New Beginnings

by Lori Maguire

  Xavier nodded at Stewart. “Go ahead.”

  “What I know so far is that it was a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Carline apparently found him parked in the garage slumped over the steering wheel,” Stewart said.

  “Estimated time of death?” Xavier asked.

  “Approximately two hours ago. Carline claims she received a text message from him, which apparently was just minutes before he pulled the trigger.”

  Xavier looked at me. “That would also make it shortly after he left you. You want to tell me what your conversation was about?” he asked gently.

  Squeezing my temples, I tried to stem the major headache I could feel coming on. I looked up at Stewart and then back to Xavier. “He apologized for everything. The affair, the hateful things he’s said and done to me … us.” Xavier’s scowl had me closing my mouth.

  “And you believed him?” he asked skeptically.

  I frowned at Xavier now. “I was suspicious of his motives. I even asked him why he was doing this now. He said he realized how awful he’s been and how much he’s hurt people, especially me. Listen, he gave me no reason not to believe him. He seemed sincere, remorseful even. He said you were a good man. That you were who I deserved.”

  Xavier raised his brows in surprise. Stewart shifted his weight uncomfortably, acting as if he didn’t want to be present for this conversation but I continued.

  “Before I got out of the car, he said he never stopped loving me. That from the moment he stepped into Mr. Peterson’s math class our junior year of high school, I owned him. He said he didn’t expect me to do anything with that. He just wanted me to know so if anything were to happen, I would know, and that I was never the mistake he tried to make me out to be.” Remembering the feeling I had gotten as I exited Stephen’s car, I cursed.

  “What is it?” Xavier asked.

  “I knew something was off. The tone of his voice, the sadness in his eyes, what he was saying, it just felt … wrong. Something just didn’t sit right with me. I felt like he was saying goodbye, and that I was never going to see him again. That he was giving me closure. I just didn’t realize that he was doing this so he could go home and end his own life.”

  Xavier looked to Stewart. “Are the police going to want to talk to Ella?”

  Stewart shook his head. “There’s no pending investigation. It’s a definite suicide. Besides, I don’t think anyone knows Stephen was with her before he died.”

  Xavier released his breath in relief. “Let me walk you out,” he said to Stewart, leaving me on the couch.

  As I reached to grab my glass of water from the coffee table, I noticed my hand was shaking. I pulled my arm back, and wrapped both around me. He’s dead. No matter how many times I said it, it was still hard to fathom. I might have fallen out of love with Stephen, but it didn’t mean that I had totally stopped caring. He had been my husband for sixteen years after all.

  Suddenly my thoughts turned to Carline. Was she upset that Stephen was gone? Was it true when Stephen said not to worry about her getting hurt? Did the two of them just use each other with no feelings between them at all? I knew both Carline and Stephen could be cold, calculating, and manipulative, but when Carline talked about Stephen back at that dinner at The Four Seasons her face just lit up. She seemed to genuinely care for him. Maybe Stephen never realized that she truly cared, and how sad would that be? For both of them.

  A soft blanket being wrapped around me snapped me out of my reverie. Xavier sat down next to me. Cupping my face, he swiped the tears from my cheeks that I didn’t even realize I was shedding. “Are you all right?” he asked softly.

  “Yes,” I mumbled, nodding my head at him. I suddenly felt extremely exhausted.

  He let go of my face and settled us both back into the couch. I leaned into him resting my head on chest. “I’m sorry I was so angry with you earlier. When Stewart called to say he found you in some park sitting on a bench holding hands with him, I just … I didn’t know what to think.” He voice cracked and he cleared his throat. Gently, he kissed the top of my head. “I’ll get the information concerning the funeral arrangements so we can go.”

  “Thank you.” My stomach suddenly rumbled loudly.

  “You haven’t eaten anything other than breakfast today.”

  It wasn’t a question. I simply shook my head.

  “Come on. I think there is some left over pizza in the freezer.” He stood up and held his hand out to me.

  “That sounds good.” I let him pull me up from the couch. He wrapped his arm around my waist as we made our way into the kitchen. “You reheat. I’ll make the salad,” I said.

  As soon as we entered the kitchen, I held on to him tightly. “You know how much I love you, right?” I asked, looking up into his breathtaking eyes.

  “Of course I do. As much as I love you.” He kissed me thoroughly before I released my hold on him. In a now comfortable silence, we went about fixing our dinner together.

  The following evening when Xavier arrived home from work, he approached me apprehensively as if he didn’t want to disturb me. I was comfortable, curled up on the couch reading under the softest Sherpa blanket that held such delicious memories of the two of us together. I put my book down, straightened up, and smiled as he approached. The smile quickly slid off my face when I fully took in his look of concern.

  He bent down and kissed my forehead. “Did you have a good day, sweetness?” he asked, brushing some hair behind my ear.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, ignoring his question.

  He let out a sigh and sat down next to me on the couch. “This arrived in the mail at my office today.” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a white, standard, letter-sized envelope. It was addressed to Xavier. There was no return address. Personal and confidential was scrawled in the lower left corner. I immediately recognized it as Stephen’s handwriting.

  My eyes snapped up to Xavier. He held the envelope out to me, nodding his head in encouragement. Why was Stephen writing to him? Was this some kind of suicide note?

  Letting out a sigh, I took the envelope from him. As I held it in my hands, I ran my fingers over the writing on the front, feeling all the little groves of the lettering. Stephen always did have a tendency to press down really hard while he was writing. Our old kitchen table could have told quite a story with all the times he wrote checks or notes on the table without anything underneath it, easily embedding what he was writing on its hard surface.

  I realized I was stalling. Flipping the envelope over, I gently pulled it open. With a shaky hand, I took the letter out. I stared down at the scrawl over the notebook paper, before my eyes could focus on the words.

  After reading the letter, I remained quiet as I scanned over the words once again. It’s a pain he can’t live with anymore? Losing me was the reason he killed himself? No, I refused to believe that. He’s the one who cheated and then lied about it all those years. He’s the one who hurt me. The bastard lied about the reason for our infertility for fuck’s sake. Who does that? Now he’s trying to make me feel guilty for offing himself? I tossed the letter aside and stood up.

  “Ella?”

  Walking over to the window, I stared out at Seattle. Everything looked bluish-grey as the sun set behind the thick, dark clouds. The sky, the buildings, the water of the Puget Sound-all was an ominous bluish-grey. Random white lights glowed from various windows in the surrounding buildings. The only splash of color was down on the shiny, wet streets as the lights from cars and surrounding businesses reflected off the wet ground.

  I heard Xavier sigh and then stuff the letter back in the envelope. Within minutes, he was standing behind me. His warm, strong arms wrapped around my shoulders, pulling my back into his front. Placing his chin on my shoulder and his cheek against mine, he whispered, “You okay?”

  “Not really. I’m angry as hell as a matter of fact.”

  He turned me slightly towards him so he could look me in the eyes. “That’s not quite the reaction I
thought you were going to have toward his letter. Although, I have to be honest, his comment to take care of our girl makes me feel a little violent.”

  I frowned as I turned back to the window. “Where does he get off blaming me for offing himself when he’s the one that cheated and lied all those years. Now he says it’s a pain he can’t live with anymore?” Hot, angry tears pricked my eyes.

  “Sweetness, I don’t think he’s blaming you. He’s blaming himself. Your leaving him may have caused his pain, but ultimately it was the things that he did that caused you to leave. He realized that. I believe he also realized that you were lost to him forever, because I for one am never going to let you go.” To emphasize his point, he squeezed me harder to him.

  I broke free of his hold so I could turn around and look him in the eyes. His dark hair with those shocking blue eyes never fails to affect me. For a moment, I almost forgot what I wanted to say. He raised his brows and looked at me expectantly.

  “How can you say you’re never going to let me go? Just last night you asked if I wanted him back,” I said accusingly.

  Without hesitation, he responded. “Just because I asked if you wanted him back, didn’t mean I was going to let you go. You’re sadly mistaken if you think I’m going to let you just walk out of my life without putting up one hell of a fight,” he said passionately.

  I smiled widely at him, thinking there is no way I could possibly love this man any more than I already do.

  “You’re looking rather smug with yourself, Mrs. Hart,” he said, smirking at me.

  “No, not smug. Just happy.” I sighed. “What do you think he means about Carline? Do you think she’s behind those strange, blocked calls I was getting? The footprints around your mountain home that one weekend? And why does she have your detailed financial … oh my God. Is she behind the attempted kidnapping?”

  “I don’t know, sweetness. I have Stewart on it. Until we can figure this out, I don’t want you going anywhere without Marissa. Do you understand me?”

  I nodded. “Yes, of course.”

  We stood and looked at each other. I took in his gorgeous features. His eyes swept over my face before lingering on my lips. I could sense the air around us change with a sexual energy that had me parting my lips so I could accommodate my increased breathing. Xavier’s eyes dilated. His face flushed. He was feeling it too.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my hands in his dark, silky hair as I pulled him down for a kiss. I pulled him with such force, his palm slammed against the window behind me. As soon as our lips melded together, I could feel my blood pumping hot and fast through my veins. It didn’t take long for the kiss to turn heated. Arms wrapped around each other tightly, lips parted, tongues tangled, breaths mingled. Before I could process how he moved me so quickly, I was suddenly turned around and being backed up into the living room.

  Breaking away from me, he left me standing in the middle of the room. Hooded, hungry eyes stared into mine as he took his jacket and tie off. After tossing them on the couch, he reached over and grabbed the Sherpa blanket I was wrapped under earlier. The very same Sherpa blanket he laid me out on months ago.

  Walking over to kill the few lights that were on, he stopped in front of the fireplace and lit it. I felt the heat of the flames immediately on my already feverish skin. I reached for the hem of my t-shirt and pulled it over my head.

  Walking over to me, he stopped just a few feet from me. His eyes swept over my entire body, lingering on my heaving chest as he began to unbutton his shirt. Leaving it hanging open, he began to remove the X and O cuff links I gave him for Christmas. My hands flexed at my side, itching to run over the hard contours of his abs and chest.

  Unable to control the urge, I walked over to him. Starting with his abs, I trailed my fingers over the hard ridges. He closed his eyes. His breaths were coming in quick pants as a shiver ran through him. Continuing up his chest, I stopped and pressed my palms firmly into the warm skin of his pectorals. The feel of his heart hammering right along with my own sent a thrill through me.

  As soon as he reached up and removed his shirt, I ran my hands up to the curve of his shoulders to the back of his neck. I pressed myself into him just begging him to take me, but the babies chose this moment to make them heard or in this case felt. One of them let out a punch or a kick that was so strong, Xavier felt it while I was pressed up against him. His eyes widened at me.

  “Was that what I think it was?” he whispered.

  I nodded at him. “That’s the strongest one yet.” Releasing my hold from around his neck, I grabbed his hands and pressed them to my rounded belly. We stood frozen for several minutes waiting to feel more movement. When the kick came, Xavier looked up at me with awe and fascination on his beautiful face.

  “Lie down,” he said, motioning to the blanket on the floor.

  He stood and waited until I got comfortable then he stretched out next to me. Resting his head on my chest, he ran his hand over my belly, pausing in different spots waiting to feel another kick.

  Knowing that the urge to devour each other was quickly slipping away, I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair.

  “I guess we should get used to this, huh?” I said, chuckling.

  “Being interrupted by babies?” He paused a moment to kiss my belly. “Yeah, but don’t you worry, sweetness. No matter how many times we get interrupted, I will always find the time to take care of you.”

  I waited several minutes. “How about now?” I asked.

  His hand stilled on my belly. He lifted his head to look at me. I was surprised to see fear and uncertainty clouding his eyes.

  “What is it?” I frowned at him.

  “I don’t know. It seems different now that I felt them. Before it was just your swollen belly, but being able to feel them move inside you … it makes it so real.”

  Shit. I knew where he was going with this. I cupped his face. “Hey, you aren’t going to hurt them or me. Pregnant couples have sex right up until their babies are born,” I said, trying to sound reassuring.

  “But it’s different for you,” he insisted.

  “Different how?” I asked, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice.

  “You’ve had a miscarriage, Ella. You were bleeding with this pregnancy.”

  I appreciated his concern, but I was damned if I was going to have to go the next few months being sexually frustrated when our doctor had already told him there was nothing to be concerned about.

  I wiggled out from under him. He frowned as he watched me get up. Standing before him, I stripped out of my pants, bra, and panties until I was naked before him. He watched me the entire time with hungry eyes. I felt nothing but satisfaction coupled with lust course through me when I took in the sight of his arousal straining against his zipper.

  I put my hands on my hips. “You and I both know that we can’t make it a few days without having each other. There’s no way we’ll make it months. Now this is going to happen one of two ways.” Raising his brows at me, he put his hands behind his head causing his biceps to bulge in such a delicious way I swear my mouth watered. A playful, little smirk was on his face. “You can have me here, you can have me in the bedroom, you can have me in any damn room of this place that you please, but either way you are going to have me.”

  Licking his lips, he pulled his arms from behind his head. Waving his arms down his body and then holding them out, he looked up at me and said, “I’m at your mercy, baby.”

  That was all I needed to hear. Straddling his thighs, I quickly undid his belt, popped the button, and unzipped his trousers. Standing up, I made my way to the bottom of his pant legs. He lifted his bottom so I could easily pull his trousers off. When he pulled his boxer briefs down, springing his erection free, I wanted to run and jump on him I was so fired up.

  As I approached him, he quickly sat up. Grabbing me by the hips, he held me firmly in place. Heat flooded my core as I fought the urge to fight against his hold.

 
; “Easy, sweetness.” His voice sounded strained with a combination of lust and fear. But I didn’t fight him, and I didn’t argue with him. Allowing him to take control by guiding me down onto him and controlling our rhythm as we moved together was exactly what he needed to put his fears to rest. Within no time we were both covered in sweat, clutching each other’s slick, trembling bodies, and calling out each other’s names.

  The next day, Xavier insisted on staying home and working out of the house. I did nothing but field calls from friends in New Jersey as the news of Stephen’s death reached them. My parents were the most surprised. Like my father said, Stephen was a proud and arrogant man. He didn’t seem like the type of person that would give up in such a cowardice way. I agreed with my dad, and then read him the letter Xavier had received.

  “That damn bastard. Even on his way out he has to try and make you feel like shit,” my father growled. It took fifteen minutes before my mother and I had him calmed down.

  Xavier got news that afternoon concerning Stephen’s funeral. The service was going to be held Friday, the day after tomorrow, at Mount Pleasant Cemetery at 10:00 a.m. He made arrangements with both Stewart and Marissa to accompany us, and I was positive they would both be armed.

  Thursday morning, Xavier headed out to work. I was restless after he left, eager to get out of the condo. Thoughts of having to go to the funeral tomorrow had me tied up in knots.

  I spotted my camera bag sitting on the floor of the bedroom when I got an idea. After getting in touch with Marissa, I hurried around the bedroom to get ready. I met her down by the SUV in less than thirty minutes.

  I originally told her I wanted to visit my parents place out on Bainbridge Island. I frequently went out there to check up on it just to make sure everything was okay. But the minute we got the car, I told her I had a change in plans.

  Marissa didn’t question me when I gave her the address of where I wanted to go, but I saw the confusion on her face when she looked over at me.

  Twenty minutes later, we were pulling into Myrtle Edwards Park. It was an overcast day. The breeze coming off the water was downright chilly today. Because of that, the park wasn’t as busy today as it had been when I was here just three days ago with Stephen.