Whisper My Last Goodbye

by Karen Woods

  Neil turned around slowly and quickly pulled his hand from down the front of his black shorts, his jaw dropped low. He’d been caught bang to rights. How on earth did he ever think he could get away with this? He was in his own home, the marital home with his wife. He was a pervert, a dirty no-good pervert. Harpur saw red and grabbed his hair and dragged it down to the crack in the door. She squashed his face up to the yellow light seeping from the door. “Let’s see what you’re looking at ay.” Harpur nearly collapsed when she looked through the gap in the door. Joanne was lying in her underwear on the bed and it was obvious she was having phone sex with her son. The grip on her husband loosened and she ran back into the bedroom gagging for breath. She couldn’t touch him anymore, he was diseased now, filthy. She wiped her hands on her pyjamas as she entered her bedroom. No, this wasn’t happening, he loved her, he said she was his world. He told her how sexy she was and how much she turned him on, even now after years of marriage.

  Neil stood frozen, he walked one way then another, his game was up. He ran in the bedroom after his wife. “Love, it isn’t what it looks like. I just heard her laughing and thought I would see if I could find out who she was talking to. I mean, to see if she was cheating on Sam. You said yourself that you didn’t trust her.”

  Did he think she was green or what? He’d been caught in the act. For crying out loud, didn’t he have any respect for his wife’s intelligence here? Harpur sat on the bed and stared at him, shocked, speechless, eyes burning into him. Taking a deep breath, she pointed at the space next to her. “Sit here, just sit down while I get my head around this.” Neil hung his head low and sat facing her. She looked deep into his eyes and snarled over at him. “Please, don’t insult my intelligence. If you do, then God knows what I’m capable of at this moment in time. Tell me what’s been going on because this is not a one-off. I’ve heard the creaking noise on the stairs for ages now and I thought we had mice when it was you all along. How could you do this to us? This is sick and twisted, like something you read about in magazines!” She sucked hard on her lips as she continued. She had to remain calm, get this out. “Now, think carefully before you answer me Neil. Tell me the fucking truth before I flip out and knock you that far into next week it will take you two weeks to come back, you slimy cunt.” He stuttered and he was about to deny his guilty pleasure. Harpur clenched her fist tightly together and smashed it into his face.

  Neil tried to hold her hands because she was ready to cause World War Three. “Love, just calm down. Please, I’ll do anything just be quiet.” Her eyes were dancing with madness and she was ready to have the house up. Oh yes, she would have named and shamed him to the neighbourhood if he denied this. She’d drag him out onto the street and let everyone know his dirty little secret. Her voice was getting louder with every word she spoke.

  “Then tell me the fucking truth. You owe me that at least.” Neil fell to the floor and curled up in a tiny ball, his body shaking. Harpur knew then that it was all true, her stomach was in knots and she wanted to be sick. She stood over him and spat down at him. “I know what’s just happened and if you ever try to deny it I will make sure it’s the last breath you ever take. I said, for the last time tell me the fucking truth!” Neil lifted his head up and drew his knees close to his chest, rocking, blubbering, lips shaking. “You was peeping at her weren’t you. And it’s not the first time.”

  There wasn’t a sound. Neil rested his chin on his knees and spoke. “Yes, I’ve done it a few times that’s all, I promise you love. I swear. I’ll never ever do it again. I don’t even know why I did it. I don’t fancy her or anything like that. It was a mistake, I’m sorry, please say you will forgive me.”

  Harpur shot a look outside the window and sucked hard on her lips. Everything made sense now, his late nights downstairs watching films. The way he always came to bed shortly after Joanne did. What a fool she’d been, why didn’t she see what was happening right in front of her? In her own home for crying out loud. Her voice was calm as she spoke to her husband. “In the morning you will pack your things and leave this house. We are done. I’ll never forgive you for this, ever. It’s sick Neil, perverted.” He jumped to his feet and tried to put his arms round her. She stood tall and flicked his arms away from her body. “Move you dirty bastard, those grubby hands will never touch my body again!”

  Joanne must have heard the commotion from her bedroom and came out of her room. She cautiously walked to Harpur’s bedroom. Her head dipped inside the door. “Is everything all right, I heard shouting?” Harpur shot a look at her husband and growled. Why should she keep his sordid little secret? She owed him nothing. She would reveal him for the twisted man that he was. “No, everything is not alright love. My husband here has been watching you at night through the crack in the door. Probably while you are having phone sex with my son. Yes. He’s been wanking over you. That’s right isn’t it Neil?” Joanne was gobsmacked. She pulled her housecoat tightly around her body, shocked. “Go on, tell her Neil that you have been getting off on her for weeks, months even.”

  What could Joanne say to this, nothing, she was horrified, you could see it in her eyes. “This is nothing to do with me Harpur. I swear to you now. I didn’t know a thing.”

  “I know you didn’t, love. It’s all his own doing. He must like young girls, he’s fucked in the head. Anyway, he’s leaving now so you’ll be safe. I should report the nonce to the police. He’s a dirty scumbag.”

  Harpur snapped and ran at her husband, she launched her fist into his head as she screamed at the top of her lungs. “Get out of my fucking house. Go Neil, before I do something I might regret.”

  Joanne stood with her back against the wall as Neil scarpered. This was bad, a nightmare. His feet thundered down the stairs. The front door slammed shut and Joanne ran to Harpur’s side. “I’m so sorry. Orr... look at the state of you. Please, just sit down and I’ll go and light you a cigarette. Just stay right there, you’re in shock. Look at you shaking, for Christ's sake this is all fucked up.” Joanne left the bedroom in a hurry. Harpur’s body folded in two and she howled out like an injured animal. How could he do this to her? She trusted him, loved him. He’d broken everything they’d had together, destroyed it. There was no going back after this. How could she ever be with him again, he knocked her sick. Joanne came back into the bedroom and passed Harpur a fag that she’d already lit. She placed her arms around her and rocked her gently. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. I never knew a thing.”

  Harpur blew a cloud of thick grey smoke from her mouth. Her hands were trembling and she was struggling to hold it together. “Go back to bed Joanne. I’ll be fine. I just need to be alone.” Joanne left the room after a few minutes. She had to make sure she was going to be alright, this was disturbing, even to her. Harpur stubbed her cigarette out in an ashtray and collapsed onto the bed. This poor woman was crying her heart out. What was going to happen to her marriage now? Could she ever forgive Neil? Or was it karma after her night of passion with Dessie?

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Harpur had hardly slept a wink all night. Her eyes were red raw and she’d been smoking like a trooper, stressed, not thinking straight. The vision of her husband was still running through her mind. She could still see him, hear him. She pressed the button on her mobile phone and turned the power back on. There were text alerts, ten, twenty, thirty messages all from Dessie. Harpur opened the texts and began to read them. A fat bulky tear rolled down her cheek onto her lip. His words were so sweet, endearing.

  “Harpur, please don’t end it before it’s even started. If you’re being true to yourself you will admit that you feel the same way as me. I need to see you. Can we talk? Why are you ignoring me? Please Harpur, I need to say some stuff to you. If after we’ve spoken and I mean nothing to you, well, you can walk away. I love you Harpur. There you go, I’ve said it. I love you more than anything I’ve ever loved in my life. Please get in touch. Love Dessie X”

  Wow, did he really feel this strongly
about her or was it all just an act to get into her knickers again? He’d had what he wanted so why didn’t he just leave her alone to get on with her life? And as for loving her, was he even capable of love? He was cheating on his wife for crying out loud. This should never have happened. Harpur read over the messages again and again. There was no point in blanking him. She started to reply.

  “Hi Dessie, sorry for not replying sooner. My head has been mashed. No, I mean really messed up with everything that has gone on. I’ve got so much shit going on in my life at the moment, it wouldn’t be fair to you to even think about starting a relationship with you at the moment. Dessie, I’m damaged goods. I need fixing, repairing. Honest, you don’t want to get mixed up with my shit at the moment. Hope you are okay? Love Harpur X”

  The message was sent. Harpur shot her eyes over at the wardrobe. She held a sour expression and bolted up from the bed. Dipping her head low she dragged out a large navy blue suitcase from underneath the bed. She needed him gone, anything that reminded her of her husband had to go. Like a mad woman she opened the suitcase and started to fling all his clothes out from his wardrobe. Her fingers barely touched his clothes, she hated him, the smell of him, the sight of him, she detested him. There were tears, lots of tears, her emotions were high and every now and then she collapsed onto the floor and sobbed her heart out. She was punching into anything she could get her hands on. Somebody was coming up the stairs, she shot her eyes to the door and wiped the tears away. “Mam, it’s only me, where are you?” Maddie stood looking about the bedroom. Her jaw dropped low as she walked into the room. “Mam, what’s going on. What are you doing with Dad’s stuff?” Harpur was lost for words. How could she tell her what had happened? It would break her heart into a thousand pieces, this was her father for Christ’s sake, the man she looked up to. Maddie was anxious and in fairness she didn’t look too clever herself, she looked pale, stressed out. “Mam, what’s going on, where’s Dad?”

  She’d always been straight with her daughter and she’d never lied to her if she could help it. Okay, she’d told her that her dog ran away when it was a puppy, but what else could she do, the animal was chewing everything in sight and shitting everywhere? That was a white lie, a fib, something all parents did. Harpur swallowed hard, her eyes were closing slowly as the truth made its way onto her lips. “Maddie, come and sit down here for a few minutes. Please, don’t ask me what has happened because I don’t want to lie to you. All you need to know is that he won’t be setting foot in this house again.”

  Maddie let out a stunned gasp. “You can’t say that. It’s his house too! Where do you expect him to go? Whatever has gone on it will blow over, stop overreacting.”

  Harpur opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling. She had to tell her, otherwise her daughter would just think it was her fault. She could never see any wrong in her father. He was her protector, her safe place. “Maddie, something happened here last night and believe you me, you don’t want to know. He’s finished with me. I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire.”

  Joanne was here now and stood at the door. Joseph followed closely behind her and she needed to make sure he didn’t see his Nana like this. “Son, you go downstairs and put the television on. I’ll be down to do your breakfast as soon as I’ve had a little talk with Nana. Go and put Horrid Henry on the television.” Her voice was animated and she watched as Joseph headed down the stairs.

  Maddie looked over at Joanne and snarled. “I suppose you know what’s going on don’t you?”

  Joanne looked over at Harpur and held a blank expression. Was she going to tell her or what? Harpur sucked in a large mouthful of air and held her daughter’s hands, stroking at them, rubbing them softly. “Last night I caught your dad peeping through the crack in the bedroom door perving on Joanne.” Maddie twisted her head slowly to look at her brother’s girlfriend. Joanne nodded her head to confirm it was true. “It’s not the first time either, he knocks me sick in the pit of my stomach.”

  Maddie cringed, shook her head. “What, my dad was looking at her? Why would he look at that scruffy mess when he has you?”

  Joanne was about to defend herself when Harpur stood up and cut her short. “It’s nothing to do with Joanne. She’s the innocent one in all this. Don’t be starting with her over it. You two used to be so close, whatever happened to that ay?”

  Maddie dropped her head, she stuttered. Joanne knew something and by the look on her face, she would have told the world and his wife given the chance. “Shit happens doesn’t it. Joanne knows why we don’t get on anymore but that’s for us two to sort out, not you. Where is my dad now? I need to speak to him.”

  Harpur was raging, there were no hugs for her, no sympathy, her daughter just brushed the incident under the carpet as if it meant nothing. “He was the man I loved. I thought I knew him. Don’t you dare take sides in this Maddie. He’s in the wrong and you know it.”

  “Mam, he’s not had sex with another woman or anything here. He's just had a look at what was on show. Come on, Joanne walks around this place practically naked most of the time, what did you expect?”

  “Listen you. Keep your snide remarks to yourself. I’m with your mam on this. Like she just said, he’s her husband. And I’m her son’s girlfriend.”

  “Not for long if I have anything to do with it,” Maddie muttered under her breath. Joanne stood back as Harpur ran past her, heading for the toilet. She slammed the door behind her and they could hear her gagging behind the closed door.

  Joanne walked over to Maddie with caution. She checked behind her to make sure nobody was listening. They were nose to nose now. “Listen you dirty little skank. We both have secrets don’t we. I think you will have more to lose than me if all this comes out, so I’d keep that big mouth of yours shut if I was you. What’s up? Are you jealous because he didn’t want you anymore?”

  Maddie's knuckles were turning white, she was going to give her a bunch of fives for sure. She stepped closer to her brother’s girlfriend and squared up to her opponent. “Blood is thicker than water bitch. And for your information, he did want me. It was me who didn’t want him. Why do you think he’s shagging dirty little sluts like you?” This was war, for Christ's sake these two were ready to come to blows.

  Harpur stormed back into the bedroom, “What the hell is going on here? Maddie, Joanne, is one of you going to tell me what’s happening?”

  Maddie’s nostrils flared, there was no way she was backing down. Joanne started to walk away, mumbling under her breath. “Those who turn and walk away live to fight another day.”

  She smirked back at Maddie. This girl was no threat to her. Whatever she knew had a strong hold over her though for sure. Maddie rushed past her mother. “I’m going to find my dad. For all you care he could be lying under a bus somewhere.”

  “Like I give a flying fuck where he is Maddie. If you see him, tell him from me not to waste his breath coming round here. If he turns up, God help me. I won’t be responsible for my actions.” Joanne crept out of the bedroom, Harpur needed time alone, time to get her head round things.

  There was a text alert on her phone. It was a message from Dessie. Harpur plonked on the bed and started to read the text.

  “I’m so glad you replied, all sorts of things were going through my mind. Can we meet today or tomorrow? Just a few hours are all I need. I don’t care if you’re damaged goods or not. You’re the woman I love and that’s all that matters to me.”

  Harpur gasped her breath. What did she have to lose now? She owed Neil nothing.

  “Dessie, I will meet you tonight at the bar on Deansgate. I will be there at eight o’clock. Love Harpur X”

  She sent the message. Was this all a front? How could she even think about seeing another man when her marriage was on the rocks? Shouldn’t she have been sat down with her husband trying to work things out, finding out why he did what he did? Harpur started to get ready. She needed some fresh air, to go for a walk, to clear her head before it exploded
.

  *

  She went back to the place where she always came when she had problems. The cemetery was bright and sunny today, as if all the spirits in the sky were holding candles over this resting place. Harpur walked down the path humming a song. It was a song she used to sing to her brother. ‘Fix You’ by Coldplay. Brady cried when he first heard the song. The words had so much meaning to them both and the lyrics touched his heart. Harpur was always trying to fix her younger brother, always planning to make him normal again, get him clean, free him from drugs. Yes, the words of this song meant so much.

  Harpur started to remove the rubbish that had landed on Brady’s grave; papers, leaves, crisp packets. She hated that his place of rest was not clean. Once it was done, she sat down on the grass and touched her brother’s photograph with her index finger. “So, what do you say about what’s happened? I know you know. He’s disgusting isn’t he? You always said he was too good to be true and I should have listened to you when you said you had a gut feeling about him. Your gut was always right wasn’t it Brady?” The noise of the traffic on the nearby road could be heard, the roaring engine of a bus parked up at a bus stop. People were sat on the top deck just staring at her. Brady would have liked his burial spot. It was close to the road and not as quiet as some of the other graves. She waited until the noise subsided and continued talking. “I’ll never forgive him for what he’s done Brady. How could I ever forget what I saw? Every time I close my eyes I can still see him looking through the door, touching himself, getting off on the image of another woman. It’s over as far as I’m concerned,” she sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know why I’m telling you. It’s not like you can help is it? And then there’s our Maddie. I don’t know what’s up with her lately, she’s just not herself, she seems troubled, as if she’s got something on her mind constantly.”