say that would make her want to change her mind.

  “The girl on the phone. Cara.”

  “What about her?” A little of the resentment managed to work itself through the fog in her head, and then out through her voice. She didn’t care to catch it, she was tired of playing games.

  “That was my kid cousin. She’s thirteen and just got accepted as an apprentice with the San Francisco Ballet.”

  “Really?” Was it getting hotter out here? No, that would be her skin flushing warm from embarrassment, she decided.

  “Great girl. She’s been working really hard, and the family’s taking her out to celebrate. She asked me to pick her up at the studio since they’re moving and I won’t see her for a while.”

  “Wow. That’s really wonderful for her.” There weren’t enough words in the dictionary to describe her overwhelming mortification. Had she really imagined the girl on the other end was her competition for Ian’s attention? And that, she realized, was the entire problem. She hadn’t been thinking at all. The idea seemed absolutely ludicrous now. “You must be proud.” The smile that emerged was awkward at best.

  “Yeah.” He was beaming, and Reagan suspected he’d gotten exactly the reaction from her that he’d been looking for. “Well, I’ll see you later.”

  “Right. See ya later.” She replied, suddenly more embarrassed than she knew what to do about. Unable to move just yet, still processing what had just happened in her head, she watched Ian turn as though to go back inside. But then it looked like another idea occurred to him, and he came bouncing back out again.

  “Hey.” Though she’d already made her way down to the next floor of the building, he ran down the stairs to meet her. “Hold on. I need to tell you one more thing.”

  Whatever confusion and intrigue she’d felt in those few brief seconds was quickly answered. Because then it happened.

  One look into his eyes as he reached her and there was no denying his intentions this time. He slowed as he drew closer, and gently brushed the damp strands of hair from her face before cupping the back of her neck. The anticipation, built over years friendship and flirting, was finally drawing to a peak. He’d felt it as much as she had, and it was only serving to intensify every moment, every look, every touch between them now.

  A brief smile danced in his eyes just as he tilted his face. Leaning in, their lips touched, barely grazing at first, but enough that every cell along Reagan’s skin was tingling. It was a tease and she knew it, just a taste of what was to come. And oh, how it made her want him that much more! In a smooth motion filled with confidence, he wrapped one arm around her waist and entangled the fingers of the other deep into her hair. Drawing her back, he deepened the kiss and as his tongue met hers, they emptied years of held back passion into each other. Neither was aware of anything outside of the other, so fully possessed by the moment as they were.

  It couldn’t have lasted for more than a few seconds, but it felt as though they’d been frozen in that moment for an eternity. Time had stood still, and in that protected space they’d passed from friends to lovers. Never before had Reagan felt such warmth on someone else’s lips, never had their lips fit so perfectly between hers, or had she felt so peaceful, so protected in the arms of another. When he finally released her, she felt his reluctance straining to hold onto her longer. But that charmingly arrogant smile was splashed across his lips, the one that confirmed he’d known exactly what he was doing the whole time, and that he’d felt just as satisfied as she had. As she stumbled back against the door to her apartment, she felt as though she were slipping through a dream. Everything about the kiss had been perfect. She’d never even realized it could be that way.

  “Okay then.” He stated as he began to climb the stairs again, his feet tripping over each other while he shook the haze from his head. “So that’s settled.”

  Reagan nodded in agreement. It most certainly was! “So I’ll call you later.” Her voice was heavy despite her efforts to remain casual.

  “Sure.”

  “Good.
”

  Reagan watched him disappear into his apartment, then shook her head as she leaned against her door. Had that really happened? Had she just kissed Ian Scott? Touching her lips gently with her fingertips, she decided from the way they still felt it most certainly had happened. A smile spread curiously across her face. “Wow.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Thursday Night

  Reagan wasn’t sure if it was a punishment for all the delicious fun she was supposed to have had while on break, or just a general, inexplicable meanness coming from her professors. But whatever the case, her homework assignment was twice as bad as it usually was. From all of her classes...Case in point: the twelve-page essay assignment her politics professor had handed out. Not her favorite subject by far, to begin with. But she honestly didn’t understand the points she was supposed to be debating, and she wasn’t entirely sure she ever would.

  Normally she worked better under pressure – at least, that’d been her one reassurance when night after night she’d sat down to her computer and drawn a complete blank on the topic. Not a single word came to mind. But now that it was getting down to the last few hours before her deadline, that theory suddenly didn’t hold as much weight. As midnight approached, her eyes were burning, her head was throbbing and her mind was spinning with everything but the schoolwork she was supposed to be focusing on. And though she pressed forward diligently in an attempt to spare her grades, her heart wasn’t in it with its usual vigor. How could it be, with everything else going on in her life?

  Leaning back in her chair and massaging her temples, she breathed deeply and inserted a few minutes of quiet meditation, hoping it would alleviate some of the noise in her head. It didn’t. There were too many thoughts swirling around in there, too many memories flashing vividly in her mind’s eye. Most prominent of all was the kiss she’d shared with Ian. She couldn’t get it out of her head - the tenderness, the warmth, the sheer perfection of the moment.

  But she had to stop, she had to find a way to push it from her mind. Ian was still just her friend. End of story. And until they’d had the talk and decided otherwise, it had just been a random, spontaneous, impulsive sort of moment.

  So if it was so spontaneous and impulsive, she argued with herself, why did her skin seem to melt every time she thought about it? Why were her lips tingling with desire in the exact spot he’d touched her? Why was her gut tied into a knot of curiosity as her body demanded to know more?

  This was crazy, she condemned herself with a huff as she leaned into her computer screen, willing her mind to focus again. They were Just. Friends.

  Friends who had kissed, she circled right back around to again. Friends who had enjoyed kissing each other. At least, she knew that to be true on her side, and from the look on his face when they’d finally pulled away, she was pretty certain it was a safe assumption on his part as well. So what were they now? What little box did she have to try to fit this new level of their relationship into? Were they suddenly becoming friends with benefits? Ugh, the very idea of such a casual agreement made her nauseous. But that, she was forced to admit, was exactly what she’d be faced with if she didn’t put the breaks on this, and fast! God, what was wrong with her, how had she let it get to this point?

  No really, what was wrong with her? Reagan suddenly found herself contemplating the idea seriously. What was so wrong about being with Ian?

  It didn’t take much to review their brief history together before she realized she’d never once heard him use the “L” word with any particular girl he liked. She’d always figured him for a short-term kind of guy, someone who dated casually and took advantage of the random fun an uncommitted girl had to offer. And there were certainly plenty of girls willing to offer that kind of fun to Ian.

  But this was college, and that’s what people did. Most people anyway, Reagan smirked to herself. She’d been far too serious to indulge in any of that herself. Yet if she put that one little thing to the side, she couldn’t find anything else wrong with the guy. So why couldn’t she just overlook that to see if there was anything real between them?

  Because then you’d have to admit he’s perfect for you.

  As soon as Reagan had heard the little voice in the back of her head, she quickly tried to muffle the bitch. But it was too late. As her pulse picked up speed, she could feel herself spiraling into a full on panic attack. Rubbing her sweating palms against her jeans, she practically jumped from her seat and began pacing back and forth in her room.

  It was one thing to like a guy, she admitted cautiously. If you just simply liked a guy, and got rejected, it wasn’t such a big deal. And if you weren’t rejected, you could have a couple months of enjoyable moments and fond memories without much regret. Reagan had found her share of guys to like. But when you loved a guy...well, that was a whole different situation. That kind of rejection would hurt like hell.

  Wait. Love? Had she really just thought the word? Reagan stood still in her tracks. Had she actually said love out loud or only just thought it? Would it make it any more real if it had been out loud? Was she crazy? She was thinking nonsense now, so she was fairly certain that crazy would be an accurate description. A kiss was one thing, but love? No no no no no...love could not come into the equation between her and Ian. Love could turn a friendship into a big, hot mess that could leave her devastated, and that wasn’t a good look for anyone, least of all her. It was time to put the brakes on. Get serious. Straighten this out.

  But, hadn’t he almost used the word love? Yes, she considered, he had. But even Ian had rethought the expression.

  Doing what seemed to come naturally for her, she listed all of her points out in an orderly fashion, counting them off on her fingers as she went. Point one: You don’t just fall in love with someone out of the blue. Point two: Especially someone you’ve known for years. Point three: Especially Ian. Point four: Unless you’ve been in love with him from the beginning and were simply too afraid of getting hurt by someone as great as Ian to admit it!

  Wait. Had she been in love with Ian from the beginning? Was this something she’d been in denial about the entire time? Had Petra been right? No, that was ridiculous, she thought as she thrust her hands on her hips in protest, she shouldn’t even question herself. She would know if she was in love. A person, especially a girl, knows these things...don’t they?

  Suddenly, she wasn’t so certain. And wasn’t that why she’d made the checklist in the first place? To help her think straight and figure out what kept going wrong in her head? She’d needed a practical way of approaching the subject, something to help her figure out how to get what she hadn’t thought she’d had and yet so desperately wanted. And that particular day, she hadn’t had the perfect boyfriend.

  Yet as soon as the thought had materialized in her overworked, overtired little brain, a flood of memories came rushing back to her of all the things Ian had done over the years that would’ve actually made him exactly that. The perfect boyfriend. And hadn’t he been the only one to get a perfect score on her checklist? Reagan shook her head as though to shake the thought free, and vowed in that moment to forget the whole thing and get her life right back on track. Checklist or not, there would be no more thought of pursuing Brett, or Ian or any other guy for that matter. She’d keep everyone exactly where they currently were – as strangers and friends, without the benefits...

  Staring back at her computer screen, her mind was still drawing a blank on the subject.

  Maybe she needed to get some fresh air, she decided. Go for a walk, clear her head. Anything to distract her focus from her thoughts and reset her mind back on her paper.

  Decision made. She shut down her computer, set aside her books and wrapped her long hair into a somewhat sloppy bun on the top of her head. Reagan had contemplated a light sweatshirt to ward off the last cold brisk of winter that clung to the night air in stubborn resignation, then decided against it. But before she’d even left her bedroom, she turned back and yanked it off her bed after
all. Apparently she was having a hard time making up her mind about everything that night.

  Zipping it halfway up her torso, just below her breasts, she crept quietly out the front door and turned to lock it behind her. A quick breeze whipped its way around the corner and down the corridor, and as a shiver worked its way up her spine, she was thankful she’d listened to her intuition. Maybe she should do that more often.

  But just as Reagan turned to go down the stairs and head out on her walk, she was met – nearly head on – by an unexpected sight. Ian stood before her, mildly drunk but mostly sober, looking as surprised to see her as she was to see him. It was clear he’d been out for a night of fun, though she’d seen him far worse on more occasions than she could count on both hands. But it was also just as clear that, once again, he’d come home alone. She couldn’t help the little smirk of satisfaction that turned up at the corners of her mouth on that discovery, though internally she chastised herself at the thought.

  “And just where do you think you’re going?” His voice danced over the words with dramatic flair, an indicative side effect of his inebriated condition.

  It took her a minute to find her voice. “I need a break.” She finally explained, “This essay’s killing me and I want to clear my head.”

  “Nice jacket.” He flicked the toggle of her zipper, and Reagan felt it flutter in her core. “Want some company?”

  The flutter was moving faster at the suggestion. His eyes had grown dark, almost as dark as the night sky, and she thought she saw something in them that begged her to say yes. Suddenly, she wasn’t so sure she needed her sweatshirt any longer, since the temperature seemed to have risen up all around her, working a pink tint into her cheeks. She was glad it was so dark out, hopefully he couldn’t tell this time. “Aren’t you just getting in though? You’re probably tired...right?”