Let it Be Me

by Jody Holford

  Looking for a table, he glanced around the couples and groups laughing and eating. Deciding it was easier to eat at the counter, he wound his way through the closely packed tables. He nodded to a couple of people he knew or knew the parents of. Music pumped through the speakers, and Pop could be heard shouting orders from behind the pass bar.

  Adam caught his eye as he was making his way closer.

  “Adam! It’s been too long. You don’t make time for good food anymore?”

  Smiling, he started to respond when he saw Megan in a corner booth, staring at him with an expression he couldn’t read. He lifted a hand and waved to Mario. He switched directions and walked to Megan’s table, troubled by the amount of relief he felt just seeing her face. The happy little skip his heart gave at the sight of her should have disturbed him. Instead, he looked closer and noticed that she was wearing makeup, particularly around her eyes. They were darker, smokier. They looked a little like they had on the day of her interview but…sultrier. And her usually straight hair was cascading over her shoulders in big curls. He approached the table. She looked…edible. Jesus.

  “Hey,” he said. Stupid opening, but he felt stupid at the moment.

  She glanced around and then back at him. “Hi. What are you doing here?”

  “Forgot about dinner and wanted to grab something before the event.”

  She nodded. “Right. Well, you look nice. Hope you have a good night.”

  The dismissal was so curt, it sliced through him. It was so uncharacteristic, he stood staring at her in surprise. Since when was she abrupt? Did she seem nervous? He leaned in a little. “Are you okay?”

  Her mouth formed a small O.

  “I’m fine. Totally fine. Listen, you should grab your slice and get going. Don’t want to be late.”

  It was the second time she’d dismissed him. Her eyes darted around, and Adam felt a wave of dizziness as the reality hit him straight in the face. He was an idiot. A completely self-absorbed one. In that instant, he realized, she wasn’t here—looking this fucking good, to hang out with a friend, which was what he just assumed. How can you be so oblivious? Of course she’s here with someone. He held her gaze, wishing he could see inside her and know what she was really feeling. Adam started to say something—he wasn’t sure what, but nerves and words were tangled in his chest, and an urgency overtook him.

  “Everything okay?”

  Adam turned at the sound of a man’s voice. A tall, lean, muscled guy with jet-black hair and a few days’ growth on his face was standing behind him.

  “Fine, thanks.” Irritated with how rude some people could be, Adam turned back to Megan.

  “Uh, you’re kind of blocking my seat,” the guy behind him said.

  Adam turned around and looked closer at the guy, then at Megan, whose face had gone pale.

  “Sebastian, this is my boss, Adam Klein. Adam, this is my date.”

  He’d thought the dismissal rocked him. Stunned, momentarily unable to speak, Adam just stared at her. Her boss. Not her friend. Not…anything fucking else. Her boss.

  “Nice to meet you,” the guy said, reaching out a hand.

  Adam shuffled out of the way, willing his tongue to work. His brain was blank.

  Megan was looking at him, and his stomach flipped over. He was no longer hungry.

  “Where did you two meet?” He couldn’t stop looking at her, but from the corner of his eye, he saw her date shuffle into the booth.

  Megan glanced down at the table. Sebastian had no trouble answering. “Tinder. You ever try it?”

  Adam’s jaw felt like it might crack. “Nope. But I’ve heard good things.”

  Her gaze came back to his, and he couldn’t read her face. Because she’s your nanny and nothing more. You don’t need to read her goddamn face. You need to go. When he clenched his hands at his sides, Adam realized he was shaking. She wanted first dates and special outings; she wanted romance and fucking moonlight. She wanted a bended knee proposal and a goddamn happily ever after. But she’d gone on Tinder? What the actual fuck. He couldn’t breathe. It felt like his lungs were deflating and there was no way to fill them back up.

  “I highly recommend it, dude.”

  Megan blinked, and a waitress came to the table with a large pizza in her hand.

  “Thanks for the recommendation. Good night, Megan.”

  “Good night, Adam.” Her voice cracked so slightly, he thought he might have imagined it.

  He left, not saying goodbye to Pop or grabbing anything to eat. He had no right to feel the frustration—the possessiveness—that was soaring through his blood right now. She was his son’s nanny. Absolutely nothing else. Yes, she kissed like a goddamn siren built to lure a man to his emotional death, but that was the whole point of not wanting her.

  With his fingers gripping the steering wheel, he told himself again and again that he didn’t. You don’t want her. You don’t want what she wants. No matter how many times he said it, his pulse would not settle. He was lying to himself, and there was only one damn thing he could do about it. The angry emptiness of his stomach was a reminder of why he didn’t let himself get caught up in bullshit emotions. Slamming his driver’s door closed, he headed for the auction with the plan of enjoying the hell out of his date tonight.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Megan brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes with the back of her hand. On her knees, she continued to pull the weeds out of the round flower bed she’d planted last summer. A magnolia tree sat in its center. The day was already too warm, and it was barely ten a.m.

  She loved Sunday mornings, lazing around in bed, making a pancake breakfast, and just enjoying the quiet. But this morning, there’d been no quiet in her head, so she’d forced herself to do some packing and cleaning. When she’d finished with that, she decided working up a sweat out in the yard might help her clear her mind. Nothing she did blocked the memory of Adam’s face last night when he’d realized she was on a date. She’d worried she was projecting her own growing feelings toward him, but when he practically stomped away, she knew she wasn’t the only one feeling…different. Nothing had changed in terms of what he wanted or what he was willing to give, but the world had shifted in regards to their awareness of each other. It gave her a small, bittersweet thrill to know—to recognize—the jealousy in his eyes.

  Arriving home before Adam last night, she’d seen his car pull in at eleven-thirty, and relief had pummeled her. Though her own date had been decent, her thoughts had stayed with Adam. Because you clearly enjoy torturing yourself. What if they suspended everything else? What if he still found his nanny slash wife slash non-feeling companion and Megan found her storybook romance, but in the interim, they gave in to these impossible-to-ignore fireworks? One night. Maybe two.

  When Charlie plopped down beside her and the flower bed, she gave a small gasp.

  “Whatcha doin’?”

  She tucked her chin. Thinking about asking your dad to get naked. Jesus. Gritting her teeth, she looked up and gave him a smile. “Guess.”

  “Who’s going to do that when you go?” He picked up the small shovel and stood it in the earth.

  “You could. Or your dad.”

  “I don’t think Dad knows how to plant flowers.” The sadness in his tone echoed how Megan felt inside.

  Going back on her heels, Megan stopped what she was doing and looked at him. “You okay, bud?”

  Charlie looked at the ground. “Will you be here when I get back from my mom’s?”

  “Of course.” Looking up, she saw his eyes were wet. Her heart pinched painfully.

  “I don’t want you to go.”

  Her hands were a mess, so she couldn’t give in to the urge to pull him into a tight hug. “Oh, sweetie. We live in a fairly small town. I’m going to see you. I’ll be teaching at your school. It’s going to be okay.”

  He nodded but didn’t look convinced. “Even if you are, you won’t be my teacher, so I won’t get to spend time with you like I do now.�
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  She wanted to pull him close and promise that everything really would work out. Who needs to hear it and have it be true more?

  “Everything okay?” Adam asked from behind them. Megan’s pulse picked up its pace.

  “I was just telling Charlie that we’ll see each other, even after I move out.”

  Adam’s gaze connected with hers, and warmth spread through her body. He looked down at Charlie.

  “Of course we’ll see her, bud. She’s moving out, not away. We see Dec lots, right?”

  She could only nod around the unexpected lump in her throat. Charlie stood up and went to his dad, pulled on his hand so Adam would lean over.

  “Can she come with us today, Daddy? Please,” Charlie said in a very loud whisper.

  Megan bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing. Adam gave her a one-sided grin. He leaned in to his son’s ear and copied the same non-whisper Charlie had used.

  “You can ask, but if she’s busy, it’s okay.”

  Charlie looked at her like she hadn’t just heard the whole conversation. “Wanna come to Crazy Cade’s with us? It’ll be super fun. Please?”

  How was she supposed to say no to him? Especially when she didn’t want to. “Sure. What time?”

  He looked back up at Adam. “Whenever we’re ready.”

  “Yay!” Charlie jumped up with one fist in the air, making both Adam and Megan laugh.

  “Go on in and get ready, then,” Adam said.

  Charlie ran off, leaving her alone with his dad. Keeping Charlie in her life meant being around Adam without feeling as if all of her buttons—good and bad—were being pushed. Being near him caused circuit overload. Too bad for you. Asking him to sleep with you won’t make it easier to see him in the future. Especially if his wife is there. Her stomach and heart twisted in opposite directions, shooting pain through the entire center of her body.

  “Sorry he put you on the spot. You sure you’re okay with coming?”

  Megan stood up, wincing at the ache in her legs from sitting on her heels for too long. “Yeah, it’ll be fun. You okay with it?”

  “Of course I am.” Those curious green eyes watched her like she was a number he was trying to break down.

  “Are we okay? I want things to be okay so I can maintain a future with Charlie after I go.” She thought about what Charlie had said and added, “More than just as a teacher at his school, I mean.”

  In a gesture she wasn’t ready for, Adam reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Goose bumps covered her skin.

  “You are, by far, the best female influence Charlie’s had in his life. I want you to always be part of it in any way that works for you.”

  The softness in his voice made her ache inside. “How was your date?” She was proud of herself for not stumbling over the word “date.” It was better this way. Platonic.

  His eyes widened a fraction and darted over her head. “It was good, actually. She’s a very nice woman. We’re getting together again on Tuesday for lunch.”

  Megan nodded like the news didn’t hurt. Why did it hurt?

  “I should go get ready,” Megan said.

  Adam nodded, his eyes back on her face, searching it for…something.

  “Megan—” He stopped, looking like he wanted to say more, and her heart pounded. What? Say something! Anything to tell me I’m not the only one.

  Last night, his shock had been evident, but she was positive she saw a hint of hurt. Of jealousy. Or is that just what you want to believe?

  He shoved his hands in his pockets. “How was your date? I didn’t think Tinder was a happily ever after app.”

  The little grin tilting the corner of his mouth made her smile. Somehow, they’d become something like friends. The tone of his voice was gentle and almost teasing. Because he felt comfortable with her. But it was more than that. Comfort with a side of serious sparks.

  She still wanted happily ever after, and she wouldn’t apologize for that. But why on earth had she convinced herself she could have nothing else in between? She was barely twenty-five. There was plenty of time to find the one. And until then…she’d really like to spend more time with the side of Adam he rarely showed. The side that trash talked her about Mario and made dry jokes. “I like this side of you. The teasing and being more relaxed. It looks good on you. I’m glad that we got here. To this place.” Not entirely what she wanted to say, but it was a start.

  “I agree. Does that mean it was okay to ask about your date?” There was a hint of taunting vulnerability in his tone, and in addition to tugging her heart strings, it turned her on. It was like they were engaged in a silent battle to see which of them would be first to admit that neither was thinking of friendship.

  She smiled. “Yes.”

  He stared at her, then arched his brows.

  She gave him a sly smile. “It was fine.”

  “Wow. Something to really build on.”

  She pushed his shoulder before she thought it through. He laughed, and so did she, and for the first time in days, she felt some of the uncertainty she’d been carrying around settle.

  “It was just a get to know you.”

  “Sebastian.” He drew out the name, making it far more syllables than it was.

  “Stop it.”

  “Is he in a rock and roll band?”

  Megan rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop her laugh. “No. He works at the television station in the next county as a camera man.”

  Adam said nothing to this, but his lips tightened, and again, she wondered what he was thinking.

  “You going out a second time?”

  Megan shifted her weight, feeling closed in by the conversation and the porch. “I don’t know. Shouldn’t we get going?”

  His look told her he knew she was skirting the conversation. She’d said they could be friends, but he could ease her in a little.

  He held her gaze a moment longer than necessary and then hooked his thumb over his shoulder. “I’m going to go change before the arcade. Put on something that makes you feel good about yourself.”

  Her brows slammed together as she straightened. “Excuse me?”

  Adam’s quick, easy grin reminded her of Charlie. “Once you start losing against me at all those games, your self-esteem might take a dive.”

  Megan’s shoulders shook with her laughter. This Adam. She wasn’t sure she could resist this version of him, and if she wasn’t looking for forever, with him, then maybe she didn’t have to.

  “We’ll see.” Just like that, he’d loosened all the tension inside her.

  Even after she shut the door to her place, she was still smiling.

  …

  The arcade, only a few miles outside the city, was quiet for a Sunday. The couple of times Megan had been here to drop Adam off for birthday parties, it had been wall-to-wall kids.

  “Baseball season is starting. Kids are probably still at practice,” Adam said, like he’d read her mind.

  “I wanna play air hockey first,” Charlie said.

  Buzzers sounded, and music played. It would be fun to have the place mostly to themselves.

  “You good with that?” Adam asked, catching her eye.

  She smiled, still surprised to learn he had a competitive streak—though, with the way he went after clients, it shouldn’t have been new information.

  “Oh, I’m good. Do you really want me to play, though? Has Charlie ever seen you cry?”

  Charlie laughed and took Adam’s and Megan’s hands. “Dad doesn’t cry.”

  Megan winked at his dad. “He might, once he loses to me.”

  “I’m going to go fill up some cards for us to play, and then I can’t wait to see you eat your words,” he replied.

  She and Charlie waited by the air hockey for Adam. It was a large, square table with room for four players. They’d never gone on an outing like this, the three of them. Megan knew, whether she lost to Adam or not, it would be a day she’d tuck away in her memory and hold close.

>   She saw Adam heading toward them and looked at Charlie. “You’re sure he doesn’t cry?”

  Adam laughed, and Megan started to, but she swallowed the sound when he came up close beside her and leaned down. “Unless they’re victory tears, it won’t happen.”

  Shivers racked her body, and she inhaled deeply through her nose. If she turned her face toward him, their mouths would be far too close. Or not close enough.

  “I’m going to beat you both,” said Charlie, walking up to his dad and grabbing the card from his hand.

  This time, Adam’s laugh curled inside her. She looked away, going to the red player’s side. Adam took the blue, and Charlie took the green. Once Charlie swiped the card three times, three pucks dropped, and the machine started to hum.

  Wasting no time, Megan grabbed her red mallet, placed it on top of her puck, and shot toward Adam’s goal. It went straight in with a loud ping. She laughed and pointed at him.

  “Might want to pay attention,” she said, knowing that she should stow the trash talk until she could truly back it up.

  Another ping sounded, this time on her goal. Charlie mimicked her gesture and repeated her words. She blocked one shot from Adam, but while protecting her net from Charlie, a puck slid right in.

  “Hmm. Three-way tie. That won’t last,” Adam said, a sly smirk on his lips.

  She moved her mallet back and forth, blocking both of their shots. “No ganging up!”

  Adam laughed. Charlie giggled and aimed his puck at her goal again. “That’s not a rule.”

  Blocking both shots, more through luck than skill, she shot another puck at Adam’s goal and missed. One of his pucks came her way, and she pushed it hard and fast toward Charlie’s goal. It went down.

  “Oh—look at that. I’m in the lead.”

  Adam scoffed and bounced a puck off her mallet. “That’s not a lead. It’s a baby step. I was playing air hockey before you were born.”

  Giggling at the exaggeration, Megan missed the chance to block his next goal. His eyebrows danced up and down comically, but he didn’t say a word.

  Leaning further over the table, Megan braced one hand on the side and pushed away the pucks as fast as they came. She got another in Charlie’s, one more in Adam’s, and then Adam scored three times in a row, twice on Charlie and once on her.