New Beginnings

by Lori Maguire

  “Obviously,” I muttered. “Why did you lie to me for all those years about not being able to have children?”

  “I was so afraid of losing you if you found out I couldn’t give you children. I thought if you believed the problem was with you then there was no way you would leave me. I realize I hurt you for my own selfish reasons. I lied so I wouldn’t risk losing you,” he said shamefully. “But I ended up losing you anyway,” he sadly added.

  He broke eye contact with me as he focused out over the water again. Why was he doing this now? What was he trying to prove? “Why now, Stephen? Why are you apologizing like this now?” I blurted with a puzzled look on my face.

  “Because I’ve made a mess of things. I was so angry about everything that I was completely blinded by it. I’ve hurt a lot of people, but I’ve hurt you the most. I realized after all this time just how much of a shit I really was to you. You deserve Xavier. He’s a good man,” he said sadly.

  I looked at him carefully trying to find any signs of deceit in his eyes, but there was none. He was telling me the truth. I reached out and squeezed his forearm. “But you have Carline now. The two of you seem to be happy.” At least they appeared to look happy the last time I saw them together.

  He surprised me by snorting. “She doesn’t love me. Not really. She’s too hung up on Xavier. Before I moved out here, when I had that private investigator following you, I discovered the connection between Carline and Xavier.”

  Realization hit. I narrowed my eyes at him. “So you did get involved with her in hopes of getting closer to me,” I said accusingly.

  He nodded slowly, appearing to brace himself for my reaction. “I’m sorry. I did use Carline to get close to you, but no more then she used me to get to Xavier. If you are worried about Carline getting hurt, you’re wasting your time. I know she’s only using me in hopes that it will make Xavier jealous. Unlike her though, I can tell that will never happen.”

  He reached out to grab my hand, and for whatever reason, I didn’t pull away. He turned slightly toward me. “Are you happy, Ella? Be honest with me. Are you happy with Xavier? Is he the one you want?”

  I paused for a moment as I stared into Stephen’s deep-set eyes. Of course Xavier was the one I wanted. I didn’t know happiness until I met him. But what was Stephen trying to get at? I cleared my throat. “Why are you asking, Stephen?”

  He paused for a moment, a contemplative look on his face. “I just need to know. I need to know that you are truly happy.”

  I answered without hesitation. “I’m very happy with Xavier. I have feelings for him that I’ve never felt for anyone before. The connection between us was instant, but permanent. I felt it in my very soul.” I paused for a moment when I shockingly saw tears spring to his eyes. “I’m not saying that to hurt you. I’m not trying to be mean.”

  He nodded his head. Letting go of my hand, he ran both of his over his face a few times. “I know that. I did ask you.” He glanced over at me focusing on my swollen belly. “Twins, huh? Do you mind if I ask when you’re due?”

  I protectively covered my belly. For whatever reason, I felt uncomfortable with him staring at it. “Yeah, twins. It was quite a surprise. They are due in July.”

  “Good for you, Ella. You’re going to be a terrific mother. I’m really happy for you,” he said quietly. He glanced at his watch. “Shit. I’m afraid we’ve been gone for a little over two hours.”

  My heart started to pound in my chest as my stomach got that sinking feeling. Geez, Renatta must be freaking out. I bet she contacted Xavier. I jumped up off the bench. “We have to go. You have to get me back. Now,” I said, sounding panicked.

  Stephen jumped up as well and started digging for his car keys in his jacket pocket. “I’m sorry, Ella. I didn’t mean to have you gone this long. Do you want me to explain it to Xavier?” he asked sincerely.

  “No.” God, no, that wouldn’t be a conversation I’d want to be privy to. “I’ll take care of it. Everything will be fine,” I lied. I’m sure Renatta had contacted Xavier already. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was out looking for me himself. He’ll calm down. Eventually.

  As we approached Renatta’s studio, I had Stephen park several doors down. I could see Marissa’s SUV parked out front. Wonderful.

  “I should get going,” I said, reaching for the door handle.

  “I never stopped loving you,” Stephen blurted.

  I let go of the handle and turned to face him with my eyes wide. Why was he telling me this?

  “From the moment you walked into Mr. Peterson’s math class my junior year of high school, you owned me. You were the one for me. You will always be the one for me,” he said sadly.

  I shook my head at him. “Stephen, you know how I feel about Xavier, I just can’t …”

  “Obviously, I don’t expect you to do anything with that. I just wanted you to know. If anything were to happen, I just needed for you to know. You were never the mistake I tried to make you out to be.”

  Why did what he was saying suddenly sound like some kind of goodbye? “What do you mean if anything were to happen? What’s going on, Stephen?” I asked suspiciously.

  “Nothing. Geez, nothing is going to happen. It’s just something I wanted to make sure you knew.” He casually shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve kept you long enough. Go on now. Everything is going to be all right.” He gave me a small smile as he reached over to swing my door open. “Take care of yourself, Ella,” he said quietly.

  As I looked into his sunken face and sad eyes, I suddenly got the feeling that this was going to be the last time I was ever going to see Stephen. The thought saddened me, which also surprised me.

  “Take care,” I said before slipping out of his car. A strong sense of closure washed over me as I made my way to Renatta’s studio. As I grabbed the door handle, I glanced down the street at where Stephen had been parked. He was already gone.

  I swung the door open and only got two steps into the studio before Renatta came charging out of nowhere and wrapped me in a tight hug.

  “Jesus Christ, Ella. Where the fuck have you been?” She pulled back keeping a hold on my upper arms. I immediately felt awful as I looked into her red-rimmed eyes. She obviously had been frantic.

  “I’m so sorry, Ren. You’re never going to guess who I just had the strangest conversation with.”

  Renatta let go of my arms and started pacing in front of me. I saw Marissa peek into the room. She was on the phone. I was assuming with Xavier since he obviously wasn’t at Renatta’s studio as well, which surprised me.

  “What the fuck, Ella? Do you have any idea how freaking worried I have been about you? You disappeared over two hours ago to get lunch. Of course I realized you didn’t have your phone the minute I tried to call it and it started ringing on the desk next to me. I panicked and called Xavier. The poor man is losing his mind. He’s stuck at the office so he sent Marissa over. Stewart is apparently out driving around trying to find you. Honestly, I’m surprised he hasn’t called in the armed guards by now. I even had to cancel my appointments this afternoon. You had better have a damn good explanation, lady, as to why-”

  “I was with Stephen,” I blurted. She stopped short in front of me and glared at me.

  “You were … wait … WHAT?” she yelled.

  “I was with—”

  She waved a hand in front of me. “I heard you. You were with Stephen. What the fuck where you doing with that bastard?”

  I quickly filled her in of our time spent together. Marissa stood at the back of the room with her arms crossed over her chest just glaring at me.

  “And you believed the bastard? Seriously, Ella? After everything he has done to you and Xavier?” she asked incredulously.

  “I know it’s difficult to believe. But he seemed honest and genuine. He didn’t give me any reason to doubt him. I don’t know,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “I feel like he sought me out for closure. For whatever reason, I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again.
”

  Renatta crushed me to her once again. “Oh my God. I was so worried about you,” she croaked as her voice broke.

  I ran my hands soothingly over her back. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to cause you to worry.”

  “I can’t even imagine what Xavier is feeling,” Renatta murmured. I cringed at her words knowing the hell he was probably in.

  Marissa approached, clearing her throat causing Renatta to release me. The angry scowl on her face said it all. “Xavier is expecting me to take you home, Ella. I think now would be a good time,” she said somberly.

  I could feel all the blood rush out of my head, and just nodded at her. When I focused back on Renatta she had a sympathetic look on her face. “I’m sorry,” she mouthed.

  I wasn’t mad at her for calling Xavier. I knew she did what she felt she had to. “I’m not mad,” I mouthed back. She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek before I followed Marissa out to the car.

  The tension-filled silence within the SUV as Marissa drove me home was unbearably thick. I couldn’t quite tell if she was angry with me or not. She remained silent, her face expressionless.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset anyone,” I said softly.

  “I think you should save your apologizes for Xavier,” Marissa said gravely. “Honestly, I’m surprised I’m not taking you to the ER instead. I don’t know how that man managed not to stroke out this afternoon.”

  I could just imagine how crazy he had been. Thinking back to how frantic he had looked and sounded when he busted into the doctor’s office after that kidnapping attempt was made, had me cringing in my seat.

  As soon as we pulled into the parking garage of the condo, I jumped out of the car. I didn’t wait for Marissa as I hit the button for the elevator. I was suddenly in a rush to get into the condo. Not knowing how I was going to find Xavier was killing me.

  I stepped inside and hit the button for her floor before I opened the panel to enter the code for the condo. I didn’t know if Xavier was going to be waiting for me as soon as the elevator opened, but I really wanted her to get off on her floor before I proceeded into the condo. She just silently stood in the rear of the elevator as we made our way up.

  As soon as the elevator stopped on her floor, she held the door open and turned to me. “Stewart found you in that park with Stephen. I don’t know if Xavier knows or not, but given how loyal Stewart is, I would have to say he told him.” She paused for a moment. “I consider both of you to be friends and not just employers. I know I don’t have to tell you how much Xavier has suffered in his life or just how much that man loves you. But I do think you should know that he was absolutely crazed when that call came in from Renatta. I’m not sure what you are about to walk into, but Stewart and I are here if you need us.” She gave me a sympathetic smile.

  “Thank you,” I murmured.

  She stepped out of the elevator and the door immediately slid shut. That’s when the panic started to set in. I broke out into a sweat and I started to shake. Just how angry was I going to find him?

  Knowing that this kind of stress was not good for me right now, I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. The ding signaling the arrival at my floor made me jump.

  When I stepped off the elevator, I stood and just listened before I advanced any further. I didn’t hear Bev running around. There were no smells indicating that dinner was cooking, which was too bad since I missed lunch. No music or sounds from the TV. I could almost swear the condo was empty if I hadn’t already seen Xavier’s SUV in the parking garage.

  After several minutes, I made my way into the condo. The only light on in the whole place was coming from his office. I rounded the corner and gasped at the sight before me.

  Xavier was slumped over his desk with his forehead resting on the hard surface. His arms were dangling at his sides. He looked dangerously close to falling out of his chair. Lying on the floor in a pile was his jacket and tie.

  As I stepped further into the room, I spotted the bottle of Maker’s Mark sitting on his desk. A crystal tumbler with some amber liquid still in it sat to the right of the bottle. Whiskey? He was drinking whiskey? I’ve never seen this man drink anything other than wine or champagne. Was he drunk? Passed out? Shit. I caused the man to drink himself into a stupor. Wonderful.

  There was no way I was going to get him into the bedroom, but I needed to get him out of that chair before he fell out of it. Unzipping my bag, I reached to grab my phone so I could call Stewart.

  “Ella,” Xavier whispered against his desk. If the condo hadn’t been so quiet, I wouldn’t have heard him utter my name.

  I froze with my hand in my bag. Xavier lifted his head from the desk. My stomach clenched at the sight of him. His hair was in complete disarray. There was a huge red mark on his forehead from leaning into the desk. His beautiful, cerulean blue eyes were badly bloodshot. The sleeves of his white button down were rolled up to his elbows. A few of the top buttons were undone at the collar.

  “I’m so sorry. I never meant to upset you like this,” I said apologetically, removing my hand from my bag.

  I quickly placed my bag on the floor as I walked over to his side. He sat back in his chair and turned so he was facing me. He made no move to touch me. I could smell the whiskey on him, but he didn’t appear to be drunk. He just stared up at me with nothing but sadness in his eyes.

  “Do you want him back?” he asked, giving me a pained look.

  Oh my God. I dropped down onto my knees in front of him and took his hands in mine. They were ice cold. I tried to rub some warmth back into them.

  “Absolutely not. How can you even think it?” I gently scolded him.

  “Stewart found you. He saw you two holding hands.” Pulling one of his hands free from mine, he reached for the tumbler on his desk and easily drained the glass.

  “We were, but it’s not-”

  “What I think?” Anger flashed in his eyes as he slammed down the now empty glass onto his desk.

  “Exactly. Stephen found me as I was on my way to get lunch. He asked for a few moments of my time. I was in the middle of the market on a busy weekday afternoon. I figured I was safe.”

  “But you obviously didn’t stay there. So tell me, Ella, what exactly did he say to get you into a car with him? Alone.” He reached for the bottle of whiskey.

  I cringed as I watched him pour more of the alcohol in his glass. “Since when did you start drinking whiskey?” I frowned at him as I stood back up.

  “Since my wife decided to sneak off with her ex for an afternoon,” he said angrily, throwing back half of the glass.

  His comment cut through me. He made it sound as if I snuck off to have an affair, which, given what Stephen had done to me, really made me angry. Xavier was in no condition for a discussion about this either. I picked my bag up off the floor. “Once you’re sober and ready to talk about this, you come find me. In the meantime, I’ll leave you and your bottle to it.”

  Turning and heading out of his office, I kept waiting for him to stop me, but he never did. Just as I was heading down the hall, Stewart came barreling around the corner nearly knocking me to the floor.

  “Ella, I’m so sorry,” he said, grabbing my arm to steady me.

  “Whoa! Where’s the fire?” I asked.

  “Is Xavier around?” he asked urgently.

  I motioned toward his office. “Yup. You’ll find him down there nursing a bottle of whiskey.” Stewart frowned at me, but I turned to continue down the hall toward the bedroom without further explanation.

  “Ella, wait. I think you’ll want to hear this, too,” Stewart said, reaching out for my arm.

  “Stewart?” Xavier called from his office.

  “Come on.” Stewart, keeping a firm grip on my elbow, led me down to Xavier’s office.

  “What are you doing here?” Xavier asked, frowning at Stewart.

  “I’ve got some news.” Stewart gave me a grave look. “Stephen’s dead.”

  “What?” I
whispered. My hand covered my mouth as a wave of nausea rolled through me. A fine sheen of sweat formed on my brow as the room began to sway. Through the fog my head started swimming in, I heard Xavier curse and saw him jump up out of his chair.

  Grabbing my waist to keep me upright, he led me into the living room and guided me down onto the couch. He crouched in front of me. “Get her a glass of water,” he said to Stewart, before focusing back on me with a hurt, but concerned look on his face.

  “I just saw him. How can he be dead?” I murmured.

  With that Stewart came back into the room with a cold glass of water. He handed it to Xavier who handed it to me. Tentatively I took a sip. The water was so cold; it trailed an icy path down to my stomach, causing me to shiver.

  “What do we know?” Xavier asked Stewart. He moved up off the floor to sit next to me on the couch. He took my left hand in his and gently squeezed. I frowned realizing how sober Xavier suddenly seemed.

  I looked up at Stewart, who was giving Xavier a strange look. It was almost like he was unsure if he should continue and was silently asking for his permission.

  “I’m fine. Really. I’m just a little shocked to hear that someone I was just with hours ago is now … dead.” I took another sip of the water, and placed the glass down on the coffee table.