Breaking Elle

by Antoinette Candela

  “What’s wrong?” She steps back, pouting. “You hate me, don’t you?” She smiles coyly. Crossing her arms across her chest, she pushes up her breasts ever so slightly as I imagine my mouth on them, my hands cupping those perfect size C’s.

  I don’t respond. All I’m thinking is how good she looks and how she would feel. Fuck! Must be the beers. How many have I had so far, four or is it five? I wasn’t expecting this right here. She knows how many beers it takes for me to get drunk. Has she been watching me this whole time? Waiting until I have enough alcohol to lose my grasp on what’s right and wrong? This came without warning, a sneak attack, some kind of ambush.

  I could never hate you, Cam, but things are different now,” I say, looking desperately across the bar for my sister or Tommy.

  “You still look the same to me,” she replies seductively, rubbing my bicep.

  “Don’t do that,” I reply, getting an ache, fighting the urge to do something I know I will regret. It only makes her come in closer, rubbing her chest against my body. I drink the rest of my beer, my eyes slipping down her top, her eyes meeting mine when I look back up. She bites her bottom lip and grabs my ass. I don’t remember her being this forward before.

  “I got a girlfriend, Cam. You have to stop this.” I moan. The alcohol is doing its job.

  “Is she here?” She whispers in my ear. Her lips skim my earlobe and her breath flows down my neck. I’m instantly hard. All I want to do is throw her down and have my way with her. Fuckin’ beers and fuckin’ old ways. “I didn’t think so,” she murmurs confidently.

  Funny how the tables are turned. I was the one putting the moves on her and now she’s the one putting the moves on me. Ain’t that some shit? The good ole alcohol always makes you think and do shit that you never intended on doing. I don’t see Tommy and my sister anymore when I look across the room in a half ass attempt to save my own butt.

  “Do you want to go outside and get some fresh air?” She asks, “It’s kinda hot in here.”

  “Sure,” I reluctantly reply, drinking my beer. This isn’t the brightest idea because she’s been all over me, but I need to get out of here and get some fresh air. I scan the room one more time for my sister and Tommy before she grabs my hand. Where the hell did they go? We cut through the crowd, bumping into people as we pass through when a guy steps from the bar and blocks our path. He’s got shaggy brown hair, a goatee, and tattoos covering his right arm. He looks familiar, and I must to him too, because his eyes never leave my face until he steps aside to let me walk past him. I glance over my shoulder and notice he’s still watching me as I make my way out of the bar. Must be one of those mistaken identity things or maybe he’s just a football fanatic.

  Pushing open the heavy wooden doors, the rush of air feels refreshing on my hot skin. I had to get out of there. A faint glow filters through some rusty oil lamps dangling from the side of the building, casting random shadows. We’re the only ones in the dark parking lot. I lean against the back of her red BMW, stare up at the spinning sky, and feel the alcohol cloud my mind. I hear a voice and feel her arms caress my biceps, but I don’t pull away. “Elle.”

  “Elle. You’ve shortened my name. You’ve never called me that before. And that’s French for something, right?” She smiles seductively. “I kind of like it.”

  Huh? I snap my neck down to look at her and realize what she means - Camp-belle

  “Elle,” I emphasize, “is my girlfriend’s name in Boston.” I don’t know why I explain myself to her since she doesn’t care either way.

  “If that’s what you want to tell yourself,” she murmurs. Backing away, she opens the back door of her car. I can’t help but think about how I got here again, watching her bend over to grab her purse, exposing more ass than I anticipated.

  “Like what you see?” She smiles, and for a minute, I see the old Campbell, playful and cute.

  Rattling what’s left of my mind, I soak her in from top to bottom as she steps away from the open door of the car. She tempts me some more by adjusting her cleavage. Too drunk to move and too drunk to answer her, I stare down at her chest. She presses her body up against mine, pinning me up against the car. The gravel crunches softly under her feet as she nudges me, pushing me into the back seat where I fall back like a lead weight. She instantly crawls over me, slamming her lips on mine. What the fuck? I reluctantly return her kiss then the alcohol kind of takes over. Gripping her hair, I slip my tongue into her mouth, grasping her tight hot ass in my hands. She grabs between my legs, moaning when she feels how solid I am.

  “God, I’ve missed you.” She whimpers into my ear. I hear my zipper go down. I gasp, feeling her fingers run across the waistband of my boxers. Her hand slides down ready to please me.

  “What do we have here?”

  She gracefully turns her head, looking over her shoulder, her long blond hair brushing across my face. She slides off my body; I button my pants, slipping out of the car behind her. I catch a glimpse of a guy in jeans, but I can’t see his face. “Hey, baby.” Campbell whimpers as she moves away from the car.

  I don’t see it coming. All I hear is a whoosh, and pain shoots through the right side of my face. I hear damn Carrie Underwood singing again. I regret coming out here. This is the last thing I needed tonight.

  “What? You think because you were some big college football star and was gonna play for the Dallas Cowboys that you can screw with anyone’s girl?” He yells, pulling Campbell behind him.

  I rub my face, livid that this douche just sucker punched me. “What the fuck, man?” I hiss. “Damn. This isn’t what it looks like.” I stand at my full height glaring at him, still rubbing my cheek. The alcohol is not a factor anymore. I’m wide awake after that blow. This guy’s a preppy boy with slicked back hair wearing a polo shirt, jeans, and some country club shoes. He’s built, but little shorter than me. Campbell is standing off to the side now, trying to look all innocent like nothing happened, as if I was the one who initiated the sexual encounter. Fucking beers.

  “What the hell do you call it?” He growls, advancing a step towards me.

  He stands with his legs apart like we’re going to have an old-fashioned gunfight, and I kind of laugh to myself. He must have caught me smiling or something because he tries to throw another punch, but I grab his arm before it lands and return the favor by punching him in the jaw. He staggers back a couple steps, rubs his face, and comes back for more. This asshole doesn’t know who he’s dealing with, does he?

  He barrels at me with his head down. I have to laugh to myself again. I’ve seen this play on the football field many times with linebackers twice his size. I crouch, waiting for him to come at me. The light from the lamps shines off his greasy hair as I grab him and throw him to the gravel parking lot. Campbell stands back with her hands up at her mouth, her eyes popping out of her head. He staggers up grimacing and grabbing his back as he retreats towards Campbell. I step towards him with my fists up in front of me, ready to protect myself and throw another punch if he tries to come after me again.

  “Fuck, man,” he mumbles, rubbing his neck now, making no attempt to come after me again. I drop my arms to my side.

  “Listen, I want no trouble, and I don’t want your girl, all right?” I say breathing heavily.

  “What the fuck you come back for anyway?” He chuckles, rubbing his jaw. “Trouble just follows your ass around, doesn’t it? I know all about your shit. Campbell told me.” He nods in Campbell’s direction who drops her eyes to the pavement. “You better watch yourself around here.” He sneers.

  Glancing at Campbell, I shrug my shoulders. I can’t be mad at her. I don’t have time to deal with this kind of shit. “I’m outta here. It’s been fun.” I turn on my heels, heading back to the bar as Tommy and my sister stagger out. Tommy catches Juju as she loses her footing in the gravel.

  “Where did you guys go? You missed a party out here,” I say, trying to make a joke out of what just happened. Campbell and her boyfriend walk past
us to reenter the bar, but not before Campbell winks at me. I shake my head and don’t acknowledge her gesture.

  “Watch your back,” he mumbles under his breath as he opens the door. I smirk. I’m tired of the games and the drama that comes with my ex. I then return my attention to my sister.

  “Your little sissy here is a little tipsy.” Tommy laughs. “She spent loads of time in the bathroom, and it wasn’t in front of the mirror.” I smile down at her, hair hanging over her face and her lipstick smeared across her right cheek as I help Tommy walk her to the truck. “Let’s get her home, man.”

  I have a strange feeling about the guy that I bumped into earlier in the night. I don’t know what it is about him. I can’t let my guard down even though nobody knows I’m here. Plenty of people know about my troubles, I know that. There’s probably a picture of my mug hanging somewhere. I look over my shoulder every now and then to make sure no one is trailing us in the truck. I’ve heard the stories about the lengths people go through to get what is rightfully theirs around here. If anyone is going to start any trouble with me, I’d rather be alone to deal with it. There’s only one thing I can do.

  “Tommy, take me to a hotel.” I demand before we get on the highway to drive back home. He nods, recognizing the tone of my voice. “Just don’t want anyone knowing where you guys live now.”

  “Sure, man.” He looks over, lowering his voice so that my sister can’t hear. “You got your piece?”

  “Yeah.” I grab the gun that I have hidden under the seat, check the safety, and shove it down the waist of my pants. You can’t be too safe around here. I need to take precautions.

  It’s about one in the morning when we pull up to a small hotel on the outskirts of town that’s not too far from Momma’s house or the hospital. Once I check in, I tell Tommy that I’m all set and I’ll call a cab to meet them at the hospital in the morning. I walk up the stairs to my room, sliding the key into the door to let myself in. The room smells like a combination of sanitizer and citrus. A brown shaggy carpet, matching heavy brown curtains, and a beige paisley bedspread greet me for the night.

  I turn on the television to give some light to the dark room and drop my cell, gun, and wallet in the top dresser drawer. Kicking off my shoes, I pull off my clothes and head to the bathroom to shower. I spend a long time letting the water beat on me. I deserve more of a beating for what I did tonight. I betrayed Elle. Alcohol is not an excuse. I allowed that shit to happen, and I cringe, thinking about the drunken thoughts that ran through my head tonight when I saw Campbell.

  I pull the curtain back and grab a towel to dry off. Trudging back into the room to grab my boxers, some late night comedy show rambles in the background. My mind is all over the place after what happened tonight. Turning off the TV and grabbing my cell phone, I open the patio door, and step out onto the balcony. I miss Elle. I need to hear her voice.

  What made me do it? Are the walls that I put up to protect our friendship crumbling? Was I just caught up in the moment with him because I’ve been feeling so needy and fragile lately? That’s not fair to Tyler. I feel responsible for crossing the line I drew in the sand with him. I can’t hurt him like that again and make him feel there’s something more when there really isn’t. Did I kiss him first? All I remember are his lips on mine, and then him walking away from me. Isn’t that everything? I mean it does mean something, but not like that. Not in that way. Right? I catch the phone ringing through my haze. I see his name and my heart just jumps out of my chest. I pick up, anxious to hear his voice in my ear.

  “Hey, doll. Whata ya doing up?” His voice is husky and soothing over the phone. It’s hard not having him here to whisper those words in my ear and to feel his breath kissing my skin. I never thought the sound of someone’s voice could make me feel this way.

  “I couldn’t sleep. What about you?” I reply, smiling in the dark.

  “Me neither. Missin’ you.” His voice soothes me.

  “I miss you too, baby. I wish you were here to pinch me.” He laughs, and I get warm inside, picturing his smile. I spread out on the bed, thinking about his lips, his body so far away from me, missing his warmth. There’s a pause. It seems like forever and then we both speak at the same time.

  “We need to talk.” I hear him sigh on the other end. I always associate sadness and pain when I hear those words spoken together in a sentence. Maybe I’m generalizing since the only time I’ve heard those words, it had to do with my parents’ divorce, or when Cane and I hit a rough patch.

  “I have some things to tell you when I get back. Things I can’t tell you on the phone,” he says.

  “Has something changed since you’ve been in Texas?” I hold my breath and exhale slowly.

  “You can say that.” His voice falters. “I want to come clean with you, share everything about my past and present.”

  I’m wondering what he could be holding back. I know he has secrets, even if I went about finding them out the wrong way, but it wasn’t intentional. I wonder what happened to him. Is it something to do with his ex? The money he has in his dresser? His football career? I go crazy with the scenarios. Yep, that’s me, the pessimist. The glass is always half empty. If we are going to make this work, neither of us can hide anymore. No secrets. I don’t care how painful they are.

  “How’s your family?” I ask, not wanting to deal with whatever we have to say to each other until we’re face to face.

  “They’re great. You’d really like them.”

  “If they’re anything like you, I’m sure I will.” I smile, twirling my hair.

  “They’d love you. They really would.” He pauses, clearing his throat. “Are you in your room?”

  “Yes. Alone.” I close my eyes, picturing him lying next to me. I’m unable to get the last night we spent together out of my mind.

  “You better be.” He chuckles, his smile reaching through the phone. “Go to your window.”

  “Why?” I get up and walk over to the window, hoping that he’s standing outside to surprise me. “Are you here?” I’m disappointed when I don’t see him standing outside my window.

  “No. Believe me, I wish I were.” he pauses. “Are you there?”

  “Yeah, babe.” I reply, gazing out into the night sky where the moon casts an ethereal glow over everything around me. It looks magical. I recall the night we went to Linden Park, a memory that makes me smile. We haven’t been together long, but I’ve never truly felt this strongly for someone before. It is so brand new to me, so incredibly intense. I believe everything started that night,

  “Can you see the moon?” My throat tightens, staring at it, wondering where he is, and imagining his face. I see his bright eyes in my mind and wish I were looking into them. I imagine his lips, yearning to kiss them.

  “Yes,” I whisper, inhaling the warm night air.

  “Me, too. I see you.” His gentle and sexy voice warms every cell in my body. “Do you see me?”

  “I do.” It hurts not having him here right now. I don’t lose sight of the moon, wishing I could reach up, grab it, and pull it down to me.

  “You’re never far away from me. Remember that. I will always come back to you.” He breathes deeply. “I can’t explain what you do to me, but now that there’s this distance between us, I know. You’re it for me. I’m where I’m supposed to be, where I am meant to be, and I won’t screw this up. I can’t.”

  His words hit me. Even with all the miles and days apart, I’ve never felt so close to someone who was so far away.

  The ringing of the room phone wakes me up. I unplugged the alarm clock last night after I talked to Elle and called down to the front desk, asking them to ring once to wake me up at eight. This way I don’t have to deal with hitting the snooze button over and over again. I lie in bed for a minute staring at the cracks in the dingy ceiling. Waking up alone in a strange place, especially a shitty hotel room sucks. Being away from Elle this fuckin’ long has been damn near impossible. Thankfully, I only have one more ni
ght alone in this damn place.

  I drag myself out of bed, and stepping outside, I settle into the chair. The morning sun washes over me, and closing my eyes, I wish Elle were here to share this with me. She’s better than any sunrise or sunset. I can’t stop thinking about her. Hearing the sound of her voice last night and missing the feel of her skin makes me want to get on the next flight back to Boston. There are only twenty-four hours, two thousand miles, and a three hour and thirty-six minute flight separating us. That’s what I keep telling myself, but it feels like I’m halfway across the world and an eternity away.

  I want to do right by her, and I’m going to make sure that what I have with her is not based on secrets and lies. She deserves the best, nothing less. I love her. I was so close to telling her last night, but that’s not something you tell someone over the phone. I smile, thinking that my problem may have actually been a blessing to me. Making this move across the country to figure out my shit put me on a collision course with the most amazing girl. Everything that has happened was supposed to happen. Kind of like that destiny shit I never paid any mind to. Love isn’t planned. Love isn’t an emotion that’s determined by the fucking stars or some horoscope in the Sunday paper. It’s a genuine, raw feeling that takes you over and consumes you. That’s what I feel for this girl.

  I could sit here all day thinking about her, but I need to get to my momma. I head to the bathroom and wash my face, comb my fingers through my hair, and brush my teeth. Considering what went down last night and what I had to drink, I’m no worse for wear. I rub my sore jaw from last night’s confrontation with Campbell’s boyfriend and chuckle. I have a slight bruise, but that should be gone by the time I get back to Elle. I don’t want her to worry. I don’t want her creasing that face of hers because of me. I grab my wrinkled clothes off the chair and get dressed. I snatch my stuff and head out. The phone jumps in my hand just I slide it in my pocket. I stare at the screen and see those hazel eyes pop up. My morning just got better.