Torn

by A. M. Wallace

On the way back to my house that night, Amy smiled over at me and thanked me yet again for being so great to her mom. As if I would’ve been rude either way.

  “You don’t have to thank me. Besides, now it’s your turn.” She looked at me confused and I laughed. “We’ll make it a weekend trip.”

  “What are you talking about?” she asked.

  “I met your mom. It’s only fair you come and meet my parents.” I grinned at the look on her face. She looked so scared. “It won’t be that bad.”

  She had stressed about it the entire week. Not that she needed to. She was a complete hit with my parents. They both adored her, both insisting she call them by their first names, Ken and Myra, instead of Mr. and Mrs. Williams like she wanted to.

  When we first got there, after the introductions were made, my mother showed her around the house while my father pulled me to the side.

  “You care about this girl.” It wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway. “She’s not Hannah.” I blinked, not sure at first as to what he was getting at.

  “No. She’s not,” I confirmed. He nodded and clapped my shoulder.

  “I’m proud of you, son.” And he left it at that.

  The weekend was a total success. Amy spent quite a bit of time with my mom, which was an accomplishment all in its own. Myra Williams was not easily swayed. She was the definition of ‘mama bear’, but I loved it. She got along with just about everyone, but for her to truly like someone usually took time. She was polite to all the girlfriends of mine she had met, but she didn’t like many of them, let alone want me to stay with them forever. Something was different with Amy. Mom didn’t say as much, but even dad could tell.

  When we left, I was the one who got the mini lecture about taking care of Amy, not the other way around. Amy was just in the other room, but they both made sure she heard every word. She teased me about it on the way home.

  “Be nice to me, Marcus Alexander, or I’ll call your mom.”

  She actually started saying something along those lines every time we argued about anything, which wasn’t often anyway, nor was it ever serious. I could have just as easily said the same thing about her mom, but I let Amy have that. She enjoyed teasing me, and if I were being honest, I liked being teased. In more ways than one.

  A squeeze of my hand pulled me from my thoughts. I could feel a hand in mine, but my mind was still a little fuzzy and I was getting really confused.

  “Your color looks better today. The doctor says you’re progressing better than they thought; it’s just a slow process.”

  It was Amy. She sounded so sad and I wanted to comfort her, I just didn’t know how.

  “I’m here, Amy.” My voice was still in my head.

  Though, I wasn’t sure where here was. I was still really confused by everything. I couldn’t remember what happened before this.

  We were eating ice cream. Amy loved the Dairy Barn, so I took her to get some in the city. That was what I remembered. I didn’t remember leaving. I didn’t even remember eating any. I just remembered that.

  “There are some other people who want to see you. I’ll be back later.”

  I felt her lips brush against my forehead and felt her whisper on my face.

  “I love you. Come back to me soon.”

  She loved me? She’d never said that to me before, and now I wasn’t even really here for her to say it now.

  “Amy!” Dammit, it was no use.

  I fought against whatever was holding me back, but nothing happened. I’d give anything to be able to comfort her right now. To hold her. To tell her I loved her, too.

  “Hey. I’m back.” It was Hannah. She chuckled nervously.

  Had she been here before? I distinctly remembered her talking to me before, but I couldn’t remember what she said.

  “They tell me things are kind of looking up for you. I wish your body would speed things up a little, but I guess we don’t always get what we want.” She sighed. “As long as you’re getting better, it doesn’t matter how long it takes.”

  Why did everyone keep talking about me getting better? What the hell was I missing?

  “I know if you can hear me, you’re probably getting sick of me saying this, but, I really am sorry about everything that happened between us. I hate that that’s the last conversation we had and no one is certain whether you’ll be okay or not.” I could hear her sniffling, pausing to compose herself I’d say. “I just want to fix things. Not just because you’re here. Because we need to. We’re best friends. I can’t lose you.”

  She grabbed my hand and squeezed gently. That’s the last thing I remembered before drifting out again.

  The entire time I’d been here, wherever here was, had been like that. Drifting in and out, catching bits and pieces of what I thought were real conversations. I just couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t join in the conversation. It made my head hurt to try to figure it out.

  Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…

  That annoying beeping was very consistent at least.

  I eventually gathered enough information and relaxed enough to come to the realization I was in the hospital. I still had no idea what happened or what was wrong. Nothing hurt, that I was aware of anyway, but I still couldn’t move. Or talk. It was really annoying.

  Even more annoying was it was hard to differentiate what was real and what was a dream. Everything had that fuzzy feeling in my mind, and voices would fade in and out all the time. I’d catch the first half of one conversation, and the second of another.

  “Any day now, Marcus.” There was Hannah again.

  I had no idea how much time had passed, but I felt like I was missing a lot. I really hated it.

  “They finally took the tube out of your throat this morning. I’m sure that makes you feel a little better.”

  It was as though as she said it, it became real. All the sudden, I could feel the pain in my throat from where the tube had been and I tried to swallow.

  “Marcus?” She sounded panicked.

  I tried to swallow again and mentally winced at the soreness in my throat. I tried to bring my hand up to rub it from the outside, only to find that my arm felt like it weighed a ton.

  “Marcus!” Hannah grabbed my hand and squeezed. I squeezed back. “Oh, Marcus!”

  My eyes felt like they were glued shut, my eyelids were insanely heavy, but I eventually got them open. My vision was a little blurry and I blinked a few times to clear it up. It didn’t help much.

  “Marcus, can you hear me?” Hannah asked.

  I blinked a few more times and looked up at her, finally able to see her. Her big green eyes were as large as saucers staring back down at me. I opened my mouth a few more times, but nothing came out. She must have sensed I needed some water because she reached to her left and grabbed a cup of water that was sitting there with a straw in it. She held the straw carefully to my lips and I closed my eyes as I took a huge pull.

  Water was the best thing in the world.

  I took a few big drinks, my throat feeling a little better, my cotton mouth getting a lot better with each drink. I knew I should probably stop, but I couldn’t. Hannah took care of that, too.

  “Not so much at once. Pace yourself.” She sat the cup back down on my bedside table and sat down on the chair beside my bed, taking my hand in hers again. “I can’t believe you’re awake.” She smiled wide at me, but I frowned slightly, looking around.

  How could she not be here? I knew she was here somewhere. She had to be. I’d heard her numerous times. And I wanted her here now.

  “Where’s Amy?” I finally croaked out.

  amy. he asked for amy. I was sitting right here, and he asked for her. Three days. He’d been out for three days and I’d been here, worrying about him, wanting to make things right. And he asks for her.

  I stood up, not bothering to tell Marcus where I was going. He wanted Amy. I’d go and get her for him.

  I walked out of his room, ignoring him as he called after me, a
nd walked over to where the others were sitting. His parents, Erica, Chad, and of course, Amy. They all looked up as I reached them.

  “He’s awake,” I whispered, not feeling strong enough to sound happy. Everyone was suddenly on their feet. A chorus of “What? When? What did he say?” came from the group. I took a deep breath and looked directly at Amy.

  “He’s asking for you.” She blinked as I spoke and turned to his parents, silently asking for their permission it looked like.

  Myra nodded slowly as tears formed in her eyes and Ken squeezed Amy’s shoulder for support. When she walked by me, she didn’t even look my way. I guess I didn’t blame her. We hadn’t spoken since our argument the other day.

  I turned and watched her walk to Marcus’ room. An arm came around my waist and I looked to see his mom giving me a one arm hug.

  “It’s a good day, Hannah.” She kissed the side of my head and she walked hand in hand with Ken toward the elevators. They were giving Amy her time with Marcus.

  I could get sick.

  “We’re gonna go get some food.” I turned to look at Chad as he spoke. “Now that we know he’s good for the moment, I might be able to eat something heavier than soup and pudding.” He grinned for good measure.

  “Come with us, Hannah. It’s okay to leave the floor. We’ll come right back,” Erica tried to coax me, but I wouldn’t budge.

  “No, I’m okay. I wouldn’t mind some alone time.” They both nodded and walked the same way as the Williams’ did to take the elevator down to the cafeteria.

  I knew I shouldn’t have, but I walked back over to Marcus’ room and stood by the open door where they couldn’t see me from the inside. I knew Amy would tell him about what happened between us. I was just hoping she’d give me a chance to tell him myself. I didn’t want her making me out to be worse than I’d been.

  “I’m so glad you’re okay.” I heard Amy say as Marcus quietly shushed her to calm her down.

  “I’m glad you’re okay. I’m so sorry, Amy. I don’t even know what happened.” He was trying to reassure her while he was the one who’d been in a hospital bed.

  “We can talk about it later. You have a lot of people who want to see you.” I could hear them kiss.

  Yeah, I was definitely going to get sick.

  “Is Hannah okay? She didn’t say anything when she left.” I could hear the concern in his voice.

  This was it. This is when Amy would drop the bomb on me.

  “Yeah, she’s just been really worried about you. We all have. It’s just been a little extra hard on her, I think.”

  What could she be getting at? Was she defending me? She couldn’t be. I could hear Marcus replying, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. Amy’s voice was lower now, too, but I could still hear what she was saying.

  “I can’t imagine how she was feeling. The last thing you both said to each other was harsh and,” she sniffled a little, “we weren’t sure how this would turn out.”

  She was defending me.

  I had to get out of here. I all but ran to the elevators, pushing the down button multiple times before it finally opened. I stepped in and hit the button for the ground floor and waited. My foot was tapping by the time the elevator doors opened and I was out. I walked directly out of the main doors and found a bench to sit on outside.

  I sat down and stared up at the sky. It was a little warmer than it had been lately, so I didn’t feel the need for a jacket. I was too hot anyway.

  A lot had happened in the last couple of days while Marcus had been in the hospital. I spent all my time here. I knew I should have been at school, but I couldn’t bring myself to go. Amy stayed, too. I knew it sounded awful, but I couldn’t go if she wasn’t going.

  Erica had gotten into me I didn’t know how many times. I just started ignoring her. Yes, I may not have had the right to talk to Amy the way I did, but it was done and over with now. And I was still a little angry. I was a terrible person.

  And to top it all off, he asked for her the second he woke up. I was sitting right there, holding his hand, and he wanted Amy. Not to mention I’d noticed she had started calling him Marcus. That used to be reserved for me and his parents. That was it. My heart felt like it had been tossed in a blender, and that made me feel even guiltier.

  I hadn’t seen Justin much the last few days. He came by a few times to see me and to sit with me. He was being supportive, but I told him to go to school and his study groups. He not getting into law school wasn’t going to hurt us, but it wasn’t helping us either. There was no reason for him to sit around and be bored with me at the hospital.

  I’d been battling myself about all of that as well. When Justin wasn’t here, I wanted him here. When he was here, I wanted him to go home. When I was here without him, I’d started to feel a little left out. Chad and Erica spoke to me, don’t get me wrong, but I suddenly felt like there were sides between Amy and me, and they weren’t on mine. I wanted Justin to be here, but when he was, I felt like I was betraying Marcus in some way. That was stupid of me, though.

  I had really thought I was over all of this ridiculousness with Marcus. I thought that us going two weeks without speaking helped. It seemed to, at least. But the second he was in trouble, where was I? Right by his side and fighting with his girlfriend for the right to stay there.

  “Hannah! There you are.” I looked up to see Erica walking toward me.

  “Here I am.” I shrugged.

  “What are you doing out here?” she asked as she sat next to me on the bench.

  “Just thinking,” I said and she nodded, taking her time to respond.

  We sat like that for what felt like forever, in complete silence. I wasn’t sure if she had something to say and just didn’t know how or if she was just out here to be here with me. If it was the second, I was grateful and a little shocked. I felt like she’d been slipping away from me for the past few days.

  “Mark is asking for you.” My eyes shot to her but she was still looking forward like she hadn’t said anything significant.

  “What did he say?” She looked at me now.

  “Just that he wanted to see you.” I just stared at her and she continued. “Amy kept what happened between you two to herself, by the way. She doesn’t plan on telling him.”

  “Why wouldn’t she?” I frowned in confusion. All she’d have to do was tell him and he’d be so pissed; I wasn’t sure we’d be able to fix it.

  “Because you two are adults and can handle your own battles without dragging him into it.” She had a little attitude as she said it, not that I blamed her. She was still a little upset with me too.

  “That’s good. I guess.”

  “Yeah, as long as you act like an adult.” She stood up and looked down at me. “Come on, Mark is waiting for you. They need to take him back for some more tests in a little bit.”

  I stood up and walked with her inside and to the elevator. Once we reached the third floor, I walked toward Marcus’ room without looking at the waiting area. Erica went her separate way to her seat. I hesitated by his door, trying to compose myself, before walking in.

  He looked a lot better since I saw him earlier. He smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile back. Suddenly, everything was right with the world, if only for this one moment.

  “Come here.” He held out his hand to me and I walked over, taking it as I sat in the chair by his bed.

  “Hey, you.” I smiled, though my eyes were suddenly filled with tears. “How are you feeling?”

  “Hey, what is this?” He grinned and brought our joined hands up to wipe the tears off my face. “I’m fine.”

  “Marcus, I was so scared.” I was crying now. I laid my forehead on our hands and just cried.

  “Hannah, look at me.” I reluctantly looked up. He was serious now. “We’re okay. I don’t want you to worry about that.”

  “We were horrible to each other that night.” I sniffled a little.

  “Yes, we were, and we’ll work that out, but
for now, we’re okay. Okay?” He squeezed my hand and I nodded. “Good.”

  “Do you need anything? I could get you some water or another pillow. Are you cold?” I was rambling, but I didn’t want to sit in silence. He chuckled.

  “I’m fine, Hannah, but thank you.” I nodded and looked around the room for something to do.

  This was what I’d been afraid of. This awkward silence, the lack of conversation period. We’d never went this long without talking before and I wasn’t sure what to talk about now. He was in the hospital, I couldn’t bring up trivial things.

  “How’s Justin?” he asked out of nowhere. Did he really want to know or was he making conversation?

  “He’s doing well.” I nodded. “I haven’t seen him much this week, but we’ve been busy.”

  He didn’t say anything after that, so I looked up and saw him staring at me. I wasn’t sure what to say so I just forced a smile. He sighed.

  “We’ll get through this, Hannah. I promise.” I nodded, but I didn’t know if I believed it or not.

  “I know.” I chewed on the inside of my lip. “I’m gonna go and let your parents come and spend some time with you before they go home.” He nodded.

  “Will you be back?”

  “Yeah, of course.” I stood up and leaned over to kiss his forehead. “Get some rest.”

  I didn’t wait for a reply; I just walked out. I went over to where everyone was sitting and once again, everyone looked up at me.

  “I think he wants some time with you guys.” I told his mom and dad and they smiled and nodded before getting up and going to see Marcus. I looked over at Erica. “I’m going home to shower and get some rest.” I glanced at Amy to see her staring at me, but neither of us said anything.

  I turned and walked to the elevators. Man, I was really wearing this floor out lately. Once inside the elevator, I pulled out my phone to text Justin.

  You wanna come over tonight? I’m staying home.

  It took a little bit for a reply. I was out of the elevator and almost to my car before my phone beeped.

  Everything okay with Mark?

  I grinned, happy that he was worried enough to ask. Maybe it had been a mistake pushing him away the last few days.