Let it Be Me

by Jody Holford

  She spotted it at the same time Adam did. Her hands flew to her mouth. “Aw, you guys!”

  He felt a wave of pride for her that he didn’t know what to do with. On a table beside the rail sat several presents. All you gave her was flowers. He shoved one hand in his pocket and tried to blend into the background. Maybe he could pick something else up for her and give it to her in private.

  “We’re so proud of you, sweetheart,” her dad said, pulling her into a side hug.

  “All of us are. We wanted to do something while your parents were here to celebrate,” Stella said.

  Adam started to feel like an interloper until Megan’s watery gaze met his. “I wish Charlie was here.”

  So did he. And he loved that in this special moment, she wanted his son by her side. Because they’d become a family without him even realizing it.

  Feeling short of breath, he focused on opening his can of cola. His heartbeat felt like thunder in his chest—quick hard claps.

  “Burgers will be done in about fifteen minutes. Open some gifts,” Garrett said.

  Megan sat in one of the chairs, and Adam was happy to sit across from her, watching as she opened thoughtful presents from her family and friends. He enjoyed seeing her face and responses to gifts as she unwrapped a lovely canvas messenger bag, a bright blue planner, a wooden sign with Ms. Carter engraved on it, and what her brother and Garrett called a “start-up library.” It was another side of her—a window into who she was when people were caring for her, rather than the other way around.

  Adam sipped his cola, listening to the easy banter of the people around him. Her parents sat with their hands linked, and more than once Parker joined Garrett at the BBQ to kiss his cheek or just stand near him. Stella joked and laughed with Megan, who was always free with her affection.

  He hadn’t thought about giving Charlie a family. Even when he’d thought of finding a wife, he hadn’t pictured what that could truly mean. He stared at Megan, unable to look away. Because his own parents had been so screwed up, he grew up thinking family didn’t matter. He could see now he might be wrong.

  “So Megan says you’re a corporate account manager,” Richard said, taking a seat next to Adam.

  “I am. You’re a retired teacher?”

  “Yup. Been retired five years and we haven’t stopped driving around yet. But I think we’re ready to soon,” he said. He took a drink of his beer and set the bottle on the table beside him.

  “Traveling sounds great. I don’t do a lot of it that isn’t for work. You thinking of making a permanent home around here?”

  His smile reminded Adam of Megan’s. “We found a little place in Providence. Helene fell in love with it the second we stepped through the door. It’ll be nice to be closer to the kids.”

  “That’s great. I know Megan will love having you nearby.”

  Richard nodded and glanced at his daughter with obvious affection. “Family is important to her.”

  “Burgers are ready. Grab plates and buns,” Garrett called.

  They grabbed salads, burgers, and chips before settling in around the eight-person table on Stella’s deck. Richard’s words stuck with Adam throughout the meal.

  “So, Adam,” Garrett said. The conversation seemed to stop, and he felt like all eyes were on him. “Megan says she’s helping you find a replacement…nanny.”

  Adam’s stomach cramped. He saw the way Megan looked at Garrett and wondered what wasn’t being said. There was definitely something there if his tone and her expression were anything to go by.

  “She is.”

  “Actually, I have some names, and I’ll be contacting three candidates tomorrow. We’ll need to check your schedule to see when you can do follow-up interviews,” Megan interrupted as Garrett looked like he was about to say more.

  It was real. She was finding him a replacement. He hated the discontent he felt at the thought. She was Charlie’s nanny, not his girlfriend.

  “Follow-up interviews?” Parker asked, taking a large bite of his burger.

  “Yeah. I’ll do a preliminary interview, see that they have the qualifications, and then if they seem like a good choice, we’ll do a follow-up interview together,” Megan explained.

  “Pretty thorough. Why not just interview them once? Together or whatever?” Garrett asked.

  “Because it saves Adam having to sit through interviews with candidates that I’m going to veto based on what I know he wants,” Megan said. She stabbed her potato salad with more force than necessary. Either she was mad at the potatoes or she was feeling worked up over the conversation.

  Parker nodded. “It’s nice to have someone around who knows you so well.”

  “Parks.” Megan’s voice was a warning.

  Parker wasn’t wrong. One more thing he’d taken for granted: how well Megan knew both him and Charlie.

  “Your sister is almost as particular as I am in terms of what she wants for Charlie’s care. I’d be happy to sit through the first round of interviews, but as she said, it’s unnecessary.”

  “Too bad you can’t keep her, huh?” Garrett said, grinning.

  Megan gave a low groan right before Garrett said, “Ouch,” and glared at her. Adam grinned—there was a conversation happening that he wasn’t privy to. Whatever her brother and his boyfriend were trying to say, Megan wanted them to be quiet. Which made him wonder what she’d told them.

  “Boys, stop teasing Megan and Adam right now,” Helene said, leaving no room for argument in her tone. Is that what they’d been doing? Teasing him and Megan?

  Like they were grade school children and not full-grown men, both looked down at their plates and mumbled an apology.

  Adam laughed, drawing all eyes back to him. “I’m sorry. It’s just, Megan uses that tone with Charlie and me when we forget to clean up after ourselves at home. It’s charming to see where she gets it from.”

  Helene smiled at him, and Megan’s eyes softened with an intimate look that reminded him how much he wanted to be alone with her.

  “As she should,” her mother said, nodding in approval.

  “Anyone up for a ride after dinner?” Stella asked.

  Panic spread through his chest like a web. Megan grinned his way. “Probably not Adam.”

  “You don’t like horses?” Stella frowned.

  “I don’t dislike the animals. I just would prefer not to be on one,” Adam said. He scooped up another bite of salad, hoping a full mouth would save him from sharing the story.

  “I’ll agree with you on that one,” Garrett said.

  Parker shook his head. “Stella’s horse is so sweet. You should try, babe.”

  “Nope. I’m good. Happy to watch you, though, if you want to go for a ride,” Garrett replied.

  They debated back and forth, and Adam was saved from having to tell them why he didn’t want to be on a horse. Or want his son on one. Bottom line was animals were unpredictable. Sort of like people. Adam didn’t like unpredictable.

  The night sky was growing darker by the time they’d cleaned up from dinner. There was an amazing view of the sky off of Stella’s back porch. Stars dotted the sky, surrounding the moon.

  “Pretty, isn’t it?” Megan said quietly, coming to stand beside him.

  Stella had taken Megan’s parents on a tour of the stables, and Garrett and Parker were tossing a football back and forth out on the back lawn.

  Adam looked down at Megan. His heart muscles squeezed painfully. No reason for your heart to hurt. It isn’t involved here. He’d promised himself long ago he wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes. But she was so beautiful it stole his breath. Made him ache from the inside with the need to touch her.

  “It is. Beautiful actually. Like you,” he said.

  As if he’d been joking, she made a dismissive noise and laughed. “One night in the country and you’re a romantic.”

  It was his turn to laugh. Romance was never his strong suit. It stemmed from acting on feelings, which Adam worked not to do. Rash decision
s led to harsh consequences.

  “Just stating a fact.”

  She looked out at the barn and then back at him, edging just a touch closer. He only noticed because he was so acutely aware of her and how good she smelled.

  “I’m scared of public bathrooms,” she said.

  “What?” He looked at her, unsure if he’d heard her correctly.

  She leaned her forearms on the railing and turned her head to talk to him. “Bathrooms. Like at the mall? I saw a movie a long time ago where this crazy killer stalks this woman and he corners her in a public bathroom. Now every time I go near them, it totally creeps me out. When Charlie says he has to use the restroom, I wait outside, terrified he won’t come out.”

  Adam smiled and, without thinking, ran a hand down her hair. Remembering himself, he shoved both hands in his pockets and turned to lean his back against the rail.

  “That’s odd and slightly adorable.”

  She nodded. “Yeah. Everyone is scared of something. Just because it doesn’t seem rational doesn’t make it less real.”

  Adam pursed his lips, seeing the connection. He didn’t talk about his family. Not with anyone. Dec knew about his parents because they’d grown up together. But he worked so hard to block them out of his mind, he didn’t like to let them back in. Megan was digging for a piece of him. Maybe it was because he felt he wasn’t giving her enough or because she was the first person to make him feel safe enough to share, he took a deep breath and told her the truth.

  “My dad was doing some grunt work on a farm. I had no school one day, so he took me with him. Thought it was kind of cool because he didn’t usually want me around. Turns out, he realized that if he brought me, he could laze in the sun drinking his boss’s beer while making me do the work.”

  She didn’t move, but Megan looked at him so intently, it felt like a touch. A reassuring caress. “How old were you?”

  “Ten.” He saw her grimace.

  “I worked my ass off that day, hauled rocks from one end of the property to the other. The guy wanted to build a pond for his wife. My dad let me have a break—meaning he fell asleep. I wandered a bit and ended up in the stables. The guy he worked for had three gorgeous horses. They were massive. Really beautiful.”

  He’d stared at them in awe, amazed that anything with so much power could seem so gentle. Adam rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and then shoved it back in his pocket.

  “I was feeding them apples when the boss came back. He found me in the stables right before my dad. Good thing he was there or my dad probably would have whipped my ass for not working. The guy, Chris, was really nice. Tough looking, but seemed like a really cool guy. Years later, when I was in my teens, I actually worked a whole summer for him.”

  “Do you have any contact with him now?” Megan’s gaze hadn’t moved from his face.

  “Nope. He died about ten years ago.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Adam shrugged. He’d started the story. Time to finish it. “My dad was drunk, even after his nap, so when he came in, he was about to rip into me when Chris starts saying what a nice, polite kid he has, and my dad stops. Says a bunch of shit about how that’s how he raised me. By himself because my mom had taken off. Chris says I can saddle one of the horses for a ride. I was thrilled but also terrified. He starts saddling up the horse, and Chris’s telling me and my dad about getting on and being safe, and my old man starts blustering. Doesn’t need anyone telling him how to do something so goddamn simple. Tells him I’d ridden a dozen times before. I’d seen my dad in these moods more times than I could count. I started to say we should go; I was getting scared. Chris sensed the change, but my dad wouldn’t stop. I figured it’d be easier to just trot around the yard than argue with him. I got up on the horse, and Chris is standing by me, telling me everything is okay and to relax. He steps back, and my dad’s there. He leans in real close, which isn’t easy to do because I’m on a fucking horse. He says if I embarrass him, he’ll make me sorry. But he made sure I was anyway because he lost his footing, startled the horse, and she freaked out. She bucked me off in, like, five seconds. The fall was just far enough to break my arm.”

  “Oh my God. Adam,” she whisper-shouted and then put her hand on his arm.

  Adam shrugged it off, caught in the phantom pain and humiliation. “Chris comes running, scoops me up. My dad? He’s laughing his ass off. Giant belly laughs like it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen. Chris took me to the hospital, paid for my visit and my cast. Said if I ever needed anything to come see him. When I got home that night, my dad asked me what the fuck happened to my arm.”

  “Jesus Christ. Your father was a monster.” She put her hand back on his arm, and this time he didn’t shrug it off.

  “He wasn’t a good man.” It had taken Adam a long time to realize that he wasn’t to blame for what kind of person his father was.

  “He was a complete prick. If he were here, I’d punch him,” Megan said, her fingers now digging into his arm.

  Adam smiled, the pain ebbing. “Easy, Killer. I don’t think I’ve heard you swear.”

  Her cheeks flushed, and Adam’s blood went hot. She was gorgeous. And sweet.

  “I try not to, so I don’t mess up and swear in front of Charlie or my class one day.”

  “Good plan. Anyway. Now you know.” I’m a pansy-ass loser, too scared to get on a horse. Or fall in love, his brain taunted.

  She straightened. “I do. I know that you’re pretty amazing, and Charlie is one lucky kid.”

  How she’d gotten that from his story, he’d never know, but he didn’t have the energy to argue.

  “Do you want to get going soon?” she asked.

  “I wouldn’t mind. The sooner we go, the sooner I can stop pretending I don’t want to touch you.”

  She smirked, glancing at him. “It doesn’t seem like you’ve had such a hard time keeping yourself in check.”

  Was she kidding? It was hard to breathe the same fucking air as her. Now that he’d been with her, he spent part of every moment thinking about being with her again. Several times this evening, he’d wanted to take her hand or kiss the cute freckles on the tip of her nose. Even now, standing next to her, he wanted to stroke his fingers down the length of her hair again or press his body along the side of hers, just to feel connected.

  “Maybe I’m just good at hiding it.”

  Her gaze grew serious. “Oh yeah?”

  Adam stared at her mouth. “Yeah.”

  “Maybe we should stay. You know, to build the anticipation,” she whispered.

  He inched closer, careful not to actually touch her. “I’m really starting to regret my words.”

  Megan laughed, and pleasure filled his chest. He liked being the reason for that carefree sound. Helene, Richard, and Stella were making their way back to the house. They were good people. All of them. It made Adam wonder about what kind of people he’d bring into Charlie’s life if he did get married again. Things would be so much simpler if Megan wasn’t intent on a fairy tale ending. They had a connection and a genuine respect for each other. He cared for her, and she was kind and steady. Already, what they had was more than he’d had with his ex-wife.

  He’d given Reece everything. His heart and his name. And it hadn’t been enough. Megan thought she’d find her prince one day, but Adam knew happily ever after wasn’t reality. He could give her most of what she wanted, if she let him. He could give her a happy home, a stable life, children. In return, she could give him a partner that he truly enjoyed, a wonderful influence for his son, and a built-in family.

  He watched Richard take Helene’s hand and kiss her palm. Megan wanted that. He could give her pieces of it. Being around her made Adam feel more affectionate. It would be no hardship to pull her into his arms, to kiss her anywhere and everywhere. Could that ever be enough for her? Everything but his heart?

  “What are you thinking about? You look so serious,” Megan said. She bumped her hip against his.


  Other than the fact that she was set on finding her one great love, Megan checked every box for what he wanted for Charlie and himself. She’s a bit young. But that will change. And in time, as she got older, she’d realize what he could give her was better than some fairy tale. It was real. Real affection and companionship. A relationship that wasn’t built on impulsive feelings, but rather a plan to be committed and meet each other’s mutual needs long term. The fact that they had chemistry was a huge bonus. He cared about her. Very much. And she already loved his son.

  “Adam?”

  “Let’s go home,” he whispered.

  She stared at him like she was trying to see through him. Nodding slowly, she let her fingers graze his. “Okay.”

  Nerves and energy hummed through him as they said their goodbyes and he drove them home. If he could make Megan see what kind of life they could have together, would she trade her daydream of everlasting love for a chance at something genuine?

  In Adam’s mind, there would be fewer broken promises if people followed their heads instead of their hearts. As they held hands in the car, her fingers wrapped up in his, Adam wondered what it would take to show Megan he could make her happy even if he couldn’t offer her declarations of a forever love.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Megan felt like Adam’s mood had shifted, tilted back and forth as the evening had progressed. It had been strange having him at dinner with her closest friend and her family. Somehow, it felt more intimate than the time they’d spent together lately. Don’t get caught up in the romance of it. His derisive laugh when she’d called him a romantic was a reminder that Adam wasn’t built the same as her. Best to keep those differences front and center so she didn’t do something stupid, like lose her heart.

  In the house, he remained quiet, and Megan wondered if she should give him some space. As Adam slipped his shoes off and put his keys in the small bowl on the table by the door, Megan hesitated.