Let it Be Me

by Jody Holford

  Adam blinked and nodded like he understood exactly what was being said, but in truth, the words buzzed around his brain. They refused to settle into a coherent thought.

  “You’ve brought the firm some very significant clients, and we appreciate the work you do. However, the board felt that this time around, Rogers was better suited. More of a team player.”

  Those words registered like an anvil dropping on his fucking head. More of a team player? How many hours had he given up with Charlie to be at this godforsaken office? How many dinners and bedtimes had he missed? How many planes had he caught to close deals and bring in clients? How much more of a smooth-talking, ass-kissing team player could he have been?

  Adam stood up, curled his hands tight, and focused on the feel of his nails digging into his palms, grounding him. He breathed through his nose and realized it wasn’t disappointment rocking through his system. It was in there, swirling around with the rest, but most of what he felt was betrayal.

  “I really think if you have another year like this one, it’ll be a done deal next year,” Harrelson said.

  Adam nodded. Words wouldn’t come. They were stuck in his throat, clogging his airway. He loosened his tie as he walked behind his desk. Leaning on the edge of the low windowsill, he held Harrelson’s gaze.

  “Think of this as a challenge. Not a setback,” Harrelson said.

  “Right. A challenge. Thank you for letting me know, sir,” Adam replied. And fuck you and your team completely.

  Harrelson gave him a sedate smile and said goodbye. Adam leaned on his desk, dropping his head between his shoulders, and tried to breathe around the boulder sitting on his lungs. Not a team player. What the hell did that even mean? This wasn’t a team sport. It was a goddamn jousting match. Whoever hit the hardest and managed to knock the other guy clear off his horse won.

  “You just got knocked off,” Adam said. And the pain in his chest was proof.

  “Mr. Klein?”

  Adam looked up at Sonja standing in his doorway but continued to use the desk for support.

  “What is it?”

  “I just…well, Mr. Harrelson usually only stops by with good news, and I wondered if there was cause for celebration?”

  Eager enthusiasm shone through her smile. It faded in the silence as Adam slowly shook his head.

  “Not this time,” he said.

  “Oh. I’m sorry.”

  “Me, too,” Adam said.

  Thankfully, she left, and he sank into his chair, trying to figure out what had just happened and how. A challenge, not a setback. The real challenge would be coming into this office every single day knowing what he’d given wasn’t enough. Why the hell was this a surprise to him? He’d been here before. Not with work, but why should this be any different? He’d let himself want it too badly. He’d counted on it too much, become attached to the idea of making partner. This is what hope does. It slaps you in the goddamn face.

  He stood, sending his chair rolling into the back wall. Stopping by Sonja’s desk on his way past, he took a deep breath and made sure his voice was calm.

  “I’ll be out of the office for the rest of the day. You can reach me on my cell,” he said.

  She nodded, and he hated the pity in her eyes. He didn’t need pity. He needed a new fucking team.

  …

  Adam checked his watch again. Megan had texted saying she’d be there soon. He’d put his impromptu afternoon off to good use. He didn’t want to go behind anyone’s back and asking about chief financial officer positions felt like backstabbing. It couldn’t be helped. He needed to put himself and his family first. Starting today.

  Tonight, he planned to show Megan they could build a life together, that he wanted to do that with her. The thought nearly consumed him. How badly he wanted it surprised him and fueled him. Not because of love or empty promises, but because they suited each other. They fit. They could be each other’s team. She had everything he wanted and things he hadn’t dared to hope for. If he weren’t working as much, he’d be around more often. They could eat dinner each night as a family. They could tell each other about their days and listen to Charlie’s.

  He heard her key in the lock, and his pulse sped up. Mutual attraction and interests. That’s all we need for a strong partnership. He knew her well enough to know he couldn’t phrase it that way. Which was why he’d spent the time he wasn’t looking at job opportunities planning their evening. And possibly more. He’d found an “all Pink” playlist on Spotify and pressed play as she walked into the kitchen.

  Megan stopped in the archway between the hall and the kitchen as the music filled the room. Her laughter bubbled over it.

  “Are you going to strip in the kitchen?” She set her purse down and walked further into the room, eyeing the table he’d set. Two tall candles flickered in the dimmed light of the room. He’d dug out some actual cloth napkins. He knew how to set the scene and how to seduce. He hadn’t planned on needing to, but with Megan, it wasn’t so hard. It felt as close to right as anything ever had.

  “What’s all this?” She ran her fingers along the tablecloth he’d also dug out of the bottom of the linen drawer.

  “It’s me, surprising you in a way that doesn’t embarrass you.”

  The way her face softened was a direct tug on his heart. He pushed the feeling away and focused on her—how she looked standing there in the low light, her hair falling over her shoulders, the soft pink sweater shirt clinging to her curves.

  “This is…incredibly sweet. And thoughtful,” she said, walking toward him slowly.

  Every step she took closer made his blood rush quicker. She made him lightheaded. If she touched him right now, he would lose the carefully tethered control he’d had over his emotions all day. He didn’t want to do anything to blow this. He needed it—her—too badly.

  Putting some space between them, he went to the stove. “Are you hungry? I confess, I called Stella and asked her what your favorite food was.”

  He felt her eyes on him as he pulled on oven mitts and took the macaroni and cheese he’d picked up from Pop’s out of the oven. Wanting to set the stage and cooking for her were two completely different things. In fact, if he tried cooking for her, it would probably suck the sweetness out of whatever gesture he made.

  “Is that from Pop’s?”

  He set it on the counter. “It is. There’s white wine cooling in the fridge. You want to grab that while I dish this up?”

  She nodded, saying nothing but doing as he’d asked. Why the hell was he nervous? Tonight was just like last night and the next several nights he planned to spend with her. He wouldn’t just spring on her the idea of them marrying without testing the waters. That wasn’t even on the agenda for tonight. So relax. Before you wreck something else.

  He brought the mac and cheese to the table, and she joined him with the wine. When they sat, he lifted his glass and gestured to her. “To you becoming a teacher.”

  Megan’s mouth dropped open a little before she picked up her glass and touched it to his. When she set it down, she stared at him until he became uncomfortably warm.

  “My favorite music, favorite food, and favorite wine. It’s like you don’t already know I’m a sure thing,” she said.

  Adam took her hand and held it tight. “I haven’t always shown you how much I appreciate you. It doesn’t speak well of me that I started to realize how very important you are in our lives as you were leaving. I’m sorry. I promise you, I’m working on changing that.”

  “Changing what?”

  “Seeing things before it’s too late,” he said.

  “Are you okay?”

  Adam pulled his hand back and picked up his fork. “I’m good. Great. Tell me about your day.”

  She hesitated but picked up her fork and took a bite, sighing in pleasure. “Pop’s is the best. Thank you for this.”

  “My pleasure,” he said, smiling for the first time since he’d left her that afternoon.

  “My day. Oka
y. It was good. I had lunch with my mom. Any day I get Pop’s food twice is a bonus. My mom says you’re a very nice man, by the way. She was happy to meet you.”

  “It was nice to meet her, too. She’s charming,” he said.

  “I interviewed a woman named Sue, who seems quite lovely, and chatted with another candidate, a man named Kevin, who I’m meeting with tomorrow. I haven’t heard back from the third person my prof recommended.”

  “You’ve been busy.” Though the pasta was good, he wasn’t in the mood to eat. He picked up his wine again but set it down without drinking.

  “Adam, what’s wrong?” Megan put down her fork.

  “Nothing. Why?”

  “Even if we weren’t sleeping together, I’d be able to read you. You’re tense, almost edgy, which is uncommon for you. Generally, you’re so low key it’s unnerving. You look ready to spring.”

  She read him pretty damn well apparently. Picking up his napkin, he wiped his mouth then tossed it on the table. “I didn’t get voted in for the partnership.”

  Eyes wide, Megan sucked in a breath. “I’m so sorry. What the hell is wrong with them? What was the reason? All the work you do and the hours you put in?”

  Coiled tension sprang free, giving him room to smile at her quick defense of him. “I had similar thoughts. They said it just wasn’t my time.”

  When she put her hand over his, he turned his palm up so their fingers could lock. He liked feeling connected to her.

  “They’re idiots. And they don’t deserve you,” she said.

  “I wouldn’t have thought so last week, but I think I agree with you. The weirdest part of all is that when he told me, I was mad but also relieved. I’m looking into other companies.”

  “What? Oh my God. That’s huge. That’s a big step and a path full of uncertainty. You don’t like the unknown.”

  The way she described him made Adam think of a favorite picture book of Charlie’s about a squirrel afraid to venture into the world. His heart twisted, one sharp pang. He missed his son.

  “No. I don’t, but I think it’s time I explored it. The thing is, I’m insulted and pissed off that I didn’t get the offer, but I’m less disappointed than I thought I’d be.”

  “That’s a good thing. It means you’re open to other opportunities. Sometimes really good things come from the stuff that doesn’t work out the way you hoped it would.”

  Like Charlie. He was the best gift possible, and as much as Adam had several regrets about his marriage to Reece, he felt only love and gratitude for his little boy.

  “I think I’d like to find something that leaves me open to spending more time with Charlie.” And you and any other children we may have if I can talk you into marrying me.

  Megan kept her hand in his but stood up and squeezed herself between his body and the table. She pressed her mouth to his, and it was like she’d literally kissed him better. He sank his other hand into her hair and pulled her back for more.

  She leaned back, a sweet smile hovering on her perfect lips. “I think that’s one of the best decisions you could make. You worry so much about giving Charlie everything you never had, but all he wants is you.”

  Logically, he knew that, but the thought of not being able to provide for his son had pushed him forward. Maybe this was his chance to find balance.

  “He wants you, too, you know. It’s going to be hard on him when you leave,” Adam whispered.

  She slipped her fingers from his so she could lay her hands on his chest. He kept his on her waist. Don’t push too hard. This can’t be just about what I want.

  “I know. I don’t want to think about it. Even while I’m making plans and packing, I try not to think about the actual leaving.”

  “What if you didn’t?” Shit. Slow down. Don’t wreck this.

  “What?”

  “What if you stayed?”

  He couldn’t stand to hear her say she couldn’t, so he kissed her hard enough to distract them both. When he stood, her legs wrapped around his waist, and he carried her to the bedroom. Done with talking, wallowing, and worrying about the impending future, he was determined to focus on now. Right this minute. The two of them driving each other crazy even as he held on to a small piece of himself, afraid to really let go, even with her. Especially with her. Unlike any woman before her, Adam had a feeling Megan could change everything. And though he wanted her more than he wanted to breathe, he couldn’t take that risk. Not when he knew that no matter how hard he worked or planned, he couldn’t control every outcome. This physical ache he had for her was enough for him. He needed to find a way to make it enough for her so she’d stay. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel like he was losing everything he hadn’t known he wanted.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  That night, and in the days that followed, something shifted in how Adam treated Megan. There was a tenderness she’d never known or experienced with anyone. Every touch, every sigh, every whispered word felt weighted, meaningful. When he spoke to her, he focused on her words, made eye contact, and found subtle ways to touch her. A hand on her hair or the small of her back, their fingers linked as they sat on the couch. While she woke every day, reminding herself this was temporary, she couldn’t stop the avalanche that started the first time they kissed.

  “I’m falling in love with Adam,” she said.

  Stella’s head whipped up. “I’m going to need you to repeat yourself.” She was helping Stella organize her office. Stella didn’t want to talk about it, but she was going to have to get some help or she wouldn’t be able to meet the needs of all her furry little patients.

  Stella stopped stacking folders and stared, wide eyed, as if Megan had just announced she was running for President of Mars.

  “Okay, are we calling this a development?” Stella stepped closer and narrowed her eyes.

  Megan sort of laughed, but everything felt foreign—as if she wasn’t real. “I think so.”

  Stella’s eyes widened. “What happened to all of the steps in between? This isn’t how it happens in your rom-coms, is it? Don’t you need dances in the moonlight, flower petals, and champagne or something?”

  Megan rolled her eyes, resisting the urge to nudge her friend with her shoulder. “Stop it. What movie even has all of that?” But it made her think about the things she did want—her own list of what made the perfect mate. None of it mattered anymore because it wasn’t an itemized account of qualities. It was Adam. He was her whole list.

  “I don’t know. You’re the romance fanatic. Seriously, Meg. You’re sure about this?”

  She nodded, unsure why she felt like crying.

  Stella’s teasing grin turned into a wide smile that lit up her eyes. “You’re in love.”

  “You aren’t saying love like it’s a swear word,” Megan joked, rubbing between her breasts to release the pressure mounting.

  “Cause we’re not talking about me. I’m all for you falling in love and being happy.”

  Megan’s shoulders sagged, and she let out the heavy breath she felt like she’d been holding. “I tried not to fall, but it happened anyway. I really think I love him and that he might feel the same.”

  They hadn’t had much time to chat, with Megan spending her extra time with Adam and Stella spending every second buried in work. But she’d filled her friend in on the basics via several text messages. Maybe she hadn’t shared as much as she should have with Stella because part of her had wanted to savor the small piece of time she had with him.

  “Meg. I love you. You know I do. So I’m going to say this, and it might hurt, but it’s coming from a place of intense loyalty,” Stella said, gripping Megan by the shoulders.

  Megan nodded, bracing herself. “Give it to me.”

  “Are you sure you’re not confusing really good sex with a man you like for something more? You’ve told me time and time again that he’s lists and ledgers and you’re rainbows and sunshine. Adam doesn’t want what you want. How many times have you told me that? You deserve so
meone who will make you the center of their world.”

  She blinked. “I know. At one time, those things felt true, and I honestly believed we were complete opposites. Actually, we still might be, but in a good way. He’s sweet, and yeah, sometimes he’s too literal or cut and dry, but maybe that’s the kind of balance I need.”

  Stella took a deep breath, dropping her hands from Megan’s shoulders. The serious expression softened. “Funny thing about the heart—it does what it wants.”

  Megan gave a wry laugh. “Mine wants to be broken by Adam not loving me back?”

  Stella frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. “Don’t do that. You already said you think he feels the same. If he’s too stubborn to see it or, and I can’t even believe this would be true, too dumb to feel it back, then he’s not the one.” The only problem with that theory was if he didn’t want her the way she wanted him, her heart would already be wrecked. She went back to organizing stacks of paper, trying not to think about Adam or what being in love with a man who didn’t believe in such things meant for her future.

  …

  Megan arrived home before Adam. They’d agreed to meet there to interview Sue, who would be arriving just before seven. Megan had spoken to Julie, but she’d already accepted another job. Kevin had to postpone his interview until next week, which Megan didn’t mind, but she had a good feeling about Sue and hoped Adam would like her.

  By the time Megan had thrown in a load of her laundry and marinated the steaks she’d thawed, Adam still wasn’t home. The doorbell rang just as he texted saying he was running behind.

  It hit her as she was walking to the door that this whole thing felt intimately domestic. Waiting for Adam to get home so they could interview a nanny for Charlie. Afterwards, they’d have dinner and share their opinions. It made her heart swell so huge in her chest she stopped to take a breath. You’re getting ahead of yourself. You’d be doing this with him regardless of whether or not you slept with him. Get a hold of yourself. Three weeks ago, he was asking you to pick him a wife. She knew she needed to be sensible, but it was like her heart wanted to jump up and say, “Me! Let it be me.”