Let it Be Me

by Jody Holford

  Sensation warred with reason. He turned his hand over, and their fingers linked. “I don’t want him to lose faith in me.”

  She squeezed his hand. “He won’t. You’re a good man. A great dad.”

  “You really think that?”

  She didn’t even have to answer him—he could see it in her eyes. Like Charlie, she never stopped believing in him. Even when he didn’t deserve it. The heat of their palms touching traveled up his arm and curled inside of him.

  She pulled at her hand, and he released her. “I should get going.”

  Right. Because she was the nanny and his son wasn’t even home. Because she wanted promises in the starlight and Adam wanted a well-organized routine that didn’t include feeling so much. When she was around, he felt like it was all he did. But she deserved…more. Megan’s world was just opening up, and Adam’s was just starting to make sense. She should go. Before he did something that tilted his world so hard it broke its axis. She stood, started to clear her plate.

  “Leave it. I’ve got it.”

  Looking down, she nodded and put her napkin on the plate.

  “I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow. Thanks for the fun at the arcade.” She didn’t look up. Instead, she pushed her chair in and started to walk past him.

  Adam did very little in his life without thinking it through. His carefully measured plans were what ensured success. It probably shocked him as much as it did her when his arm shot out, and he encircled her wrist with his hand.

  She gave a slight gasp and looked down. When her eyes locked on his, he pushed everything else aside. All he saw was her, and all he could hear was the heavy beat of his heart. He was so fucking tired of working toward something that he wasn’t even entirely sure he wanted. Not in the way he once had. He was trying to give his son everything. Could it be as simple as giving Charlie himself? Adam felt weary from the inside out. Except when he was touching Megan. Then he felt…alive.

  “Don’t go.”

  She stared at him, her mouth opening a bit, her eyes burning into his like she was trying to see inside of him and figure him out. Adam let his fingers slide down, and he took her hand again as he stood up. Tilting her head back, her expression shifted from surprise to desire. His body moved without permission, as though guided only by need. Cupping her cheek in his hand, his heart gave an erratic beat when she closed her eyes and leaned into it. The scent of vanilla surrounded him like the heat emanating from her body. Adam wanted to drown himself in it. In her. Megan’s soft sigh when she looked at him again snapped something inside of him. Mostly, his restraint.

  Sliding his hand to the back of her head, he sank his fingers into her hair, his chest so tight he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t care. Searching her gaze, he found what he always did—what he knew he didn’t deserve—acceptance. She wasn’t just Charlie’s constant. She was his as well.

  When her lips opened a bit more and she wet them with her tongue, his stomach tightened. His skin pulsed, and his heart rate doubled. Tension and awareness pumped through him. He forced himself to breathe, to go slow. Instead of kissing her mouth, he leaned in and kissed her neck, inhaling the vanilla-scented sweetness of her skin. The desire to taste her everywhere consumed him. She shivered, and he moved his hand down her back, placing small kisses along the column of her neck. Pulling back, only as much as necessary to find her mouth, he pulled the hand holding hers free and used both of his to push her hair back off her face.

  The sound of her broken breaths made him crazy. Every hitch sent a jolt through him. The scent of her and the way her eyes refused to blink as she watched him heightened all of his senses. He blocked out thought and let himself feel. With his thumbs stroking her cheeks, he kissed her, brushing his lips across hers softly, then again, with more pressure.

  Megan’s hands were on his waist, her fingers grasping his shirt and digging into his sides. He didn’t think to slow down or back up. All he could think was more. He needed more. He needed her, and he couldn’t pretend—not tonight, not right now—that he didn’t. He might not have her kind of forever in him, but he had this. He had the ability to give them both what had clearly been lying dormant below the surface of their everyday routine. He’d fought it. He’d ignored it. Denied it. Or tried to, but he just didn’t have the strength to do it tonight. Not when every need he’d suppressed was bursting free, shattering the lid he’d kept on so tight. So instead, he gave in to the craving, letting his hands streak over her, reveling in the way she sighed and the feel of her body pressing into his, trying to get closer. Every soft curve of hers fit perfectly against him. His hands grazed up her side, skimming her breasts, and hers slipped under his T-shirt to dance along his bare skin. He groaned into her mouth, letting his tongue tease hers.

  Though he wasn’t accustomed to letting go and just allowing his heart—his body—to lead, he couldn’t stop the momentum. More than that, he didn’t want to.

  “Adam,” she whispered.

  He pulled back and looked into her eyes, using her gaze to steady himself. “Don’t make me stop, please,” he said quietly, knowing he would if she showed even the slightest hesitation. He touched his forehead to hers.

  A sexy grin edged the corners of her mouth upward. “I was going to tell you that if you stop, I will hurt you,” she replied.

  Laughing, he pressed a kiss to her nose as he began to walk her backward. “Then I’d better not stop.”

  As they shuffled through the kitchen, toward the hallway, their mouths brushed repeatedly, soft, then demanding. Every touch was the strike of a match, starting new fires everywhere. His shirt was off by the time they were halfway down the hall. Pure male satisfaction filled his chest when she stopped to study him, running her hands over muscles defined by running and weights. When she licked her lips, making a low humming noise of approval as she stared, he groaned.

  “Not fair,” he whispered.

  She laughed and whipped her own shirt off her body and dropped it on the floor. “How about now?”

  His skin was on fire—blazing out of control. The sight of her stopped his heart. It skipped an entire beat, and he felt the urge to tug her hard against him but didn’t want to stop looking. He slid his fingertips over the satiny swell of her breasts. The pale pink bra she wore made his mouth water, and the thought of taking it off her nearly made him stumble.

  “You are stunning. You’re perfect,” he said, knowing his voice was laced with awe. It was what he felt that moment, looking at her, touching her, and seeing her this way.

  A slight blush made her cheeks rosy, and Adam found it so endearing he pulled her tight to kiss her.

  “You’re blushing.”

  She nuzzled her face into his neck, trailing her lips along the underside of his jaw. They’d reached his bedroom.

  “Not really used to someone staring at me with quite as much intensity as you were,” she said.

  Fingers squeezing her hips, he boosted her onto his bed. She scooted back, and he followed her, coming down beside her so he could take his time and look his fill. He brushed her hair away from her face and kissed her cheek, her lips, and her neck.

  “I could spend hours looking at you,” he whispered.

  Megan laughed, surprising him but not lessening the seductive spell pulling him under. “You could not. You can’t even sit still for hours.”

  Smiling, not used to this playful, anticipatory feeling rushing around inside him, he nipped at her ear with his teeth, enjoying the slight gasp it elicited. When he pulled back, he held her gaze, shifted so he was sitting up more. He picked up his phone, watching her as he held the button to shut it down. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had and clearly, she was every bit as surprised as he was.

  “What if it doesn’t turn back on? Have you ever turned it off before?” Her eyes widened and he could see she was trying not to laugh.

  “Cute,” he said, resuming his position beside her. His heart beat too fast, but he managed to keep his breath nearly even. He
reached for her.

  “Hmm. Maybe you’re right. Besides, just looking isn’t enough,” he said, letting his hand glide over her sleek skin to the top of her jeans. His fingers toyed with the button, releasing it.

  “You make me crazy,” she whispered.

  His hand moved in and down. “Then we’re even.”

  She arched up, pushing at his shoulder, and positioned herself on top of him. Sitting astride him, she rested her hands on his bare shoulders and grinned.

  “Not even close.”

  He laughed and stretched his arms up to lock his hands behind his head. “How do you figure?”

  Megan leaned down so her breath whispered against his skin, making him shudder. “Have you dreamed about this? Pictured it? How it would feel?”

  His fingers tightened, and he closed his eyes, breathing her in. Had she dreamed of this? Of him? It seemed impossible. Knowing she had made it difficult to swallow. Adam couldn’t make promises to her, but she knew that and was still here, in his arms. She shifted and slid down slightly, kissing the column of his neck, the hollow of his throat, his chest, all the while running hands over his arms like she couldn’t get enough. His jaw clenched, and his nerves fled.

  “Have you ever looked at me and wanted me so much you had to leave a room just to steady yourself?”

  His eyelids popped open, and he saw she was watching him. Releasing his hands, unable to go without touching her any longer, Adam gripped her waist and easily switched their positions so he was over her.

  “I’ve never let myself indulge in that, no.” He would always be honest with her.

  She looked up at him with a mixture of longing and vulnerability that gripped him by the throat. “Then we’re not even.”

  “We will be from now on.” Because he’d never stop hearing the things she had said. He would never be able to forget the picture of her—face flushed, hair wild, her skin a feast for his mouth and his hands—draped across his bed. When he went back to his regularly scheduled life, he’d hold this in his jaded heart.

  She reached out to him, and he kissed her palm, then took her other hand and kissed that one, too. The gentle glow of a pink sky peeked through his bedroom window. He took his time removing both of their clothing, even when she encouraged him to hurry. He couldn’t for fear of missing a single second of what was happening between them. Inside of him. His heart moved in a reverse spiral, spinning and twisting with every breath and murmur. The clawing need to get closer, to claim and to give, became his central focus. His longstanding habit of reining in his emotions, of keeping them in check, was impossible in this moment.

  He gripped both of her hands in his, linking their fingers as he looked down at her. The moment felt suspended—like a perfect pocket of time. And when she whispered his name again, he gave her everything.

  Chapter Fifteen

  If Megan made a list of the top ten things she thought might happen, what had just happened would not have made the cut. Her breath still sawed in and out, as if she’d been under water too long. Her limbs were weightless even as they tingled with sensation. When he’d first said, don’t go, her heart had done a backflip. The rational voice in her head had been easy to silence in favor of the sensations that had taken over her body when Adam kissed her.

  “I don’t know if I can move,” Adam said, his voice raspy.

  She curled into the crook of his arm, craving the heat and scent of his skin. “Did you have somewhere to go?”

  “I just want to check my phone,” he said.

  Her heart cracked almost audibly. She couldn’t swallow the gasp of shock when she reared back, only to see that he was looking at her, amusement crinkling the corners of his eyes.

  Smacking his stomach—which made him wince—she put her head back down. “Not funny.”

  His fingers trailed up her arm. “Not even a little bit? Maybe it’s one of those things that’ll be funny when we think back on it?”

  Fortunately, with her head down, he couldn’t see her smile. No. She couldn’t have predicted this. Wanted it? Yes. More than she’d let on, even to herself. And even if she had given herself time to really indulge in a detailed fantasy, it could not have lived up to real life. Which meant she was screwed. She thought of what Garrett said about fighting for Parker. Could she fight for Adam? Show him that they could both have what they wanted? Just stay in this moment.

  He tucked her closer. “What are you thinking?”

  That I’m crazy. That any minute now the part of your brain that got hijacked and let this happen is going to stomp down the door and take over, making you regret this. “Nothing. I have no brain cells left.”

  He chuckled. She walked her fingers over the ridges of muscle on his stomach. She knew he was fit, but apparently his business suits did an excellent job of hiding how fit. And toned. And sexy. Oh God, you are in such big trouble.

  “Glad to hear it,” he said, rolling on his side to face her. “It’s, uh…been a while, so I was hoping I’d remember the basics.”

  Reaching out, she put her hand on his jaw, running her thumb along the barely there stubble. “If you’d remembered any better than you did, we might not actually be able to move.”

  How did she not wreck this? Everything about being with him had been perfect, but she knew very well that the moment would end. The second he’d reached out, she’d known he’d regret it…eventually. Take this. Take what you shared and keep it. Don’t think about what’s next. Just because she wanted the whole package didn’t mean it had to be with Adam. She could have this in between on her way to the future.

  Adam moved closer and kissed her, soft and sweet. Like she mattered to him. She knew on some level, she did. But not like he could matter to her, and she needed to remember that. She could have this brief interlude with him, whatever it was, as long as she remembered the rules. That she wasn’t the one for him.

  “Will you stay?”

  She liked those words. He just means the night. “Do you want me to?”

  “Right this minute? I want that more than anything.”

  Biting the inside of her cheek, she hoped her face didn’t give away how his words made butterflies lift off in her stomach.

  Keep it light. Easy. He said “right this minute.” Running her hand along his stomach, then up his body, Megan lowered her lids and eased her way closer to him. She nipped his jaw, and his hand came to her hip, squeezed. Every point of contact pulsed with heat. She wanted more. She wanted everything she could take before he changed his mind. For however long he’d let them, Megan wanted to enjoy this delicious new dynamic between them.

  “I bet I can think of something you might want more,” she whispered, letting her fingers wander into his hair. The soft strands tickled her fingers.

  The kiss he gave her was not gentle, but urgent. Greedy. And she was happy to give. Against her mouth, voice rough, he replied, “Show me.”

  And she did.

  …

  When Megan woke, she realized two things: Adam wasn’t beside her, and without him there, she was freezing. Pulling up the covers, she burrowed under them while her brain struggled to wake up. The sky was dark, which meant she’d slept a while. Adam was gone. She didn’t want to think about what that meant. Wishing she had her phone to text Stella, she glanced around the room.

  Large and masculine, it was functional. King-sized bed, matching dresser and side tables. The dark gray of the walls had always struck her as impersonal, but lying in his bed somehow made it seem cozier. Warmer. Still, it could use a personal touch.

  The door to the en suite was open, so clearly Adam wasn’t in there. Deciding he’d likely taken advantage of her sleeping to work, she got up, pulled on one of his T-shirts and her underwear. Pursing her lips, she thought for a second and then decided opening his drawer and pulling out a pair of sweats was not crossing a line. He was either rethinking what had happened, in which case she definitely didn’t want to face him in her underwear, or he hadn’t thought it through ye
t, in which case he wouldn’t mind her in his sweats at all. Especially if he got to take them off her.

  She padded out to the kitchen and found it empty. When she walked toward the office, she heard his voice.

  “I can definitely go over the numbers with you. I’m booked through most of the day tomorrow, but I can meet with you later in the afternoon. Would that work? Okay. No problem. That’s what I’m here for. Okay. See you tomorrow.”

  She was leaning against the doorjamb, listening to his steady, confident voice. He was good at his job. Good at being a dad. Good at so many things. If only he could see that—own it—without thinking he always had to prove something.

  He swiveled in his chair, smiling, like he’d known she was there. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

  No regret in those gorgeous green eyes yet. “Hey yourself. I knew I’d find you in here.”

  “I had a couple of things to finish up and check on. And you were sleeping,” he said, his eyes darting down.

  “Adam, it’s fine. I understand. If you have other things you need to do, I can go back to my place.” Not that she wanted to, but she didn’t want him to feel obligated to have her stay or keep her busy.

  He stood and stretched, his eyes scanning her from head to foot. He’d donned a different pair of sweats and a similar T-shirt. We match. The thought made her giggle. He arched a questioning eyebrow.

  “I like your outfit,” he said, coming closer.

  “It’s quite similar to yours,” she said, grinning.

  She thought he’d kiss her. Maybe tease her or push his hands into her hair, which he seemed to like to do. Instead, he disarmed her and snagged a piece of her heart before she could protect it. Putting a hand on her shoulder, he pulled her in and hugged her. She rested her head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat steady and strong. Wrapped up in him, they stood still, leaning on each other. It was perfect. When he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, her heart sighed. Big. Trouble.

  “You said you’d stay.” His arms tightened.

  “I will, but if you have to work—”