Whisper My Last Goodbye

by Karen Woods

Harpur’s face dropped. She was a married woman, what if someone saw her, reported back to Neil that she was not where she said she was? Dessie could see by her body language that she was struggling. “Or we can have a drink in the bar downstairs and have a meal.” She nodded. It was alright for Dessie, his wife was out of sight and he could go and see who he wanted. Whereas she, on the other hand, had to keep a low profile. She supposed that was what happened when two people were having an affair, ducking and diving. Was this an affair? It was just one kiss; you couldn’t really call that grounds for a divorce could you?

  The pair of them sat at the table and read the menu. Dessie didn’t take his eyes from her and she kept catching him admiring her. There was chemistry between these two, it was like they’d never been apart. They seemed at ease with each other, familiar. Harpur was well on her way now and even though she shouldn’t have asked, she did. “So, tell me about your wife and kids. I hardly know anything about you or your life. You said when we met you would tell me all I need to know about you.”

  Dessie swallowed hard, his head dipped and you could see this wasn’t something he wanted to talk about. Yes, he’d tell her about basic things but there was stuff he wanted to keep to himself. Anytime she’d mentioned his wife he always clammed up, changed the subject. Harpur ran her finger around her wine glass and looked over at him. She never gave him a chance to answer her. “It’s been nice seeing you Dessie. And I’m glad we have finally set the record straight after all these years. Well, you finally admitted cheating on me with that Wendy O’Malley, so I suppose I can forgive you now. I just really hated her guts and for you to risk losing me for someone like her, well, it was heart-breaking. She was a right slapper too, a proper dirt bag.”

  Dessie’s eyes were wide open and his mouth was moving but no words were coming out. She’d shocked him for sure with her comment. He changed the subject quickly before she carried on delving into his past. “So, I hear you had a bad time with that guy you ended up with? A few of the lads told me he was a right bastard with you.”

  Harpur’s head dropped and she sat playing with her fingers. “It was hard and yes, he was a wanker. I suppose I was young and didn’t know any better. I had Sam with him and the rest is history. I’ve not seen him for over twenty years now and I want to keep it like that. He was a crank, fucked in the head.”

  Dessie reached over the table and touched the top of her hand. “Don’t talk about it if it upsets you. I know more than you think about him. You don’t need to explain anything.”

  Harpur raised a smile and lifted her glass up. “I’m stuffed. I don’t think I could eat another thing. Shall we leave desert? You’ve spoiled me tonight and I’d like to say thank you for such a lovely time. And thank you for making me smile again.”

  “It’s not over yet. Just you wait until I get you back to the room.” He held the bottom of his stomach and sniggered. He was such a cocky fucker, full of himself he was.

  Harpur was drunk and she was ready for some fun. She’d show him, she’d wipe that smile right from his face. “I’m glad you’ve said that because I’m feeling ever so horny. It’s the wine, it always makes me feel like that. I think I’m going to ruin you Dessie Ryan, so drink up and get your arse back in the room.” This did the trick, his jaw dropped and he wasn’t as confident anymore. He’d shit a brick. Harpur smirked over at him and raised her eyes. “Not so loud now are you Dessie?” He stood to his feet and came and stood behind her, helping her to pull her chair out. As he bent down slightly he kissed the side of her neck, his warm breath floating down her shoulder blades. She turned back to face him and her nostrils flared. He was arousing her; she knew she wanted him now. Harpur stood and took hold of his hand before leading him to the exit. The two of them were nearly running to the lift. Once inside he dragged her to where he was stood and kissed her passionately, gripping her hair tightly, biting her neck, ravaging her body.

  The pair of them couldn’t get their clothes off quickly enough. This was bad, they were both married. But neither of them seemed to care. The wine had taken over now and Harpur was like a lioness as she sank her nails deep into his back. There was passion, filth, sensual touches, it was all happening. There was no going back, they were caught up in the moment. Dessie looked down at her and he paused, his body remaining still. He brought his head down slightly and kissed her hot lips slowly. “You know already don’t you, so I don’t need to say it.” Harpur wasn’t listening to a word he was saying. This was the best sex she’d had in years and nothing was going to stop her enjoying it. He needed to stop talking, she was near orgasm. Was this actually the same woman? This wasn’t the Harpur that everyone knew. This woman was confident, controlling and she was the one calling the shots. Dessie was just her sex slave, obeying every word she said to him. What happened to just meeting an old friend, chatting, having a bite to eat? The sin had been committed now and both of them had committed adultery. There was no going back, the deed was done.

  Harpur lay on Dessie’s chest after the sex was over, panting for breath. He stroked her hair back from her face and kissed her forehead. “That was heaven. Honest, I don’t know what you’ve done to me but I’m totally besotted with you. Wow, incredible sex. The best I’ve had.”

  She tickled the sprinkle of hairs on his chest. “See, I’m not frigid am I?”

  He sniggered and tickled the side of her waist. “I only ever said that to wind you up. Can I say something to you please?”

  “Yes, why do you keep asking? Just say what you have to.”

  Dessie took a deep breath and laid his heart on the line. “Since we’ve been chatting I’ve not been able to get you out of my head. It’s like you’ve cast a spell over me and I’m mesmerised by everything that you do. I think...”

  Harpur reached up and placed a single finger on his lips. “Go to sleep Dessie. It’s a good job I don’t fall for all this bullshit isn’t it? Imagine if I did, you’d have me wrapped right around your little finger wouldn’t you?” She let out a little giggle and snuggled deep into his chest. “Once bitten twice shy, goodnight Dessie.” Harpur closed her eyes and her breathing became slower. Dessie was wide awake. His hand gently stroked the top of her neck. He was infatuated with this woman. This wasn’t bullshit, she had his heart and he knew it. He was never letting her go, not now, not ever. He’d fight for her if he had to.

  *

  The weekend was coming to an end and Harpur was packing the last of her belongings into her suitcase. Bridget would be here soon and she needed to be ready. Dessie was sat on the edge of his bed and he kept dragging his hands through his hair and looking over at her. Lifting his head up, he had to get it off his chest. The words he had to say were strangling him. “Can we just have a quick chat before you have to go rushing off?”

  Harpur had her back towards him and she was just zipping her case up. “Yeah, two minutes. What’s up?”

  Dessie coughed and patted the edge of the bed. “Come and sit down for a few minutes. It will take me a while to get out what I have to say.”

  Harpur joined him. She was ready to go now. Looking deep into his eyes, she held her head to the side. “What’s up? Are you going to tell me or what?”

  Dessie sat cracking his knuckles, he was so nervous. “I’m in Manchester until the end of the week. Do you want to meet up again before I have to go home? I’d spend every day with you if you’d let me,” this guy was getting emotional as he continued. “You feel like home Harpur. Honest, my heart beats when I’m with you and I’ve not felt like this for as long as I can remember. It feels so right to be with you.”

  Was he being serious or was this just part of his plan to get her hooked? There was no way she was falling in love, this was a bit of fun, something to save her marriage. But how could she word this without making him feel like a complete idiot? She didn’t know how she felt about him anymore. Last night was good, but she was pissed and perhaps she just needed to get it out of her system. Okay, he made her excited, but was this any
real reason to end her marriage? Neil was a dickhead every now and then but he was her security blanket. She couldn’t throw all that away just because Dessie Ryan had turned up and declared that he loved her after all these years. Where was he when she needed him? He had been nowhere to be seen, she owed him nothing. Her voice was low and she treaded carefully so as not to hurt his feelings. “Dessie, we’ve had a great time me and you. This weekend is something that I will remember forever. You’re a married man and you’re just probably feeling a bit unloved at home at the moment. I’m not what you want. We’ve just had a fling that’s all. You enjoyed it right?”

  Dessie’s shoulders sank low. “I was hoping for more if I was being honest. I was thinking we would fall madly, passionately in love with each other and run away together to live happily ever after.”

  She couldn’t help but laugh, what had happened to him, where was his banter? “Dessie, can you hear yourself? Don’t be sad. And as for feeling how you do, I’m totally flattered. But, I can’t allow myself to get involved with you. I have responsibilities at home, a husband.” Harpur’s phone started to ring, it was Bridget. “I just have to answer this.” She held the phone to her ear and turned her body away from him. “Hi Bridget, are you here already? Okay, I’ll be down soon, give me five minutes I’m just packing the rest of my stuff.” The call ended and Harpur stood up from the bed. She didn’t look at Dessie once. She had to hurry up, leave without any more complications.

  Harpur stood at the door and placed her suitcase down on the floor. Dessie was standing looking out of the window. She walked back to him and placed her arms around his waist. She couldn’t leave him like this. He was a mess. “Dessie, if things were different I’d have loved to get to know you better. Maybe our time has been and gone and we have both already chosen the paths we are taking. I’m sorry I can’t offer you anything more. If you’re free we can go for a coffee through the week. Are you up for that?” He turned round and pulled her closer to his body. He bent his head slightly and kissed her. Harpur was caught up in the moment and she kissed him back. This time the kiss meant so much more, he took her breath away, made her heart beat faster than normal, a warmth rising throughout her body. This was so scary and she knew if she stayed any longer she would be lost in the moment forever. His words were still running through her head, he said he loved her. She could feel it too. But did she love him? Pulling away from him, she never said another word, she just walked to the door. Harpur was gone.

  Bridget reached over and opened the car door. “Come on, tell me everything. Did you sleep with him? Tell me, tell me.” Harpur’s heart was heavy and whatever had just happened in that room had scared the life out of her. She kept looking at the hotel, numb, not knowing what to do for the best. Bridget playfully punched her in the arm. “So, spill, how did it go?”

  Harpur popped a cigarette into her mouth and sucked hard on it as she opened the window. “It was really good. We got on well. He makes me smile, he’s off his head really. Bridget, he’s said some stuff to me and well. It’s done my head in. He’s told me he loves me.”

  Bridget huffed and opened her eyes wide, completely shocked. “What, just after a weekend away together? Mind you, it can happen in an instant. It only takes a minute to fall in love, one look, one kiss, so it could be true. When you think about it you two have been chatting for ages now and the video chats too, so I suppose a relationship could have been forming without you both even knowing. Do you have any feelings for him?”

  Harpur sucked hard on her fag. This was the big-money question. “I didn’t think I did but something just happened to me in that room before I left him. The kiss, it changed, it was like he sucked my heart out. Honest, I’ve never felt like this before. I can’t describe it.”

  Bridget looked closer at her best friend. Was she falling in love or was this just lust, a bang, a quick leg-over? Bridget was driving now and from the corner of her eye she could see Harpur thinking. She was receiving endless texts but never once did she look at her phone. She was in some sort of trance, numb, not taking anything in. Bridget was getting worried. “Harpur, you need to shake this off. Neil thinks you have been on a girl’s weekend away. Sort your face out and try smiling. Bleeding hell, this is a nightmare. Pull yourself together before you get home. You’re so on top you are.”

  Bridget watched Harpur walking down her garden path. She’d hardly spoken a word on the drive home. Bridget waved to her as she left. “Ring me if you need me,” she shouted after her but still, there was no reply. Neil sat up as his wife entered the room. He was smiling and you could tell he’d missed her. He pulled her down on the sofa and cuddled her in his arms. “I’ve missed you so much babes, honest, I’ve not slept properly since you’ve been gone. I’ve done some thinking too and you’re right, I need to start pulling my finger out of my arse and helping you in the house. I’ll take you away on romantic weekends too.”

  Harpur could have burst out crying there and then. She felt guilt, betrayal and she needed forgiveness for the sin she’d committed. She held her husband tightly in her arms and squeezed him with all her might. “I’m sorry too Neil. This weekend has made me realise a lot of things too. I know you love me and I should just accept you for the man you are.”

  “No love, things are changing. As from today you will see the change in me. And anything you want, you can have. I don’t care anymore. You’re the most important thing in my life and I never want to lose you, ever.” The couple shared a kiss and it looked like the weekend away had saved their marriage.

  Sometimes, you don’t realise what you have at home until you risk losing it all. As far as she was concerned now Dessie Ryan was in her past, and that’s where he was staying. He was out of her system now and she’d done what she had set out to do. Joanne walked into the room and Harpur smiled at her. She wasn’t going to judge her anymore, how could she when she’d been away with a man who wasn’t her husband and had hot passionate sex? No, she was forgiving her right here right now. “I’ll order takeaway for us all. Joanne, where is Joseph, tell him he can pick what pizza we are having. I’ve missed you lot, I’ve missed this mad little family.

  Neil and Harpur spent the evening cuddled up on the sofa. Joanne had gone out and Joseph had just fallen to sleep on the chair next to them both. Neil was holding his wife in his arms and every now and then he was kissing her. She was loved tonight, back in the arms of the man she loved. What a foolish woman she’d been. Her mobile phone had been switched off and when her head was a bit clearer, she would message Dessie and tell him she would not be chatting with him anymore. The film was almost over and Neil was itching to watch the highlights from the football match. She could tell, he kept checking his wristwatch. Harpur looked over at Joseph and spoke. “I’ll take him up. Joanne should be in soon so he won’t be on his own for long. I’m going to go to bed love. I’m absolutely knackered. I’ve not slept properly for days. You know what the girls are like when we’re all together.

  Harpur stood and Neil squeezed her bum cheeks tightly. “No worries love. I’ll be up soon anyway. I’m going to watch a bit of the match if that’s alright?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow anyway.” Harpur scooped her grandson into her arms and headed upstairs. When she was halfway up she could hear Joanne in the hallway. “I’m in early Harpur. It was a shite night out anyway. I’m sorry I bothered.”

  Harpur shouted down to her. “No worries, I’ll put Joseph in bed anyway.” Joanne was back in her good books at last. Sam was home the following week and she was relieved his mother was going to keep her big mouth shut. Thank God for that.

  Harpur lay in bed and looked at her phone. She knew the moment she switched the power back on there would be endless messages from Dessie. She placed her phone back in her handbag and lay on the bed. Her eyes were already closing when she heard Joanne going into her bedroom. At this time of the night she usually spoke to Sam until the early hours to keep him company. At least she was h
ome now and she could stop worrying about her. Perhaps she’d been wrong about her all along, maybe she did love Sam and she was faithful to him.

  Harpur had been asleep for what seemed like hours. A barking dog nearby had woken her up. Her eyes flicked to the clock at the side of the bed. It was two o’clock, shut the yapping fucker up for crying out loud. She folded her pillow under her head and tried to get back to sleep, punching at the pillow, kicking her legs about, unsettled now. There were noises from outside the bedroom, stairs, creaking, then silence.

  This was doing her head in now and she wanted to know what the commotion was. For months, weeks, she’d heard this sound. Once and for all she had to see what it was. Slowly, she twisted her body out of bed and crept to her bedroom door, there wasn’t a sound. Perhaps they had mice, there had been an infestation of them in some of the houses on the row and the tenants had already had letters regarding the vermin entering neighbour’s properties. She tiptoed cautiously and stood at her bedroom door with a shoe held in her hand, ready for attack. She’d squash the little fucker to death if it was out there. Rubbing her knuckles into the corner of her eyes, she held her breath. Her eyes were wide open, her heart leaping about in her chest. She could see something at the other end of the landing. Her windpipe tightened and her fingers curled tightly around the weapon she was holding in her hand. Why was she still stood there? Quick, get it, pummel it and sling it outside before it ran off. Harpur closed her eyes as she heard Joanne laughing inside her bedroom. Bleeding hell, she was going to scare it off. Harpur had to make sure she was seeing this right and she wasn’t still asleep. No, her eyes were not letting her down this time, it was real. All so real. She could see the shadow of a man bent down looking through the gap in the bedroom door, his hand was moving, he was masturbating. Harpur gritted her teeth tightly together and she crept up slowly behind him. This was her husband, her other half, what the hell was he thinking, the dirty bastard? Neil never heard a sound, she could hear him grunting, deep rapid breathing. This was real and there was no way she was imagining this. Taking a deep breath first, she confronted him. “You dirty no-good bastard, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”