Breaking Elle

by Antoinette Candela

  Elle: Mornin’ baby.

  Reed: Just thinking of u, Doll

  Elle: Yeah? Good clean thoughts?

  Reed: All the time. ;)

  Elle: Me too. ;)

  Reed: You’re my moon. I miss u.

  Elle: Miss u. XO

  Reed: Always. Call u later.

  A smile crosses my face thinking of her in her shorts, sweaty from running. I shove my phone in my pocket, trying to concentrate on what I have to do today, but all I can think about is kissing her in twenty-four damn hours.

  On the cab ride over to the hospital, I make an appointment to meet with Doc Jones today. It’s going to be a two-hour drive to the Texas A&M Campus from Arlington, but I need to go out there. He’s the only one I trust with my knee. There’s always a risk going out there. As long as I’m alone, things will be all right. I pat the gun in the waist of my pants to reassure myself. I text Tommy to let him know I need his truck to take care of my business and that he’s going to be out of commission for the day so he should get his errands done early.

  Tommy and Juju are already in the room packing Momma’s personal things into her duffel bag. Seeing her bed neatly made, I get this sinking feeling, and can’t think straight. The blood rushes to my head. I’m ready to punch the wall when I don’t see Momma anywhere. It looks like she was never here. All that’s left are the machines that pumped crap into her bloodstream and beeped every time her heartbeat would rise and fall. I wish I could hear those sounds now.

  “Where’s Momma?” I yell, clenching my fists. “What the fuck happened! Why didn’t y’all call me?” Dread and anger burn through my body as I rush to Tommy and grab the back of his shirt. “What the hell is going on?”

  “Man, relax.” he turns smiling. “They said she could go home. She just needs to relax, stay off her feet, and take these pills,” he says, handing them to me.

  I read the label of the bottle. It’s the same crap that she had to take last time for the cancer. There’s no fucking magic pill for this shit. I flick my eyes back up at Tommy and frown. “Sorry, man.”

  “I know how you feel about your momma, man. Don’t apologize. Just check your damn phone messages next time.” He laughs, shaking his head.

  “Shit.” I snatch the phone from my back pocket and scroll through my texts. “Damn.” I mutter, looking up at him smirking. “Sorry, man.”

  “It’s all good.” He chuckles, shaking his head.

  I turn at the sound of my momma’s laughter. Relief washes over me as I hear her in the hallway talking about the Dallas Cowboys, and bragging about how I’m going to play for them someday. This only makes me more determined to go through with it. The nurse wheels my momma back into the room and the change in her is incredible. Like she’s a different person and it makes me hopeful that it’ll not be as bad as the first time.

  “Momma.” I step towards her and kiss her on the cheek.

  “Hey, baby.” She smiles, “Just seeing you yesterday, and I’m cured by your presence.” She laughs, and it warms my heart.

  “Soon enough, Momma,” I reply. “Right, guys?” I turn to my sister who smiles softly, her eyes falling back down to the bag she is packing.

  “That’s what I’m praying for,” she replies, zipping up the duffel. She places it on her shoulder, looking hopeful. “You ready to go home and get out of this God forsaken place?”

  “Yeah, I hate hospitals,” I reply, squeezing my mom’s hand as I wheel her out the door.

  We pull into the driveway of the small apartment building where my sister and momma live. It’s different from the last place, which was a little bigger because I was living there too. But my momma does not need much. All that matters is that it’s home for her, for now. It pisses me off that they can’t live in a real house with all the constant moving around because of me. Now with my momma’s cancer coming back, she needs a permanent place to call home.

  No matter what, Momma makes anyplace feel like home by filling it with memories from when we were kids. She always says that it doesn’t matter where you are as long as you have family around you. I can’t lose sight of that. Material stuff doesn’t mean anything; the people you surround yourself with are what are important. I know I can’t stay long, always having to run and hide from everything. But I’m going to make sure this all changes soon, and they’ll have a place to call home.

  I help bring everything into the house and get my momma settled into her bedroom. I head to the kitchen to get her some water so she can take her pill while my sister is making dinner.

  “Where’s Tommy?” I ask, filling a glass with cold water.

  “Outside taking care of Cooper,” she replies, worry etched on her face as she grabs a bowl from the cabinet.

  “What’s wrong?” I turn the tap off, placing the glass on the counter.

  “I wish you didn’t have to leave. As soon as you got here, Momma got better. She really needs you,” she whispers, setting down the bowl as she stares at me. “How much longer do you have to stay away?”

  “I have to take care of some things. I don’t know how long, but it will be soon. I promise. I just gotta take care of this.” I place my hand on her shoulder and kiss her forehead.

  “When is this gonna end, Reed?” She whispers defiantly, worry painted in her determined blue eyes.

  “You think I like this shit, Juju. I hate this.” I whisper harshly so my momma can’t hear me swearing in the house.

  “Reed, what’s that you say, boy?” Momma calls from the other room.

  “Nothing, ma’am.” I turn to my sister smiling and she does the same. Momma doesn’t miss a beat. “Listen,” I hold my sister’s gaze. “I’m here now. You think I want to be away from Momma or you?” I close my eyes and exhale deeply. “Never in a million fucking years,” I say, lowering my voice. “I have to keep you safe and you know this. It’s the only way. Once I take care of it, I will come back,” I whisper, taking her in my arms. “Tommy’s here and I know he won’t let anything happen to you or Momma.” I breathe. I hate keeping things from her, but it’s the best and safest way. I don’t want them knowing anything. Tommy is one person too many, but he didn’t want me to deal with this alone.

  “You promise?” She looks up at me, waiting for an answer. I think of Elle back home before I respond. “I promise,” I reply, knowing I’ll find a way to have all of them in my life.

  Today’s a beach day. I know the instant I wake up and see the way the sun shines through my window. The breeze gently touches my thin white curtains and carries the scent of the magnolia trees across my room. It seems like forever since the last time I was at the beach with Reed. If I concentrate hard enough and close my eyes tight, maybe I can block out everything and imagine still being with him, feel his hands on me, and the tingling, fuzzy feeling he gives me.

  My body remembers him, shivering in excitement at the thought of him lying on the bed under my sheets. I want to trace the tattoos on his amazing body, run my fingers through his thick hair, and taste his lips. This isn’t working. It’s only making me miss him more.

  I turn off the shower, and pulling the shower curtain aside, wrap myself in a fluffy white bathrobe, wishing it were his arms instead. There’s one day separating us before we are back together. The minutes, hours, and miles apart make it harder not to think about him. I hear my phone go off and recognize Tyler’s ringtone. Perfect timing too, because he’s going to be my beach partner, whether he likes it or not. Laughing, I grab the phone off my dresser and read his text.

  Tyler: Hey beautiful. what’s on the agenda today?

  Elle: U. Me. Beach. ;)

  Tyler: I like a woman who knows what she wants.;)

  Elle: B here in 20?

  Tyler: I’m there . ;)

  It’s only me in this empty house. I rarely get an opportunity like this. Jace is at work for once and so is my mom. I could get used to this, or I can just get my own place and none of this would matter. I turn on the radio and spend the next few minutes pi
cking up my room. I make the bed before I get ready for my trip to the beach. Peering at my reflection in the mirror, I feel that I’m in a good place in my life right now, and I don’t want anything to jeopardize that. I pull my red bikini from my dresser, drop the robe to shimmy into bottoms, and then slip the top over my head. I struggle with tying it up for a couple of minutes. Damn, I know I’m more coordinated than this.

  “Let me help you with that.” Startled, I spin to find Tyler leaning against the doorframe watching me with a goofy smile smeared across his gorgeous face.

  “You have this thing about sneaking around lately. What’s up with that?” I blush, trying to make sure that my top is secure. Did he see me naked? He couldn’t have. I would’ve heard him. Well, maybe not since I had the radio on. Well, if he did, I can’t do anything about it now.

  “Maybe you should get dressed with your door closed. Or not.” He laughs, rubbing his chin. “I prefer the latter.”

  “Nice.” I giggle wondering if he did see anything.

  “And unfortunately for me, I didn’t see anything, so you can stop blushing. Still having a difficult time with that?” Pointing, he walks across the room and watches me continue to struggle for a few more seconds tying my bikini. “Spin for me, please.” He laughs. Turning my back to him, I close my eyes, extremely aware of how close we are. It’s never bothered me before, but it does now. I pull the hair off my neck. His breath floats over my skin, and his fingers gently touch the middle part of my neck as he ties the strings of my bikini.

  “There,” he says. “Now turn around so I can see the finished product.”

  “Shut up.” I laugh, spinning to face him. He smirks, rubbing his chin playfully.

  “What? It’s just me.” He jokes, stepping back to admire me. “Amazing. Can you spin just one more time for me?” He smiles boyishly gesturing with his finger for me to turn.

  “Stop,” I reply, pushing him in the chest. He laughs and grabs my wrist, twirling me around and pulling me into his body. My breath hitches at his hands on my bare skin.

  “Sorry.” He blushes. “Just got a little carried away.” He laughs softly, slowly dropping his hands to his sides.

  “What? Are you auditioning for Dancing with the Stars?” I quip, retreating a step towards my dresser.

  “Tyler and dancing don’t mix.” He laughs, as he walks over to the bedroom window, pulling the curtains aside and letting more of the breeze in the room.

  We know that it’s gone one step too far between us and this moment alone in the house with me half-naked isn’t helping the situation. I turn to my dresser to find something to cover myself up, grabbing the first thing I see, a white tank top and a pair of shorts.

  “Don’t cover up on my account.” Tyler smirks as he sits on the edge of my bed. Normally it wouldn’t make me feel uncomfortable that he’s sitting on my bed, but the way he looks in his black wife beater and swimming trunks, I find him attractive. This isn’t happening. It will not happen! It won’t happen. It’s Tyler.

  “Whatever, smart ass,” I reply, going to the bathroom to eliminate the awkwardness I feel. I grab my sunscreen, brush, hair tie, and towel, shoving them into my beach bag. “Did you bring what you need? Because I’m not sharing.” I laugh, stepping out of the bathroom. Every time we go to the beach, Tyler always manages to forget something, so I always have to pack extra.

  “First lesson as a kid, learn how to share,” he says with an amused expression on his face. “Let me help you with that, ‘o selfish one.” Rising from the bed, he snatches the beach bag off my shoulder and heads towards the door. “And by the way,” he glances back and smiles, “I have everything I need, and I’m not talking about what’s in your bag.” He winks.

  He looks at me in a way that makes my heart beat quicker. Unable to meet his brown eyes, I look down and pretend to adjust my tank top. What would I do without him? I love Tyler with my whole heart but not in that way. It will never be in that way. I flick my eyes back up again, and he’s smiling softly, like he always does when he’s waiting for me to say something.

  “Cut it out.” I exclaim as I bounce across the room and loop my arm in his.

  “What did I do?” He grins, scratching his head mischievously. “Oh shit. Did I just give you a compliment?” He bursts out laughing, tugging me into the hallway and down the stairs into the bright summer sun. I’m not complaining for once.

  The weather’s perfect. Not a cloud in the sky. It’s in the eighties with a light breeze and the smell of salt water in the air. This is exactly what I need on my day off. The sun, a book, and my best friend, though the book I’m reading leaves a lot to be desired. The beach is bustling today with families and young couples soaking in the late morning sun. Tyler has pushed me through these days since Reed’s been away. I’ve made it through unscathed with only one day left. Initially, when he told me about his trip, I thought I was incapable of seeing him go. I’m not entirely sure why. I’m not giving myself that much credit to my independence.

  “You come to the beach to read?” Tyler stands over me shaking his wet hair, soaking both my open book and me.

  “Come on!” I flip over on my back and giggle, sliding my sunglasses down my nose. The cool water feels good on my body, but the hot sun sucks the moisture from my skin. He stands over me with his hands on his slim waist. I’m unable to avoid staring at his chest, which isn’t a bad thing since I’ve had my nose in my book for the last thirty minutes.

  “You have to go in. The water’s perfect,” he says as he lies on his towel next to me, the water glistening on his arms and chest. He smiles, resting his face in his hands and glances down at my book. “Microbiology?” He frowns. “Whatever happened to Cosmo, People Magazine, or one of those romance novels with all the sex women love?” Chuckling, he rolls over, laces his hands behind his head, and closes his eyes.

  “I’m just getting a jump on classes this fall.” I stop and hold my place in the book with my finger and peek at him. For the life of me, I can’t understand why he doesn’t have a girlfriend; any girl would be lucky. He’s an up and coming baseball god, has a perfectly chiseled body, and he’s super funny and sweet. Maybe I do know why, and I’m in denial. After the kisses, things have been a little tense, but I can’t let that affect our lasting friendship.

  I’m trying to push the kisses we shared back into the deepest recesses of my mind, but I can’t. They seem to drift back whenever I think of Tyler. We haven’t talked about it, and I know we have to. I need to know that we’re on the same page. That what we shared was a weak moment and that nothing can happen between us. I’ve been afraid of this all these years. Our friendship is untarnished, but the kisses happened and we need to talk about it.

  “Really? Classes don’t start for another month.” He turns to me, shielding the sun from his eyes. “Aren’t you being a little bit...?” He smirks, tapping his temple with his finger to find the word, and tilting his head to the side when he catches me looking at him.

  “Proactive?” I guess, trying to divert getting caught.

  “I was thinking more along the lines of... boring.” He winks adorably. He turns and lays on his side, placing his hand on his head. I notice the muscles in his arm twitch and flex with each movement. He glances at me and then down at the book.

  “Fine.” I laugh softly. I close the book and throw it in my beach bag. “No more boring.” Sitting up, I grab the sunscreen from my bag, squeeze some in the palm of my hand, and apply it to my arms and shoulders. The last thing I want is a sunburn. Turning back over on his back, Tyler rests onto his elbows, watching me as I smother myself with lotion. The breeze catches my hair, blowing it across my face. He tucks it behind my ear and I smile.

  “Good. I was getting worried for a minute. You love the beach, so why waste this trip with your nose in a book? You’re lucky that you’re my best friend because nobody else would put up with these shenanigans.” He chuckles, accidentally brushing his leg against my thigh. I pretend I don’t feel anythin
g but he doesn’t and lowers his head, drawing circles in the sand with his finger.

  “Yeah, I don’t know how you do it.” I smirk, rubbing the last of the sunscreen on my shoulders. I look over at him and his eyes glint with amusement. “Do you mind putting some on my back?” I ask, handing him the tube. He hesitates at first, then sits up and takes the tube from my hands, smiling sweetly. I can instantly sense his unease and regret asking.

  It has never been this bad before.

  “Sure,” he says, squeezing some in the palm of his hand and rubbing his hands together. I scoot up in front of him and pull my hair off my neck. I sigh, feeling nervous but he’s only applying sunscreen on me. This should be no big deal. We hold hands, hug, and do ‘friend’ things all the times. I wouldn’t be thinking like this if we hadn’t kissed. Am I not being sensitive to his feelings? Asking him to do this while knowing how he feels about me? And what about my feelings? “This won’t hurt a bit.” He laughs. His cheery voice jars me from my tortured inner dialogue.

  “Does this have to be a production? Hurry up already,” I reply with a laugh. I finally feel his hand on my shoulder; he slowly rubs in a circular motion, moving from the right to the left. He presses down so he can get the lower part of my back, and then slides both of his hands back up to my shoulders where he starts to massage them.

  “Hmm... someone’s a little tense,” he murmurs. I don’t respond because whatever he’s doing right now feels amazing. My breathing starts to slow and my body relaxes as he continues to massage. “Someone is being very quiet.” His breath tickles my ear. “Does that mean you want me to stop or that you like it?” I turn to look at him, his face inches from mine. Realizing how close he is, he sits back and grins awkwardly.