Let it Be Me

by Jody Holford

  When she opened the door, Sue was waiting on the other side. Tall and athletically built, she had dark, bobbed hair and a ready smile. She was dressed in a professionally casual way. Megan believed that some people just gave others a vibe, and the one she got from Sue was good.

  “Hi. Right on time. Come on in,” Megan said, moving aside.

  “Thanks. This is a nice neighborhood,” Sue said.

  She slipped off her shoes at the door, and Megan led her into the kitchen.

  “It is. Charlie has lots of friends on this street, and the neighbors are very friendly. I was just going to pour some orange juice. Would you like some?”

  “Sure. Thank you. Is Charlie here?”

  Megan grabbed the jug of juice and took two glasses from the cupboard. Adam would likely want a soda. “No. He’s actually in Disneyland with his mom.”

  “Oh, fun. You said Mr. Klein is divorced. So Charlie lives here full time, right? Does his mom live in town, too?”

  Putting the juice away, Megan wished Adam would hurry up. She knew all of the answers to Sue’s questions, but she honestly wasn’t sure how much was her place to share, as a nanny or as a temporary-lover-who-accidentally-fell-in-love. Just the basics. No babbling.

  Carrying the glasses to the table, she set Sue’s in front of her where she’d taken a seat. She was fidgeting with the strap of her purse that she’d set on the table. To Megan, she seemed relaxed enough, but interviews were hard on people. Megan wanted to put her at ease.

  “Charlie’s mom lives in Los Angeles, actually. She usually has him one week in the summer along with a few weekends throughout. During the school year, she sometimes comes here, and when he has breaks, he’ll go there.”

  “Right. Okay. Sorry, I’m nervous,” Sue said, picking up her juice.

  “I get it. Don’t worry. I just had an interview not too long ago for the school district.”

  How had so much changed since that day? The front door opened and closed, and Megan’s pulse scrambled. Pavlov’s dog—races every time Adam is near.

  He walked in looking polished and handsome. Setting his briefcase down, he smiled.

  “Hi. Sorry I’m late,” he said.

  Sue stood to shake his hand. “I’m Sue McHale.”

  Adam shook her hand. “Adam Klein. Thanks for coming. Megan’s told me some great things about you.”

  Sue sat down as Adam rounded the table. Megan lost the power of coherent speech when he stopped, leaned down, and pressed a kiss to her mouth. “Sorry I’m late.”

  Well if that wasn’t domestic, Megan needed a dictionary to look up the word. Her heart did more than race now. It rolled over and played dead. Sue’s eyes mirrored the surprise Megan felt. She tried to pretend it hadn’t thrown her.

  “No problem. We’re just getting started. Did you want something to drink?”

  Smiling down at her, which in itself felt intimate, he stroked a hand over her hair. “Nope. I’m good.”

  He took a seat across from Sue but scooted his chair closer to Megan. “You’re in second year at Thomas College?”

  Meeting his gaze, Sue nodded. “I am. Early Childhood Education. I haven’t actually decided if I want to go into teaching, social work, or open my own day care facility. I figure I have time to think about it.”

  “You do. It’s a four-year program?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “You can call me Adam. Have you worked as a nanny before?”

  Megan was still trying to get her thoughts back into a straight line when Adam’s hand covered hers. And stayed there. Who was this publicly demonstrative Adam? Hope burst in her chest. People could change. Love could change people.

  “I’ve done a lot of babysitting, and I did accompany family friends on a three-week trip to California. They have two young children, and I went along to care for them. But nothing long term.”

  “Why do you want to nanny?”

  Megan zoned out as Sue answered Adam’s questions. She’d already met the woman and liked her, and the choice was his. Ultimately, he had to feel good about the person who would be caring for his son.

  “You want to answer that, Megan? Honestly, you’d know more about it,” Adam said, squeezing her hand.

  She met his gaze, realizing from the way he arched his brows, she’d missed the question entirely.

  Smiling at Sue, she admitted, “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear the question.”

  From the corner of her eye, she could see the amusement in Adam’s gaze. He knew exactly what he was doing—that he was throwing her off with his casual touching and couple-ish behavior.

  “I just wondered what Charlie’s schedule is like,” Sue said.

  Megan answered but not as succinctly as she should have. Or could have if Adam wasn’t scrambling her brain.

  A dull ache settled under her breastbone. Someone else would be reading Charlie his bedtime stories. Another woman would be a huge part of his life, and if things didn’t work out with Adam, where would that leave her? Would Charlie even remember her years from now?

  They chatted a bit more before Sue left, but the melancholy that had taken up residence in her heart wouldn’t fade. Adam closed the door after saying goodbye and pulled Megan into a hug.

  “Are you okay?” Great. Now he was perceptive?

  “Fine. Just hungry I think. What’s with you being all touchy?”

  He dropped his hands and stepped back. “I’m sorry. Did I cross a line? I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.”

  Megan huffed out a laugh and grabbed his shirt, pulling him close again. “Please. I didn’t say it made me uncomfortable. It was just…I don’t know. The way you came in and kissed me. It was unexpected.”

  Lowering his head, he kissed her now, softly, just brushing his lips across hers. “I didn’t even think about it really. I saw you, I missed you, so I said hello.”

  Who was this man? She’d told Stella he’d changed and become more affectionate. But could she count on it? On him? Maybe it was easy for him to show affection because they were temporary. Ask him. Ask where this is going. If it’s not going anywhere, you need to know. Just because how you feel has changed, it doesn’t mean he has.

  Adam ran his hands down her arms, then linked one hand with hers and walked into the kitchen. “I like her. She seems kind and enthusiastic. She’s young and only in her second year, so we’d have her around for a while yet. What do you think?”

  “I have a good feeling about her. We clicked, you know? I think Charlie will like her.”

  She let go of his hand and went to the fridge, pulling the steaks out. “Do you want to turn on the grill?”

  “Sure. Do you think we should interview other candidates?”

  “We can. I want you and Charlie to feel comfortable. She’s interested in the apartment, and I know the savings on rent will make it more doable for her.”

  “Hmm. That’s good, but we probably should have discussed that. I don’t want parties or strange guys around. I’ll make a list of expectations concerning the space and make sure she’s on board.”

  Megan grabbed salad fixings and put them on the counter. “I don’t remember you having a list of rules when I moved in. She seems quite responsible or you wouldn’t even be thinking of hiring her.”

  “True. But I was in a different headspace when I hired you. I’d just divorced and wasn’t thinking about your personal life. Though, now that we’re discussing it, thank you for not having parties or strange guys over.”

  She laughed as he picked up the pan with the steaks. When he leaned in to kiss her cheek, she sucked in a breath. It would be too easy to get used to this.

  “I’ll go put these on,” he said, his breath washing over her ear. He lingered there, brushing the tip of his nose along her skin.

  Goose bumps danced on her skin. “Okay.”

  She watched him as he headed out the patio door to the grill. Was she setting herself up and seeing what wasn’t there? How could she know?

  W
hen he came back in, his smile was easy, like one of his gentle caresses. “Those won’t take too long.”

  “You seem different. How was work?”

  He leaned against the counter and watched her dice cucumbers. “I feel different. Almost lighter, if that makes any sense. I had an interesting conversation today.”

  She glanced up. “Oh?”

  “Yes. I was checking in with a client who is on the board of directors for the hospital. Apparently, there’s an opening for a CFO.”

  “Is that something you’d want to do? It’d be completely different from what you’re doing now, wouldn’t it?” She slid the cucumbers into the bowl.

  “It would. I wouldn’t be trying to bring clients into a firm. I’d be focused on operations and management of the hospital finances. It’s a big job, so there’s still plenty of challenges, lots to keep me busy.”

  “That sounds great. Are you going to go for it?” She sliced red peppers for the salad. They were one of Adam’s favorites.

  “I wanted to ask you what you thought about my changing jobs.”

  Megan set the knife down and looked up at him. She shouldn’t hold a sharp object while her heart was knocking against her ribs. “You want to know what I think?”

  Coming around the edge of the counter, Adam took Megan’s hand and turned her toward him. “I do. I know this is supposed to be temporary, but what if it wasn’t?”

  Hopefully her ribs were made of steel because she didn’t think they’d hold up against the spasms of her heart. She knew he’d felt something, too. “What are you thinking?”

  He touched his fingers to her jaw. “I’m thinking, what if it was more permanent? What if…we were permanent?”

  She couldn’t breathe. The air was trapped somewhere between her mouth and her lungs, unable to pick a direction.

  Adam winced. “I didn’t mean to spring it like that. Just…let’s get dinner on the table and we’ll talk. Would that be okay?”

  Nodding, she put a hand on the counter, making sure it felt solid beneath her touch. Adam kissed just over her brow, his lips lingering a moment before he grabbed a plate and tongs and went back outside. Megan pulled her phone out of her back pocket and speed-texted Stella.

  Megan: He wants things to be permanent. I told you. I TOLD YOU. I can’t breathe. It’s too soon. Too fast. But OMG Stell! I want him. I want this.

  She set the phone down and made herself take shallow breaths until slowly, they deepened. As soon as her phone pinged, she forgot about needing air.

  Stella: First: BREATHE. Second: WOW. Follow your heart my friend. But…if he breaks it, he’ll fear me more than any horse he’s ever met.

  Megan laughed out loud, tears pooling in her eyes. It seemed fast, but really, she’d known him for years. She knew him. And whether she’d meant to or not, she had already fallen upside-down in love with Adam Klein. Apparently, she hadn’t been the only one to fall.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Adam turned off the grill and tried to catch his breath. It was lodged in his throat along with his galloping heart. Was that the best he could do? What if we were permanent? What’s wrong with that? It’s what I want. But he’d practiced this. The timing, the pacing, the tenor of his voice so he didn’t sound too eager. He’d closed deals at his firm because he knew how to give the client what they needed. What does Megan need? The simple answer, in his mind, was him and Charlie.

  He took the steaks inside, gripping the plate because it felt unsteady in his hand. She’d brought the salad to the table and poured them each a glass of soda. Setting the meat on the table, he smiled, wondering if it looked as awkward as it felt.

  “Let’s sit down.” He gestured for her to do so.

  “Smells good,” she said as she sat.

  He took his seat, ignoring the jab of longing for Charlie to be home, to be sitting down to dinner with them. Tomorrow—he’d be home tomorrow. Letting the thick quiet of the room settle around them, he put one of the steaks on her plate, then his own. Every sound seemed magnified, his knife sliding through the meat, clanking against the plate, Megan’s breathing, and the ticking of the clock over the stove.

  Slicing off a bite, he chewed and swallowed, but he didn’t taste a thing. When he glanced up, Megan was watching him, and her eyes darted to her plate. Adam set the fork and knife down and moved his chair slightly.

  “This is silly. Look at me, Megan,” he said.

  She set her utensils down with such deliberateness, they didn’t make a sound against the plate. When her eyes met his, he took a deep breath. You’ve rehearsed this.

  “When I made my list all those weeks ago, I didn’t take into account some things that I now realize are very important,” he began.

  She blinked, her bottom lip sliding between her teeth. She nodded, as if to tell him to go on.

  “I wasn’t thinking about how good it feels to laugh with someone or curl up with her on the couch. I wasn’t thinking about how nice it is to know the little things—how someone takes her coffee or likes her steak. You fit into my life and Charlie’s like a missing puzzle piece. I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay. I want to be with you. The chemistry between us is undeniable, and I don’t feel like it’s going to fade any time soon. It wasn’t something that I had to have in a relationship, but now that I’ve found it with you, I realize it was naive to think it doesn’t matter.” This was everything he wanted. But he was going about it wrong.

  He straightened, tempted to stand, but he wanted to maintain eye contact. She turned in her chair, and he leaned forward, taking her hands.

  “I know we’ve only been together for a couple of weeks, but we’ve known each other for years. You’re the kind of woman I want in Charlie’s life for good. In my life for good. I know you’re ready to start your career, but I don’t want you to go. Stay here with my son and me. You love Charlie. I know you do. And not just because you say it, but you show it to him in dozens of ways. He loves you back.”

  She took a deep, shaky breath and edged forward on her seat, bringing them closer.

  “I do love him. Very much. You want me to stay? Like in this house or in my apartment?”

  Hadn’t he just made that clear? “In this house. In my bed. In our lives. I don’t want you to be a nanny, Megan. I want you to be my wife. I want you to be a stepmom to Charlie. I can’t think of a better person for that role. You’re already more to him than I ever would have imagined. I want us to be a family.”

  Megan exhaled hard, like she was blowing out a dozen candles. He wished he could read her mind. “You want to get married. So I can be a stepmom to Charlie?”

  Pulling her closer, he opened his knees so hers could slide between. Adam ran his hands up and down her arms. “I do. In fact, I already applied for a license. I have the paperwork in my briefcase for you to do the same. Once we’ve both done that, there’s no wait time.”

  Excitement snowballed in his stomach, making him smile. “I mean, I understand if you’d like to wait a bit, but we don’t need to. We’re both residents of Maine, so we could have the ceremony performed by a lawyer or notary this week. We’d be a family. You, me, and Charlie. He’d be so thrilled, Megan.”

  “A…a notary?”

  Adam reached out and stroked her jaw. God, her skin was the softest thing he’d ever touched. “Yes. A notary, judge, or lawyer can officiate, as long as we’re both residents.”

  Megan blinked several times. “When did you apply for the license?”

  Unable to hold off on kissing her, he pressed his lips against hers. They were stiff and unmoving, but he figured she was nervous. He certainly was. Pulling back, he took her hands again. “A few days ago. We can have a really good life together, Megan. You can teach; I’ll be a CFO for the hospital or some other organization. I know my work schedule has been crazy, but a different job will help with that. I hope that if we have children, you’d want to stay home for a little while, but you know I’ll be hands on. And Charlie would be a great big
brother.”

  “Hands on. Yes.”

  He’d really stunned her. Laughing, he squeezed her fingers. “Tell me you don’t want to go. That you don’t want what we have between us to be over.”

  Megan pulled her hands from his and stood, stepping away from him. Walking to the counter, she leaned against it and stared at him a moment before she spoke. “What do we have, Adam?”

  Turning in his chair, his stomach tilted sideways. He couldn’t read her tone. “We have a connection. Chemistry. Mutual caring and respect for each other. And a chance for a solid, long-term partnership that would make us both happy.”

  Standing now, he walked closer but kept some space between them. She seemed to want it. He didn’t.

  “So you’re asking me to marry you?”

  Shit. Had he not phrased it that way? Should he have gone down on one knee? That seemed unnecessary given their history and the fact that she knew he wanted to get married. Compromise! Of course she wants it.

  Closing the distance between them, he took her hands once more. Taking a deep breath, he went down on one knee. “Yes. I’m asking you, Megan Carter, if you’ll be my wife.”

  A strange sound left her throat as she looked down at him. “Why?” The word was whispered and rough, like it hurt to say it.

  “Why marry me?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “No. Why do you want to marry me?”

  His stomach grew queasy. He’d told her. Tell her again. “I want to be with you. I don’t want you to go. I care for you. We’re a good fit. Don’t you think so?”

  When she blinked this time, a tear escaped, and Adam’s heart squeezed painfully in response. “I do think so. But why do you want to marry me? You could find another good match.”

  Adam dropped her hands and ran both of his through his hair, trying not to seem frustrated. He felt stupid, down on his knee, but didn’t know if he should get up. “I don’t want to be with anyone else. I want to be with you. I could find someone else, and so could you. But I don’t want that. Life is about choices, and I want us to choose each other.”